Never Forget
by HilaryHilary
Summary: Nathan won’t let go, and Haley can't. Brooke and Lucas live their lives together while Jake and Ryan try to find their way back to each other, searching for a love that never truly was. Naley, sides of Brucas and JakeOC. Sequel to A Winding Road.
1. This Darkness

_Never Forget

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Author's note: Thank you guys for being patient with me for this. I'm finishing up my latest story so instead of being a good girl and focusing on the other, I'm starting this. Hope the response for this is as phenomenal as it was for the last one. You guys rock, enjoy.

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Chapter One: This Darkness 

_Haley smiled as Nathan, her husband of only a month, kissed her neck as she lay in his bed, waiting for the morning._

"_Miss me?" she asked evocatively, turning around to face him. He kissed her lips._

"_Always. What do you want to do today?" he asked. She smiled._

"_What do you think?" She kissed his neck. "This."_

_The two of them got up and did the activities that were quickly becoming routine: making coffee, having breakfast, going outside for a walk. Returning, falling back onto the bed because they'd missed each other so much. Watching the news together as the evening fell, smiling whenever their own names came up from whatever reporter had caught them kissing outside of their house._

_They had dinner, and Ryan and Jake came over, who were equally unable to keep their hands off each other. Brooke and Lucas called from California, one of their babies crying in the background though it dampened neither of their moods._

_Haley and Nathan went to bed early, as they were quickly becoming accustomed to. They-_

_

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_

Haley awoke in alarm. Her dream of married life with Nathan had amazed her. She hadn't seen him in years. He hadn't mattered in years.

She propped herself up on her elbows and looked happily down at her belly.

"Baby, you in there?" came a voice. Seamus entered and smiled at the sight of his wife, her blonde hair mussed, her pregnant stomach covered by a camisole.

"Sleep well?"

"Yeah. I had a weird dream, but yeah. How've you been?" she asked cheerily. He came close to the bed and carefully set a tray down next to her.

"Made you breakfast." She frowned as she tasted the decaf coffee. "And don't complain. I'm not going to have our first born have three heads."

"Fine," she said, rolling her eyes. "Want to get in here?"

Seamus smiled and sat down on the bed.

"Always."

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As a horn sounded outside, Haley awoke again. Not again, she reminded herself. For the first time. Since her divorce, her dreams had been getting worse. Full of Nathan, full of love. Tonight's had been Seamus' first appearance.

She shivered as she stepped out of bed. She grabbed a robe from the hook in her closet and avoided looking at her empty bed. It was a sight and a feeling she never could get used to. It occurred to her that she should get over it. That she no longer belonged to Nathan. That she was free.

Haley wondered if Nathan had been with another woman since their seperation. She hadn't been with another man. She'd never been with another man, and Nathan knew it. She wished Nathan didn't know it, and didn't have the right to look confident in his belief that she still loved him every time they came into contact.

"Mommy?"

Haley looked up and smiled for the first time that morning as Nina and Eve appeared in the doorway. Her and Nathan hadn't yet worked out how to split their time with the kids, as both wanted them all the time, but one couldn't bear to be with the other.

Haley opened her arms, and the two girls ran toward her. She sunk down until they were all the same height, and held her daughters tightly to her.

"Where's Kade?" she asked. Eve slowly detached herself, but Nina settled into her mother's lap as she sat cross legged on the floor.

"Sleeping," said Nina, sounding sleepy herself. She stuck her thumb in her mouth and leaned comfortably against her mother. Haley wondered how much time her husband (ex husband, she reminded herself) spent with the children, or if he let Heli, the nanny, take care of them.

"What are you thinking about, Mommy?" asked Eve, settling down on the floor beside her mother and leaning against her.

"Nothing baby," she said easily, running a hand through her daughter's long dark curls.

"He misses you too," promised Eve, believing in her childish heart that it was just that simple.

And Haley, briefly, in her own heart, believed the same.


	2. Seventh Heavenish

Chapter Two: Seventh Heavenish

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Author's note: Thanks for the reviews, that was awesome. In case your'e curious this is Brooke insight, then I'm pretty much getting into the heads of all the characters before we get started on actual plot. Btw, this takes place a few months after the end of AWR.

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Brooke distractedly listened to her best friend on the phone while staring down at her latest baby in absolute devotion.

She knew she should be paying closer attention to Haley. Haley was missing Nathan, and Brooke knew it was her duty to listen to his and then induce Haley back to him, the only man she'd ever love.

But she could not.

"When was the last time you saw him?" asked Brooke.

"A few weeks ago. He keeps sending Heli to drop off the kids instead of coming himself," said Haley resentfully.

"Why do you resent that, Haley? Because you like to torture him? Because you like seeing him miserable? Because you need to prove to yourself that he still loves you? Because you resent that he's found a way to make himslef happy, when you're completely unable to?" prodded Brooke.

"You know me too well, Tigger. Go look after that beautiful baby of yours. All of them, actually."

Brooke laughed. She and Lucas had many, many babies, many of which were no longer babies.

She lifted the youngest into her arms. Bailey Ana Scott was only two months old, and was blonde and perfect. Half of her children were, the other half where brunette and gorgeous. And she was finally able to keep track of all of them.

Most of the time.

Conner ran in, pursued by his father. Brooke hid a smile. Lucas tried to keep the kids away when his wife was talking on the phone or having alone time with their youngest, but it was often impossible.

"Hey baby," she said, looking into the eyes of her husband.

"Hey Mommy," responded Connor gleefully, launching himself at his mother. Brooke smiled and knelt down awkwardly with Bailey still in her arms.

Connor smiled at his little sister before running off. She wondered briefly where he was going, but then glanced back at her husband and decided that he'd be fine.

She settled the baby down in her cradle and walked over to Lucas.

"Keep doing that. You're making me feel like I'm still a hottie," said Brooke happily.

"You are," promised Lucas.

"You're so whipped. It's been six kids," she said, pretending to look regretful.

"I'm sure we'll stop eventually," he promised, kissing her. She guided his hand to one of her large, milk swollen breasts.

"Was that Haley on the phone?" he asked into her ear. She pushed him away, suddenly turned off.

"Yeah. Had a dream about Nathan. She has the girls now, and Kade. And she's sad."

"Of course she's sad."

Lucas pulled Brooke in to him, and she relaxed and rested her head on his chest, breathing in his scent, relishing the feel of his arms around her. They'd been married for what felt like forever, but he still had that affect on her. They'd had their rough patches, but falling out of love had never even occurred to either of them. They were the only constant in the tangled web of relationships that was Haley and Nathan, Ryan and Jake.

But one was no longer a tangled web. Brooke looked to the picture of a blonde, laughing girl that now occupied a place of prominence on the mantle. Peyton had been gone for years, hurt them all deeply, but had redeemed herself in death. And everyone knew that Jake wasn't in love with her, anyways. It was all about Ryan, and had been for years.

They were just waiting for him to realize it as well.

Nathan had emptied the mansion of all of his and Haley's photos, but they stubbornly remained in the household of Brooke and Lucas. A wedding photo on the side table, a photo of them with the baby Eve, looking carefree and in love, even though they hadn't been.

Brooke knew her own love affair was nothing compared to theirs. Her love wasn't less, but the affair in itself was just a side effect, a end note to the consuming love and passionate hatred of Nathan and Haley.

As she heard a shriek in the hall, she rushed out in worry, only to find Lucas easily lifting the second eldest, Hayden, onto his shoulders as the second youngest, Zoë, looked up from her place on the floor.

Brooke looked at her husband again. She'd never been able to be so completely herself around anyone in her entire life. He was it for her, she knew it. He was so dependable, so safe, yet it didn't detain from how much she wanted him, needed him. They'd been married since she was eighteen, but had never become boring married people, as she'd once feared.

She glanced down at her wedding room and remembered her stark wedding at city hall in California, and the ceremony that she'd heard about from Haley, which had been fairly similar. She hoped that when Jake and Ryan got married all of them would get to have a big, lavish ceremony.

When. It had never been a when, it had always been an if. Especially now, when everything was so uncertain.

She hated the uncertainty. She missed the days of Nathan and Haley, of their consuming love, their turbulent marriage. She missed the days of Ryan and Jake's easy loving friendship, before and after the birth of their daughter, but definitely before the day of Peyton's death. They needed to go all the way or stop sleeping together, their halfway relationship had never worked out.

"Stop thinking about it," said Lucas, smiling as their son tugged on his blonde hair.

"Can't."

"I know."

Brooke lifted two year old Zoë into her arms. She was glad she was finally starting to have girls. She wondered if Lucas and her had had so many kids because without them they'd have nothing to talk about.

She shook her head ruefully. She spent way to much time analyzing eveything, but Lucas loved her for it. And she loved that he loved even her faults.

Brooke ran back into the room as Bailey began to cry, and lifted her in to her arms. She soothingly kissed her light, translucent hair, and held her firmly against her body, admiring briefly her tiny fingernails and perfect features-her button nose, her tiny red mouth, her tightly shut eyes with the long eyelashes she bore fanning out on her cheeks.

"She looks a lot like you," said Brooke, upon hearing Lucas enter the room. Lucas smiled and leaned against the doorframe.

"Pretty girl. Like her mom," he said fondly.

"And her dad. We're very pretty people," she said.

Lucas smiled and took his daughter in his arms. Brooke watched as he protectively cradled her in his large, practised hands. Right here, in their own world, they needed nothing else.


	3. You May Feel Alone

Chapter Three: You May Feel Alone

Ryan's eyes slid closed as she ran her hands through her long, wet hair, and let the water wash away the finger paint on her arms, the magic marker on her face, the pain in her heart.

She remembered how she used to dream about Jake finding her in the shower and finding himself unable to turn away. He'd always been able to turn away. It had always hurt her, but it had always been true. Her rival was gone, and still he didn't want her.

Her thoughts were not reasoned. She did not remember the many times they'd slept together, the kisses they'd been stealing for years. It hadn't happened. Not since their last time, the night of the death of Peyton Sawyer, who hovered between them still.

She wondered why they still bothered. They'd begun leaving together years previously, their lives revolving around their friendship and a shared inability to keep a relationship going. Save their own. Ryan had realized this when Jake never had.

It had slowly, slowly blossomed in to more. He'd begun to realize she was a woman. They hovered around the edges of the dramatic lives of their loved ones, and were occasionally brought together by them. They had their daughter. Jamie had yet to realize that her parents didn't live together as parents were supposed to. To her, her life was perfect and her parents loved each other.

Ryan forced herself to be reminded that Jake did love her. Almost more than anything, in his own way. Six months previously, it had been more than anything. Peyton's death had opened up many old wounds.

She shivered as she stepped out of the shower, and hurriedly wrapped a towel around herself. She hated that. The warmth of the water running over her that would inevitably come to an end the moment her skin hit the cold, cold air.

She reflected that she didn't deserve this darkness. She was twenty-six. She should have been out living the life, partying, getting drunk. She had fallen in love at seventeen with a man in love with someone else, and she was being punished for it.

He'd been the light of her life. After her parents had died and she'd been left with Nathan, ever pining for Haley, she'd let Jake into her life and he'd flourished there. After Nathan had married Haley, and Peyton and Jake broke up, Ryan had moved in and lived with Jake, her best friend for ever, if nothing more.

It had worked. It was the most bizarre living circumstance ever, but it had worked. They'd shared everything. She'd lost her virginity to someone else, he'd pined after Peyton but needed Ryan more.

Inevitability had shaken them. Jake kissed her. She spent a year pretending to forget before it had happened again. They slept together the night of a tragedy (tragedy brought them together. Always.) And later, again, in the only scenario resembling a date they'd ever had. She'd gotten pregnant. They'd had their baby, beautiful little Jamie. Lived together, managing to stay apart for years. Until the next great tragedy.

Peyton Sawyer came home, after years abroad. Jake had promised to stay with Ryan. She knew he'd have eventually broken his promise, had Peyton not been brutally murdered the following night in her apartment. Many, many things might have happened had Peyton not been tragically, mysteriously, killed.

To Jake, it wasn't a mystery. Ryan knew it, as she knew everything about it. But she also knew he wasn't telling.

She'd wanted this, all of this, so desperately. She'd wanted Jake, and Jamie, in their apartment, living together without the stress of getting married. She'd thought that they wouldn't need it to be happy. She'd thought that sooner or later, she'd find the courage to tell him just how much she loved him.

She hadn't. And neither had he.

She considered calling Haley. She considered calling Brooke. Neither option was worthwhile. Haley was trapped in her own misery, Brooke caught up in her happiness. Ryan had become a side note, a little girl troubled, not a woman with true pain, like Haley. True sympathy was reserved for Jake, and for Nathan, who's wife had left him. No one thought of Ryan, so tortured because of the tangled web that was her, Peyton and Jake.

Ryan hurriedly changed into a pair of jeans and a white tank top and let her blonde hair fall, wet and trousled, down her back. She ran into Jake's bedroom, where Jamie was sleeping on the wide bed.

She climbed in and covered herself with the sheet, remembering the many nights she'd spent in this bed, sexually or otherwise. For years the three of them had slept there togther, but eventually Ryan had moved back into her own bed and Jake had never so much as darkened her doorway.

Jamie smiled at her mother as she awoke. Ryan fondly touched her daughter's blonde curls, tangled and wild after her sleep.

Their hands loosely linked, they walked to the kitchen.

Jake entered a moment later, having come in with groceries. He stared at them in surprise, his child wearing only her underwear and a loose white shirt, her blonde curls hanging messily down her shoulders and her mother, wearing jeans and a white shirt. They looked so ideal. He wanted to be a part of them. He wanted to detach himself from his grief and enter the life he loved again, with Ryan and Jamie, the women who mattered so much more to him, those who had never broken his heart.

And even though Jake had broken her own heart again and again, Ryan needed him just as badly.


	4. You Give Me Something I Need To Live

Chapter Four: You Give Me Something I Need To Live 

Nathan Scott rolled over in discontent, wishing he could find something else to dream about. Wishing he could have dirty, erotic dreams about Jessica Simpson or Penelope Cruz or anyone, anyone, but his wife of almost ten years, Haley.

She'd banished herself from his life but she remained, stubbornly, in his dreams. Erotic or otherwise. Sometimes his dreams were memories, sometimes hopeful dreams for the future, sometimes they were purely sexual, but they were all about her. Haley smiling, Haley crying, a Haley far away from him that he could never quite reach.

He remembered the Nathan of ten years previously that didn't care. That easily fucked girls like Davis without a care in the world. The Nathan who had gone to Tree Hill and signed away his heart, his love, his life, to an eighteen year old girl who didn't yet know the meaning of love. Slowly he'd taught it all to her, as she'd taught him.

Sighing, he wished he could bring himself to have an affair with someone else. With Heli the nanny, or one of the secretaries at his office. He'd only been with one woman since marrying Haley. She'd only been with one man, ever. Nathan knew that this hadn't changed. She did feel for him still. She did.

He fingered the gold band that hung around his neck. Haley had taken hers off, but he couldn't bring himself to. It would mean admitting that what he'd wanted for for so many years, what he'd lived for almost as many, no longer existed. He needed to exist. He needed her again, needed her to be his wife on more than just paper. Because the paper didn't account for anything.

He remembered her warm body in his cold bed, her laughter while she played with their children. He missed having them around. He never thought he'd have to live alone again. He hated that they had to split their time because of their parents inability.

Nathan had imagined them growing old together. So many times. He knew that with lines on her face, with her hair losing colour, she'd be no less beautiful. He'd imagined them with Brooke and Lucas, with Jake and Ryan (after they got married. Another of his daydreams.), comparing their children's grades and eventually pictures of their grandchildren. All of it, he wanted with her. He was only thirty-four. It was a long, long, time to be alone. It would be so long until the end of his life.

He'd been so sure he'd be able to sway her. On the night of Peyton's death, they'd made love. Not because of Peyton, but because of the need coursing through them, because of his desperation not to lose her. It had been perfect, and still she'd left. He's kissed her upon deliving his unsigned divorce papers, and still she wanted out. She claimed to want freedom, but she'd never be free. Neither would he.  
He remembered her words:

_"I have to, Nathan. You've put me on a pedestal. You can't see me as a person. And I can't spend my entire life with someone who'd..."_

Who'd what, wondered Nathan. Cherish her, love her? Need her desperately.

He forced himself ot be reasonable. Force her in to marriage. Taunt her, torture her in the way that only he could. Bring her into a world she wanted to stay out of forever.

He couldn't let her.

Nathan remembered how he'd won her the first time: wait until she needed him, and abuse her need, force her to him. He knew she loved him, but had been unwilling to wait for her to see reason. So he'd taken her before she was ready him. He'd deflowered her. She'd wanted it, but had spent years pretending she did not. She'd born his children. She'd loved them, but resented it. She'd wanted passionate, angry, sex, free from love or feeling. He'd given it to her, unable to resist.

He'd made so many wrong turns.

It was too late to correct them.

He knew that if he went over there, to her apartment, he could have her. His for the taking, as she'd always been. He could have her for a night, but not forever.

He remembered her words:

_"Are you really that clueless? BECAUSE I LOVE YOU, you MORON!"_

After two years of stings, this had come as more than a relief. He could have lived off these words forever. None had ever meant as much to him. What had changed? Had she really felt imprisoned? Had it been the accident that had led to the loss of their third child? Had it been a realization that she could never love a man who was so capable of hurting her so deeply?

_"Not really. I grew up as one of seven. But in books there's always four, two boys and two girls, and it looked so nice," she said. He nodded.  
_

_"I see what you mean. You think about it a lot?" he asked.  
_

_"Yeah, for the future. I want a boy then a girl, then a boy then a girl, like in the Narnia books."_

He'd given her three. In the wrong order, but he had. He wondered if the ellusive fourth would ever come in to being, complete her, give her what she'd wanted for so long.

He'd given her so much. Wealth, love. He wished he could give her more. He'd given her his heart, but to her it wasn't enough.

For the thousandth time, he berated himself for being pathetic. He hated being so tortured. He used to leave that up to Lucas. Lucas had always been tortured, but now Lucas was still married to the love of his life.Lucas had lived through his fair share of unhappiness, and was finally being rewarded, with the life he'd always wanted.

Nathan had lived through his own, many times over. But now, his only reward seemed to be pain and undending monotony.


	5. Calm Eye

Chapter Five: Calm Eye

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Author's note: It's my friend Beth's birthday today. So happy birthday to her. Yay.

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Lucas smiled as he entered his bedroom to find his wife on the bed, breastfeeding their youngest. He waited until they were done and then carefully lifted Bailey back to her crib.

Brooke leaned back on the bed and alluringly crossed one leg over the other. He walked to her, got onto the bed himself and dropped on top of her. Holding himself up by his arms, he looked down into her hazel eyes.

"Do you ever wonder what would have happened if we hadn't had kids from the beginning, Broody?" she asked, her brow furrowed.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"I don't know. Maybe we'd have run out of things to talk about or something," she suggested worriedly. He laughed.

"When have you ever run out of things to talk about?" he asked suspiciously.

"I don't know," she said, wrinkling her nose at him. "It could happen."

"Never."

Lucas grinned and rolled off her onto his own side of the bed.

"I think we probably would have waited a while until we got married. Maybe until you were twenty or something. Then we'd have moved back down here to spoil Nathan's kids, and then we'd stay home and end up having sex all the time."

"Then I'd probably get pregnant. You're insatiable," she said teasingly.

"You are too."

Brooke propped herself up on her elbow, let her dark hair stream down, and looked at him. Over the past ten years, she'd aged. Six kids would do that to your figure. Lucas swore he liked the change and she believed it, but she was different. Lucas was unchanged. From his light stubble to his short blonde hair, he was the same. He was still brooding, still loyal, still hers after all the crap she'd put him through.

"I never meant to fall in love with you," she said suddenly.

"I think that's why you did."

"You were supposed to fall in love with me, though. It's why you decided to fall for Peyton," said Brooke sadly.

"There was never so much as a contest," he promised.

"We used to think she was meant to be with Jake, anyway," commented Brooke.

"Maybe she was."

Brooke frowned. For years none of them had doubted that sooner of later Jake would come around and realize what a gift he had been given in Ryan, but after Peyton's death he had seeminly decided to be miserable forever, dooming both of them to torment. At one point, Brooke had been sure that Jamie would end up the most normal out of all the offspring, on account of having the parents with the most functional relationship. Now, Brooke was sure of nothing.

But she knew none of their offspring would turn out "normal". None of them wanted that for their children. All six of them wanted their children to grow, to live, to flourish, live with passion like their parents before them. Without so much pain. But they all knew that the two went hand in hand.

"God, don't you feel like just going up together and ramming their heads together until they see some sense?" asked Brooke in frustration.

"Do you really think it would help?" asked Lucas. Brooke appreciated that he was letting her be so insane about the whole thing. She knew that in the end, he didn't spend as much time worrying about it because he trusted Ryan to make her own decisions and follow her own path.

The same could not be said of Brooke.

Sighing, Brooke rolled over and into his enclosing arms. She let herself smile as she pressed her face into his chest and inhaled his familiar scent, the same one she'd been waking up next to for ten years.

Lucas tightened his arms around her, knowing how much she needed them to be alright, knowing that needed them to be the calm eye, as they had been before. He had forgiven her for everything. He loved her enough.

Once upon a time, he'd worried. Worried that his easy forgiveness of her would lead to eventual resentment. That they'd decided only to have more extra kids to fill a void that they didn't know how to otherwise fill. That he loved her more than she loved him.

She worried, too. She was ashamed. She'd slept with Mouth, kissed Chris. Even talking to Chris seemed like an offence. Deep down, Brooke knew she deserved no forgiveness. That it had been granted too easily. That she lived her perfect life while Haley, who'd been so good, was suffering. And Ryan, better than them all, trapped inside her own misery.

They'd talked out these issues, in the ways that they hadn't in the earlier days of their marriage. She'd soothed his worries, kissed away his pain.

And she would forever.


	6. I Will Remember You

Chapter Six: I Will Remember You

It was funny. By the end of her life, Jake Jagielski had been absolutely certain that he was no longer in love with Peyton Sawyer. And he was still sure. It was only her lingering presence, her lack of ability to disprove herself, that made it such a mystery. That made it completely impossible for Jake to prove to himself, once and for all, that he was over her.

He wished she'd leave, stop taunting them. It was affecting Ryan. Ryan thought he didn't notice. She thought he didn't notice or care that she'd moved into her old room, that she never met his eyes.

Ryan would never, never understand the true need he felt for her.

Again, Jake wondered if he loved her. He knew he'd never let himself believe it. And he knew if Ryan had ever wanted him, she'd be over it. She'd made that perfectly clear. Ryan deserved so much, and still let herself and her child live with him in their apartment, where they'd once been so happy.

They would be again. They had to be, he reminded himself.

He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and stepped back in surprise. He remembered the Tree Hill days. His young, laughing face, his arm around Peyton who he'd loved. Haley, her flashing eyes. Brooke, her loveless, mirthful smile.

Now he was a grown-up. He couldn't hide from it anymore. He had a child. He had lived with a woman for years. It was shocking, the change. But he needed to be an adult. He needed it for Jamie, and even for Ryan.

Ryan. Ryan Annabelle Scott. It always had, always would, come down to her. She was his last thought in the night, his first in the morning. Was it love? Was it confusion? Was it a deep, desperate sense of forbidden lust? Could it be contained, could it be left undisturbed?

Could he live any longer without the sound of her voice, the soft feel of her skin?

In his waking life, he wasn't always certain he was in love with her. Half the time he was certain he'd be fine with her back again as his best friend, his roomie, the mother of his daughter.

He remembered the man that Peyton had loved, the man that Davis had seduced, the man who'd fallen into the bizarre relationship with Ryan. He was none of these now. He was not even a shadow. It was beyond pathetic.

He'd never imagined it. Not to its fullest extent. He'd never imagined the lowest they could all possible go: Haley leaving Nathan, Peyton leaving them all. Somehow, Haley's departure was more believable. In some ways, Peyton had left htem all the summer of senior year. All of them. Even Jake. But Haley and Nathan had always seemed so concrete, in their own way.

His feet working faster than his mind, he went outside and flagged down a taxi. He had an errand to do, one he performed religiously. One which was torturing, one which he stubbornly refused to quit.

Jake dropped down onto his knees at her grave. He touched the marble headstone and traced her name with his finger. He dropped a blood red rose on the grass.

"Are you still there, Pey?" he asked. "You'd know what to do, wouldn't you? You'd never be so undecided. Answer my questions. Remind me again."

The wind rustled. Jake remembered her smile, but could not hear her laugh.

"Come back. What did she do to you?" he asked. His eyes darkened in anger as he pictured Davis Ryan in his mind's eye. Davis, who'd loved Peyton and hated Haley. Davis, who'd done her best to ruin their lives. Davis, who'd murdered his Peyton. Davis, who he'd had.

"Don't worry. I'll fix it," he promised. He didn't know how. He didn't think he could kill her. He knew he couldn't handle the reprecaussions. But he wanted to. For the first time in his life, he wanted to commit a true evil and for once he did not even attempt to shy away from it.

Jamie launched herself at him as soon as he walked in the door. His eyes fell immediatley on Ryan, hovering awkwardly between the kitchen and the entrance.

Jake held Jamie close to him, felt her baby arms cling to him as he kissed her cheek.

"I missed you," said Jake suddenly. Ryan looked at him in surprise. There. Emotion. It was what they needed. Would it change anything?

By the pain in her eyes, Jake could tell that she desired the change just as much.

Jake watched as she fell asleep on the couch with Jamie watching Disney movies. He carefully moves Jamie to her bed. He wants to move Ryan as well, lift her in his arms, take care of her but he knows if he took her to his own bed, let her sleep, that he'd never be able to let her go.


	7. Every Time You Close Your Eyes

Chapter Seven: Every Time You Close Your Eyes

Haley frowned to herself as the doorbell rang. It was Heli, come to pick up the children. Finally being free was technically worth it, but she hated being parted from her children.

"EVIE? Neen, Kade, come on!" she called, running for the door. Kade gave her a suspicious look as she passed him. He was growing weary of the constant change. Haley wished desperately that she'd been able to handle it all, even if only for him.

She bent down to pick him up off the floor, and held him on her hip. Kade, at three, didn't generally hold with being carried, but accepted it gracefully. He smiled at her with his blue eyes, so like his father's. Like every part of his being.

It was inevitable. She'd had Kade after pain, after loss, because she'd wanted him desperately. She'd named him for his fahter, and her reward for it was her being cursed to never, ever forget him.

Her eyes widened in shock as she opened the door and met the same blue eyes. For a second she floundered. She didn't believe they were _his_ eyes, not so soon after looking into her baby's. No, fate was not that cruel.

"Haley."

His voice was terse. Apparently, fate was.

His hands brushed hers as he took Kade into his own arms, and she contained her shiver. Haley touched Kade's arm for a second, silently wishing him goodbye, missing him alredy.

Brooke appeared behind Nathan.

"Hey Tutorgirl. Nate and I were in the neighborhood, and Heli was crazy busy. Shocking, huh? Bye!" she said brightly, lifting Kade down from Nathan's arms and tugging him down the hall.

"Shocking," muttered Haley.

She glanced at Nathan. He'd attempted to appear calm, but had already failed. Her liquid brown eyes met his blue ones. He cupped her elbow in his hand, and gently pulled her closer.

What was wrong with them? Why were they so completely incapapable of keeping their hands to themselves? Why was it that whenever they were alone together it was a monumental event? Why hadn't it gotten old yet?

Nathan didn't know how to be. He knew that he couldn't be the man that would take her in his arms and kiss her until she responded. He knew he couldn't be cruel to her. He didn't think himself capable of treating her like his ex, once loved but now forgotten.

"How are you doing with those papers?" asked Haley cruelly.

_Ouch._

"You know how I'm doing with the papers. My answer isn't about to change," he said.

Haley surpressed an eye roll. He had always been passionate. He had always been stubborn.

Passionate. Like when they...

A look fluttered in her eyes, and Nathan smirked.

"What're you thinking about, Hales?" he asked. Haley scowled. He knew. Somehow, he always knew when she was thinking about it, and him.

"I could be thinking about anyone. I could be thinking about anyone, and it wouldn't matter any more, because it no longer concerns you. You don't have the right, Nathan Scott," said Haley.

Nathan raised his eyebrows as Eve appeared from the other room and launched herself at him. Nina followed her, and slipped her hand into her father's.

"Is that right?" he asked.

He turned and left, and Haley slammed the door behind him.

She leaned against it and sank down to the ground. He still knew her. He still wanted her.

And, most horrifying of all, she still wanted him.

Nina had been quite and subdued on the short ride in the company car back to the mansion, so Nathan was releived when they came through the doors and she squealed upon seeing Heli before running to her.

"Hey Mr. Scott," she said. She rose, still holding Nina in her arms.

"Hey Heli," he said, happy she was around for the times he couldn't deal with his wife. He watched his two other children gradually gravitate toward her. They'd hired her in the midst of a trauma, never intending to let her stay, but somehow she'd never left.

"Lunch on the table, guys. Go get it," she said.

Nathan smiled gratefully at Heli as they ran off.

"Sorry. Brooke promised she'd be out. Guess we got PUNK'd?" suggested Heli.

"She wanted me to see her," he said.

"And did you?"

Nathan playfully scowled at her.

"Remind me to fire you next month," he said.

"Oh, and not this?"

"Nope. Eve has dance in an hour, and I have a meeting," he said, slowly following his children into the dining room.

Heli laughed appreciatively, but hid it when they were finally sitting around the table, with the three children who wouldn't appreciate the same humour.

Heli smiled to herself as she entered Eve's room that evening. Nina's was a perfect little girl's room-pink walls, Disney princess bedspread, every toy she could possibly desire. Three months previously Eve had convinced her easily swayed father to hire painters to paint her room bright red. She'd painstackingly stuck glow in the dark stars on her ceiling.

She hated that she favoured Eve among the three of them, because she did love them all, but she couldn't help it. Nina was a miniature Haley, Kade was all his father, and Eve belonged to Heli.

Her eyes shifted to Eve's bed, and she frowned in concern when she saw Eve's blue eyes staring back at her in the dark.

"What's wrong?" she asked in concern. Eve rolled around, blocking out the sight of her nanny, but Heli walked over to her bed and sat down.

"Baby, come on," she insisted.

"Why can't we all live here together?" she asked.

Heli sighed, and lifted the small girl onto her lap. Eve leaned against her nanny and sighed. She slowly ran a hand through her charge's long, dark, curly hair. Eve was seven, but small for her age.

"Sometimes Moms and Dads just stop loving each other," said Heli. She refrained from commenting that it did not mean that they'd stopped loving their children. It was a line she'd heard many times upon her own parent's divorce, and one which had never been helpful. And Eve had no doubt that her parents loved her.

"But they haven't," said Eve. Heli was inclined to agree. She'd never seen Nathan as miserable as he'd been in the last few months. She'd seen enough of Haley to know she felt the same.

"It's like... if I was someone you didn't like so much," suggested Heli. Eve frowned.

"Like Lewis at school?" suggested Eve.

"No. Not exactly. Like a family member you don't like so much," said Heli.

"Auntie Leigh," said Eve instantly. Heli held back a smile.

"Auntie Leigh, perfect. So you love her, because she's your family, and you don't hate her, because she's pretty much a good person. But you wouldn't want to be around her all the time. It's a lot of effort, being around someone you don't like all the time," said Heli.

"But the point was to make them happier. But they aren't. They're sadder."

"They'll figure it out," promised Heli.

"They'd better."

Eve slid off Heli's lap. Heli straightened her nightgown, and Eve slid into bed. Heli tucked her blankets over her and kissed her forehead.

Heli stepped out of the room and for an instant, let herself hate Haley Scott. But then she stopped. Haley needed out. Heli knew the feeling.


	8. Bury My Love

Chapter Eight: Bury My Love

* * *

Author's note: Tonight I'm leaving the country (and continent, actually) So I don't know if I'm going to be able to update at all, but I'll do my best. Thanks for the reviews, sorry for the delay, and have a good summer.

* * *

Ryan dropped down onto the couch in relief as night fell outside. Jamie was finally asleep. She loved her daughter desperately and always would, but she couldn't help desiring what little time she got alone. 

Or a little bit alone.

She raised her eyebrows in surprise when Jake sat down on the couch beside her. She lifted her head onto his lap, and he brushed out her long hair so it hung over onto the couch.

"How you doing?" he asked. She looked up at him, meeting his hazel, green flecked eyes with difficulty.

"I'm tired," she said. He gave her faith for a moment. He looked strong, loving. Himself. He looked like him, and not the shadow of him that Peyton's death had left behind.

"Me too. Kid's got energy," he said.

"Yeah. We were like that," said Ryan. Behind her words, Jake detected a grain of sadness.

"Could your parents handle it?" he asked.

"You mean my mom, my dad, Nathan and Lucas? Yeah, sometimes," she giggled.

Jake thought of his own childhood days. Of Haley, Peyton and Brooke, close enough to him to be his siblings. Of Peyton, and their gradual ascension into more.

He didn't love her. So he should never have missed her as a lover, but done so as a friend.

"You can't keep doing this to yourself," said Ryan.

"You don't know what you're talking about," he said dismissively. Ryan sat up, the loving, passive look in her eyes gone.

"Fuck off," she said in annoyance. She hugged her knees to her and remembered the endless string of days she'd lived after her parent's deaths.

Jake had been grateful when for months, Ryan had accepted his grief and picked up the slack he'd left with Jamie. He was getting the distinct feeling that his grace period was over.

"Why has it always been like this? Why have you always let her come between us? We could have been so much better," said Ryan passionately.

Jake looked at her in amazement. For the first time, she'd mentioned the actual, real, possibility of them being something real. The mother of his child, the beautiful woman he'd loved in some way or another for years.

"What do you mean?"

Ryan rolled her eyes, trying to hide that they'd slowly filled with tears.

"You know exactly what I mean."

Jake stared, and slowly leaned into her. He brushed her hair out of her face and held it.

Ryan swallowed in anticipation as he came closer. She met his eyes. He remembered how her eyes had been. Young, full of laughter. Now she was a woman. A woman, always his for the taking, on the rare occasions he'd been sure she'd wanted it as well.

"Wow. Dat's hot."

Ryan sprang backward in amazement, and let out a yelp of pain as her hair stayed with Jake before he released her.

Her eyes travelled to the door, where a tall figure was standing, carrying a bag, looking tired yet stunning.

Her hand travelled to Jake's in a platonic gesture of support.

"Leigh," she said, eyeing her sister. The person she'd once been closest to, the one she know viewed with distrust and unease.

For a second, Leigh did not look poised, and instead looked slightly broken.

"Hey Ry."

* * *

Ten minutes later, after coffee had been made and Jake had relocated to a chair across the room, he eyed the two of them. 

Despite their temperments and their eyes, they were remarkably similar. Jake searched for differences. Ryan had a dusting of fair freckles across her nose which Leigh did not. Leigh's eyes were reminiscent of Luke's, where Ryan's were like Nathan's. Leigh was taller. Ryan was curvier, her hair was longer than Leigh's stylish shoulder length cut.

He remembered the summer he'd grown closer to Ryan. The summer after his initial breakup with Peyton, when the Scott household had seemed like the only safe haven in the entire city.

Leigh had been there, too. Seventeen year old, Gothlike Leigh. Now Leigh was twenty-five. All grown up, stylish and immaculate, seeking shelter at their apartment instead of at the nicest hotel in the city, or at the house of her closest sibling, Lucas.

Jake disappeared as Leigh began to make up the couch with the spare sheets.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, eventually standing and wishing she could still look down on her younger sister.

"I haven't seen you in months Ry," said Leigh, looking slightly wounded. Which, for Leigh, was a monumental event.

"I know. Because you disappeared. Again."

"Look, Luke's house is crazy. And it's not exactly like I can stay with Nathan and Haley," she said in annoyance.

"Don't be flip. You could be staying at the New York Hilton. What's up?" she asked, experimentally placing a hand on her little sister's arm. Leigh shook her off.

"Don't dig, Ryan. Just try and be happy to see me," she said. Ryan smiled.

"I am. Just remember that Jamie will be up tomorrow at around seven and will make no effort to be quiet. And that tomorrow Haley's bringing the girls here's at noon," said Ryan. Leigh laughed.

"Wow. It's almost like you guys are grownups now," she said.

Ryan smiled in return. It was almost as if they were.


	9. Feels Like a Lifetime

Chapter Nine: Feels Like a Lifetime

* * *

Author´s note. So... I kind of feelmassively awwkard rightnow.I´m hoping desperately that none of you checked the previous upload butitw as all my notes. SO sorry about that. God I hope you didn´t read that. Big oops on my part. This is the only chapter I have in reserve, so I´m going to be able to post again in like two weeks.

* * *

_Haley's breath came out in short gasps as Nathan's lips travelled further up her thighs, kissing the soft, sensitive flesh. She leaned her head back and let her eyes slide closed as reached the inside of her legs, and began to lick her out._

_Breathing deeply, no longer able to hold off his own need, Nathan positioned himself on top of her and met her eyes. She looked up at him, her eyes wide open and earnest, full of desire, full of love._

"_I love you, Haley," he said, as he slid in to her. She didn't shut her eyes. She kept them open. She stared at the open, vulnerability of his face, the desperation in his eyes._

"_I love you too."_

_

* * *

_

Haley awoke abruptly, her entire body covered in a cold sweat, her breathing shar and irregular, her eyes wildly adjusting to the dark.

She drew her sheet around her and shivered. Her dreams were getting worse. Her need for him was unquenchable, as much as she tried to quench it.

She knew it was selfish, but she wished her children were around. She wished she could peek into Nina's room and be reaussured that at least someone would always love her, even if she couldn't love Nathan. But they weren't they were with their father.

Their father. It was so distant somehow, stating him as a relation to them and not to herself. So cold. It was like pretending that none of it had happened. Suddenly Haley saw in a clearer light why Nathan had so stubbornly refused to grant them a divorce. Maybe it was more than a desperate need to prove a point.

Feeling impulsive, she rose from her bed and quickly changed into a pair of jeans and a tank top. Her hand hovered over her jewellry box, willing herself to open it and reveal the ring she'd avoided even looking at for so long.

She couldn't. She ran to the elevator and then to the vast outside, ignoring the eyes of her doorman, the curious pedestrians. They knew who she was. But no one, not even herself, knew where she was going.

Haley flagged a taxi. They let her out.

From across the street, the mansion was vast and unfriendly, as it once had been. But for the majority of the endless duration that she'd spent in it, it had been friendly, welcoming. She'd made it a home, their home. Everyone's home. So often they'd gather at their house, all of them.

They. Their. She had to train herself out of it, referring to herself and Nathan as a set. He. His. Not They. They was bad, they was damning. They was almost as bad as "we".

For a fleeting instant, Haley wondered what would happen if she would run across the street, turn her key in the lock and be home again. She could go upstairs, kiss her children, make sure they were warm. Close the curtains in the sitting room to avoid letting the rising sun damage the fabric on the furniture. Fill the ice trays. Do the hundreds of things that Nathan would never think of doing by himself.

Haley wondered if Heli did it. She wondered how thoroughly Heli had replaced her.

But that would just be the beginning. She'd see her children, see the house, and she'd go to him. She'd climb into their warm bed, snuggle up to his chest. He'd accept her without question. He'd love her. Everything would change.

Haley leaned against a parking metre and began to sob. Nothing would change. Nothing could.

"Mrs. Scott?" a voice came toward her, cautiously and wearily. Haley looked up, her wet eyes blurring the street. Heli MacDonald was making her way toward her, wearing pajama pants with a jean jacket over a simple cotton camisole. For a second, Haley was heartened. Heli did not look sexy in her pajamas.

"Heli."

"Mrs. Scott, what are you doing here?" she asked.

"Are they okay in there?" asked Haley anxiously.

"Of course."

The two women stared at each other for a time.

"It doesn't have to be like this," said Heli eventually.

"What do you know?"

"I know you. I know Nathan. I know what this is doing to your kids," said Heli.

"You don't know me," said Haley resentfully.

"I don't need to. What you're feeling is fairly obvious," she said.

"Are you being me, Heli? Are you being their mother. Are you being his..?" Haley let her voice trail off, but her meaning was obvious.

Heli struggled to let the comment drop. She reminded herself that she needed to be the good guy, even if the family would never believe it.

"Do you really think Nathan would so much as touch another woman, after being with you?"

"I hope so. Otherwise he's going to get pretty lonely," said Haley, with resolve. She didn't know what she'd been trying to do by coming here in the middle of the night, but she knew somehow that she wasn't going to do it.

Heli didn't respond.

"Take care of them."

Haley flagged down a taxi, her eyes still on her children's nanny.

"This isn't closure. This isn't over. You guys aren't," promised Heli, as Haley climbed into the car. Haley rode off, hating that she knew she was right.

Heli watched her from the curb until her cab disappeared before running back into the house.

"You should have gone out there," said Heli.

"Is she okay?"

"She's fine. She misses you, you know that," said Heli.

"There's nothing I can do about that. Nothing I haven't already done."

"Great, then just stay here and mope. Ignore your kids. Get drunk before noon. Spend all your time moping. Because so far, that's just working out great for you," she said in disgust.

"Where do you come off, judging me?" he demanded.

"If I didn't, no one would."

Nathan refused to answer this, and went up to his own room. He recalled the image he'd seen, his wife standing on the sidewalk across, looking alone. She was alone. She'd wanted to be alone.

Nathan wondered, as he so often did, if anything could have made it better. If she'd still be with him if he'd never left her, or mended it properly when he had, instead of all but forcing himself on her. He wondered if there was any possible way that Haley could admit to him that he still wanted him.

He wondered if she still did.


	10. Never Letting Go

Chapter Ten: Never Letting Go

Brooke paused as she closed the door to her home. About a second after entering, she'd noticed something wrong with it: the lack of noise. She'd grown used to getting home to Bailey crying, or Devon and Hayden wrestling. There was nothing.

"Luke?" she called experimentally.

"In here," he called.

She walked through a maze of rooms until she reached the kitchen.

"Where is everyone?" she asked, looking around in amazement at the mess of pots and pans in the sink.

"Devon and Hayden are with Nathan, Connor and Zoë are with Ryan and Jake, and Bailey's with Haley," said Lucas. Brooke raised an eyebrow.

"Are you trying to get lucky, Mr. Scott?" she asked. He walked over to her and kissed her, and she slid her eyes closed.

"I made dinner," he said, as if trying to justify. She smiled.

"I see that. Did you do something bad?" she asked suspiciously.

Lucas pulled her closer into his arms and dipped her into another kiss.

"Would you forgive me if I had?" he asked.

"You could drop me if I didn't."

Lucas raised his eyebrows.

"You've always forgiven me."

Brooke smiled as he righted her.

"So, tell me. What's the occasion?" she asked.

"We've been married nine years and nine months," he said. She calculated.

"So we have." Brooke smiled and slid her hand in to his.

"And I love you, Brooke Scott. Isn't that enough of a reason?" he asked.

"Yes. That'll do, too," she whispered. Tears welled up in her eyes but did not overflow.

The two of them walked out of the kitchen and into the living room, their dinner forgotten.

Lucas sat on the end of the couch and spread his legs, which Brooke took as an invitation to sit between them. She leaned against his chest, feeling as relaxed as she always did.

"We've spent a lot of time obsessing about Naley and Jyan lately, it's a good thing we haven't fallen by the wayside again," she said contentedly.

"I think we're past our danger zone," he said easily.

"What, nine years and nine months is the official marking point to "old married peopledom"?" asked Brooke mockingly.

"Haven't you heard? It's the new bickering and arguing about our children's future," said Lucas.

"Oh, no bickering required. They're all going to have kick ass lives and marry hot, young, rich people," said Brooke easily.

"Good to know."

"Have you seen those kids? They're freaking gorgeous," she said proudly.

"Like Nathan and Haley's," said Lucas sadly.

"And Jamie," said Brooke, refusing to dwell on it.

She turned herself around and propped herself up on him. Slowly she lowered her lips to his. His hand moved slowly to her breast, still soft and large because of Bailey. Her entire body was softer and more worn, but she was no less beautiful to him.

He inhaled the clean scent of her hair, and tried to pick up the other that was so uniquely her. Not being a vampire or a greyhound, he couldn't smell her normally, but every once in a while he could pick up the scent that he couldn't identify that was so uniquely her.

"What are we doing for our actual anniversary, Luke?" she asked lazily, as his lips slid down her throat.

"Whatever you want," he promised. She giggled.

"Luke?" she said again.

"What?"

"Do you think Haley and Nathan had a hotter sex life than us?" she asked.

"_What?_" he asked in amazement.

"Seriously. Remember when they had their like in marital affair? And the time that they heard about Peyton and were all detached and miserable and just started _doing_ it?" said Brooke.

"I'm so glad to hear these stories _now_," he said in exasperation.

"Well?"

"Brooke, don't bring them in to this. Anyway, we've been sleeping together for ten years. Should count for something," he said.

She began to open her mouth again, but was interrupted by his urgent kiss. She sank into it and let him in, pulling him closer in the process.

"Yeah. Okay," she said lazily, letting her love of him wash over her.

------------------------------

Brooke awoke in their wide bed, where they'd gradually made it to during the night. She smiled and propped herself up on her elbows. It was their first time since Bailey's birth, and she'd missed him.

Her smile widened as he entered the bedroom, only half dressed, carrying a tray with their breakfast on it. How could she not?

"You know you don't have to put so much energy into this. I'm yours, baby. It's a done deal," she reminded him.

"What, I'm not allowed to miss you?"

She snuggled into him and pluched a piece of toast from the tray.

"Not what I said," she said lazily, resting her head on his muscled stomach and let her eyes float closed, preparing to laze the day away.

Lucas stayed with her as long as he was able before excusing himself with the excuse of collecting their five children, in the various Scott households around the city.

Brooke watched him go, smiling. He was the greatest guy she'd ever known, to forgive everything so easily.

Lucas listened carefully for noise on the stairs before picking up a concealed letter from the bottom of the stack on the hall table. He slowly read it, again and again, as if he didn't know the contents.

He was tempted to throw it in the ocean, or burn it, but he knew he couldn't. Instead he crumpled it in his fist, praying that it wouldn't destory his life, knowing he couldn't bear it if it did.


	11. This Song and Dance

Chapter Eleven: This Song And Dance

"So why are we both in here?" asked Leigh. Ryan looked up as her younger, taller, thinner sister walked in, wet hair draped down her back, her slight frame wrapped in a small white towel.

"What?"

"Here, in this room. What's up with that?" she asked.

"This is a Manhattan apartment, Leigh. We don't exactly have a surplus of bedrooms," she said.

"You would, if you would just move in to his room," said Leigh pointedly.

"What?"

"Come on, you can't deny it anymore. You've obviously had sex," said Leigh. Ryan fell backward onto her bed and sighed.

"Quite a few times, actually," said Ryan.

"Why not now? He deficient?" she asked curiously.

"God, no. He's quite sufficient. Things just don't work between us," said Ryan.

"Why? Because he loves you and you love him, you have a kid together, you live together, you have incredible sexual tension..."

"Shut up, you sound like Brooke. And he doesn't love me. Never has," said Ryan, her voice gradually decreasing in volume as she spoke.

"Must be nice where you are. Ever miss the real world?" she asked.

"Have you ever really lived in it?" demanded Ryan angrily. Her eyes widened as Jamie appeared at the door, thumb in her mouth, looking in innocent surprise at her mother.

Ryan walked toward her hurriedly and lifted her in to her arms. Leigh watched in surprise. She'd come to help. In more ways than one. It didn't look as though she was helping any yet.

Jake noticed in surprise that Ryan looked livid as she entered the kitchen. She put Jamie back on the ground, who scampered over to her father with a squeal. Jake reflected uneasily that he shouldn't be any sort of novelty.

"Hey."

"Hey. Brooke called this morning. She wanted to know if you want to stay with her at her house next weekend, to help her with the kids. Lucas is going away," said Jake. Ryan nodded. "How long is your sister staying?"

Ryan eyed him suspiciously.

"As long as she wants. She's family, Jake," she snapped.

"No problem," he asked, looking at her in surprise.

"Good."

Jake watched her as she exited the kitchen, her long blonde hair flowing behind her. He didn't understand. He still felt ten steps behind her all the time. She knew more, she loved more, she'd been loved more. For years he'd felt older, now her felt younger. It was as if they were doomed to never be in the same place.

The more logical, less sentimental part of him, couldn't even understand why he missed her. Peyton had been out of his life for years. He didn't love her anymore. It was the cold, hard truth, but he didn't. He could understand mourning her as an old friend, but giving up on everything that was dear to him made no sense. Not even to himself.

He wished he could step back into his old life. Casually wrap his arms around Ryan, spend hours doing nothing with Jamie. He couldn't. For some reason, stepping back into old habits was impossible.

He remembered his other life. For some reason that he didn't quite understand, his life was split into two periods: Before Ryan and After Ryan. Not Before Peyton and After Peyton. Not Before Breakup and After Breakup, not Before That Summer and After That Summer, as Haley's was.

His life was all about Ryan, much as it pained him to admit it.

It wasn't the first time he'd done this. He was the guy who befriended girls, made them trust him unto infinity, and never manged to take it further.

A loud, resounding bang blasted him out of his brooding. He looked in surprise in the direction of the bathroom, where Ryan was knocking loudly on the bathroom door.

"Ryan?" he asked in surprise.

"She's been in there for ever, and she just took a shower! LEIGH!" she called. Jake frowned. He hadn't seen this side of Ryan before.

"Was this what you were like when you were teenagers?" he asked, his voice something vaguely akin to amusement. She scowled at him.

"No. When we were teenagers, we never had to share a bathroom. LEIGH!" she said again.

Leigh Scott poked her head out the door.

"What?" she asked in annoyance.

"You know there are other rooms," she said.

"Why are you guys living here, anyway? You shouldn't have to live in a place with one bathroom," said Leigh.

"Remind me not to let you visit anymore," said Ryan, rolling her eyes.

"Oh, I'm visiting? And here I thought I was just imposing," said Leigh.

"You're such a brat," said Ryan in distaste. Sensing ugliness, Jake hurried over and put his hands on Ryan's shoulders to gently pull her away. She resisted slightly, but gave in and let him pull her away as Leigh slammed the door shut again.

Ryan abruptly turned around and flung her arms about his neck, startling them both. It had been so long, he reflected, since he'd held her slim body in his arms.

"I hate what she does to me," whispered Ryan into his shoulder.

"You love your sister," said Jake inadequately. Ryan laughed.

"Doesn't mean I have to like her," said Ryan.

"Come on. We've gotten through everything together. We'll get through this," he said. She leaned her head back and looked at him in the eye.

"Not quite everything."

Jake held her closer, wishing she was wrong.

He remembered the last time he'd held her so close. That night. That long, long, endless night, the night that he'd never wanted to end. The death of Peyton, and the start of something new. At the time, he'd thought it was a new relationship: them being real, for the first time. As it had turned out, it was them being fake for the very first.


	12. Je Me Souviens

Chapter Twelve: Je Me Souviens

* * *

Author's note: The scene that you want, that you've all been asking for, is coming in chapter seventeen. this is best friend closure, not so much romance. Hope you like it anyway.

* * *

Haley held Kade tightly against her in his sleep and smiled. He had his own room in her new apartment like all of her children, but he never wanted to sleep there by himself. For some reason, Kade appealed to her in a way that none of her other children did. It was not that she loved him more. It was that he'd come from a love that neither of her daughters had.

She told herself this, to avoid remembering just how much he looked like his father.

She inhaled his scent and forced herself not to think of the time in two days when she'd have to hand them all back over to their father and live her half, drained life.

Generally, in the dark, her thoughts were on Nathan, but with his son in her arms she allowed them to drift. Somehow, they settled on Peyton.

And she allowed herself to remember.

_Flashback_

_Haley James waited impatiently on the corner, hating the idea of being late for her first day of big girl school. Brooke was supposed to have arrived five minutes ago (she could tell, by looking importantly at her new pink watch) but Brooke, being Brooke, was of course late._

"_Brookie!" she called impatiently five minutes later, as she saw her best friend hurry down the street toward her. Haley eyed her friend, dressed in a summer dress and new Mary Janes. "You were supposed to be here hours ago."_

"_Sheesh, sorry. Come on, you're going to make us late," said Brooke, turning on her heel in the direction of the school. Haley rolled her brown eyes and followed._

_They instinctively clasped hands as they entered the gates, and saw the hundreds of other students milling around the yard. Brooke glanced at Haley and smiled bravely. Twenty minutes previously, she'd been sure she'd be able eventually to rise above them all and rule the place. Now, nothing was definite._

_Haley and Brooke remained hand clasped as they bravely entered the building and progressed toward their classroom._

_They peered cautiously into the room for a second before noticing one figure, on the other side of the door. They recognized most of those already in the classroom, but this girl was a stranger._

_Haley eyed her appreciatively for a moment. Her hair was long and curly and blonde, her face pointed yet childlike, her brown eyes searching and large, almost like Haley's own. She was wearing jeans and a t-shirt, unlike the sundresses of Brooke and Haley._

_Haley opened her mouth, as if about to say something, but Brooke pulled her into the classroom before she could._

_The two of them sat down on the rug, legs placed demurely to the side, looking like perfect carbon copies of each other. The teacher smiled at them as she entered and gradually they were joined by the others they'd known in kindergarden-Tim, Bevin, Teresa._

_Brooke's face turned dangerously red as the teacher began to assign them seats, but thankfully for everyone present she and Haley were asssigned to the same table. _

_There were two others: Bevin, and the mysterious blonde from before. Brooke eyed her warily, as she always did newcomers, but Haley smiled._

"_Hi. I'm Haley," she said._

"_My name is Peyton Sawyer," she said, looking guarded. She looked between the three of them, their perfect sundresses, the matching shoes, the glossy hair tended to by their mother's over their shoulders. In ten years Peyton Sawyer would be as much of a cheerleader as any of them, but now they were foreign to her._

_Haley watched in interest as Peyton slowly began to write her name on her desk with loose, artul writing. Haley frowned, trying to decipher what she was writing._

"_We're not supposed to write on the desks," said Brooke in an admonishing whisper. Haley glanced toward Peyton, who was in the process of rolling her eyes._

_Haley waited two weeks for an opportunity to make friends, but none came. Peyton was as remote as Brooke was social, and she fell from the social scene as surely as Haley and Brooke rose._

_At the end of the two weeks, there came a Monday in which Brooke went home early. Haley had friends amongst the other students, but none that she'd bother to let in yet. So her mother had agreed to pick her up._

_And she was late._

_As Haley glanced down at her watch, Haley lamented that she'd be home by now if she didn't have to wait._

_Glancing around, she was surprised to hear slight movement in the playground._

"_Peyton?" she asked in amazement. The blonde looked up guiltily. She was swinging slowly on one of the swingsets._

"_Hey Haley," she said._

_Haley waited a few moments for Peyton to call her over, but Peyton did not, so she slowly walked over anyway._

"_Are you waiting for your Mom too?" asked Haley._

"_My Mom's not coming," said Peyton simply._ _Haley wondered why, but could not bring herself to ask._

"_Where did you used to live?" asked Haley._

"_In Charlotte."_

_Haley nodded. Most places outside of Tree Hill were distant and did not truly exist to her, but Charlotte was comprehendable. _

"_Do you like it here?" asked Haley hesitantly._

"_Do you?" Peyton met her eyes. Her tone was frank and unapologetic._

_This had never occurred to Haley. To not like Tree Hill would be to not like breathing, or eating breakfast, or existing. Tree Hill wasn't a place, it was the place. It was the only place that mattered, and the only place she'd ever live in. _

"_I guess."_

_Haley's response came out with less conviction than she'd previously suspected. Maybe she didn't really like Tree Hill, or the confining lifestyle she lived. It was something of a revelation._

"_Why doesn't Brooke like me?" asked Peyton eventually, not sounding as if she greatly cared._

"_Because she doesn't understand you," guessed Haley. "But I like you."_

_Peyton smiled. Almost._

_It was a start.

* * *

_

Haley came out of her reverie with a start. In the past two months since Peyton's death, she'd missed her many, many times. But she'd conveniently forgotten how close she'd once been with the girl. How once upon a time she, and not Brooke, had been her best friend, and how many times her friendship with Brooke had only survived because of it's length, and it's deep grounding and not because of actual connections, as it was with Peyton.

Impulsively Haley took her phone off the bedside table.

"Jake?" she asked, barely bothering to lower her voice, not worried about waking Kade, who could easily have slept through a hurricane and then some.

"Haley?" he asked in surprise. Jake was another she'd been close to, once upon a time. However, Jake was fixable where Peyton was not.

"I've been remembering her tonight," she said simply. She could almost hear Jake smile, and she was glad he was finally able. Glad for Ryan, glad for herself.

"In a good way?" he asked.

"The best. Makes me remember the old days," said Haley.

"Yeah."

"They weren't exactly good, but I miss them. You go to bed," she instructed. He laughed.

"You too."

Haley lay motionlessly in her bed. It was commenting somehow, her memory reliving. She hadn't released how clearly she'd remembered that time. It had taken Brooke a few weeks to come around, and four more years for Jake to arrive, but that was how it had begun. Haley hadn't realized until that moment that she'd never expected it to end like this, even in Peyton's darkest hours.

For an instant, she considered calling Nathan. She wanted to be comforted, and no one could comfort her like Nathan. But she had closed that door, and planned on leaving it that way.


	13. The Shadow of Fear

Chapter Thirteen: The Shadow of Fear

* * *

Author's note: I just posted a PoTC fic, so if you're in to that, please go check it out. And for those who are wondering, I will be posting a chapter of BtS soon.

* * *

"So why are you going again?" asked Brooke.

Lucas glanced at her, to where she was kneeling on the bed.

"I told you already, babe. Nathan wants me to go sort out some mess with the San Diego office. I'll be back in a week," he said. She made a noise of impatience.

"A week? Luke, a week with five kids is still a lot," she said.

"Go stay with Nathan and Heli, or with Haley. You'll be fine, I promise." He pulled the back off the bed and pulled out the handle to wheel it behind him on the hardwood floors.

Brooke frowned when he said "Nathan and Heli".

"Oh good, a week long angst fest."

Brooke rose on her knees and put her arms around his neck to kiss him.

"I love you," she said abruptly.

"I love you too. Be good."

Brooke nodded and watched as he exited their bedroom before throwing herself backward onto the bed.

They'd been married almost ten years. As if she didn't know when he was lying. She turned to her daughter and reflected on how thoroughly stupid boys could sometimes be.

Brooke would have gone to stay with Haley, as Lucas suggested, but she knew that the six of them would not be able to fit into her friends apartment. So she invited Haley to stay with her.

Two days in to the visit, Brooke nursed Bailey and watched as Haley navigated around her kitchen to prepare a meal for Devon, Hayden, Conner, and Zoë. Brooke smiled as her friend brightly chatted to her daughter. In the absence of her own children, who were still with Nathan, Haley was happy to have her neices and nephews with her.

Brooke continued to watch Haley as she latter prepared for bed. Brooke was sitting on the bed she'd allotted for the visit, and Haley was in her private bathroom, brushing her teeth. Eventually Haley rolled her eyes impatiently and turned to the brunette.

"What?" she demanded.

"What do you mean?" asked Brooke sulkily, pulling her knees into her chest and resting her head on them.

"You've been staring at me all day. You're basically screaming for help. So what is it?" asked Haley, running a brush through her long blonde hair.

"I wish you were still married to Nathan," said Brooke.

"I am still married to Nathan. And yes, I know that. So does everyone. So it's been evil eyes you've been giving me all day? I didn't notice," said Haley.

"No. I need information."

"Ask Luke," said Haley easily.

"That's the problem. He's not telling me things," said Brooke. Haley looked at her friend with more concern and cautiously sat down on the bed.

"What kind of things?"

"If I knew there wouldn't be a problem."

"Was he being secretive?" she asked.

"Not really. I could just tell, you know?" Haley did know. She'd been married to Nathan for eight years as opposed to Brooke's ten, but it had not taken her long to understand him.

"And you think he's hiding something," pressed Haley.

"Yeah. Apparently he's in San Diego for a business conference. And I can't get you to ask Nathan what with you not sleeping with him anymore, and I can't ask Nathan because that'd be fishy and I can't ask Lucas because I'm somewhat altered by hormones right now and I might just be being paranoid."

Haley held her smile in check as she comfortingly rubbed Brooke's back.

"Were you ever really paraniod about Nathan?" she asked tearfully.

"Yeah, because that's a model of a successful relationship that you should be looking at. You and Luke have never been stabler, Brooke. You'll be fine," she said consolingly.

"Yeah. Like you and Nathan. Everyone always said you'd be fine in the end, you'd work it out, everything would be well."

"You believe it, too," reminded Haley, raising an eyebrow.

"Tomorrow maybe."

For an instant, Haley let herself wonder about Lucas' errand. But a moment later she pushed the traitorous thought out of her mind. Lucas was the good one. He couldn't possibly be doing anything to make Brooke be afraid. He never would.

Besides, Brooke would never let her marriage fall. Not in these dark times, when everything was falling around them.

Haley was fairly certain she couldn't let it fall, either.

* * *

Later at night, alone in her bed, Brooke was worried again. She'd never had to worry. She'd always been the worrisome factor in their marriage. But it had stopped four years previously, well before the birth of their third. Everything had changed. It had been perfect for so long, like it had been in the early days. Nathan and Haley had always been the more dysfucntional of the two couples, particularly in the matter in which they'd come about, but Brooke and Lucas had had their share of issues. Brooke supposed she'd been naïve to assume these issues were over. 

Brooke glanced down at her wedding ring, hoping in the darkness she could see its sparkle. But ominously, she could not even see her hand.

* * *

Down the hall, in another bedroom, Haley let herself worry as well. The worrying did not come easily to her. She'd never had to worry about the state of Brooke's marriage before, for the sole reason that Lucas did enough of it for all of them. She'd never had to worry about her own marriage, because for most of it she'd hoped it would end. No one ever truly worried that Brooke and Lucas' marriage would end. 

At twenty-seven, Haley was thoroughly weary of it. As Bailey began to wail and Brooke immediately sprang out of bed to help her, Haley couldn't help but cringe and briefly, passionately, wish herself back to Tree Hill, where she'd once thought she belonged.


	14. Try As He Might

Chapter Fourteen: Try As He Might

* * *

Author's note: I forgot to post last night so I'm doing so now. If I remember and you guys are fabulous like always and review a lot, I'll post again later today.

* * *

Jake stalled outside Ryan's room. It occurred to him that it was sligthly creepy, watching her sleep. Watching her, a woman who was not even his lover, but he couldn't help it, and didn't want to help it. They'd sporadically shared a room for years. She'd never officially moved into his room because that would have cemented things that neither were ready for, but she'd rarely slept in her own room over the years. The three of them would share a room, and wake up tangled together. He missed it. He missed Ryan's morning hair, Jamie's sleepy morning voice. He hated that he had less time with his daughter, he hated that Ryan had the right to take it from him after so many weeks of his absence. 

Ryan and Leigh were on the bed together, Jamie between them. He smiled. In their slumber, Ryan and Leigh were able to handle each other. The day brought in an entirely different relationship.

He wanted Leigh to leave, but he didn't know how easily he could go back to the existence they'd perfected over the last nine years.

Eventually he managed to sleep in his wide, lonely bed. Jamie woke him when she gleefully climbed on to it. He held her close and silently apologized for any moment in which he had neglected her.

After setting her onto her feet, he walked past Ryan's room again. He sucked in his breath when he saw her, wearing only a short white towel, her hair hidden underneath another towel. He could not see her face, and noted in concern that she'd lost weight.

"I love you," he said suddenly. She turned around sharply, and his eyes widened. She was not Ryan. She was Leigh.

"That's one well kept secret," she said, raising her eyebrows, tugging off her towel, letting her wet hair fall around her shoulders.

"I didn't... I thought..."

"We're similar," she said, smiling.

"I knew something was off."

"So you do, after all. My God that took a while," she said in amazement.

"I've always..."

"Oh, you're going to plead platonic? Please."

"I..."

"So now are you going to go find her? Tell the right sister?" she asked.

"Moment's past."

Leigh watched as Jake realized, slowly, that he'd meant his words.

"You've never told her before?" she asked softly, her confident, slightly mocking demeanor fallen.

"Never meant it before."

Leigh raised her eyebrows sceptically as Brooke would, as Haley would. He suddenly wished she were on of them, who'd known him forever and not this puzzling girl who he'd never really gotten to know.

Ryan hadn't known him forever, but she knew him better. She knew him best. She was his soulmate, his other half.

Jake stopped, startled, when he realized he'd thought these thoughts.

_Wow._

Leigh was still watching, eyebrows raised.

"Took you that long?"

Two hours later, Ryan watched jealously as Jake and Leigh departed, pushing Jamie in her stroller. She'd figured all along that Jake would once again replace her, but she'd never thought it would be with Leigh.

She slowly sank to the floor. She loved him. More than she could say. She'd love him forever and he'd never know. For years she'd refrained from telling him, knowing he still loved Peyton, but now she didn't even have that excuse.

He'd been her roommate, her best friend, her big brother, her lover. But never before had he been a stranger.

"So how long has it been?" asked Leigh of Jake as they walked down the street together.

"What?"

"How long have you loved her?" she asked in interest. "I know you didn't when she was eighteen and you first started living together. And I know you love her now."

"I don't know. Since before Jamie, but I don't think I knew it at the time. Maybe at the same time that I first started wanting her? It's kind of mind boggling," he admitted.

"What is, loving the beautiful blonde you've lived with for years? Really not seeing why," said Leigh.

"We get along so well. Better than Peyton and I ever did. Living with her is so much fun. Everything with her is. I mean, when it happens it's passionate and she is beautiful, I just... I never saw it coming," he said.

"When you met her she was seventeen," said Leigh.

"She's twenty-six. I think she's gotten over it by now," said Jake, rolling his eyes. "Do you think she loves me?"

Leigh scoffed.

"She's loved you since she was seventeen years old, when you ran into her at the hospital and you brushed her off to go make out with Peyton. She's loved you since you came around that lonely summer when Nathan was still being manic depressed. She's loved you since you kissed her the first time. Yes, Jake, I think she loves you."

"Still?"

"It's that kind of love," said Leigh simply.

"How do you know?"

"Because it's so clear. Because you've never looked twice in my direction, because you haven't slept with another woman in years, because you have a child with her, because in your heart you've never wanted to let her go."

"Let her go?"

"If you hadn't been in love with her, you'd have figured that sooner or later she'd marry someone else."

Leigh turned and stared at Jake with her big brown eyes. "She still could,"

"She can't."

"Then get your act in gear, brother. Do something about it, you _idiot_," she said. She vanished off onto a sidestreet, leaving Jake alone with Jamie. He slowly turned in the direction of home, knowing he wouldn't do anything about it tonight.

But the feeling that he could, that he wanted to, gave him indescriabable elation.


	15. The Weight of Us Both

Chapter Fifteen: The Weight of Us Both

The next day, after what felt like endless dwelling on his epiphany, Jake realized with a start that after his midnight talk with Haley he'd promised to come over and keep her company. He suspected it would be an evening long tear fest of remembering Peyton, which he no longer needed, but after so long he was fully willing to repair the damage in his relationships with his childhood friends.

He stared at Ryan as he prepared to leave. Watched as she poured Jamie a cup of juice from the fridge, as she sang along to the children's song blaring out of the television, as her lithe body bent down to give Jamie a congratulatory hug.

At long last, he forced himself to leave.

Haley's doorman let him in immediately, and he rode up in the elevator to the top floor. For the thousandth time, Jake questioned why Nathan had let her go yet freely financed her expensive penthouse apartment, and all her living exepenses. It didn't make sense, and didn't fit in with Nathan's character. Or, with Nathan's character in previous years.

"Hales?" he called. She came running, her hair swinging around her, dressed casually in jeans and a tank top. She smiled so largely that it occurred to him again how very much alone she was, even if she had brought it upon herself.

But she hadn't, Jake forced himself to remember. Nathan had forced her into marriage, been passionate and cruel toward her for years. Everyone seemed to forget this, and part of him couldn't help but understand her thirst to escape.

"Hey," she said, throwing herself into his arms. He smiled as he kissed the top of his head, remembered when all three had been His Girls above all else, when he'd been their Jake. Forever ago.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Not used to being alone."

Jake realized that this was true. She'd gone directly from Chris to Nathan, and then only a short gap until Seamus, who she'd been with for two years before marrying Nathan. She'd never in her whole life lived alone. Even in the days when her siblings were away from home and her parents had travelled, she'd spent almost all her nights with him, Peyton or Brooke.

"You feeling alone too?" she asked, sliding her hand into his and leading him to the living room.

"Now? Leigh's staying with us. It's either Ryan and Leigh going at each other's throats, Jamie yelling about being neglected, Leigh yelling about being woken up too early. It's insane," he said.

"Sounds like. Why's she there, anyway? Can't she be staying anywhere? She has the same benefactor I have, and I'm doing pretty good," said Haley, laughing wryly. Jake glanced around.

"I wish I knew, but she doesn't seem to be leaving. And Ryan moved out of our room," he said. Haley raised a playful eyebrow.

"And this bothers you, Jake Jagielski?" she asked in interest.

He looked at her in surprise. For the first time, it occurred to him that she and possibly Brooke, in addition to Leigh, had known for years that he'd been in love with Ryan. He wondered if everyone knew.

"Yeah."

* * *

"Peyton promised she was in love with me. Love is crap," said Jake. Haley giggled in agreement, and downed another shot.

"Nathan was such an asshole. Why the hell does everyone want me back with him, anyway?"

"I don't. Never trusted the guy," said Jake.

"Me neither," she agreed.

"The crap thing is, I don't even care. She's being a brat and it doesn't even matter." Jake frowned as Haley refilled his shot glass, but said nothing.

"And you love her anyway. Love is stupid. Remember how I used to be in love with Chris? That was stupid, too," she said.

"I do still love her. Do you still love Nathan?" asked Jake, regaining a small amount of sobriety.

"Of course. I've always loved Nathan. I'm not going to stop or anything. That would just be too easy."

"Yeah."

"You're easy. I remember when you lost your virginity, Peyton was so pissed."

"She never told me."

"'Course not. We should have sex, Jakey. Serve them right."

She nestled in closer to him, and he put his arm around her.

"Serve Nathan right. Not Ryan. And anyway, you're far too pure for that."

"Yeah. I thought I was pregnant for a while. I wasn't," she said randomly.

"Nathan would have loved that," said Jake, smirking.

"Everyone."

"Yeah."

"I still wouldn't go back. I'm never going back," she said confidingly.

"You said that the first time," he reminded her.

"Shut up."

"How come we never hooked up? Brooke and I kissed once," he said.

"I remember. Ever wonder what it'd be like?" she asked suggestively.

Jake laughed, his enebriated state letting it go farther than it normally would.

* * *

Footsteps sounded in the hall. He got closer and closer, rapidly trying to think up a reason for visiting. He needed to see her, and he couldn't think beyond that.

The door to her apartment was locked, but he had the key. It was in disarray, alcohol was on the coffee table. He relfected that it was sad and an obvious sign of loneliness that she was drinking alone.

He navigated his way through the halls. He arrived at her bedroom, tried the door. It was unlocked, but he was hesitant to go in.

Haley looked up sharply when Nathan entered, and covered herself with her sheet. Her eyes widened as he surveyed the scene: clothes strewn about, their naked bodies together under the sheet.

Jake noticed him too, and looked up in panic.

Then, predictably:

"What the _fuck_?"


	16. Remembering When You Were Mine

Chapter Sixteen: Remembering When You Were Mine

Jake looked at Nathan in horror began hurriedly getting out of bed, revealing himself to be wearing jeans. Nathan calmed slightly, but did not back down.

"What the hell is going on here?" he asked again.

"What are you doing here?" asked Haley, looking shaken.

"Did you sleep with him?" demanded Nathan.

"I'm going to go," said Jake. Somehow, he managed to get past Nathan without getting his head punched in, leaving the two of them alone.

"It isn't your right anymore," she said softly.

"Not the time, Haley. Did you?" his voice was demanding, his eyes unapoligetic. He didn't care that he didn't have the right, that she was not obligated to answer. He was going to make her answer him.

"No," she said eventually, wishing she could give him the other answer, just so he would no longer have the claim on her. "No, we didn't."

Nathan nodded, looking calmer.

"Get out," she said eventually.

"I am still your husband, Hales. Don't I have the right to ask?" he asked.

"Sure, do it. Take me to court. But you just might encounter the question of why on Earth you don't want to divorce me," she said.

"Oh, but I think we both know the answer to that," he said.

"Shut up," she said sulkily.

Nathan walked to the bed and sat down beside her. She resisted, tried to push him away, but he pulled down the sheet that she clutched around her shoulders and saw that she was wearing a strapless bra. He admired the shape of her breasts for a second, feeling as if it had been forever.

Shocked by his lack of action, Haley lacked the presence of mind to cover up again.

Slowly their eyes met. Haley realized, briefly, that she didn't know what she was doing. That she didn't know why she bothered to stay away from him, as it was so clearly impossible, as it always had been.

Nathan basked in the glow of her brown eyes, which were glowing as they only did when he was near. He soaked in all her details, terrified beyond description that he might never be so close to her again.

Years melted away. Haley forgot that she had three children with this man, that they'd been married eight years. It didn't matter. She wasn't twenty-seven, she was eighteen. And this was Nathan, who had occupied her thoughts since forever. She hated him, she loved him. In the end, wasn't it all the same?

As the night drifted back to her, it occurred to her that she was glad she hadn't slept with Jake. She had wondered, occasionally, over the years if she was missing anything with having Nathan as her only lover, but had never let the thought occupy her. Their nightly encounters were more than satisfying.

And as much as it pained her, she liked it. That she'd kept her virginity intact until him, that he was the only man she'd ever been with, in addition to being the only man she'd ever truly wanted to be with.

Nathan sighed. She wasn't his first. He'd been with dozens of women before her._ Dozens._ When he'd lost his virginity, she'd been only a child. When he'd first wanted her, she'd been only eighteen.

He still wanted her. It was okay now.

"I need you," he said eventually. They'd been silent for forever. She nodded, and cupped his cheek in her hand.

It was all the encouragment he'd needed. His anger had evaported, but he needed her no less.

He leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers. Slowly, as if she spent time contemplating on how to return the gesture, she opened her lips and kissed him back. He gently began to explore the inside of her mouth and she let her hands travel around his neck, pulling him in closer to her, needing to feel him against herself.

He lifted her off of the bed and onto his lap, and buried his hands in her long hair. He let himself relish the simple act of kissing her, not letting himself go beyond, knowing she wouldn't let him, knowing it would ruin it.

After minutes that passed like hours, she pulled away. She looked deeply into his eyes and memorized every line on his face. Slowly she reached for his pocket and pulled out his wallet.

She ignored the money, his ID, and flipped through the pictures he carried in this plastic carriers. A group picture of their children, a picture of them together. A picture of all of them, as a family. These endeared her, but she flipped past all of them. She reached the last picture and took a deep breath.

There it was. Still, as it had been since high school. It wasn't much: A picture of herself and her best friends at sixteen. But it represented so much. A time she could never get back, the love that would never die. She remembered his words:

_"Look. I'll keep it here. And as long as I have it, you know that at the very least, I'll never let go of you,"_

In reality, she'd only seen it once since he'd originally placed it there. But she knew that every time he changed wallets, it stayed with him, a symbol of what they'd once been before they'd been torn apart.

She stared at it for a moment, and he stared at her.

Nathan expected her to remove it, but she didn't. She knew he'd hold on to her forever, as he'd once promised. She handed him back the wallet and slid off his lap before pulling her knees into her chest, shutting him off again.

He remembered the feel of her lips on his, he could still feel the heat, but he knew the moment was passed.

For a brief moment he considered turning back to her, prying her legs off her chest, knowing she'd respond eventually, but the larger part of him knew that in the long run it would only harm his chances.

He had to think in the long run. He needed to.

"I love you," she said, as he left. He didn't turn around.

"I know. That's what makes it so hard," he said, almost to himself.

He left. And in the way Haley was whenever he left, whenever she was with anyone but him, was alone.

* * *

Author's note: So it was actully chapter sixteen... Fooled you?   



	17. Right Beside You

Chapter Seventeen: Right Beside You

Nathan took deep breaths as he rode back home in the company car, thoughts swirling around his head, refusing to settle.

He wasn't a teenage girl. Kissing wasn't what he ultimately wanted to do with a beautiful woman like Haley. But after so many months of nothing...

He relived her willing lips, her eager hold on him, the calm in her face even after they'd detached. Her words.

She still loved him. He still loved her, it would begin again. It had to.

The house was waiting for him. Kade sailed into his arms only moments after he entered, and he heard the calls of Nina and Eve, who were in the kitchen. They came running followed more slowly by Heli.

He lifted Nina onto his other hip, admiring her blonde hair neatly tied into a ponytail, her big brown eyes, fringed with long eyelashes, noticing how very much she resembled her mother.

"Hey Mr. Scott," said Heli, analyzing him. He watched her dig, try to figure out the expression on his face. He watched her slowly realize what had happened.

"Kids, go back to breakfast," he said.

"Have you been getting laid, Mr. Scott?" asked Heli in interest.

"Remember how you work for me, Helen MacDonald?" he asked, faux sternly.

"That wasn't a denial."

"Mind your place," he said, laughing. He hadn't gotten laid, what had happened was better. But he doubted that Heli, in her youth and naivety, would know why. She hadn't seen all of the unending saga that was Nathan and Haley. If she had, she'd have understood.

Heli continued to stare at him as they entered the kitchen and sat down with the three children, but he said nothing. She served him a plate of pancakes and he refelcted that without the nanny, their household would fall apart. She wasn't Haley, and she couldn't do all she could, but she was essential.

"Don't you guys have school?" he asked suspiciously.

"It's Sunday, Daddy," said Eve.

"In my day, we went to school on Sunday. We walked uphill both ways to get there and we didn't even have shoes," he said defensively.

Nina giggled. Being perfectly aware that her father grew up in much the same manner that she had, she didn't competely believe him. He reached out to playfully tug on her nose, and she snatched at his hand in attempt to retrieve it.

"Why weren't you there when we woke up?" asked Eve curiously.

"I was visiting a friend," he explained. From the look in Heli's eyes, Nathan was aware that she was quite certain that she thought he meant he was with a woman-a woman who wasn't Haley.

"Can we visit Auntie Brooke and Uncle Lucas today?" asked Nina. Nathan nodded, realizing that a talk with either or both of them was exactly what he needed.

When they arrived at Brooke and Lucas', their kids easily paired off. Connor led Kade into the playroom, Nina and Eve disappeared with Hayden and Devon into Devon's room.

"How was your trip?" asked Nathan, remembering vaguely that Lucas had gone somewhere, that he'd had to take a leave of absence to do so.

"Good. How're you doing, bro?" asked Lucas, in some concern, rapidly changing the subject. Nathan almost let himself smile.

"I kissed her."

"Did you do it?" asked Brooke, speaking ahead of Lucas. Nathan frowned.

"No. Didn't really come into question," said Nathan.

"With you two? Really?" asked Lucas in surprise.

"No joke. Jake had spent the night there..." Brooke raised her eyebrows at this, but Nathan went on. "And I was jealous, and she was in bed and I went over there. And it just happened. It was so weird."

"Did she and Jake..?"

"Of course not," said Nathan. Now that the danger was passed, he could easily scoff at it.

"Are you going to get back together?" asked Brooke.

"If I knew, it would have happened already," he said in annoyance.

"It still will," said Brooke confidently. Nathan smiled briefly at her. It occurred to him that Brooke was exactly the kind of girl he'd always fallen for, before Haley.

"She told me she loved me," said Nathan, looking content. It was obvious to them all that she did, but the words came as a relief nonetheless.

"What are you going to do?" asked Lucas.

"I don't know. Neither of my strategies seem to be a good idea this time," said Nathan ruefully. Lucas contemplated this: his second strategy had been clear. Forcing her into a marriage of convenience. His first less so. How had he won Haley? By enticing her, by hurting her, torturing her with his mental abuse. It had worked, somehow. Lucas wondered briefly why everyone seemed to blame Haley for their split. He also wondered why everyone was so invested in it, and if everyone would be just as destroyed if he and Brooke were to split.

Smiling, Lucas remembered the first time Nathan and Haley had kissed. He'd been in LA with Brooke. Peyton and Jake had come across the two of them making out in Nathan's room, and Peyton had immediately called Brooke. Because of the time change it had been in the middle of the night, but neither had cared, as Brooke had shrieked in excitement before running to tell Lucas, before bursting into tears because of her pregnancy hormones.

They'd been so sure that it would lead to something good.

Both Brooke and Nathan were looking at him strangely, and he wondered if they'd said something amidst his musings that he'd failed to respond to, something that required a response. Slipping an arm around his wife and allowing himself to feel happy for his brother, he decided it didn't matter.


	18. If I Am Lost For A Day

Chapter Eighteen: If I Am Lost For A Day

"Crazy news," said Lucas, dropping onto the bed beside Brooke.

"Not really. I already knew," she said easily. He raised his eyebrows.

"Damn, news travels fast. Haley called before Nathan got here?" he asked.

"Yep. Didn't tell me about the love thing, though."

"I think that was more shocking," he admitted. Nathan and Haley had been in physical contact for years before true admonitions of love had come around. And he'd admitted to it much before her. For years, she'd avoided admitting to it at all.

"I've never understood why she was so reluctant," admitted Brooke, hating that there were parts of her best friend that were completely lost on her.

"Nathan represents everything she once found objectionable in a person. She hates the idea of loving him. It's one of the reasons she's so completely unable to stop," said Lucas easily.

"You used to hate the idea of loving me," said Brooke smugly.

"When I first met you, the idea of loving you never entered my head. Davis had indicated, not so subtly, that I was too hook up with you, so I was automatically opposed to the idea," he explained.

"The thought vanished when you saw me, of course," said Brooke happily. He rolled over and held himself on top of her.

"Of course."

"After that summer I was planning on going to LA and partying for a year," said Brooke suddenly. He nodded.

"I would have done pretty much the same," he said.

"You know, we probably would have ended up sleeping together anways," she said. He pondered this. It was true. With her high status, and connections to Davis, they'd inevitably have run into each other.

Lucas wondered what his life would have been like if Brooke had only ever been his hookup, as he'd once planned.

"I wonder if any of them will be like me," said Brooke.

"If they have any sense, they will. Zoë's going to end up looking exactly like you," said Lucas. They children were split neatly down the middle-Bailey and Devon were blonde and blue eyed like their father, Hayden and Zoë were dark and hazel eyed like their mother. Connor had medium brown hair and greyish eyes and looked like neither.

"Some days I can't believe we have so many," said Brooke, smiling.

"How many did you think you'd have?" he asked, rolling off of her again.

"None. I didn't even think I'd get married," she admitted. He laughed appreciatively.

"I figured I would eventually. Just not so soon."

"Ever regret it, Broody?" her eyes were wide, and she asked in earnest. He rolled his own and kissed her lips, knowing that not so deep down, she knew the answer.

Brooke fidgeted in Lucas' arms later that night, unable to let herself sleep. She was happy, finally. She'd never let herself be, in the past. Everything in her life had been tinged with sorrow, and now all was gone, except for the guilt she felt while all those who she loved suffered around her.

* * *

Early the next morning, Haley wandered over to the buzzer when it rang, half wishing it was Nathan, the other half of her fully aware that he'd never bother to buzz.

"Hey, it's me. Your doorman won't let me up," came a familiar voice. Haley took a moment to place it, associating it with something good but vaguely probited. A moment later she grinned and pressed the button.

She waited impatiently for him to ride up the elevator, and launched herself into his arms when he arrived.

"Seamus," she said happily.

"Hey. Missed me?" he asked.

"God, you do not know how much I needed to see someone who won't spend their entire judging me," she said, as he settled her back onto the floor.

"That bad?" he asked sympathetically.

"Everyone keeps sending me non sublte messages about how I should get back with Nathan, and Ryan's miserable and resenting me, and Brooke's so certain she knows the way the world should run," said Haley, rolling her eyes.

"Sorry, I would have come sooner. Why's Ryan miserable?" he asked.

"Because Jake's miserable because of Peyton... How much do you know?" she asked.

"Anything I can pick up from the tabloids. How're _you_?" he asked.

"I'm lonely. And I miss my kids all the time," she admitted. "How's your wife?"

"We're great. She's pregnant," said Seamus. Haley smiled.

"You know, yesterday I read the same of me. Congratulations."

"I'm sorry about my last visit," he said suddenly. Haley shrugged.

"That's okay. Nathan had to realize that Ryan was bound to go on the occasional date, and you two were bound to try and kick each other's asses eventually, and I know it was an accident," she said easily. He smiled.

"This is so crazy. I remember when I was like twenty-two or whatever, I used to wish that you two would split up, because I had to figure it would happen eventually, and now all I want is for you to get back together with him, because you're so blatantly miserable," he said.

"God, I know. I used to always wish he'd just let me go, and now I have now want and I have no clue as to what to do with it," she admitted.

"Well, I'm sure there's a twenty-two year old inside of me that's having a blast, and a Haley inside of you that's relishing her freedom," said Seamus kindly.

"You know, you're the only good guy I've ever dated. Nathan or Chris would be seducing or hitting me right now," she said.

"It's a position I hold proudly. Jake's doing badly, you were saying?" asked Seamus.

"Yeah. The thing with Peyton..."

"What thing is it, anyway? Did you ever find out how it happened?" he asked.

"Not really. They looked in to it but they couldn't find any evidence. They said it possibly had something to do with the guy who shot at me when I was pregnant a few years back, and Nathan back in Tree Hill, but they couldn't prove it," she said.

"That's helpful. Does it ever scare you?" he asked.

"Not really. They already tried for me, and nothing happened. Well it did, but..." Haley looked down as they broached onto the topic of the child she'd lost.

"How's Nathan getting on without you?" asked Seamus.

"I don't know. Probably all miserable, but he kept the nanny and the house so it can't be that bad," said Haley. The phone rang. She glanced at the screen, and saw that it read "B SCOTT". She dropped it as if it were on fire, and looked back up at Seamus. "Do you want to go for a walk or something?"


	19. I've Fallen Off The World Again

Chapter Nineteen: I've Fallen Off the World Again

Jake stared as Ryan greeted him in the hall, Jamie in her arms. He devoured the sight hungrily. It was so appealing somehow, his beautiful roommate, her skin shining, her hair wet, carrying their beautiful baby in her arms, looking maternal and perfect.

"Where were you?" she asked awkwardly, surprised and annoyed that she didn't already know.

"Haley's," he admitted slowly. He'd felt so safe there, so at ease, in the way he'd once felt with Ryan, before he'd ruined it.

"What were you doing?" she asked, trying to make her voice light.

"Hanging out. Talking about the old days," he said. He considered telling her the whole story, but he knew that he'd only be doing it to gauge her reaction.

"That's all?" Her eyes were innocent but it occurred to him instantly that because of girls and their girltalk, she'd already know.

"We got drunk. We kissed. It was awkward, we went to bed, we woke up, Nathan was there."

Ryan nodded, digesting this, forcing herself not to comment, jealously or otherwise. She reminded herself that she didn't have the right to be jealous, that she never would. For an instant she imagined her life, stretching out in front of her in the same monotonous path, glimpsing a future with Jake but never grasping it.

"You were drunk the first time you kissed me, too," said Ryan. She attempted a smile.

"I didn't sleep with her," said Jake desperately.

"I know. I know my brother. If you had, you wouldn't still be alive," said Ryan.

"After this morning, I'm lucky to be," he admitted.

"He saw?"

"There was nothing to see." Jake walked quickly forward and let his hand fall to her forearm. She flinched and moved away.

"I know," she said. She leaned up and brushed a kiss on his cheek, letting her lips linger. Hoping against hope that even if he didn't love her, he still wanted her feverishly as he once had.

He resisted the urge to turn her lips to his, afraid now that so much more was in stake. Knowing, now that he knew how much she meant to him, that if he started he'd never be able to stop again.

She retreated, as if afraid. She moved toward her bedroom but stopped, one foot outside the door.

"I missed you," she said. He smiled in gratification, but didn't have time to respond before she shut herself away, in her room, away from him.

"Well I guess we can all see how well that went," said Leigh Scott, smirking, as she wandered into the room.

"She looked sad," said Jake.

"Well yeah, that kind of fits into the whole "her being in love with you" thing," said Leigh, rolling her eyes.

"I never would have guessed she'd be so afraid to speak her mind," said Jake.

"Men," said Leigh dirisively.

A moment later, she'd disappeared again through the front door. Jake watched her go, knowing she wouldn't be back for hours, knowing that when she returned she'd tell no one where she'd been.

"Remember we have to go out tonight," called Ryan from her bedroom. Jake weakly replied in assent. After a few years together, she'd stopped bothering to get dates for her brother's company events, and had always gone with him. It was simpler. For both of them.

Hours later Jake waited, in his tux, for Ryan to appear. She was taking her time, and he needed to see her more than he previously had.

When she appeared, Jake was at once struck by contrast. The apartment they'd lived in for ten years was clean and well decorated, but small. She had millions, he had some money of his own, and they lived in the two bedroom apartment that neither of them were able to let go of.

She was wearing a white, backless gown, her hair was sweeping down her back, she wore diamonds in her ears and around her neck. In her heels, she was fairly close to his height.

He reached out to take her hand. They walked out in the easy silence of long companionship. He helped her into the company car and she somehow managed to keep her eyes of him, and his off her.

They met Brooke, Lucas, and Nathan at the entrance.

Nathan paused before entering, and the four others stopped with him. They looked between each other. At Brooke, her hair tied back elegantly, her priceless blue designer gown, Ryan in her own finery, the boys in their tuxes. It had been forever, and they were all still attached. They were the Royal Family of their set, and parts of them were perfect. All of them were beautiful, all of it was seemingly so ideal.

But for the first time, it was so wrong. They felt her gap keenly, and now felt like parts of a whole. Brooke grapsed Lucas' hand tighter, wishing desperately that they could be alright with just the five of them.

They entered, accepted their homage. Nathan led his family to the head table, Ryan smiled charmingly at all his associates, Brooke walked as if she owned the room. But it was all wrong.

Ryan reflected that it wouldn't last forever. The spell they had the city under, her young, beautiful, dramatic family, wouldn't last forever. Eventually they'd get old, and boring. She almost relished the thought.

Jake led Ryan to the dance floor after they ate, eager to get her alone, eager to lead her away from the oppresive atmosphere of their table. None of them had realized what an impact Haley had. She brought them together, made them family.

Their hands met. Jake let his other slide around her waist and drew her in easily, used to the position.

"Ever think this would be your life, Jake Jagielski?" she asked, smiling sadly.

"After that summer, I think I always figured it would be different," he said.

"I never thought it would be like this. I thought I'd escape it," she said.

"Do you want to escape your life, Ryan?" he asked. He watched as Brooke and Lucas began to dance, as Nathan uneasily eyed the floor.

"Parts of it."

"What about the other parts? Away from here," he said. She slowly began to smile. "The times when..."

Jake frowned when she realized that in the midst of his awkward declaration of devotion, her gaze had slipped from his. She was looking elsewhere. Jake followed her gaze, and gasped.

Standing at the top of the staircase, dressed in her own finery, looking as if she'd never left, was Haley Scott.


	20. Leave Your Life Today

Chapter Twenty: Leave Your Life Today

Haley began to confidently ascend the staircase. Cameras flashed, conversation sharply halted as Nathan Scott left the dance floor and made his way toward the stairs.

She easily took the hand she'd offered and let him help her down the last few stairs, in the long practised movement. She hovered at the base for a moment, taking in the crowd, letting them absorb the sight of her in her light pink dress, her blonde hair swept up, her hand clasped in her husband's.

The crowd buzzed. This was what they'd came for, this spectacle, the next chapter of the turbulent saga.

She let Nathan lead her to the dancefloor, and moved easily into his arms. She glanced at Brooke to see her looking away, as if afraid to jynx the moment. She glanced at Ryan and Jake, silently absorbed in each other.

She glanced at Nathan. She didn't glance. She stared.

"I don't know why I'm here," she said. He spun her around and she moved gratefully back into the safe enclosure of his arms.

"You'll notice I didn't ask."

Nathan's gaze hovered on the earring she wore, and remembered the day he'd given them to her. Her necklace, which had once been an anniversary gift. She wasn't wearing his diamond on her finger, but he was still heartened.

Safe in his arms, Haley could almost not believe the last ten years. This is where she felt safest, happiest, most herself. Was it possible they'd gone through all that, that she'd let all of it happen?

She could repress, but she could never forget. It had happened, and it had led her here, to right now.

"These things don't work without you around," he said, into her ear.

"Does anything?" For a moment, she let herself wonder what would have happened if he'd left her alone the many times she'd begged him to. But then she knew that not much different would have happened. It wasn't coincidence, it was hope. Nothing could have kept them apart. Not even her best efforts.

Nathan remembered another dance. After the first time she'd told him she loved him, there had been a similar function, yet so different. Brooke and Lucas had been slowly splintering, and Ryan and Jake getting and closer and closer to their ultimate destiny. So different from this time of uncertainty.

Nathan realized that subconsciously, he'd considered that night the best of their marriage. Over eight years of fighting, of passion, of hatred, that had been the pinnacle. He'd never considered that it could get worse. He'd been so certain it would get better.

Her finger ran along his gold wedding band, which stubbornly remained on his finger. She knew he'd never take it off, that he'd never believe it was over.

Haley realized that throughout their years she'd always threatened, and even believed, that eventually she'd move on. That after her obligations were fulfilled she'd find something else, someone else, a new life entirely. The idea now seemed preposterous. She could imagine loving anyone else with such a desperate need.

"You know..." Haley didn't know what she'd started out to say but he remained silent, prompting her to go on. "In most people's eyes, I haven't lived much of a life. I mean, I've almost never been alone, I only have two years of college, I got married at twenty. I've only ever been with one man, I had three kids before I was twenty-five. Not that exciting. But it has been. I could never have asked for more."

Nathan smiled. She wasn't promising him a future, but she was honouring their past.

"I did have an exciting life. Wild parties, basketball, girls. Then I fell off the map. I got married, settled down. And it's the only thing part of my whole life that's ever meant anything to me.

Haley turned inward to him.

"Whoever coined the term "settled down" was obviously never married to you," said Haley.

"Well most people haven't been," he said, making a face.

Haley briefly considered replying to this before realizing she had no desire to. This was the kind of moment that didn't want words.

It was one of those moments. The ones they just saw often enough to seem possible, but were spaced out sufficiently that sometimes she felt like they'd never come. The moments in which she couldn't make herself believe that things could get bad again, the moments in which she needed nothing but him.

If their marriage had been more full of such moments, they could have lasted longer. She knew it.

Nathan held her tightly against him and wondered how he could have let things get so bad. All the things he'd done had been motivated by love, but he'd taken them so far off course. She hadn't been blameless, but she hadn't become cynical, or angry by herself. He'd given her all of it.

He reflected that she'd been the only thing in his entire life he'd never been able to control. He'd tried, he'd set up an illusion of control but in the end, their love was a rapmpaging car without brakes. He'd never been able to control their love, or control her, and she loved him less when he tried.

Nathan let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding when she broke away from him. She backed off several paces, her eyes still on him, not bothering to look at her friends and their spouses. She briefly glanced around at the assembled crowd, watching her life she was an actress on a stage, feeling as if she was really a puppet on a string, a bird on a wire.

She turned around, and began to regally walk up the stairs. After eight years of practise with entrences and exits, she didn't need the rail. She walked up the middle, and everyone watched.

Nathan glanced around wildly until his eyes met Brooke's, who silently prompted him. He ran.

Haley didn't need to turn around to know he was there.

"What was that, Hales?" he asked.

"You know you're almost the only one that still calls me that? You didn't even start it, but I still think it's wrong whenever it comes from someone else."

She finally turned around, looked into his pannicked blue eyes, the eyes that knew he was going to lose her again and that it was going to hurt just the same. She brushed a kiss on his lips and stepped backwards toward the open door of the company car.

"Don't ruin it."

Nathan watched her go, feeling helpless in the way only she could make him feel.

A moment later, another figure had joined him. He sighed as she slipped her hand into his and squeezed it comfortingly. Nathan glanced down and met the blue eyes of his little sister.

"I know the feeling," she said, her voice at the same time sweet, hopeful, and sad.

Nathan stared down the road as the tailights of the company car vanished around a corner. He remembered her in his arms, wishing some small part of her still remained wishing he knew, as he'd always known, that he'd have the chance to hold her at least once more.


	21. Don't Stop And Turn Away

Chapter Twenty-One: Don't Stop and Turn Away

Brooke shed her wrap as she walked through the entrance hall, dropped her blue clutch on the table. She turned to her husband, about to comment on the evening, on Haley, on Ryan and Jake, but found he'd already begun to make his way to his study.

She slid her tall designer shoes off and made several circles of the hall, contemplating deeply, trying to regain balance, telling herself over and over again that it wasn't anything, wishing she could let herself believe it.

Instead, she made herself reflect on the evening. It had been nice. The five course meals, the white tablecloths had become a part of her life, but she still enjoyed them. Especially when something exciting and dramatic happened, like Haley showing up.

That was one thing Brooke couldn't wrap her head around. Ryan had gone to Nathan but he'd shed no insight on the situation, because he had none.

She smiled automatically at Lucas as he exited his office.

"I'm going to bed. You coming?" he asked. She nodded.

"In a sec."

Waiting until he'd reached the top of the stairs, she darted into the small room and closed the door. She looked around guiltily, at the couch against one wall, his wide oak desk, the files strewn about it.

Brooke walked swiftly to his leather desk chair and sat down before beginning to peruse these.

The first few meant nothing to her. Records, resumes, everything having to do with Lucas' job with Nathan at the company. She encounted the confirmation of his first class flight to San Diego-she stared at this a moment, wondering why he hadn't used the company plane. With shaking hands she reached for an envelope on the desk, adressed in elegant handwriting, already opened.

Her hand dropped on the desk and her eyes widened in panic as the doorknob turned and Lucas stepped in.

"Brooke? What are you doing here?" he asked in surprise. She stared blankly at hime for a second and noted that he was still wearing his white shirt and dress pants, that his tie was loosened around his neck.

Slowly she moved to the other side of the desk, formulating a plan as she walked. As he glanced at her, he realied that her feet were still bare, and that her hair was now down her back.

She slid one spaghetti strap down her shoulder, and the other. The silky fabric of her dress fell to the floor and she stepped out of the pool of fabric, now wearing only her strapless bra.

"You went commando," he uttered, realizing as he spoke that it wasn't the most romantic of sentiments. He swallowed, but his throat remained dry.

"I'm not a big fan of lines."

"Me neither."

He slowly approached her, and Brooke attempted to hide her guilt as she covered her indiscretion in the only way she knew how.

Her hands began to expertly unbutton his shirt as he slowly kissed her, relishing the moment, glad he had her and wasn't alone like his brother, glad that even after so long she was all he wanted.

His hands slid around her thighs and he lifted her onto the desk. She tried to hide her fear as he kissed her neck and unfastened her bra and cast it onto the floor.

That night, for the first time in years, Brooke's pinnacle of passion was staged. Not because the act in itself was any less, but because with a man she couldn't bring herself to trust, it was impossible for it to be real. Which was odd, she reflected, because before him, she'd been able to do it for years.

* * *

Hours later, after they were both in bed, Brooke slipped out, wrapped a robe around herself and ran back downstairs. She entered the study, walked slowly to the desk. Her hand hovered to the letter again and again, but she couldn't make herself pick it up. It felt so wrong. So untrusting, and he'd done everything to earn her trust.

She couldn't do it. She walked, slowly now, up the stairs. She paused in the doorway of Devon's room. Looked at the mess of comic books spread out haphazardly on the floor, at how he'd thrown off his bedcovers in the night. She entered silently, straightened his curtains, spread his comforter over his shivering body. She leaned down to kiss his forehead. She loved all her children, but couldn't help the involuntary empathy she felt for Devon, who'd decided her entire future.

When she at last went back to her bed she hovered on the edge of it, waiting for the dawn. The next morning as she always did, Brooke made breakfast for her kids and waved goodbye to the two eldest with her three youngest as they left for school in their uniforms.

She played with Connor while Zoë and Bailey took their naps, she listened to Devon and Hayden tell her about their days at school. All of it went on as it normally did.

It wasn't until evening that it occurred to Brooke to call Haley, and she waited until nightfall to do so, leaving the five kids with Lucas.

"Haley?" asked Brooke, when she answered. She was shocked by the male voice that answered, and frowned immediately. She heard muffled voices as he covered the phone.

"Haley?" she asked again.

"Brooke? I'm here, and if you don't mind I'd really rather not talk about it," said Haley. Brooke briefly remembered Haley's appearance the night before, her sudden desparture.

"Good. Me neither. I think Lucas is having an affair."


	22. Hold Tight It's Just Beginning

Chapter Twenty-Two: Hold Tight, It's Just Beginning

_Jake's eyes opened sharply, and he realized in alarm that for what felt like the first time in years, the apartment was completely silent._

"_Hello?" he asked curiously, to the empty room._

"_Hey."_

_Jake knew the voice, but couldn't place it. Somehow, it seemed a thousand years old, and didn't belong there._

"_Peyton?" he asked, as she appeared._ _Believing it for a moment, he drank her in. Her shoulder length blonde curls, her smiling eyes. _

"_This is a dream," he said shortly._

"_Of course it is. I'm dead, remember? What else could it be?" she asked. _

"_What are you doing here?" he asked._

"_Imparting wisdom. I thought you'd need it," said Peyton simply. _

"_So you really are gone."_

"_Yeah. And you're not. For God's sakes stop acting like it, I'd like to watch something more interesting for once," she said._

"_You're watching?" he asked._

"_Always. Don't worry, I'll turn away when you don't need me."_

"_What?" _

"_I let you go, Jake. A long time ago. I set you free, and I'm doing it again. Please don't let me get in the way," she said. He stared incredulously at her. _

"_Of..?"_

"_Of course. What else has mattered to you, since you met her? Don't deny it, she's always been there."_

"_You don't mind?" he asked._

"_If you forgive me," she said. He looked curiously at her. _

"_For what?" _

"_I'm an angel, Jake. I'm visiting you in a dream, and you're talking logistics?" _

"_I forgive you."_

"_Good. Your girl is lovely, go to her. Don't wait too long. I think we did," said Peyton. Jake nodded, and slowly the room started to fade. The sound of the door opening began to interrupt his dreamlike state._

"_Stay, Peyton. Peyton?" he called out for her, blindly. _

_

* * *

_

He awoke to another pair of eyes staring at him. He looked to the street outside, the pouring rain, and back into her eyes. He reached for her automatically.

"Ryan?" he asked.

"Oh, so you can tell the difference."

Jake watched as she tried to hide the tears that welled in her eyes. She backed off several paces, and he sat up on the couch.

"Where's Jamie?" he asked.

"Nathan's. Sleeping over."

Ryan stared at him a moment longer, as if trying to decipher something. Jake looked around, trying to configure what had happened. The details were already fading. Forgiveness. And...

_I set you free._

Looking back at Ryan, Jake was suddenly frustrated, annoyed they'd wasted so much time. He opened his mouth to speak, wondering how he'd go about making her love him in the way he loved her, wondering if such a thing was possible.

"I always was a fool to even try," she eventually murmured, under her breath. Jake's eyes widened.

"Ryan?"

She shook her head, to clear it. He stood up slowly, reached for her. She evaded him and ran for the door.

Jake watched in horror as she ran out. He stalled for a few seconds. Then he ran. It all came down to this, and he couldn't waste it.

He looked around for her on the street. It was empty. Cabs zoomed by, the storm raged on above them, clouded his vision.

He saw her, running.

"RYAN!" screamed Jake, running after her on to the street

She stopped abruptly and turned to face him, the rain running down her face and plastering her hair to her body.

"God, I can't believe we're here, Jake. I can't believe we've reached this point. I can't believe you and me are outside having the cliched rain fight. I just can't believe it," she said sadly, almost yelling to be heard above the weather.

"What do you want?" he asked imploringly.

She stared at him, her dark blue eyes darker than normal, almost to grey. The colour of the storm.

"You. I've always wanted you," she whispered. He thought of all the times he'd hidden his emotions, lied to her, lied to himself. All the times he'd turned down what he wanted. All the times he'd known, on some level, that she'd loved him and not returned the sentiment.

He ran to her, and taking her in his arms, kissed her. Her frigid body shivered in delight and passion as he finally yet silently admitted his own infinite desire.

"I love you, baby. I have for so long, Ryan," he declared. She pressed her lips onto his and once again sunk in to his kiss.

"I love you too," she promised, wondering why words were necessary, why they had to marr the perfectness of the moment.

"I didn't know how to say it. I tried. You always..."

"I thought you loved _her_. I didn't want to be the other woman. I wouldn't be," she said.

"God, you could never be."

Ryan suddenly wished that they were inside and not out, and that there wasn't such a long distance to his bed. Her bed, their bed. It didn't matter. They kissed again, slowly, on the sidewalk, the rain pouring down. He pulled at the elastic in her hair and it fell down her back. She pulled him in closer to her and felt as she never before his lips on hers, his hands on her back, wanting her, only her. It had been ten years, it had been forever. Tears streamed down her face as she realized that finally, finally, she'd attained all that she'd ever wanted.

They somehow made it up the stairs. They fell upon each other, avidly, greedily, drinking up the love that was offered to them, consuming the love that would never again be denied.

* * *

The sun rose on them and filled the room. Ryan awoke to find Jake staring at her, thinking of how many times she'd watched him sleep in adoration, never believing he'd ever do the same of her.

They moved together and kissed.

"I've never loved like this before," he promised. She raised a skeptical eyebrow. "I swear. Even she admitted."

"When?"

Jake was silent. He couldn't answer, because he didn't know. He knew it was the truth. He knew he'd never love another, that they'd live and die together.

"There's one more thing," she said, looking almost reluctant. He let his hands move around her, and held her close to him.

"What?" he asked.

"I'm pregnant."

"How do you..?"

"Not from just now. From two months ago, after Peyton..."

He kissed her again.

"I knew I loved you that night," he said softly.

"I know I love you every night."

Ryan closed her eyes and moved in to him, felt his arms encircle her, his lips touch her hair. Part of her wishing that she'd spoke up years before but the rest of her not, knowing that if she had they'd never have had this night, this moment, and that right then it was the most beautiful she'd ever experienced.


	23. Our Souls Are Flying

Chapter Twenty-Three: Our Souls Are Flying

Ryan shivered and moved closer to her lover, needing to feel the heat of his body, needing to hear his voice, needing to know again and again that he loved her, and that he woulds insatiable. She needed nothing more than his love, but she needed it more than she ever never thought possible.

After ten years of dissatisfaction, of turning away, of denials, this was heaven. But she war had.

She slept for hours, drained more than she'd ever believed. He watched her sleep, he held her close, repenting at long last for every moment of sadness he'd ever given her.

"We're eventually going to have to leave," he said. She frowned.

"But we'll come back."

"Of course. We'll kick Leigh out and put Jamie in your old room," he said contentedly.

"What about the new baby?" she asked. "I don't want to move."

He contemplated this for a second. He didn't, either. Their attachment to the place sometimes seemed ridiculous, as it hadn't even started out as theirs, but neither could let go.

"We'll think of something."

An hour later they were still lying in bed when the phone rang, loudly and persistently.

"Hello?" asked Ryan upon picking it up.

"Hey. You guys should get over here. Haley's here and it's taken this long for her to emerge so if you want to see her some time before the next century..." Brooke trailed off. Ryan frowned, about to turn her down, until an idea occurred to her.

"Okay, we'll be there."

She glanced sideways at Jake, who was looking at her in surprise.

Taking a deep breath, she picked up the phone again.

"Hey, Nate? Jake and I were about to head over to Brooke and Lucas'. Want to meet us there? Apparently they have some big announcment," said Ryan briefly. Nathan agreed to, and she hung up the phone.

"Brooke and Lucas have an announcment?" asked Jake in surprise. Ryan rolled her eyes.

"No. We do. But how the hell else are we supposed to get everyone together in the same room?"

He smiled and pulled her in to him and they lost each in themselves again, and again.

They showed up before Nathan, and were immediately led to the living room by Lucas, to listen Brooke tirade at Haley about her sudden appearance. Ryan glanced at Jake as she did, realizing that she'd completely forgotten about. That it didn't matter.

Nathan arrived after five minutes, with Heli, his three kids, and Jamie in tow. As soon as Heli saw Haley she wisked the four kids upstairs and left them alone.

"What the hell are you trying to pull, Ry?" asked Nathan in annoyance. Haley stood to go, but Brooke promptly pulled her back down, her eyes shining in anticipation.

"Nothing. Actually, it has nothing to do with me. It has to do with me," said Ryan. Jake stepped toward her and took her down.

"Not you. Us," he said proudly.

The four others were silent for a second, contemplating the meaning, hardly even bothering to hope.

"There's an us now?" asked Haley.

"Like, actually?" asked Brooke.

"You finally about to make an honest woman of my kid sister, Jagielski?" asked Nathan, grinning. Jake and Ryan exchanged smiles.

"Something like that," he said, smiling. Ryan laughed as Nathan walked to her and lifted her off the ground in his embrace.

"Hey, be careful," said Jake, watching them. Haley squealed, realizing what he meant, and launched herself at Jake.

"Oh my God," said Brooke under her breath, watching the scene in amazement.

"You're pregnant?" asked Lucas of his little sister. Nathan set her back down and watched Jake and Haley for a moment.

"Yeah."

"Kind of fast," said Brooke in surprise. Ryan rolled her eyes.

"Not from last night, silly. From... a few months ago," she said awkwardly.

"Damn."

Ryan glanced over to see her younger sister had joined them. Slowly, she walked to join them in their circle, carefully avoiding Brooke, who she hated, and grinning at Lucas, who was her favourite.

"How'd it happen?" asked Brooke eagerly. Ryan opened her mouth, and Nathan coughed loudly.

"Words cannot express how much I don't want to hear about this. Luke?" he prompted.

"Yeah. Come on Jake." The two Scott brothers led him out of the room. Ryan watched them curiously but eagerly turned back to the girls, her eyes sparkling. The four of them moved to the sofas.

"Well remember last night, how it was raining really hard..?"

* * *

"What?" asked Jake. Lucas motioned for him to sit and he did, in the big chair in front of Lucas' desk while the two of them stood over him.

"You'd better not be entering into this lightly, because Ryan's been hurt before," began Nathan, scowling at him.

"You've got to be kidding me..." said Jake, raising his eyebrows.

"And we're not going to stand for you messing with her any more," continued Lucas.

"I never..!"

"Shut up and let us talk. If you hurt her, we'll track you down and kick your ass."

"And you're not going to let her wind up an unwed mother," said Lucas sternly.

"You two are married to my two best friends and you never heard this from me..." said Jake. He stopped at the look in Nathan's eye, recalling that Nathan had avoided all contact with him since the night.

"And you're to stop flirting with Leigh..."

"And Haley..." said Nathan firmly. Jake's eyes widened in disbelief. Leigh? Ryan had actually found competition in her own _sister?_

"When are you getting married?" asked Lucas.

"I don't know. We got together last night. I hadn't asked."

Lucas and Nathan frowned disapprovingly.

"You guys have known me for ten years. This is just occuring to you now?" demanded Jake.

"You were well behaved until now," explained Lucas. Jake rolled his eyes and left the room.

The brothers looked at each other again, and simultaneously burst into laughter.

* * *

"And so we were outside, like yelling, and all of a sudden..."

Ryan blushed and trailed off when Jake entered.

"Sorry, I was busy being threatened by your brothers," said Jake.

"Both at once?" she said, making a noise of sympathy as he dropped down onto the couch beside her and slipped his arm around her waist.

"Sounds like you were doing much more interesting things in here," said Jake, raising his eyebrows.

"Makes a good story," said Haley, smiling.

"Not as good as yours," said Ryan, meeting her eye.

Jake stood, and Ryan rose with him. The three others followed for them as they left the room.

"Jamie?" called Ryan. She appeared at the top of the stairs with Heli and with Eve. Jamie gleefully ran down and sailed into her father's arms. The three of them left, and Leigh awkwardly excused herself.

Brooke turned to Haley once they were gone, the glow of their presence having finally left.

"That child will never remember a time when her parents weren't happy," said Brooke, her eyes still on the door and not on Haley. "Will mine remember a time when we were?"

Haley put an arm around her best friend's shoulders.

"We've wanted this for them for ten years. Can't we be happy about it, at least for today?" asked Haley.

"They definitely deserve it," said Brooke, smiling.

Haley watched them through the window after Brooke retreated back, her eyes wistful, hope in her heart.

"Yeah. No one deserves it more," she said to herself.


	24. I Held You Closer

Chapter Twenty-Four: I Held You Closer

Ryan let her fingers trail down Jake's arm as she sat between his legs on the bed, both of them fully clothed. Jake ran his own through her hair and let his other hand rest on her stomach where the new life was growing, still indistinguishable yet so alive to them.

"Do you think it's another girl?" he asked.

"Let's see. There's already Jamie, Eve, Nina, Zoë and Bailey... and Kade, Devon, Hayden, Connor... Another boy would make it even," she said.

"Perfect logic."

"Yeah," said Ryan, giggling. "Can I ask you something?" she asked.

"Well now you have to."

"It's not actually an ask. It's a stating of fact. Brooke thinks Lucas is having an affair," said Ryan.

"Luke? Seriously? But he's the good one," said Jake.

"No, you're the good one." Tilting her head around her shoulder, they kissed.

"I've never been that close to the guy..."

"Me neither. Pretty much only Leigh. But I can't ask her about it, what with her recent extreme evil. But don't you think she's probably just being paranoid?" asked Ryan hopefully. She wanted to relish her own coupledom, not dread the demise of her brother's.

"It doesn't seem like something he'd do, you know? He's never been such a fan of it in her. But I always wondered how that guy coped with it all. Maybe he didn't."

Ryan leaned against his arm, frowning.

"Brooke and Luke can't break up, not _now_. We can't be the stable ones, Jake," she said. He laughed.

"Get used to it."

"I fully plan on it," she said. She twisted around so that they were facing each other, her legs now around his waist. "How can you be so sure? It's been a day. How can you know that it's forever?"

He leaned forward, kissed her gently.

"It hasn't been a day, Ry. It's been ten years. We've spent forever building this up. I know I can spend forever keeping it together," he said.

"How do you know, though? I mean, you could die of some crazy blood disease, or I could happen to stab myself in my apartment," said Ryan. Jake frowned as she subtly referred to Peyton's death. The official theory was just that, that she'd stabbed herself. He frowned. "What is it?"

Ryan was instantly alert.

"You know more?"

"The cops called. After she died. She'd been staying with Davis, and she's disappeared."

Ryan stared at him for a moment, horror twisting her features.

"She killed her?"

The door the apartment opened, but neither heard it, tied up in their own world, their own tragic tale. Leigh entered and heard her sister's voice rise sharply, and walked silently to the door.

"I think so. They don't," he said, with difficulty. Ryan detached herself from him and sat on the edge of the bed, looking away from him.

"Why didn't you help them? Why didn't you tell them everything?" she demanded shakily. Jake touched her shoulder, but she shrugged him off.

"I..."

"Don't you do anything, Jake. Don't you dare. Don't extract your own vengence. For God's sakes, I need you. Jamie needs you. It wouldn't solve anything," she said passionatly.

"I wouldn't," he promised.

"You would! You want to! You loved her so much," said Ryan, her voice breaking.

"Loved. And I want Davis to burn but I'm not going to take care of it. I swear, Ryan. I'm not going to hurt you like that."

"I need you, Jake. I can't do it without you. Any of it. I need us to be a family," she said. She turned to face him. He saw the tears streaming down her face. She looked tragic and perfect, and as beautiful as she always did.

"We are a family. Always have been. You're it for me."

"Don't leave me."

He moved forward and took her in his arms. The news had been eating at him since he'd heard it, and part of him still wished he hadn't told her.

"I can't," he promised.

"Why would she do it? Peyton's the only person in the real world she's ever loved for herself," said Ryan.

"I think Peyton was close to finding something. Closer than Davis could handle," said Jake slowly, bridging into his more elaborate theory.

"Something that would ruin her?"

"Yeah."

"Something that almost resulted in Nathan's death? And Haley's miscarriage?" continued Ryan. "That whore."

"It's the only thing that fits," said Jake.

"It does. I can't believe I didn't see it."

"Have you told anyone?" asked Ryan.

"Who could I? Anyone, especially Nathan, would track her down and kill her themselves. It would be putting any of us at risk," he explained.

"You don't think they're at risk enough, with a psycho at her still on the loose?" she asked.

"I did the best I could," he promised.

"I know. You always do."

They were silent. Ryan forced herself not to be angry with him for keeping this from her, Jake silently hated Davis for a time.

"I wish it were over," said Ryan eventually.

"You wish what was over?"

"All of it. I wish Davis was locked away. I wish Brooke and Lucas could trust each other. I wish Haley would get over herself and go back to Nathan. I wish we could all just become old married couples bickering all the time, because I now we're destined to. I wish the drama could end so we could just live our lives," said Ryan. Jake kissed her head firmly, amazed for the thousandth time that she was there, that she was touchable, that she was his.

"No you don't."

Ryan turned his face to hers, and they kissed.

"Well, sometimes I do."

Outside the door, Leigh silently pulled away and walked out the door, making a call on her cellphone as she exited.


	25. The Minor Fall the Major Lift

Chapter Twenty-Five: The Minor Fall, The Major Lift

Two days later, having finally decided that despite her perfect haven at home there were still others who needed her, Ryan left the apartment to see Haley.

Haley's new apartment was in a different neighborhood than were Jake and Ryan lived, but quite close to the neighborhood of enormous townhouses for the old moneyed that Brooke, Lucas, and Nathan lived in. Ryan was still not used to visiting her there, and thoroughly despised having to go.

Ryan was able to go directly up. It was not a fact she was consciously aware of, but as a Scott she had an all access pass to the city. She was Manhattan royalty. She could have owned it more, been married young to a millionare and installed herself in a townhouse of her own.

At one point, it had seemed inevitable.

"Haley?" she called cautiously for her sister-in-law into the gloom of her apartment. She glanced around dismissively. Pictures of Eve, Nina, Kade, Jamie and Brooke and Lucas' five adorned the wall, but it was if Nathan had never existed. She smiled as she saw a picture of herself, Haley and Brooke the time they'd all been pregnant, Haley with Kade and Brooke with Connor. They'd all been huge at the same times, gone into labour within weeks of each other.

"Haley?" she called again.

A figure appeared but it was not her petite sister. It was someone else entirely.

"Seamus?" she said in disbelief. Her eyes flicked to Haley, who entered a moment later.

"Hey Ryan. Congratulations," he said smoothly.

"Seriously, Haley?" said Ryan, ignoring him. Sensing tension, he left. "As if Jake wasn't bad enough."

"You seem to forget that I'm no longer married to your brother," said Haley, annoyance flickering.

"You're still in love with him," countered Ryan.

"Anyway, I'm not sleeping with Seamus, or with Jake. I'm still pure and as close to virginal as any mother of three can get," she said.

"Please, you and Nathan have gotten so much more than the rest of us in the last eight years," said Ryan. A flicker of humour ran through her blue eyes, and Haley relaxed.

"Looks like we're about to be blown out of the running though," she said.

"I hope so," said Ryan. "So what's the deal with Seamus?"

"He's crashing here, because he was worried about me. He's not still in love with me. Or you, if you happened to be wondering," said Haley. Ryan wrinkled her nose.

"God, I so wasn't. Does anyone know?" asked Ryan eagerly.

"No, and they're not going to. Nathan almost killed Jake when he found him here, I don't want Seamus to suffer a similar fate," she said.

"My big brother is such an asshole," said Ryan fondly.

"Completely. Heard from Brooke lately?" she asked.

"Not very. I hope she's just being paranoid. It's not like she's ever been the model wife, anyway," said Ryan disloyally.

"He wouldn't love her like he does if she was," said Haley.

"I was so surprised when he introduced her. I never thought he'd end up with someone like her," said Ryan frankly.

"You were surprised? God, I'm still surprised. Who wouldn't believed that Brooke Davis would get married at eighteen, have five kids by twenty-seven, and an almost affair with a loser almost musician?" asked Haley.

"She hasn't been Davis in like a million years," said Ryan.

"Yeah. And how much longer are you going to be a Scott, girlie? asked Haley teasingly.

"I'm not pushing it," she admitted.

"Really? Haven't you been enscribing your notebooks with "Jake + Ryan Luv 4ever" since you were like seventeen?" she asked.

"I was seventeen, he was in love with somebody else and I pretty much forgot until he started hanging with us all the time. In the middle of your great disappearing act," said Ryan.

"My disappearing act? I'm not the one who left in the middle of the night," said Haley resentfully.

"I wish I didn't want you with him, sweetie. Part of me doesn't wish him on any woman in the world."

"It's not any woman. It's only ever going to be me," said Haley, looking wistful and a touch resentful.

"Yeah. And for you, it's only ever going to be him," said Ryan.

"I'm twenty-seven. This kind of thing should be just starting," said Haley.

"Yeah, but Nathan's getting totally old," said Ryan. Haley smiled.

"You're making me feel old. I remember when I met you you seemed so young, and now you're embarking on your own happily ever after with my best friend and you're going to have another baby," said Haley.

"I conceived the night I heard about Peyton," said Ryan. Part of it seemed so shameful, but on the other hand so symbolic, so right.

"Oh, you guys too?" she asked.

"Seriously? You moved out like two days later," said Ryan in disbelief.

"Trust me, that night almost made me change my mind," she said.

"Damn."

"Have you explained any of this to Jamie?" asked Haley.

"She probably doesn't see much of a difference from what she's always known. And the idea of pregnancy doesn't hold much weight with three year olds," said Ryan.

"She'll get it when you get big. Mine all did," said Haley.

"This is so weird. Jamie was an experiment, but this one means I'm being an actual grownup," said Ryan.

"Please, my whole marriage to Nathan was an experiment..."


	26. Wage Your War

Chapter Twenty-Six: Wage Your War

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Author's note: I recieved a querry about Ryan's pregnancy, concering whether or not she should be showing. To be honest I'm not entirely sure, but according to what I've read women don't start to visibly show till their fourth month, and she's only in her third. I would also like to thank "catcat" who helped me hit 1600 reviews for AWR and made me happy.

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"Dude, what are you still doing here?"

Lucas jerked up and realized that his heavy office door had opened without his notice. He looked toward it to see his elder brother standing in the doorway, his tie loosened, looking at him in surprise.

"Working. Like you are," he said, glancing to his monitor. Nathan did the same, and noted that it had long since turned off from disuse.

"It's late," said Nathan.

"You've got a family, too," said Lucas. A moment later Nathan's face fell slightly, and he found himself wishing he hadn't said anything.

"They're with Haley tonight," he said shortly.

Lucas was silent, feeling Nathan's eyes boring into him. Both were thinking of Lucas' wife, at home, waiting for him, in the way Haley might never be again.

"So I don't have to be home for anyone," continued Nathan.

"There's still Heli," joked Lucas.

"You mean my twenty-three year old nanny, who takes care of my children and is paid a generous salary to do so?" he asked in annoyance.

"Shit, she's only twenty-three?" asked Lucas.

"I think I'd get arrested. And you know, killed by a mob consisting of you, Brooke, Ryan, Jake and possibly Eve?" he asked.

"Not the better option you think?"

"Just go home."

Nathan almost smiled as he left Lucas' office, setting his brother's mind at ease. He walked past his empty secretary's desk, glad that Deb didn't have the chance to see him leave at midnight.

Lucas shut down his computer and left five minutes later, still not caught up on the work he'd missed after his impromptu trip to San Diego.

Brooke was asleep when he arrived home. He remembered the early days of their marriage when they'd been together always, and the later ones, more recently, when she'd waited up on every rare occasion that he'd arrive home late.

He watched for a moment as her chest rose and fell with every breath. He touched her cheek, caressed her features with his eyes.

Brooke had never considered it, but she was as easy for him to read as he was to her. There was no doubt in his mind that she was in doubt, afraid for her marriage.

He didn't know what to do, but he wished he never had to give her reason to fear.

* * *

Brooke smiled as she awoke and found her husband beside her, glad he'd returned home and not worked all night, as he'd done occasionally lately. 

"Luke?" she whispered. He turned over, revealing himself to be awake. She noted he was wearing a necklace, one she'd bought him in their early days, one he'd long since outgrown but occasionally still wore out of respect to the memory.

She reached out to pull him in by the necklace and he easily compiled, remembering the many times she'd done so in the past.

A moment later he felt a slight pressure on the back of his neck and he hand dropped. Both looked down to the bed, to where the necklace had fallen. Brooke's hand shakily went to the clasp to examine the break and saw how the rope had worn down over the years.

"It's broken," she said dully.

"We can fix it," he suggested, as weirded out by the omen as she was. She looked up, met his brown eyes.

"No we can't."

* * *

Jake watched from the window as Ryan left with Jamie, continually looking back to ensure that he was still looking. He waved, knowing again that he'd never loved so much, so completely. He'd never felt as if Peyton loved him as much as he loved her, but with Ryan he knew with every smile. 

Leigh smiled briefly at him as she entered. He glanced at her little black dress and mussed hair, and realized she'd been partying all night, as she sometimes did.

"Hey," he said. She held up the stack of mail she was carrying.

"Here, picked this up on my way."

She dropped them on the table and disappeared into the room she was sleeping in. He flipped through them in boredom seeing a bill or two, one of Ryan's magazines. He stopped at the last letter in the stack. It wasn't postmarked, it only had his name on the envelope, typed. He ripped it open, already feeling uneasy.

He pulled out the letter and unfolded it. He was surprised to real after a moment that it wasn't a letter to him, it was a letter from him. It wasn't dated, but he recognized it instantly: it was written to Peyton, during a brief seperation in their brief coupledom.

Jake read the words of passion in surprise. He remembered the days he'd been sure she was his soulmate.

He tipped the envelope, and one more item fell out.

Along with the letter, in the envelope there was a lock of hair, tied together with a short string. He held it in his hand, vaguely repulsed. It was curly, blonde. He knew instantly who it belonged to.

He dropped it on the table and understood. This wasn't a fond reminder from his past. This was a threat. This was taunting. This was someone doing their best to ruin his life, someone who was famous for it.

He glanced at Leigh's closed bedroom door and briefly considered asking her if she knew where it had come from.

He glanced at the curl of hair on the table. He remembered the times he'd run his fingers through that hair, caressing it, sure they'd never part.

A shiver ran through him. More than ever, he wanted to hurt Davis as much as she'd hurt him. But he knew it was exactly what she wanted.

"Honey?" Jake looked up to see that Ryan had arrived home.

"Hey," he said weakly. She was pushing Jamie in her stroller, who'd fallen asleep.

"What's wrong?" she asked instantly. He passed her the letter and she went through its contents, her smile dropping as she recognized the handiwork of the only person that could threaten their family, their happiness, and even their lives.


	27. Love Is Not A Victory Much

Chapter Twenty-Seven: Love is Not a Victory Much

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Author's note: For Beth, who caught the reference.

---------------------------

Ryan crumpled the envelope in her hand, feeling more helpless than she ever had before. As Jake's hand landed on her shoulder she jerked slightly, as if afraid of the love she could loose.

"What are you going to do?" asked Ryan, her voice oddly high.

"There's nothing I can do. I can't report her because there's no evidence, I can't tell Nathan because he'd kill her with his bare hands."

Ryan stood up so abruptly that the chair she'd been sitting in toppled to the floor. Jake held her as she flung her arms around his neck and nestled her face into his shoulder.

"God, I can't lose you. Not now," she said.

"Not ever," he promised.

"I'm going to hold you to that."

Ryan stared at Jamie over Jake's shoulder as she slowly awakened, afraid for her child as she was for herself. Afraid for her family, all those she loved best, who were suddenly so unsafe in the midst of their turbulence.

She let herself be glad for a moment that she and Jake were safe and well and undramatic, even if everyone else was not. Everyone had always counted on Brooke and Lucas to be the reliable ones, the safety net when all else crumbled, but even that had turned out to be an illusion.

Ryan flipped open the letter, and caught lines of love of passion. She looked imploringly up at him and he gently removed it from her hands.

"Don't let her," he implored her.

Ryan nestled back into his arms. She wasn't Brooke, to let things fester and move them apart. She was her, and she'd never let things get so bad.

"She knows we're together. Otherwise she wouldn't bother with the letter. She knows, Jake. It hasn't even hit the tabloids yet," she said sadly.

Ryan detached herself again to put Jamie to bed, who had fallen asleep. She walked back into the main room to find Jake in the same place he'd been when she'd left, staring at her, waiting.

"What?" she asked.

"If there was anything I could do to set your mind at ease, or to protect you, I'd do it. Anything. You know that, don't you?" he asked.

"I know you're going to be here for me. So I'm going to be here for you. And that's all I need," she said. Her words were lies, but her feelings were genuine.

"I know that," he said slowly. His hand slipped into his pocket. "Would you care to make a guarantee?"

Her eyes flew to his hand, and he held out his other to her. She moved toward him.

He slowly sank to his knees, both her hands in his.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Ryan, I've loved you, in some way or another, for ten years. And I'm going to love you forever. Longer. So will you do the honour of becoming my wife?" he asked. She made a sound between a laugh and a sob, and brought her hand up to her face to wipe away a tear.

"That's so cheesy, Jake." She looked down and met his eyes, looking undaunted. "Get up."

He rose quickly. She put her arms around his neck and kissed him passionately.

"Good thing you asked. I was about to ask you, if you didn't get your act together soon," she said.

"So I can take that as a yes?" he asked. He leaned in to kiss her.

"Take it, Jagielski," she said in satisfaction. Leaving her right arm around his neck, she gave him her left. Flipping open the box from his pocket, he revealed a diamond engagment ring, which he slipped onto her ring finger.

Jake leaned down slightly to kiss her again, and she tightened her grip on him to move in to his arms and wrap her legs around his waist.

"Can we have a big wedding? Brooke and Lucas' and Nathan and Haley's were kinds of a letdown," said Ryan later, her head resting on Jake's naked shoulder.

"Whatever you want," he promised.

"Soon, though. Before I'm too huge," she said.

"We could do it afterward," he suggested.

"Mm, no. I'm too excited. I'd rather be huge," she said.

"Think we can do this in a few months?"

"Sure. All I have to do is hit Vera Wang with the girls, outfit a bridal party and book a church. It's easy," she said.

"Just tell me where I have to show up," he said in contentment, as he kissed her hair and gradually watched her drift off to sleep.

------------------------

"Can you come? Or do you have to look after Jamie?" asked Ryan distractedly as she ran around the small apartment looking for her purse.

"Haley's coming. Relax, I wouldn't miss it," he said. She smiled briefly up at him as she unearthed her bag from beneath the couch cushions.

"Where you going, Mommy?" asked Jamie, looking annoyed.

"To the doctor, baby," she said, squeezing her daughter's hand briefly before running off to the bedroom. Jamie accepted this with ease-the Doctor was a necessity of life, and was irksome and sometimes involved shots but always ended with a lollypop.

Haley came, shrieked about the diamond on Ryan's left hand and waved goodbye as they left for the doctors for an ultrasound.

Ryan glanced sideways at Jake in the car, sensing his unease.

"You okay?" she asked.

"Just nervous. You almost died last time, Ry," he said.

"I did not. I had a cesarean. Doesn't mean I almost died," she said.

"Doesn't mean I'm not going to worry," he said. Leaning over to kiss him lightly, she knew inside that there was no way she was going to let herself die and miss out on all she'd ever wanted.

Ryan smiled at Jake later, as she lay down in a paper robe, waiting for the doctor. Despite her discomfort and her general fear of having her first ultrasound, she felt that she'd never been happier.

"Ms. Scott?" came a voice. Their doctor came in, and Jake smiled briefly at her.

"Let's get started," she said.

Jake took Ryan's hand in his as the doctor spread something cold on her stomach and an image gradually began to appear on the screen.

"I know you had some problems with Jamie, which we should discuss before you go into labour, but this all looks good. I can't tell you the sex yet, but..."

Both held their breath as they watched the woman's hand drop from the screen and cock her head sideways, studying it.

"Tell me, Mr. Jagielski, do multiple births run in your family?

-----------------------------

Haley hastily picked up the phone when it rang, hoping it was Ryan calling to tell her of the success of the ultrasound. She was disappointed to pick up to a vaguely familiar voice, one she was unable to quite place.

"Mrs. Scott?" she asked.

"Yes?" asked Haley, slightly resentfully.

"Hi sweetie this is Deb Lee, Nathan's secretary. He told me to call you. Heli's taking a half day tomorrow and the kids are spending the afternoon here with me, and he was wondering if you could come here to pick them up instead of going to the house," she said.

"Yeah, sure," said Haley. She hung up, feeling anxious at seeing her ex again yet oddly excited.

--------------------------

Author's note: Also I'd like to shout out to my biggest jyan freak, Amanda. Hope the wait was worth it, girl.


	28. Bird on a Wire

Chapter Twenty-Eight: Bird on a Wire

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Author's note: This is naley for my Ange, who sort of has the patience of a saint.

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Haley smiled as she neared her husband's building, glad she'd spend time with Ryan and Jake to inflict normal coupledom upon herself, glad she'd been able to take part in just a little bit of their happiness. A crazed, raving Jake upon the news of his fiancee's condition was not the most normal, but still it was closer to the concept than any other part of Haley's life.

The company car driver stopped smoothly in front of the firm and Haley stepped out, confidently entering, no longer intimidated by the bustling atmosphere or the imposing lobby.

She rode up to the top floor, where Nathan had a room for the children to play with as well as his huge office, Deb's and Lucas'. The several interns she passed smiled dutifully at her.

"Evie? Nina?" called Haley, entering her children's playroom. She sighed upon finding it empty, and backtracked into Deb Lee's office.

The secretary had left for the evening, as had Lucas. She reluctantly opened the door to Nathan's office.

It was empty as well. His flat screened computer was turned off, the cushions on his leather couch were straightened, the lights were off. She ventured in a step further, feeling oddly like the room was expecting her yet oddly like an intruder.

The door creaked behind her. She stiffened but didn't turn.

"Should have suspected this. You'd been far too nice for a while. What am I here for, Nate? Planning on holding my children hostage? Raping me without witnesses?" she asked scathingly.

"Am I going to have to?" he asked softly.

"Where are the kids?" she asked.

"With Heli."

The floorboards creaked as Nathan moved across them, toward her. Haley shut her eyes, hoping against hope that if she didn't see him he couldn't affect her.

"It's only been two months, Nathan. You've really got to work on that whole willpower thing," said Haley distainfully. Her eyes opened in surprise as his hands moved to touch her, and began to glide up and down her lower arms. She felt a slight pressure as he moved in behind her, lightly touching all of him to her back.

"I'm supposed to believe you're doing just fine?" he asked.

"Whatever you need to believe."

His lips hovered at her ear, as if about to whisper a secret.

"Why don't you just admit that you like me pursuing you, Hales? It would be so much easier on us both," he said softly. His lips grazed her skin, and moved slightly downwars to touch her neck.

"You'd had good behavior lately. As if you were moving on, and being a grownup."

"I warned you before."

"Don't know why I persist in thinking you're a better man than your words," she said.

"You should know better," he agreed. One of his hands moved from her arm to her back, slipping under the hem of her shirt and gently admiring the shape of her waist and the swell of her hips. She shiver involuntarily.

"Is this what you got me here for? To let me know I'd made a mistake? To get your rocks off, because it's been so damn long?" she asked, her last words escaping without permission.

"Or maybe because I still love you, and you still love me, and it's about time you got over your doubts and just came back?" he asked. Nathan felt a slight shock as she reached back to pull away his hand, and moved away from his roving lips.

"Don't bother," she said, turning around swiftly to make for the door, still avoiding his eyes.

Before she could take a step his hand shot out to grasp her wrist and she stumbled slightly, supported only by his hold on her.

"You know I'd rather do this in our bed, but the kids are home and I'd like you to be as loud as you want," he said.

"Here? Because our kids can't here us even though all of New York can?" she demanded.

"Sure. So long as I can."

Nathan forced the memory of their two previous kisses-the gentle, passionate one on her bed, the loving one outside the hall after the party.

The one he laid on her before she could speak was different.

Confident in his ability, confident in their love, Nathan kissed her smoothly and forcefully, ignoring her protests, holding her hands at her sides, running his tongue along her lips until she opened hers as well and let him in. Forgetting his earlier plan of waiting for her to come to him, restarting their marriage on a more positive, two sided note, he moved toward the sofa and pulled her on top of him on it.

"Men don't treat women they truly love like this," she said, during a pause. He met her eyes.

"Same could be said of you," he said. For a second, she looked as if she wished she was as capable of hurting him as he was of hurting her.

He ripped open her shirt and admired her body through it. He didn't understand it. Haley had had three children but was still young, but had never been a supermodel. Just a beautiful small town girl with a nice figure, yet she'd captivated him for ten years now.

He wove his hands around her waist and pulled her down unto his hardness so he could feel her moving above him. He felt her skin, warm and sweating, smelled her scent.

Lights flicked on, the door opened.

"Hey, Nathan? You still here?" came a voice.

Haley sat up abruptly as Deb entered and covered herself, glad she was still wearing a bra. She grabbed her shirt and detangled her legs from him. He made a grab for her as she left. His hand landed on her waist and his arm wove around it to pull her back in, but at the lock of surprise and slight revulsion on Deb's face he let it drop. Haley ran, tears streaming down her face.

The older blonde woman looked at Nathan, eyebrows raised.

"Wow. Looks like you two seriously don't understand the concept of a breakup," she said, her voice dripping with disapproval.


	29. Those To Come

Chapter Twenty-Nine: Those to Come

* * *

Author's note: So I decided to post tonight when I realized I hadn't in eleven days... Sorry about that. I havent' been writing lately, I'll try and catch up soon. Hope you enjoy this, I'll try and write a better one over hte weekend.

* * *

"It's unbelievable. I go over there to pick up my kids and he still treats me like I'm a teenager who can't resist him," said Haley in disgust.

"Well you did make out with him," said Seamus reasonably.

"True. But accidentally, and I did leave. And what's he trying to prove, anyway? He's trying to get me back and that in itself was basically what broke us up."

"It's all he knows. Sex was the only constant you guys had, and he's just looking for some kind of normalacy," said Seamus.

"I am, too. Just without him," said Haley.

"You know it's not going to happen, kid," he said kindly.

Haley scowled at him as Kade ran into the room and she lifted him into her arms. After their incident at his office Haley had driven quickly the house to take the kids from Heli, who were now with her at the apartment.

"He's grown a lot," said Seamus, glancing at the child in her arms.

"He's just like his daddy," said Haley wistfully. For a second, she wondered how much like him she was. If her perfect youngest child would grow into a man, a man capable of hurt and pain beyond reason. It didn't seem likely, but she never had warmed to the idea of releasing more Scott men into the world.

* * *

"We need to move."

Ryan raised her eyebrows.

"What?"

"To New Jersey, maybe. We need a bigger place," said Jake.

"Then we'll get a place here," said Ryan, not liking the idea much herself.

"We're going to have three kids. You can't raise three kids in Manhattan all at once," said Jake.

"Lots of people do," she said.

"And we have to change doctors. Don't trust her," said Jake warily.

"So what? She's my doctor," said Ryan in annoyance.

"Don't you start," he said.

"Excuse me? Stop being such a drama queen. I'm going to have to squeeze two babies out of me and you're worrying about our apartment? We managed before," she said.

"You're getting a c-section," he reminded her. Ryan rolled her eyes and forced herself to take a deep breath before

"Has anyone ever told you that you're insane?" she asked.

"All the time, why?" Jake glanced over his shoulder and wandered over. She smiled as he took both of her hands, loosely linked with hers, and kissed her softly on the lips.

"It's okay. I don't want you any different," said Ryan.

"Minx." Ryan slung her arms around his neck and began to pull him down on top of her, onto the couch, but he stopped her.

"Safety first," he said. Bending slightly, he lifted her into his arms and carried her into the bedroom.

Ryan stared into his eyes after they'd finally collapsed onto the bed together, exhausted.

"What?" he asked, running a finger down her cheek, carressing her even features.

"You're never going to stop loving me, are you?" she asked, looking not nervous, but finally confident.

"Try and stop me," he said.

Ryan responded to the kiss he layed on her lips, his own burning with passion. Her eyes reluctantly slid open and saw the blinking red numbers on her nightstand, and she pushed him off.

"Damn it, I have to go. We're supposed to go to Vera Wang and then to Barneys to get shoes and then possibly to register," she said in annoyance. He fell back on the bed and laughed.

"Aren't I supposed to register with you?" he asked mockingly.

"You actually want to? Don't worry, I'll get all the boring stuff out of the way and then we can pick out china patterns," she said. He raised an eyebrow at her logic, but said nothing. He watched as she climbed out of bed and walked to her closet to get changed for her afternoon.

"Where's Jamie? She's probably confused as hell about all this," said Jake. Ryan frowned guiltily, remembering the many recent occasions when they'd given in to Haley and Brooke's eager offers to babysit their daughter and give them alone time.

"Brooke's. She was going to bring her over when she came," said Ryan.

"Do you think she notices anything different?" asked Jake.

"Why? Have I gotten fatter?"

Ryan Scott turned doubtfully to examine her naked body from a side angle in front of the mirror hanging on the closet door. Smiling, Jake climbed out of the bed. He wrapped his arms around her.

Ryan smiled at her two sisters-in-law when they arrived a few minutes later, leading her daughter by the hand.

"Hey guys," she said.

"Hey Ry. Go away, Jake. Haley has dirt to dish and she was waiting until we were all together," said Brooke bluntly. Ryan laughed at the lack of surprise in his face, remembering with a slight pang in her heart how very long they'd all known each other. He led Jamie off by the hand, and the three girls made their way back down the stairs.

When they got into the company car, Haley sat across from Ryan and Brooke and abruptly shut the window to the driver's seat.

"I almost had sex with Nathan," she revealed.

Ryan held out her hand, and Brooke dropped a folded up twenty dollar bill into it.

"When?" asked Brooke eagerly.

"_Why_?" asked Ryan, looking more disgusted than eager.

"Last night. He called me over to his office so I could pick up the kids. I should have suspected something, but..."

"So what's with the almost thing, then?" asked Ryan.

"Oh, Deb found us. I'm glad she did, we don't need to get into all that again," she said.

"Except for the fact that it's obviously going to happen," said Brooke, reaching into the minibar and pulling out a bottle of tequila. "You know what's good about not breastfeeding? This."

"You know what's not so good about being pregnant?"

* * *

The three of them dropped into chairs in the fitting room after giving Ryan's details to an attendant. Brooke turned to Ryan.

"I forgot, with Haley's news. You had an ultrasound, didn't you? How did it go? You actually pregnant?" she asked.

"Yeah. For sure. Twice."

Haley took this opportunity to spit out the gulp of water she'd taken a moment earlier.

"Seriously? Twins?" she demanded. Ryan nodded, a smile touching her lips.

"That's..."

"Amazing? Terrifying? A whole lot of dirty diapers? Yeah, I know," said Ryan. Brooke and Haley, sitting on either side of her, put their arms around her.

"You'll be fine. Both of you," said Haley reassuringly.

"I know. Jake's wigging, but it's kind of adorable," admitted Ryan.

"He's a great father," said Brooke.

"All of them are."

Haley raised her eyebrows meaningfully at Brooke, who ignored her gaze.

"Which one of you is the bride?" asked a woman, walking in to the room they were waiting in. Haley and Brooke pointed at Ryan, who rose with a smile.

"That'd be me. But we need to look at bridesmaid's dresses as well, for these too," said Ryan.

"Really?" asked Haley, looking touched as Ryan sat.

"Of course. Who else would I ask? You guys are the best friends I've ever had," she said honestly.

"Does having us here mean that we're not going to be stuck in anything that looks like it could also work as a birthday cake?" asked Brooke suspiciously. Ryan and Haley, who looked close to tears, rolled their eyes.

"That was the idea."


	30. Time and Time Again

Chapter Thirty: Time and Time Again

"Did you leave last night?" asked Deb Lee suspiciously, at the end of the day after the night she'd caught Nathan with Haley.

"Didn't have anything to go home too," said Nathan sullenly.

"You've been acting like such a prize lately, I just can't guess why," she said in annoyance. Nathan turned to her in surprise.

"I don't pay you to judge me," he said.

"Yeah, and no one else you pay to hang around you will do it. Get up. Go home," she said.

Nathan got up from his desk and walked over to his fully stocked liquor cabinet, usually used for entertaining potential business partners.

"You're never going to get her back if you don't become the man in you that she loved," said Deb.

"I don't care."

"So what was that, the other night? Not a staged, elaborate, desperate act to win her back?"

* * *

"You should see Ryan's dress. It's fabulous," said Leigh Scott in excitement.

"What?"

Jake looked up in surprise. He'd been sleeping on the couch, his three year old daughter on his chest.

"Her dress," she said again.

"Fabulous?" Jake repeated.

"Yes, fabulous."

"I thought you'd moved out. Where have you been the last few days?" he asked. Somehow, ever since Ryan had moved away from Jamie's room and in to his, the apartment had started to seem smaller.

"Working, silly," she said.

Jake stared at her a moment longer as she walked from the main room to her bedroom and out again, smiling and singing softly to herself.

"What's your job, anyway?" he asked. He realized that although he had known Leigh for ten years, he had no actual idea of what she did with her life. As she opened her mouth her phone rang and she answered it, turning away from him. Jake heard snippets of her conversation before she slammed her door shut behind her.

Jamie sat up in surprise, and looked at her father.

"That's your Aunt Leigh, baby. She's pretty much crazy," he said.

* * *

Heli MacDonald awoke in surprise late that night and instantly turned on her light. Nathan hadn't returned home the night before, and she had learned not to question such things. In his state, with the children at Haley's, she'd expected him to remain away again.

She shivered as she climbed out of bed. The old, large house was often drafty. Throwing a robe around her pajamas, she quickly made her way downstairs.

"Nathan? Mr. Scott?" she called, into the pitch black of the entrance hall. In the light the house was beautiful, tastefully decorated and warm, but in the darkness it reverted to the style it had been built in: gloomy, uninviting.

"Haley?" he called. She heard him swear to himself. "Heli. Heli."

Taking him in at a glance as her eyes grew used to the darkness, she sighed. He was drunk. Very, by the looks of it.

"Hey. How about we get you to bed?" she suggested, arriving on the bottom step. He stumbled forward slightly, trying to make out her form.

"S'okay, I'm fine," he slurred. She firmly gripped his arm and steered him in the direction of the stairs, knowing that if she let him take care of himself, he'd get drunker still.

"You're not fine. Come on."

The two of them slowly made their way upstairs.

"Didn't work. Deb caught us," he said eventually.

"Us?"

Heli persuaded Nathan onto his bed and helped him get off his shoes, his tie and his jacket, not overly caring about the rest of his clothing.

"I miss her," he said, his eyes sliding closed. Heli let her hand fall to his shoulder and noted in surprise that a tear had welled up in his eye.

"She misses you too," promised Heli. Knowing perfectly well that in the morning he wouldn't remember anything, and that all she had to do was to convince him to sleep.

"No she doesn't. If she did she'd..."

"But it's more complicated than that for her, you know that," said Heli.

Heli's voice was low and soothing, and she felt as the same as when she soothed Kade after a nightmare. If anyone had seen them together right then they'd have hated her instantly, but she'd never in her life had such an unsexually charged moment.

"They don't trust you. They won't you to go away," said Nathan.

"Who doesn't?" she asked in surprise.

"Luke. Ryan. Brooke. Brooke doesn't trust anyone," said Nathan.

"You could remind them that you aren't Jude Law," said Heli, smirking. She'd always known that as the young nanny she could never make them trust her.

"They want you to go away," said Nathan.

Heli stared at his face in the darkness.

"Do you want me to go away?" she asked softly.

Nathan turned over and casually wiped away the tear that had been threatening to spill out of his eye.

"I loved her," said Nathan eventually.

"I know," she whispered.

"I still love her."

Heli watched with resignation as he began to drift off to sleep, knowing she would get nothing more out of him, that deep down she didn't want to.

"Always will. Did she ever love me as much as I loved her?"

For an instant, Heli pitied him, wonderng if it was true and wondering if he'd ever be brave enough to face up to this truth in the daylight.


	31. Our Endless Numbered Days

Chapter Thirty-One: Our Endless Numbered Days

* * *

Author's note: So I decided to post tonight when I realized I hadn't in eleven days... Sorry about that. I havent' been writing lately, I'll try and catch up soon. Hope you enjoy this, I'll try and write a better one over hte weekend.

* * *

In the morning, as Jake had become accustomed to, he rolled over to put his arms around his fiance after they'd spread apart during the night. As his arms closed around air, he realized that she'd already arisen.

"Ry?" he called in surprise.

"In here," she called back.

"Why are you up already?" he asked, sitting across from her at the table.

"Wanted to get up before Jamie. Wedding stuff," she explained.

"Want to fill me in?" he asked. Ryan looked hesitant for a moment, as though weary of boring him, before her excitement overcame her.

"Okay. Brooke and Haley are going to be my bridesmaids, and I think we'll get Jamie to be the flower girl. And we're going to have it at our church, where Mom and Daddy got married. And I have a rough guest list and it's going to be something like a hundred, which isn't so big. And we went to the florist's yesterday and ordered flowers, and they're lilies and stuff and so pretty. And I was going to ask Nathan to give me away, and we picked out my dress and my veil, and... What?" she asked suspiciously, as she caught Jake looking at her, a smile playing around his lips.

"Nothing. I just don't remember ever seeing you look this happy," he said.

Ryan smiled and leaned over the table to kiss him.

"Trust me, baby. It doesn't have anything to do with the wedding."

* * *

Nathan walked confidently into work the next morning, his tears and laments of the previous night long forgotten. He smiled at the receptionist as his toes squeaked across the marble floor to the elevator.

His smile fell as he reached his own floor and saw Deb at her desk, a clearly distraught intern in front of her.

"What's the matter here?" he asked. He watched as the young girl's eyes slowly widened in surprise.

"Nothing, sir. I just... um, there was an article in the paper a few weeks ago, and it contained a vaguely unflattering representation of a local business figurehead. And now he's going to sue," she said, looking nervous.

"Well, so long as it isn't me that sounds fine. It happens all the time," he said comfortingly. She relaxed. "I'll call a lawyer, I'm sure we can settle."

The intern turned to go.

"Excuse me, you're going back downstairs? I have some papers that need to go in that direction, would you mind stepping in to my office?" he asked.

Deb raised her eyebrows skeptically as her attractive, wealthy, thirty-four year old recently seperated boss disappeared into his office with a pretty, freshly from university intern. She was not impressed, yet not overly surprised.

"What's your name?" he asked.

"Kathleen. Um, Katie. Katie Pritchard, sir," she said.

"Call me Nathan, Katie," he requested.

"Do you let all your interns call you by your first name, Nathan?" she asked teasingly.

"Do you tell all your bosses to call you Katie?" he asked.

"Maybe just the lucky ones," she suggested.

"Is that right?" he asked, handing her a folder. She let her fingers brush his.

"Yep. That's right."

Deb Lee watched the young girl go, seething in anger. Without bothering to knock, she entered Nathan's office and slammed the door behind her.

"What the hell are you trying to pull?" she demanded. Nathan looked up in surprise. In the many years they'd worked together they'd gradually become familiar, but he'd never seen an outburst such as this.

"What?"

"With that girl. Are you sleeping with her?"

"Wouldn't matter if I were," said Nathan sullenly.

"Of course it does," she said in exasperation.

"How? It's not like I have virtue to protect, or anyone to remain faithful to."

"Yeah. Sure. Say that about yourself. But what if she said the same? What if she really had gotten over you. Does that mean she has every right to sleep around? With Seamus, maybe? With Jake? Can't you just see it, Nathan? Don't you just picture it every night?" she asked, her eyes dark with anger.

"Why the hell do you even care?"

"You haven't figured it out yet?" Deb sighed as Nathan looked blankly like him. "I've been working here for years now. Eight, almost to the day. When I first started working with you, Haley was pregnant with Eve, but only just. I've seen you go through everything, Nathan. Your ups, your downs. The love you never knew how to express. And after all this, I know you. More than you know. And I love you. I love you like you were my own son, and not even you on your most pigheaded days can take that away from me. I'm watching out for you because in some way, in all the ways, you two need each other. You were made for each other. And you owe it to yourself not to mess that up."

Nathan stared silently at her for several long moments. She spoke again, a smile creeping onto her lips.

"And anyway, without Heli and I looking out for you, how could you handle it all?"

Nathan smiled at this.

"Thanks, Deb," he said, forgetting that only moments earlier he'd been fully planning on firing her.

"Anytime. Be the man she loves. She'll come around," promised Deb.

As Deb left, Nathan smiled to himself and remembered: their kiss on the bed in her apartment, her appearance at the formal. He had a chance. He knew that. Not a large one, but he knew that love like theirs could not just die. For a moment he allowed himself to glimpse his future with Haley, growing old with her.

Instinctively he grabbed the phone on his desk. He theorized that school had just ended for the girls, and that Haley would have just taken them back to her place. He dialed the number he'd memorized, ostensibly for the sole purpose of torturing himself.

"Hello? Hales?" he said, speaking as soon as the phone was picked up. There was silence for a long moment. Nathan imagined his wife preparing herself, taking a deep breath.

"Uh hang on a second, I'll get her," promised a voice. A voice Nathan recognized instantly. A voice that belonged to a man who'd loved his woman, a voice that belonged to a man who was a better man than he.

Nathan jumped up, walked swiftly to the elevator and then down three floors. He swiftly located Katie the Intern, and touched her elbow to alert her of his presence.

"Hey. Want to have dinner tonight?"


	32. Lying and Denying

Chapter Thirty-Two: Lying, Denying

* * *

Author's note: I'm trying to post regularly but I haven't gotten back into it yet. However I have a long weekend coming up, and I'll be able to hopefully get a few chapters done then. So here's the naley fix that all of you definitely deserve!

* * *

Haley looked up in surprise as she walked through the door with her youngest to find Seamus standing in the front hall, a bag by his feet.

"Where are you going?" she asked nervously.

"I have to go," he said.

"Why?"

"You've gotten used to me being here, Haley. I have my own family to go home to. And you have yours," he said.

"Did something happen?" she asked suspiciously.

"Nathan called here. I should get out of here. You guys have your own issues without him thinking I'm trying to get in the way." Seamus picked up the bag from his feet and smiled. "Take care of yourself, little girl."

Haley smiled briefly before throwing herself into his arms, remembering the good times they'd had, those which she'd so rarely given credit to.

"I'll miss you," she said honestly.

"Yeah. But you miss him more." Seamus firmly kissed the top of her blonde head, ruffled Kade's dark hair and left.

Haley watched Seamus go, much as Nathan had once watched her. Suddenly, without meaning to, she remembered.

**FLASHBACK**

_When Haley woke up in her bare, empty room, she listened for the sounds of her children, who always woke up before her and Nathan. She was surprised to hear nothing._

_Wrapping herself in a robe, one of the few things she hadn't packed, she wandered down to the kitchen to find Nathan, sitting at the counter, reading his newspaper. Frowning, she briefly wished she could turn and run, but he'd already seen her._

"_Where are the kids?" she asked._

"_Heli took them out for the day. I didn't think that it would be healthy for them to see their mother leave them," he said. Haley, who had been picking a mug from the cupboard, turned around to glare at him._

"_I'm not leaving them," she said empathetically._

"_Do you really think they'll see it in that way?" he asked._

"_I think they're children who don't understand the concept but will love me anyway," she said._

"_Keep telling yourself that."_

_Nathan turned back to his newspaper, and Haley glared at him for a few more moments, knowing he was dying for her to react, knowing she couldn't resist._

"_You know, you're unbelievable. What the hell are you trying to pull, anyway? Do you really think this is going to make me fall into your arms, turn everything backwards? How could this ever possibly work out? You forced me in to this. You had to know one day I'd turn away," she said angrily._

"_Find a new argument, lover. You could have left years ago, you chose to stay. Face it." He rose, and slowly walked toward her. "You love it. You're addicted to it. The feeling that I'm powerless with you, that you can get whatever you want with me. You're on top, and you love it. And somewhere inside you, you love me, too."_

_Haley opened her mouth to speak, but Nathan started her by grabbing her arms to stabilize her before crushing his lips on hers, opening her lips slowly, pulling her body into his. _

_His speech, on some level, was about love. His touch was all lust. Lust was the thing he trusted, trusted to keep her close to him. Love he could never rely on. Her love for him had never been obvious, but their lust for each other was evident still._

_For a moment, Nathan wondered about his chances. How much time he had before the car would come to take her away, how much more time it would buy him. Weeks, days, minutes. Would it be worth it?_

_He lifted her and pushed her back onto the counter so they were the same level. He felt her stiffen knowing that on some level, she was repulsed by what she was letting him do to her. _

_Her hands found strength and she pushed him away from her, breathing heavily, blinking slowly. _

"_It's over now," she said, telling herself, telling him. She looked down at her hands, avoided his eyes. _

_He touched his hand to her chin and directed her eyes into his. _

"_It'll never be over." Telling himself, telling her. _

_Haley pulled off her wedding ring and laid it on the counter beside her. She glanced down at her finger, the white indelible mark that lay there, before looking back up at him, bravely meeting his eyes._

"_Remember me all you want, Nathan Scott. I know you've always liked to torture yourself."_

_Her words washed over him like water. He reflected with surprise that it was now harder for them to hurt each other, as they'd both built up such strong walls against it. It was like these walls had meant to keep out the bad, but had ended up keeping out the good. _

_He followed her as she walked, out of the kitchen, through a short passageway into the main hall. He glanced around the hall, remembeing how she'd lit up this house. Remembering what it had been before, how desperately he'd wanted out. Was that what she felt now? When she left, would he feel it again? _

_He stared as she slowly opened the big oak door, looked back at him one last time. Noticed for an insant how very young she looked, standing in the doorway, light streaming around her, her blonde hair falling on her shoulders in waves. She hadn't changed. She'd never change._

"_What are you doing, Hales? What am I supposed to do without you?" he asked, sounding desperate and weak for the first time. She sighed, looked down. Briefly seemed to take in the sight of herself, dressed in designer clothing, her nails perfectly manicured. The perfect society wife, the image she'd so easily slipped in to. The answer came to her easily._

"_What you promised you never would. Let go of me." _

_She left, and he let her. He spent his day in his liquor cabinet and she spent it on the floor of her new apartment, wondering how she could expect such a thing of him while she sobbed her heart out._

Haley came out of her reverie with shock. It was a day she rarely let herself think about-she'd released herself for the purpose of making herself happier. So far, it hadn't happened.

She sunk to the floor against the wall, staring at the now closed wall. She'd told herself she'd wanted out, but it was too late. If she'd really wanted out, she could have escaped five years previously, could have never embroiled herself in the whole deal. She'd done it for her sister, who she hadn't seen in years. Taylor had brought her misery, joy, the first proclomation of love she'd ever made.

On the floor, being left, for the first time she knew she had made a mistake. And that it was far, far too late for her to do anything about it.


	33. Nobody Knows You

Chapter Thirty-Three: Nobody Knows You

"The whole night?" asked Heli in surprise. Nathan glanced over his shoulder at her.

"Yeah. That's pretty much the definition of "take the night off"," said Nathan.

"But..." Heli frowned. She didn't exactly resent it, but it did feel undeniably like she'd been constantly on duty for the Scotts, parents and children alike, for four years.

"You take vacations all the time, Heli. We're not exactly slave drivers here," he said. "I, I mean."

"I know. Just..." Her eyes narrowed suspiciously. "What are you doing, anyway?"

"Remind me to start looking for your replacement on Monday?" he asked her jokingly. She rolled her eyes but left agreeably.

Nathan looked at himself in the mirror and forced himself to look into his eyes. He knew he was lying to himself, but did the knowledge of this make it better?

* * *

Nathan felt ridiculous as his car stopped in front of a high rise apartment building, like a man playing at being a boy. His time was past. He wasn't like Haley, who'd married him when she was little more than a child. He'd married in the "right" time, and had no desire to recapture his youth, find what he'd lost. He knew exactly what he'd lost, and didn't have to look far. 

He was surpised by the interior of Katie Pritchard's apartment-he'd guessed her to be around twenty-five, near the age of Ryan and Haley, but her living style couldn't have been more different. She had two roommates. Clothing, empty beer bottles and takeout containers were scattered around the small living area. The girl who had answered the door for him was wearing pajama pants and a tank top and had smiled flirtatiously at him.

Katie appeared a moment later, dressed in a knee length denim skirt and a red sweater, her dark hair tied back. He smiled, relieved she did not look as young as he'd feared.

"Hey Nathan," she said happily. He smiled awkwardly. He hadn't done much of this in his lifetime. Davis had lived with him in a carefree yet somehow painful sexful state, none of his flings after her and before his marriage had amounted to anything. It seemed like forever since he'd picked up a girl from her house and taken her on an actual date. It occurred to him that if he and Haley had had more dates and less angst, things might have worked better for everyone.

"You look..."

Nathan was cut off, by a third roommate who wandered into the room and glanced curiously at him.

"Hey, aren't you married?" she asked curiously.

Nathan sighed and opened the door for Katie. Apparently, he had a long way to go before he could seize closure.

* * *

He smiled awkwardly when they reached the restaurant, unsure of whether or not to get out before her to help her out or whether to wait. He had done with Haley, but it was just one of the many routines they'd developed in their years together. Also it looked better on camera.

She solved his dilemna by sliding out easily, standing waiting on the sidewalk for a moment before he climbed out to join her.

"Do you have a reservation, Sir?" asked a young, harrassed looking waiter. Nathan smirked.

"Yeah. Davis, party of two?"

They were lead to their table, and Katie waited for the waiter to depart before laughing slightly.

"Davis? Any significence?"she asked in amusement.

"It's my brother's wife's maiden name."

"Ashamed to be seen with me, Mr. Davis?"she asked coyly.

"No. But there are definitely people out there who could make you embarrassed to walk outside in the mornings."

She nodded, digesting this. "So you are married, aren't you? What's the deal?"

"Going right for the heavy stuff, huh? I was married. I'm in the process of getting divorced." Kind of. Sort of. He didn't mention that he wasn't remotely planning on getting divorced, and that he was shamelessly using her. And that if his wife had happened to be out, doing the same thing, with Seamus maybe, he could have happily killed the man.

"Okay. That I can handle. And you have kids, don't you. Tell me about them."

This was a query he could respond to more easily.

"Three. Eve's seven, Nina's six, Kade's three,"he explained.

"That's a lot,"she commented.

"Not really. Eve came pretty soon after our marriage, Nina was the surprise and Kade was planned."

"That's his name? Kade?"

"Nathaniel Kaden Scott,"said his father proudly. She smiled slightly. "What about you? Do you want kids?"

"Maybe someday. Not today."

"Makes sense."

Katie stared at him as their drinks arrived.

"And your ex?"

"Haley?"Nathan swallowed, attempted to figure out how to answer her diplomatically. "We were in love. Now we're not. Happens."

"What, not at all? You never have trouble sleeping, or mourn the good old days, or lurk outside her apartment building?"

"Is this really what you want to be talking about on our first date?"asked Nathan.

"Of course. I do read US."

Nathan rolled his eyes and leaned back in his chair. As it turned out, she wasn't a Davis. So far she didn't scream of manipulation and sex obsession. She wasn't a Haley. No one was a Haley.

"Tell me about you. What do you do in your spare time?"

"I'm trying to be a journalist. And I love tennis, and Lost."

"Show's still on?" he asked in surprise.

"Yeah. There was an almost rescue, and Kate's pregnant again."

"Interesting."

"I think so. So do you have like fifty servants scurrying around all the time?"she asked in interest.

"No. Two. My kid's nanny, Heli, and there's a maid."

"No one ever worries about you being alone in the house with your kids nanny?"

"Oh, there are quite a few people I know who do nothing else."

She laughed appreciatively at this.

"A whole city full, maybe?"

* * *

He was ready, by the time they were in front of her apartment. Ready to wish her goodnight, say kindly that he'd like to take her out again sometimes, brush a feather soft kiss on her lips.

These things he was ready for. The actual things, the things that a first date was supposed to be about, he wasn't even remotely prepared for.


	34. Tell Me Your Secrets

Chapter Thirty-Four: Tell Me Your Secrets

Ryan rolled over and smiled in her sleep as she collided with a warm body, quickly moving swiftly from deep sleep to early morning consciousness.

"Good morning, Jake," she said happily, still relishing waking up next to him and being able to do this, hoping she always would.

"God, what are you, trying to cop a feel?"demanded a voice.

"Brooke?"

Ryan recoiled instantly and sat up instantly in bed.

"Is this a very weird dream?"

"No. And I know I'm the one hungover, so what's up with you?"

Ryan looked over to her other side to find her other sister in law, sleeping soundly, her arm thrown over a pillow as if she was used to something more solid to sleep by.

Ryan fell back on her pillows as she remembered her bachelorette party, remembering that she'd drunk nothing but had managed to have a good time anyway. Apparently not as good a time as the two of them.

Then she remembered another thing.

Today was her wedding night.

She sat up slowly and hugged her knees to her chest. After her ten years of painful longing, she certainly knew she deserved it. She felt her cheeks grow red in happiness, she shut her eyes tightly and let herself believe that her marriage would work where Haley's and Brooke's hadn't. How could it not? They'd had the slowest possible courtship in history. She'd come to know everything about him. It had to work.

"Where's Jamie?"she asked Brooke, who was still slightly more lucid than Haley.

"Deb took her, remember? God, where's your head today?"she demanded. Ryan frowned, but saw a smile creeping over her sister's face. Brooke sat up and threw herself at Ryan, knocking them both down onto the bed. She hugged her tightly, their cheeks pressed together, their arms locked together.

"I'm happy for you,"she whispered. Ryan was on the verge of detangling herself when another pair of arms wound around them.

"You deserve it,"agreed Haley. Ryan squeezed her shoulders reassuringly.

"You, too."

They broke apart and looked at each other, all smiling hugely. Ryan's hand fell to her stomach, where the smallest of bumps had begun to grow but would be concealed by her empire waist gown.

"You're playing this so by the book, girl. With an actual engagement and everything," said Brooke proudly.

"Yeah. And a ten year trial period, and a three year old kids and a pregnancy."

"And you wouldn't have it any other way," said Haley, reaching over to squeeze her hand again. Ryan both knew that they were remembering her and not him, and their days of his best friends. She wondered, briefly, what she had done to fall into their lives, how she had become so conclusively so part of a set, and how far she would go to keep them all together like they belonged.

"Do we have to go anywhere? Do anything?"asked Ryan after a slight pause.

"Please, you're a Scott, girlie. They come to us."

Ryan glanced at Brooke, who had spoken, and smiled slightly.

"But not for much longer."

* * *

Brooke and Haley kindly allowed Ryan to have first shower, and the hair dresses arrived while her hair was still wet and hanging down her shoulders, and Brooke was yelling at Haley for using the last of the hot water, and Deb had dropped off Jamie to get her own preperations done, and the girl had taken off her clothing and was streaking around the small apartment.

"You have beautiful hair," said the hairdresser, cheerfully ignoring the havoc in the small apartment.

"Thankyou,"said Ryan, smiling graciously.

"You know I would say shotgun wedding, but that would be an awfully slow bullet,"she said, nodding toward the blond child. Ryan smiled appreciatively.

"Don't tell,"she said, winking in the mirror.

"I have to say, I've been following your family for years. I know that sounds creepy, but you guys have always seemed so perfect. But last week I was reading about Nathan's new girlfriend, that Katie girl..."The hairdresser raised her eyebrows as Ryan went white, but Ryan instantly manufactured a smile, her Scott smile, the one that she had on reserve for anytime she had to stop being herself and start being her public face.

Ryan struggled to hide her worry as Haley appeared in the doorway, wrapped in a towel.

"We settled it. God, you look gorgeous Ry,"said Haley fondly. She nodded slightly, knowing the news wasn't enough to spoil her own joy, knowing it was enough to ruin everyone else's.

The four of them arrived at the church, fully made up and perfect. The three women smiled ruefully when they heard Heli, already inside the church, charged with the task of keeping all eight children who weren't in the wedding party out of trouble.

Ryan watched as her own daughter, three year old Jamie, pranced around the room wearing shiny black mary-janes and her designer dress, her curls tied back with a strip of fabric the same green as the sash of her mother's dress. She briefly considered that had she and Jake gone about her creation in less conventional methods, they might never have happened for real.

The three of them stared at Ryan's reflection in the mirror: her hair tied back, wisps of hairs dancing around her face, her shoulder length veil fastened, ready to cover her face entirely, her perfect and natural makeup. The simple yet elegant dress from Vera Wang with the green sash, the empire waist that made Ryan feel as if she was out of a Jane Austen novel. She stood, and in her short heels she towered over both Brooke and Haley.

Twirling a tendril of hair around her ring finger, admiring the sparkle of her engagement ring.

"All your life, every moment you've spent with him has led up to this one..." Haley locked eyes with her as she spoke. "Was it worth it?"

Ryan smiled, knowing that to them, who'd always been together in their souls, this was only a ceremony. "Yes. Every minute of it."

"Then,"said Brooke, plucking up her sister-in-law's bouqet from the vanity and handing it to her with a perfectly manicured hand, her own ring gleaming. "You are ready, my dear."

She leaned up to gently kiss her cheek and wrapped her arms around her one more time.

"I think I've always been."

She leaned down to pick up her daughter as Nathan entered the ring. The three girls smiled at him, one reluctantly. Ryan kissed Jamie's cheek before handing her off to Haley.

"You guys go. I'd like a moment with my brother."

Nathan stared at Ryan and not Haley, his eyes fixed on the girl he'd known and protected his entire life. She looked down demurely as the two others left.

"You're a real bastard, you know that?" she asked crossly once the door was closed again.

"What?"He watched in surprise as his sister changed swiftly from the beautiful woman on the happiest day of her life to his little sister, pissed off at him.

"You know that. Are you sleeping with your intern?"

Nathan laughed at this.

"You know me. I'm not giving up."

He squeezed her hand, gently.

"It's worth fighting for."

She rolled her eyes as he carefully lifted her veil over her eyes and put out his arm for her to take.

Both watched as Jamie began her way down the aisle, throwing out rose pedals in fistfuls and then Brooke and then Haley, smiling bravely. The music grew more dramatic as Nathan and Ryan made their entrance.

She watched for details: Lucas, standing by Jake as his best man, the rest of the family in the first two rows. Many, many other rows of friends and relatives. The church, adorned with white roses accented with green leaves.

Jake. A rose in his own bottonhole, wearing a tux but not bothered by it, Jake looking at her in the way she knew he always would. Looking at her and into her and through her, consuming her whole. She didn't care that Jamie stumbled briefly and lost her footing, that Bailey was whimpering slightly for her mother, that Nathan's gaze was as often on Haley as it was proudly on her.

Haley and Brooke arranged themselves on the steps when they arrived, Jamie clung to her Aunt Haley's hand. Ryan smiled at her brother as he lifted the veil back over her face and kissed her cheek.

Her hand slid into Jake's, and she squeezed his tightly. She took a deep breath and smiled softly at him. Her pulse quickened as he smiled back. She remembered how long she had tortured herself with thoughts of this day, how many days she'd wished so desperately for him to wish for it too.

He thought he loved her more than she loved him. She thought she loved him more than he loved her. It created a good balance.

Both forced their gazes away from each other and turned their eyes to their officiator as he spoke.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today..."


	35. Hearts on Fire

Chapter Thirty-Five: Hearts on Fire

Nathan glanced at Haley as Jake leaned down and kissed his wife. Her gaze was on them as well, and only skimmed over him for a moment. He glanced at Brooke, who was wiping a tear from her eye and sighing with something like relief.

Ryan wrapped her arms around his neck as his moved to her waist, pulling her closer, disregarding the church full of spectators, several of whom were taking pictures that they would later sell on eBay.

"With the power vested in me by the state of New York, I now pronounce you husband and wife," came a voice over the clamour. Ryan smiled tearfully as Jamie ran for her mother, and Jake lifted her onto her shoulders in one smooth movement. Jake glanced down at Ryan and lifted his daughter back to the floor a moment later, and kissed his new wife again.

"What was that for?" she asked in a whisper.

"We couldn't have Jamie getting all the attention. Anyway, you're pretty much equally adorable," he promised. He kissed her swiftly on her nose before they clasped hands and began their way down the aisle, their new rings shining, pendemonium around them, followed immediately by Jamie with her now empty basket of rose petals and then Brooke and Lucas, with Haley and Nathan bringing up the rear, harmonious for once.

Ryan and Jake burst out of the church to a crowd waiting on the steps, flashes blinding them. They clutched hands as they made their way down the steps, stopping only once to kiss for a photo-op. Jake let his hand slide onto her abdomen, hoping they'd wonder, hoping they'd speculate. Right then, he wanted the whole world to know.

As soon as they detached they ran for the waiting car, smiling at the disappointed faces of the photographers as they disappeared behind tinted windows.

Jake's hands curved around her lower back, feeling her waist through her wedding dress. She leaned down to kiss him, the feeling still new and exciting, yet loving and tender. Really they hadn't done much of this. Constant activity in the last few months, but before that only a handful of times in the last ten years. Even during the times when they'd both wanted to. Badly.

After their reception in the Plaze they'd gotten a hotel room, planning to let Jamie spend the night with Haley or Brooke. They went up before their reception, knowing they had time to kill before making their entrance.

"I like the dress,"he said as she twirled around in it, still giddy.

"You don't look so bad yourself."

She looked admiringly at his Versace tux, still disbelieving that he'd just married _her_. It had required a lot of waiting. She was twenty-six, had had one child out of wedlock and had suffered countless heartaches. And she'd knowingly gotten herself into it all at seventeen, when she'd lost her heart to Jake Jagielski.

"We have to go."

She tilted her face upward, looked up the few inches that seperated them as she spoke. He touched her face gently, as if it was a fragile.

"I don't want to."

She let her eyes slide closed and waited for him to kiss her.

"Me neither."

* * *

"And for the first time, I now present to you Mr. and Mrs. Jacob Jagielski!" came a voice excitedly from the stage. Ryan smiled at Brooke, who was up there with Haley.

As Ryan happily twirled around the dance floor in her new husband's arms, she reflected that dozens of digital cameras were probably taking covert photographs, which they would sell on eBay in the morning. She didn't care. She'd give them out for free.

More couples joined them on the dance floor-Brooke and Lucas, Nina and Eve. Nathan stepped in and twirled Ryan away, watching as Haley replaced his sister's place in Jake's arms.

His eyes just barely made it over his sister's blonde head. His sister who luckily, in her expectant state, was wearing low heels and not the stilettos that the rest of her bridal party was wearing. He became a pair of eyes, watching the love of his life whirl around in another man's arms.

Later, with Jake again, Ryan watched in worry as Nathan continued to stare at Haley, sullenly now at the edge of the dance floor. He'd danced with her, Brooke and his two daughters, but his eyes had never left his wife.

"Something bad is about to..." began Ryan, as Nathan moved onto the floor, where Haley was dancing amicably with Deb Lee's son.

Ryan rolled her eyes and let her focus slide back to Jake.

"May I have this dance?"asked Nathan curtly, sliding his hand around Haley's lower arm. The man looked nervous at the intervention of his mother's boss, and backed off quickly. Haley rolled her eyes as he pulled her into him. The song changed to a slower one and he took her opportunity to move in closer, rearranging her arms so they looped around his neck and letting his own fall to her lower back.

"Let go of me, this is so not the time," she hissed in an angry whisper.

"What, you going to cause a scene?"he murmured back, his lips grazing her blonde hair as he spoke. Haley glared resentfully up at him, knowing she had no right to divert attention to herself.

"We could have had this, Hales. We still could. Like the big white dress?"he asked.

"I have three kids, Nate. Hardly appropriate."

His hand slid down further still, feeling the curve of her waist in her bridesmaid gown.

"I wouldn't complain."

Haley reached back and calmly raised his hand, knowing he wouldn't willingly let her go, yet that she was not entirely powerless.

"I would."

He kissed her lightly as the song finished and he reluctantly let her go, a brush on her lips enough to send her off balance, reeling as he walked calmly off toward Kade and Heli.

After the cake, and the exchanging toasts, and the tossing of her boquet (Haley had joined the crowd of unmarried women purely to piss off Nathan and had ended up catching it, purely on reflex, which had ended up pissing off herself most of all), hours of dancing and eventually loading asleep and half asleep children into assorted company cars, Jake and Ryan left to return to their own home.

Jake easily swept Ryan into his arms to walk her over the threshold of their apartment, and let her down reluctantly in the middle of the main room. He kissed her deeply on the lips, and reached into a drawer behind him.

"What are you getting? It's not like we need condoms,"she teased. He rolled his eyes and pulled out a paper document, which he handed to her. "What's this?"

"Don't know if you know, but the landlord's decided to sell,"he said simply. She raised her eyebrows, looking vaguely concerned before she unfurled the papers to find not one deed, but two.

"What?" she asked in disbelief. "I thought we were going to get a townhouse?"

"I knew you didn't want to. This is even better. Look, we can take out the seperating wall and have five bedrooms. Four if we want to expand outs into Jamie's. It's enough for all of us, and a bigger living space. We can even tear out the other kitchen and do something with it. And when Jamie grows up, she's not going to want to share a bathroom with us. We could even make a seperate dining room. And that one's on the corner so it has all that light, and even a small balcony. We can move Jamie into one of the new rooms, and the twins can sleep in her old one, and even Leigh can have one all to herself," said Jake. He took a deep breath. "Is it okay?"

She leaned up and kissed him again.

"More than okay. It is what I wanted. I don't think we were made for the Upper East side, my love."

He lifted her into his arms again, and headed toward their bedroom door. He reflected in a brief instant that Peyton had slept there with him, that Ryan had, but now, for the first time, it was theirs.


	36. With All Your Hopes Gone

Chapter Thirty-Six: With All Your Hopes Gone

Brooke smiled down at her latest child, Bailey, singing softly in a desperate attempt to get the child back to sleep. The two of the other younger ones were already asleep, and Devon and Hayden were being occupied by a nanny (the latest in a long string of nannies). As soon as she got finnicky Bailey to sleep, she planned on going to her ensuite bathroom and soaking in a bahtub until Lucas got home. She surpressed the groan of frustration that rose to her lips as the front door slammed open. She had been looking forward to an afternoon by herself-they were few and far between. As if, as she sometimes thought to herself, he was over compensating for something.

Lifting her daughter onto her hip and smiling slightly when she realized that the girl had grown and could now lift up her head, she ran downstairs as Lucas began to call for them. She shushed him in annoyance before reaching the bottom of the stairs, but upon the site that greeted her her mouth dropped open in shock and no more sound passed through her lips.

"What is that?"she demanded after a short pause, looking in amazement at the grin on his still youthful face.

"It's a dog. Springer spaniel, to be accurate. Like it?"

Brooke smiled reluctantly, and handed Bailey off to Lucas before crouching down to run her hand through the small dog's fur. "You bought a dog."

"It's our anniversary tomorrow. And you were just saying last week that..."He stopped when he saw that she was smiling. "Do you like it?"

Her dimples flashed again, and he felt relief at seeing her smile, the carefree one that he'd seen so many times before and always relished the sight of. "Yeah. I love it. DEV! HAYDEN! GET DOWN HERE!"she called excitedly.

"Where are the others?"he asked, bouncing Bailey on his hip with ease. Brooke smiled, still occasionally surprised at what a capable parent he'd become. How'd he'd done all of it with her, learning new things every step of the way, never faulting in his duty or his desire to be their father first and foremost. Brooke's smiled deepened as nine year old Devon and eight year old Hayden ran down the stairs. Devon, in a perfect yet altered copy of his father, was preppy, reasonably well groomed and blonde, and would clearly be a beautiful jock when he grew older, playing a sport like football or lacrosse with tennis on the side, and dating cheerleaders and the homecoming queen. Hayden was younger but almost as tall and fulfilled the rebel personna: dark hair carefully jelled into spikes in the morning, baggy jeans, and a smile so like his mother's that it often detracted from the bad guy image he aspired to. He looked nothing like his father, and Brooke was glad so often that he'd come after Devon and not before. Devon's birth had solved so much.

"You got us a dog?"asked Hayden in excitement, leaping down thelast three steps. Lucas smiled at them and mouthed "you" to Brooke, knowing she'd know what he meant.

"Yeah. His name is Finn, and he's just a few months old,"explained Lucas, as the two boys crouched down to the same height as the dog. The nanny, a nervous looking brunette girl who always seemed nervous to be embroiled in the lives of the infamous Scott and constnatly desiring not to be Heli MacDonald, follwed reluctantly.

"Jenna," said Lucas, remembering her name just in time, "Why don't you take the boys out for a walk?"

She smiled and ushered the boys silently toward the closet.

After they had gone, Lucas turned back to his wife and wrapped a hand around her waist to pull her in closer.

"I can't wait for tomorrow,"he whispered into her ear.

"_I can_," said Brooke's concsience, tugging guilitly at her. She manufactured a smile. "Me neither, it's going to be great."

She eagerly twirled out of his embrace when the doorbell rang.

"That must be Haley. I promised her we'd take Jamie today," she called over her shoulder. Lucas raised his eyebrows.

"Funny, I thought Jamie had parents of her own," he said, referring as to how often Brooke and Haley had relieved Jake and Ryan of their child in the past weeks they'd been together.

"Funny boy. They deserve it."

Brooke opened the door to discover that it was only a courier, wanting her to sign a package. She promptly did so and handed it off to her husband, recognizing at once that it was from Nathan or someone else at the office.

He dropped it on the table and bounced Bailey on his hip again as she rifled through the rest of the letters: a bill, a magazine subscription, a posctard from a society friend who was on "vacation" in Switzerland. Only the bottom letter was a personal one, adressed to her husband in a vaguely familiar script.

"I have to look at these. Here," he said briefly, handing Bailey back to Brooke. She watched him go, knowing that he meant to indicate her that he was going to look at the package. But the letter was on top, and clearly the only thing on his mind. Including her. Including their ten year anniversary. Ten years. 520 weeks. 3650 days. 5, 256, 000 minutes.

Not that she'd been counting or anything.

The boys returend with Finn the Springer Spaniel, who was assigned a corner of the family room and promplty fell asleep. Zoë and Connor woke up, were instructed to stay away from it and spent the entire evening running over to check whether or not he was still asleep.

Brooke cooked for her six children, her frustration growing throughout the entire evening as Lucas didn't stir from his office. After she and the nanny had between them gotten all of her children to sleep, she realized, unoquivocally, that she had had enough.

Glancing down at the form fitting knit sweater and blue jeans she was wearing, she wondered if it was the appropriate minute to ask the question that could result in one of the first make or break moments of their marriage in years. But glancing toward his closed door and feeling a fresh wave of hurt wash over her, she knew she couldn't wait any more moments.

He looked up in surprise and smiled on reflex before his annoyance had time to set in. He was happy to see her, he always had been.

"Hey..."

Her eyes ran over his blonde hair, his blue eyes.

"Tell me, Lucas," she said simply, her own eyes boring into his.


	37. Hang On

Chapter Thirty-Seven: Hang On

* * *

Author's note: Sorry for leaving you guys hanging like that. Make sure that you've read the chapter before this one, I know reviews have been down.

* * *

Lucas stared at her for several long moments. It was silent. The old, solidly built house affectively blocked out all sound of traffic from the street. Of the children, Bailey was the only who didn't sleep the whole night, but even she wouldn't be up for a few hours. The dog, confused and weary, had barely awoken.

It was just them, and he had no way out.

"Tell me, Lucas," said Brooke firmly. Lucas sighed and raised his eyes to the ceiling.

"I have another kid."

"What?" she asked, looking horrified for a moment. He moved toward her.

"Before we got married," he promised. She raised an eyebrow and stepped away from his invading arms.

"You were supposed to be the good one," she whispered.

"I thought Jake was."

Brooke rolled her eyes.

"Brooke, I..."

"Don't, Lucas. I can't believe this is happening. I was always the bad one, you know? I slept with Mouth, I flirted with Chris. And you always forgave me. Because you were a gentleman. And all along, I let you be better than me. I let myself feel lucky that you were still in love with me, that you'd always loved me, even when I didn't deserve it. I loved you in return, because I was compelled to, and I was certain you deserved to, beucause I owed it to you. And now I find out that all along, you were the bad one, Luke. Not because you cheated, or because I did, or because you kept a secret. Because you let me feel like less than I was, even though all along, you knew I was more."

Lucas watched as tears began to spill out of her eyes, reluctantly as she obviously tried to hold them back. Part of him couldn't believe this was happening, that their four year good stretch was coming to and end. That somehow, horrifyingly, every word she'd said so far was true.

"And I gave up everything for you! I mean I became _this_. I'm Brooke Scott, and not a single person out there knows who I am, or what I care about, or what my last name was! From before I turned ten I knew I wanted to marry when I was twenty-six, have one kid, a girl, seven years later after I was all partied out and my figure didn't matter any more. Retire young, live fabulous with lots of nannies. How the hell did I end up here?" she demanded. He watched helplessly as her life around her fell apart.

"I love you," he said desperately. She shook her head in impatience.

"God, you think I don't know that? I wish you'd just stop. I want to leave you, Lucas Scott. I did when I thought you were having an affair and I still do. I want to leave you and take your children and your money and your life until you have nothing, but I can't, can I?"

She turned and began to walk steadily toward the door, throwing her long dark hair over her shoulder, already taller and stronger.

Lucas was only two steps behind her. She gasped in surprise as his hand closed around her wrist and he pulled her sharply toward him.

"You're just going to leave?" he asked.

"You're not leaving me much of a choice," she said. She attempted to pull her wrist away, but his grip didn't waver.

He grabbed her other wrist in his other hand, and pulled her into him. She let out a noise of disbelief as his grip stayed firm while she struggled to break his grip. He held tigehter as her struggle grew, stronger, more desperate, until she collapsed, sobbing into his arms, hating her traitorous body for letting her feel so comforted there.

He held her gratefully, treasuring it as he never had before.

She pulled away before she had fully sobbed away her fear, knowing if she let it out it would never stop.

"Tell me everything, Lucas," she said eventually.

* * *

They sat on opposite ends of the same couch. Brooke started off facing outward but realized quickly that it would help to watch him as he tried to save their marriage. She turned around to face him and crossed her legs onto the sofa. 

"When?" she said eventually.

"When I left you to go back to LA. After you and Mouth had..." Ironic, she thought bitterly. For so long, she'd thought that the opposite thing had happened, that she'd been knocked up on an accidental one night stand. She resented him briefly, because his was so much easier to hide.

"I met a woman at a party. It was a one time thing, I realized afterward that it wasn't what I wanted. I wanted you. I always will, Brooke."

Brooks shivered, glad she was sitting sufficiently far away that he couldn't reach out to touch her.

"The mother told me only after she was born. It was around the same time as Devon's. She didn't want me to be a part of the child's life. It's only recently that she asked. I've beeb emailing the kid, and I visited a while ago," he confessed.

"San Diego," mumbled Brooke under her breath.

"What?"

"The kid? What's it's name?" asked Brooke, ignoring him.

"Marina Alexis," said Lucas. Brooke sighed, asking the question she dreaded.

"Marina Alexis what?"

"Scott," he admitted, knowing inherently that this would hurt her more than the rest.


	38. No One Ever Said It Would Be This Hard

Chapter Thirty-Eight: Nobody Said It Would Be This Hard

* * *

Author's note: Just to answer a few general questions I've been getting: This story is looking to be shorter than AWR, about 80 chapters. Which puts us at about halfway through. For a list of the ages of the kids (all of them) you can look at chapter um... 112, I think, of AWR. And as for the queries on whether or not brucas will break up, come on, people. Have a little faith.

* * *

"I'm taking the kids to the movies," said Lucas.

Brooke slowly turned away from the window, where she'd been watching the rain fall down from the sky and onto the busy grey street, splashing in puddles and sliding down windshields.

"Have fun," she said, her voice oddly detached.

"Want to come?" he asked hopefully.

"No, you seem to have much more fun without me," she said coolly. He nodded and left silently.

Brooke wrapped the silken night gown she was wearing tigher around her body. She knew she should change into actual clothing, shower, be less pathetic, but it didn't seem quite worth it. She knew the best alternative.

"Hales?" she asked when her call had gone through, her voice small and broken.

"Brooke? Sweetie what's wrong?" she asked in surprise.

"Can you come over here? I kind of need you," she said.

"Of course. I'll drop the kids at Nathan's and be over as soon as I can," she promised.

"Is Ry still on her honeymoon?" asked Brooke.

"I dropped Jamie off there this morning, so I think we're good. I'll swing by there on the way, okay?" she asked. Brooke nodded, and realized only afterwards that Haley wouldn't hear it through the phone.

* * *

Brooke ran down the stairs when she saw a company car pull up on the curb, smiling gratefully when her two sister-in-laws arrived, bearing ice cream and tequila. She threw herself at Haley, sending the shorter girl off balance as she threw her arms around her neck. 

"What's wrong babe?" asked Ryan worriedly. Brooke detached herself from Haley and stepped back to look at them both. She briefly let her hand fall to Ryan's stomach and looked at the optimistic glow of hope and newfound happiness in her eyes.

"Come on. We're going to need all that," said Brooke, leading them upstairs to her bedroom.

* * *

"Wow." 

Ryan Scott was the first to speak. She looked between her two sisters, faces so different but wraught with such similar tragedy. She cautiously leaned forward and took her hand.

"Are you going to be okay?" asked Haley. Brooke shrugged.

"I have to be. It's not like I can just leave him. We can't just give up on it. I wouldn't do that. Not to my children, or to me," she said. Haley looked down guiltily. Brooke glanced up at her, immediately realizing her error. "I didn't mean you. That's different."

Haley smiled, letting it slide as she might have otherwise not.

"What a pig," said Ryan vehemently, surprising both of them. Haley would have suspected Ryan to side with her family, but she knew that the long years of marriage had made the two of them family to her, as well.

"How old is she?" asked Haley softly, her curiosity getting the better of her.

"About nine," said Brooke. Devon's age.

Ryan looked down, shame evident on her face. Somhow it seemed traitorous, to feel so indescribably happy while her two best friends were both so miserable. Unwilling to bring it up, to let them comfort her, she molified herself with the memories of being so miserable for so many years before. She banished this thought instantly, realizing that she wasn't the one who deserved comfort just then.

"So Lucas has seven kids. That's insane," said Haley in disbelief. Brooke sent her a scathing look, but said nothing. She'd added up her husband's children many times in the last twenty-four hours, and had come up with seven every time. It was not much of a novelty any more.

"All this time I thought he was cheating on me. And you now what the worst thing is? I feel like I'm being petty, somehow. Like I don't have the right to think like this, to be this angry, because I did the same thing."

"You didn't," said Ryan instantly, her loyalty instantly triggered. Brooke smiled slightly.

"It turned out I didn't, but it could so easily have turned out that I had. I mean that's why he went. He never would have left if I hadn't slept with Mouth. Things would have turned out so differently," said Brooke.

"No they wouldn't. You were pregnant," said Haley softly.

"I know. God, how am I supposed to explain this? To my kids? Devon? Everyone we've ever met, who's eyes are constantly on us? When this gets out..." said Brooke, shuddering.

"You'll stand by him, and people can speculate all they want. We'll get through this," promised Ryan.

"What would you do, in my place?" asked Brooke. Her question was ostensibly aimed at both, but Ryan knew her newlywed opinion would not be valued. Haley shrugged and looked down.

"Honestly? What I'm already trying to do."

* * *

Hours later Lucas returned home with their six kids and Haley and Ryan left, frostily ignoring him on their way. Haley stopped on her way home outside of Nathan's house to cry her heart out, and Ryan went home to Jake. 

"What was the crisis?" he asked softly, when she came in the door. She smiled to see him waiting for her on the couch, flipping aimlessly through channels.

"Lucas has a love child," she said briefly. He nodded, holding back questions with difficulty as she sat on his lap. "If you ever do anything stupid tell me, okay? So we can fix it before I start to suspect you and get all bitter?"

He pulled her in to him and she rested her head on his chest, staring into the darkness.

"I love you," he said eventually.

"Well I knew _that, _stupid."

After he was silent for another moment, she spoke up again.

"I'm going to change my name," she said.

"Okay. If that's what you want."

"It is."

Ryan tilted up her head to kiss him, and he kissed back, knowing she was vulnerable and needed it. And as she and her husband slowly made love to each other, another woman across town and tried to sleep, knowing she could never love her own man in the same way again.


	39. Not Up To Me, Not Up To You

Chapter Thirty-Nine: Not Up To Me, Not Up To You

Nathan looked up in surprise as the doorbell rang. He had no reason to be surprised, as he got more visitors than he expected most of the time, but on a day without his children he expected silence all the time.

He waited a moment for Heli's footsteps before getting up himself, folding his newspaper onto the coffee table and tossing his reading glasses on top of it.

"Haley?" he said in surprise, when his ex-wife appeared in the doorway with their three children in tow. He studied her face briefly, recognizing almost instantly the pain etched in it. "What's wrong?"

"Don't know exactly. Brooke has some kind of drama, Ryan and I are going down to take care of her. Can you take them? Is it okay?" she asked, sounding anxious. He nodded slowly, feeling several steps behind.

"Yeah, of course. Take as long as you need," he heard himself say. She smiled, and went onto her tippy-toes to briefly put her arms around his neck and squeeze gently. She detached herself immediately but he could feel the ghost of her touch for many minutes more.

Nathan led the three of them into the house and sat them down in front of a video before wandering upstairs. By the time he reached Heli's room, he realized he was looking for her.

Taking her open door as an invitation, he walked in. A moment later he remembered that while Heli was his children's nanny and a friend in her own right, she was one other thing: a fully grown women.

"Fuck, sorry," he said in alarm, backing out immediately. She blushed and covered herself immediately with the shirt she'd been pulling over her head. He blinked slowly, briefly remembering her satin covered breasts with surprise. He'd more or less forgotten that Heli was almost Haley's age.

"It's okay. I'll close next time," she said. He noticed, as he hadn't before, that she'd pulled a tank top on over her bra that skimmed fairly low across her chest. "Something up?"

"Kids are here. Haley just dropped them off."

"Why?" asked Heli, grabbing a hairbrush from her dresser and beginning to pull it through her long dark hair.

"Don't know."

A moment later, he realized that he had little to say. Only that Haley's embrace had been entirely platonic. It occurred to him for what could have been the first time, that he might have actually lost her. She was perfecting her divorcee act, and he was falling behind.

"Is that all?" she asked, looking confused. Wondering, probably, why her employer had wandered into her bedroom to see her half naked and then to inform her of something she'd gathered when the doorbell had rung.

"Yeah. Sorry to interrupt. If you'd been planning on taking the evening off you can go," he said graciously.

"That's okay. I'll stay," she said, her voice softer. Her eyes widened, and she suddenly looked innocent, more childlike. It worked. He easily threw away the image of her, replacing it with the current one, the only he could deal with, and smiled a friendly, slightly condescending smile.

She hadn't planned on him walking in on her, but she hadn't minded. Not exactly.

* * *

His amicable mood continued all night while he looked after his children with Heli and wondered vaguely what was wrong with Brooke. Probably some drama with Lucas that would blow over by tomorrow. He wasn't worried. 

And continued while he went to sleep in his wide, empty bed and woke up in it to Kade at six in the morning, deciding it was time to wake up. As he fed them fruit loops and Heli wandered down in her pajamas, taking over briefly to give him time to go get the newspaper.

In addition to his New York Times there was an US Weekly, stuffed into his letterbox. He raised his eyebrows in surprise: it was not a magazine he got regularly. He looked down to the right hand corner to realize that it had come us a prescription, but that the tag had been ripped off.

He pressed on his answering machine while he picked up the magazine up from the table in surprise. Haley's voice filled the room:

"Hey Nathan, thanks for getting the kids last night, I really appreciated. Do you think you could call me later on? I really need to..."

Nathan picked up the phone immediately and punched a memorized number into it. He held it nervously as it rang, still staring down at the magazine in shock.

"Hello?" said a female voice, sounding groggy and disoriented.

Nathan waited a few moments, as if in the depths of his mind, knowing he was making a choice he could not go back from.

"Hey, Katie..?"

* * *

Katie Pritchard looked surprised even in the evening, over twelve hours after getting asked out for her third date with Nathan. She'd half expected not to get a call from Nathan, whom she suspected followed the third date rule and was still more than half in love with his ex-wife. 

They met at a small, intimate Italian restaurant. He took her hand and held it on the table. She noted immediately that he was nervous, and noticed second that he was slightly unshaven, and looked sexy and distinctly un bosslike.

"You okay?" she asked in concern, not for the first time. She noticed the waitress eye him in interest, and wondered vaguely if it was too early to call him her boyfriend. The thought flew out of her head the next minute as her gaze flicked back to Nathan in concern.

"I'm fine."

Their meal progressed, filled with small talk and the sound of chewing. She blushed as he smiled at her, wondering if he really loved his wife, if he'd ever cheated on her like so many other businessmen she knew of did. She forced herself to forget that this was all but cheating on his wife, because he was still married. Even if he had told her he was getting a divorce.

"You want desert? I kind of want to get out of here," he said. She nodded, smiling slightly.

He'd taken his own car that night, without the driver. She looked sideways at him when they stopped at his townhouse. He looked forward impassively, waiting for her to speak.

"Well," she said slowly, looking at the outline of his profile in the darkness. "Are you going to invite me in or what?"

* * *

Nathan and Katie lay amongst the sheets of a guest bed later, avoiding each others gazes. Nathan, in the last few months, had managed to forget what sex with Haley, the only woman he'd ever loved had been like: personal, passionate. This had been a shadow of that. Only a physical, detached, selfish experience on both sides. Katie was no Haley, and had more experience. But it wasn't what he was looking for. 

He looked sideways at her, stretched out on the bed, scantily covered by the thin linen bed sheet. He stood up to grab a guest robe from the door, and wrapped it over himself.

"You should leave," he said eventually. "I'm sorry."


	40. Everywhere I Go

Chapter Forty: Everywhere I Go

_Dear Lucas,_

_I would rather leave without the note. Disappear off the face off the earth, doesn't it sound nice? You had to know it was coming._

_I'm getting ahead of myself. I did in high school, too. I never once got a good mark on an essay-my intros were never well thought out, I was all over the map. It was messy. Hard. Like this is. Like all of this has always been._

_When I'd known you for a month, you'd fallen in love with me. When I'd known you for two, you'd married me. It wasn't even a big thing, it was just how we did things, diving straight into them. We still do, you know? I think we planned out Bailey about a half an hour before I conceived her._

_It was mean of me to accuse you of loving me. I loved you, too. Maybe not like you did, maybe not as early, but it was there. Everyone noticed, how I hadn't opened up to anyone since Mouth. How you changed me. You saved me, Lucas Scott._

_You're still saving me, or trying to. Mouth was never saving me. Our love was younger, more pure somehow. Had he lived, maybe everything would have been different, maybe nothing had._

_Did she offer herself to you? When you asked me to marry you, knowing the possibility that I was carrying another man's child, did she ask it of you, knowing she was carrying your own? I can see her. She's probably beautiful. Like all of ours have been. _

_I have to admit, I never really saw us stopping. Devon is half grown up. It won't be long until Bailey is a woman. I wish I could stop it, I wish I could stop us. _

_Part of me can't help but wonder if you really are Lucas, or if you can be a Nathan-chase after me, know that we're meant for each other. It's all Haley wants, the assurance. I don't know if I want the same._

_I always believed you were a better man than you brother, even than you're sister's husband. _

_I suppose it's wrong for me to say that Mouth was my first love, because he wasn't. Haley and Jake were my first love, I always imagined they'd stay that way. But I gave them up. Our relationship relied on our love for each other, the three of us couldn't stand the other loves that threatened to tear us apart._

_Getting back to us. You've made a better father than I ever could have imagined, Lucas Scott. You've loved me more powerfully than anyone has ever done. I love you, I always have. But I can't stay with you._

_Brooke Davis_

Lucas looked up in amazement from the letter on the table, his mind reeling. He'd recognized the curly script as soon as he'd walked in, and instantly known exactly what it would say.

He buried his face in his hands, resisting the overwhelming urge to get drunk and forget it all. At that moment it seemed ideal.

In the next moment, as reality dawned on him and his life began to swirl around his head, he knew he couldn't.

* * *

"_LUCAS EUGENE SCOTT!"_

_Lucas started with surprise when Brooke's voice came to him and the five month old baby, Devon, abruptly started to cry. He shook his head slightly to clear it, trying to think of something unforgiveable that he possibly could have done to deserve her wrath lately. Scooping up his young son from the bassinette in the living room, he ran to the source of her voice, in the bathroom._

"_Yes, Brooke Penelope Scott?" he asked. She scowled at him and held up the small plastic device in her hand. He stared at it for a long moment before he realized what it was._

"_Pregnant?" he asked. She nodded, looking equally angry and terrified._

"_This isn't supposed to happen, Lucas. I mean I gave birth to that one under six months ago. I'm still breast feeding, I'm still huge..." _

_Lucas walked toward her and took her in his arms as best as he could and kissed her forehead firmly._

"_You look great, and we can handle this," he promised. _

"_How? I haven't had a full night of sleep in six months, I'm not speaking with my best friend, my brother is currenly sleeping with every available woman in Manhatten. I need to handle their messes, I don't have any time for my own."_

"_Hey," he said reprovingly, tilting up her chin to meet his eyes. "This is not a mess. And anyway, it wouldn't be yours. It's ours. Our baby, Brooke."_

* * *

Lucas snapped out of his reverie and his eyes went to the framed portrait on the wall, of him, Devon, Hayden and Connor, in the days before Zoë and Bailey. Lucas' arm was around Brooke and she was smiling her dimpled smile, playing the part of the perfect society wife. 

As his eyes remained on the portrait, fascinated by the image of happiness, his mind drifted to another memory, one much less dear in his mind.

* * *

"_You know, you look sexy when you cook," said Lucas, watching as Brooke prepared lunch for their son, who was crawling underfoot._

"_This is not cooking, this is sandwiches," she said firmly. She turned slightly, and he saw her long dark hair fly through the air before he met her hazel eyes and her hand feel to the bump on her stomach._

"_Still sexy," he promised. He walked to her and his own hand landed beside hers, and both smiled as they felt a kick._

"_He's been doing that all day," she complained._

"_Don't lie, you love being pregnant," he accused._

"_Shut up."_

_Lucas kissed her lightly as his phone rang, and he fished it out of his pocket and answered it._

"_Hello?"_

_Brooke didn't notice in the change in his face when a familiar voice answered it, and wasn't fazed when he left the room abruptly._

"_What is it?" he asked urgently._

"_I've been reading the tabloids. Your wife's having another baby?" she asked._

"_What do you want?" he demanded._

"_What, you can't guess? What kind of soap opera star are you? Thought you'd have figured it out a long time ago," said the voice sarcastically._

"_Please..."_

"_Money. I want money to raise my kid with, and if I get it, I'll never let the world know that I have your daughter. That I can promise."_

* * *

What had started out as a one night stand had become the biggest mistake he'd ever made and then become, eventually, just a check he sent out every month. It had pained him for years to not know his child, but eventually the child had ceased to exist to him. Until years later, when her mother changed her tune and decided that the girl needed a father. 

Lucas grabbed his cell phone from a side table and jumped up, running as fast as he could toward the door. He knew he couldn't fix things, just as much as he knew he'd never forgive herself if he didn't try.


	41. We Break, We Bend

Chapter Forty-One: We Break We Bend

It has been three days.

Three days since he'd come the closest he'd ever come to cheating on his wife. Three days since he'd seen her picture in a magazine, been torn apart with jealousy and had felt the instant need to get her out of his head. Three days since the first day he'd been certain his marriage was over.

Heli knew, he was certain, but hadn't said anything, as was her way. Everyone else who would instantly have guessed-Lucas, Brooke, Jake, Ryan, was so occupied with Lucas' mess that Nathan's was left behind. For the first time since Haley had left him all the attention wasn't on them, and for the first time since they'd stopped being Nathan and Haley, he'd become Nathan and someone else entirely.

"Mr. Scott, mail's here," came a voice. He looked up to see Heli, walking in unannounced carrying a stack of mail piled on top of another magazine. He realized in surprise that she'd called him "Mr. Scott", something she hadn't bothered to do in years.

His hands went immediately for the magazine, knowing instantly it contained bad news. He was correct. He looked at the images of himself, of Haley, of Seamus and of Katie with horror on his face, realizing slowly that Haley and everyone else he loved would never, ever forgive him.

* * *

Haley smiled at her eldest daughter as she entered her bedroom, clad in her flannel nightie, her long dark hair hanging down her back. She was wet from her bath and looked to Haley more innocent and perfect than she did on most days. 

Haley patted her bed beside her.

"Do you want me to brush your hair sweetie?" she asked. Eve shook her head vehemently and Haley raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Okay then, I won't. Going for a new look?"

With a closer look at her daughter, Haley realized in surprise that her face was wet for more reasons than just the bath water.

"Baby what's wrong?"

Eve Scott shook her head angrily.

"You think I don't know, don't you? You thought you could just move away and not tell us anything and none of us would even notice? You were a little bit right. Kade and Nina just accept it. I'm older now, Mommy."

Haley crawled out of her bed and went to sit on the edge of it. She reached out to touch her daughter, but Eve moved away.

"It's so easy for them! Daddy loves Kade best and Nina looks just like you and they don't even notice anything! Like Daddy has a girlfriend, and how you don't love Daddy anymore."

Haley pulled her daughter's relutcant body into her lap and held her as she began to shake with sobs.

"And if you loved us, even a little bit, wouldn't it be worth it, to stay together?"

Haley firmly kissed the top of her head, and smoothed her wet dark curls.

"For one thing baby, I know you know, and I know it's hard. For another thing, don't for one moment think I, or your daddy, or anyone loves Kade and Nina better than we love you. And Eve..." Eve tiled her head back to look at her mother, her piercing blue eyes startling her into complete honesty. "I will always, always be in love with your father."

* * *

Haley's good mood lasted as she tucked her daughter into bed and wandered into the main room, as she thought idly of calling Nathan and then reprovingly of calling Brooke to let her friend obsess. A smile still graced her face as she picked up the latest issue of US Weekly and was still there, fixed in horror, as she realized why she and her husband were on the cover, and why they were not their alone. 

Her hands flipped open the magazine, and flew to the bold headers:

**TRUTH REVEALED!**

"_He's leaving her, even if she doesn't know it yet."_

"_His lawyers are already working on the divorce!"_

"_They tried for a while, but neither of them could stay faithful."_

Haley's eyes widened in disbelief as she saw the face of the young attractive woman who openly admitted to telling the magazine everything she knew. And hinted, just as openly that she, Katie Pritchard, some intern who didn't even matter, was at the root cause of it.

Haley saw a reference to another cover spread, one she hadn't bothered to pay attention to. The one that featured her and Seamus all over the city during their short period of innocent co-existence. She'd known Nathan would see it, but hadn't bothered to confirm the truth. She'd never imagined it would lead to this. A large part of her still couldn't believe it. Haley slowly sank down to the floor, her mind racing. She'd never heard anything so ridiculous. Nathan loved her, Nathan wanted her. Nathan had never let her go. Nathan had once promised he never would.

"Haley?" came a voice. Haley looked up to see her tall, blonde, slightly pregnant sister-in-law look down at her in concern. Ryan bent awkwardly to hug her as Haley began to quietly sob. "Do you need anything?"

"Yeah. Stay here with my kids, I have to go out now," she said. Ryan caught her sister-in-law's hand as she rose slowly.

"Don't, give it time," she suggested. Haley shook her off.

"I can't. I have to make it over, Ryan."

By the time Haley was being driven around the city in her car, she looked perfect again. Her tears were dry, her makeup was back in place. She was her perfect society self, but only skin deep. She hadn't the faintest idea of what she was going to say, of why she was even going.

It was late by the time she arrived, and all the photographers who had been waiting by the Scott house the whole day in desperate attempt to get "morning after" photos of Nathan had cleared off. She ran up the stairs and used her key to get in.

She walked swiftly to his study, her eyes firmly ahead of her and not the walls, avoiding all the picturs of her and her family, all the touches she'd put in place to make it their home.

He looked up at she barged into his office, looking hesitant but not surprised.

"I thought I'd be seeing you," he said, his voice almost dismissive.

"Guess you were right."

She stared at him, willing words to come to her.

"Did you do it?" she asked quietly. He stared down at his hands.

"You know I did it, Hales. You also know why."

"Don't you "Hales" me. And don't you try and pretend that this is my fault," she said angrily.

"I saw the pictures. Everyone saw the pictures. Did you think I could stand it? Did you think I could look at him and you together and just go on with my life? I can't. It makes me sick, the idea of his hands on you, the idea of him even being near you. I can't stand it, Haley."

"So this is what you do, to make up for it?" she asked softly, refusing to quench his doubts, tell him it was all fabrication. Refusing to let him know how much he'd hurt her.

"Did it hurt you?" he asked, his voice mild. She shook her head in despair and turned to exit the room.

"What's the matter with you? We broke up, you were fairly emphatic about that," said Nathan, catching up with Haley and grabbing her arm to stop her movements.

"Don't give me that," she said angrily.

"Why not? Is it because I was your first, Hales?"

His grip tightened on her forearm.

"I would have done it differently, you know? I was selfish. I wanted you too badly, I just wanted it to be over. Or to start. I would do it different now. I would have waited until you were ready, and we would have done it right. Slower. I'd have done everything that you should have had, that Seamus would have given you. I'd have lighted candles. I'd go slow. I'd start off by kissing you." His mouth was close to her ear, and she found herself incapable of blocking out his words. "When we were ready, I'd have lifted you onto the bed, and moving my hands slowly down your body. Then taken off my shirt, and yours. I would have touched you, not just taken it all for myself. I would have looked after you before even thinking of myself. Then we would have gotten there. I would have kissed you one more time, just to make sure you were still okay. I would have entered you, slowly, stopping whenever you felt pain. When you were ready I would have gone faster, and we'd feel it together. I'd pull out of you and then go onto the bed beside you and pull you in to me so I could feel you all night and you could be with me, both of us feeling more complete than we ever had before."

His lips grazed her ear before he took her chin in his hands and jerked her face to his. He kissed her possessively, his tongue finding his way past her lips, his arms pulling her in to him when her muscles relaxed and her stance weakened.

A moment later she had torn herself angrily out of his arms, and had backed off before he could touch her and pull her back in again, knowing she didn't have the strength to keep away.

"That's not why, Nathan. It's because we weren't over. Not even close. And now..." She made it to the door and looked back, her long blonde hair flying through the air. "Now we are."


	42. Back to Start

Chapter Forty-Two: Back To Start

The crowds at the airport were dense, and Lucas knew she knew better than to fly on a private Scott jet. He scanned the crowds, knowing he'd know her in an instant.

She'd never looked so alone, sitting in a chair with her purse in her lap, her hands tightly gripping the handle. Lucas ran.

"Brooke!" he called. She stood up sharply, looking at him in disbelief.

"How did you know I was here?" she demanded.

"Because I've been married to you for ten years. Because I needed to find you. And because you took a company car, pretty girl," he said.

"Joseph ratted me out?" she asked, referring to their driver.

"Joseph ratted you out. What are you doing here?" he asked gently. She turned away from him and began to walk, and he shouted after her desperately.

"She's almost ten years old. Her mothed told me she was pregnant a month after you did. All she wanted was money, she wouldn't let me be a part of her life. I knew I couldn't change her mind, so I let her not be a part of my life. I'd known her mother for years, and I had a one night stand with her when I was in LA trying to get over you," he said. Brooke turned around, and he saw the tears leaking out of her eyes.

"Ten years ago I could have forgiven you. But now..." He ran to catch up with her and took her hands in his.

"You have to forgive me, Brooke. You have to. This can't be over, it just can't," he said passionately.

"I can't handle this," she said.

"You can. We've come too far."

As she attempted to hold back a sob, she forced words out of her mouth one more time.

"It doesn't bother you, that the only reason I would forgive you was for your kids? Not because of us, Lucas. Us, as we were, is over now."

"I thought you would leave me then. I couldn't handle it. I still can't."

"It should have been her. You would have, wouldn't you? Married her, out of honour?" she demanded. Lucas looked around to notice that everyone in the crowded airport was slowly realizing that they were Scotts, having a very public fight. He took her elbow and pulled her into a more secluded corner.

"Not if it would have kept me from you," he promised. She looked up in to his eyes, needing to believe him.

"I can't be that girl, Lucas. That girl who forgives her boyfriend anything just because she can't be alone. I can't just pretend like it never happened."

"I'm not asking you to."

Brooke's mind was already racing ahead, imaging the next steps they'd have to take: they day he would introduce her to his daughter, the day that the press would find out and have a field day, the day, even after all these, when eventually she'd be forced to meet the child's mother. Part of her new that it wasn't the now she couldn't handle, it was the after now.

* * *

"Eve?"

Heli MacDonald offered her easy smile to her young charge as she walked past her bedroom, a basket of laundry under her arm.

"Hey Heli."

Heli stared into the darkness, her eyes blinking rapidly to adjust and find Eve in the midst of it.

"You okay sweetie?"

Her eyes finally found Eve, sitting on the far edge of her bed in her school uniform, her knees drawn up to her chest. Heli dropped her laundry and walked to sit beside her.

"I'm fine, Heli," said Eve exasperatedly, in her best exasperated voice. Heli dropped onto the bed beside her.

"I know you're fine. You're always fine, right?" she looked sideways at her and smiled.

"Right."

They sat in silence for a while. Heli noticed slowly that although Eve's hair was still curling over her shoulders, her knee highs were pulled up, her skirt bore it's straight pleats and her black Mary-Janes were shining, her face was distraught and matched none of these things.

"Look I'm not going to say I understand what you're going through, because I don't. I can't begin to imagine how hard this is for you."

Eve nodded, digesting this, still not allowing her face to show her emotions and give her away.

"She's selfish," said Eve.

Heli bit back the answer that came to her instantly: _Yes._

"It's hard for her. Loving him has never been easy."

Eve rolled her eyes.

"I know you feel like you have to be a grownup, Evie. But you don't. You have to wait for them to straighten our their own mess, because they will," said Heli empathetically.

"I'm too young to feel like this," said Eve, finally inching toward her.

"I know you do."

"How old were you when you started to grow up?"

Heli laughed as a memory drifted toward her.

"Fifteen. The night of my fifteenth birthday actually, my quinceañera. Do you know what that is?" Eve shook her head. "My Mother was from Puerto Rico, and when I turned fifteen she wanted me to have a birthday party like she'd had, where according to her culture she'd become a woman. So I did. It was one of the best nights in my life. I danced with my father and then with Steven Reyes, who was my first boyfriend. And I guess it was just a cultural thing, and you can't really judge someone by dates that are just set out, but it really changed me."

Eve nodded. "I hate Mommy's new apartment."

Heli smiled slightly.

"Yeah. That's fairly justafiable."

* * *

Brooke sat in the far corner of the limo, away from Lucas. Avoiding his eyes and running from her thoughts.

"We can see a counsellor."

She shook her head, wishing he'd stop talking and let her be alone. He persisted:

"We could go to the Hamptons until things settle down."

He was quiet for longer, searching for something. Then it came, his final attempt:

"We could begin again."


	43. Reason to Live

Chapter Forty-Three: Reason to Live

* * *

This chapter is totally random, doesn't have much point and I don't totally know where it came from. And thanks to Amanda, who loves her jyan and loved Seamus when everyone was all distrustful.

* * *

Nathan dropped the society section of his newspaper in disgust upon discovering that Brooke and Lucas' marriage was failing, that Ryan wasn't actually pregnant and had only said so that Jake would marry her, that Nathan was having an affair and that Leigh had been kicked out of her sister's house.

It was surprising, he reflected, how many of these were true or had the possibility of being so.

His eyes flicked to the intercom on his desk and he wished briefly that Deb would come in to interrupt him with mail so that he could pretend to be annoyed with her for it, or that Lucas would wander in to obsess over the state of his marriage. Anything was preferable to sitting at his own desk and thinking about his own life.

A moment later, his desire was almost answered.

"Mr. Scott, there's an Amanda Foster here to see you?" came Deb's voice through the intercom. Nathan raised his eyebrows, his curiosity piqued, and decided it was at least enough to take a four minutes break from work.

"Send her in," he instructed.

A moment later a tall, dark haired girl had entered. When she turned away from the door to face him, Nathan noted that she was pregnant. He stood with a smile.

"Ms. Foster? I'm Nathan Scott," he said. Her eyes swept up and down him in an analyzation.

"You don't know who I am, do you?" she asked. He frowned slightly.

"Can't say I do."

She smiled slightly, revealing sparkling white teeth and a twinkle in her eyes.

"I'm Seamus' wife, Nathan."

If she had been looking for surprise, she would have been disappointed. Nathan nodded and smiled again, this time more awkwardly.

"May I ask what you're doing here, Mrs. Foster?" he asked.

"To tell you that my husband is not, and never has, slept with your wife," she said.

"You're aware that they lived together in her apartment?"

"Of course. I sent him. Some of us have more faith in our loved ones, Mr. Scott," she said.

"You're that worried about the state of my marriage?"

"Seamus is. Haley was his first love, I can respect that. He's a good man. According to him, a better man than you are."

"I'm not going to touch on that one, but what are you supposed to prove? Is seeing you supposed to shock me into laying off Seamus and trusting her for once? I've always known about you, just like Seamus has always known about me. It's not that simple," he said.

"It could be. Do you mind if I sit? Back's killing me," she said. Nathan walked over to the other side of his desk to pull out a leather chair.

He sat across from her, taking her in in interest. She looked nothing like Haley, he noted in surprise. Amanda Foster, whatever else she was, was no replacement. If Seamus had loved Haley, he had gotten over her.

"I have to say, I'm surprised you're taking my being here so well."

"I don't have a problem with Seamus. The only time we ever even came into conflict was over Ryan, not even over Haley," said Nathan simply.

"I remember, he told me all about it. Haley didn't break Seamus, Nathan. He stayed far away from her while he was getting over her, and now he has."

"Why did you send him to her?"

"Because she was all alone. Even if it was voluntary."

Nathan was silent, his tongue restful after the constant quips they'd sent each other in the last few minutes. He folded and unfolded his hands.

"Nathan, I know being here is not my place, but I couldn't help myself. And as far as I can tell, you two need to stop blaming each other. You started things badly, she ended things badly. It sucks but it's life, and both of you have to fix it. And now, having completely butted in where I don't belong, I'm going to leave," she said.

"Good, I think. Nice to meet you, Amanda. It's been somewhat surreal," he said, shaking her hand. She smiled.

"Well, it's not every day you get to meet the wife of your wife's ex-boyfriend and have her lecture your on your relationship, but I figured you deserved it."

"Lucky me."

"Lucky you. I'll show myself out."

Nathan watched her leave, a slight smile flickering. He knew he needed more people in his life telling him to drop the pity party, he was almost glad to find he probably had another one.

He wondered if had the situation been reversed, he would go see Seamus to fix his marriage. Probably not. With a sigh, he added it to the list of attributes that made Seamus a better man than him.

Mentally he began anohter list, and began to count up where he and Haley had gone wrong. Most of them belonged to him, until he reached the stages of their marriage where she'd contantly been in brat mode. Amanda had been right, they were fairly even. Up until now, when his tryst with Katie had knocked the balance in her favour and taken him out of the running.


	44. Times May Change Me

Chapter Forty-Four: Times May Change Me

Nathan turned off the television in irritation, annoyed with himself and angry at the world. In the old days, he'd never imagined that he'd miss noise so much. His kids, especially in the mornings, when he'd wanted to sleep and in the evenings, when he'd wanted alone time with his wife, had often driven him crazy. Now he could sleep as long as he wanted, but never had the opportunity of alone time and resented the quiet more than he thought possible.

Half expecting Heli, Nathan realized before he turned around that the footsteps that entered the room were too heavy to be hers, and that it was someone else entirely. He realized who it was and turned around, grateful for the distraction.

"Hey man," he said. Lucas smiled slightly at his older brother, looking sheepish.

"Got any beer?" he asked.

"You came all the way over here for beer?" questioned Nathan skeptically.

"Yeah. Brooke's still breastfeeding."

Lucas laughed as Nathan wrinkled his face in disgust.

"Come on. Our wives may be model gorgeous, but it doesn't mean they're not real people," he said. A moment later, at the swiftly changing look on Nathan's face, he seemed to regret his comment. "Sorry."

"No problem. My wife is model-gorgeous."

Lucas frowned as he twisted open the cap of his beer and dropped onto a chair. While Nathan's comment was true in theory, in reality it was somewhat creepy and entirely false.

Both of them stared silently at the television, silenced. Nathan was unerved that Lucas was without Brooke, Lucas was vaguely annoyed that Nathan was still referring to Haley as his wife, as if they lived together, as if it wasn't over.

Another voice chimed into his head at that moment: Brooke's. _They're not over. They're not over._ While he was entirely in the Haley camp, loyalty forced him to his brother's side.

"So. You have another kid," said Nathan abruptly.

"So. You slept with an intern."

They glanced sideways at each other, gauging their reactions. They both spoke again, in the same instant:

"You first."

Nathan laughed, sending the two of them into a short, easy silence. Appreciating his brother's honesty, he slowly began to speak.

"It was insane. I didn't know how much I'd learned from Haley. I didn't know how much I missed her until I found myself alone with Katie, having taken back everything I'd ever wanted in exchange for a quick lay with some women who I couldn't ever love."

"Dude, you're such a girl," said Lucas dispairingly.

"Shut up. Your turn."

"Fine. I was young, it was LA, my girlfriend had cheated on me and I needed to get even somehow. So I did, I forgot until it mattered again."

"You forgot? She was your kid," said Nathan in disbelief.

"No she wasn't. Her mother wouldn't let her be my kid."

Nathan was silenced, surprised as ever when their conversation suddenly became deep and meaningful, completely at a loss at to what to say to his brother.

"Why didn't she... get rid of it?" he asked carefully. Lucas scoffed.

"What, and miss the golden opportunity?"

"So you have six kids. That's so... Captain Von Trapp of you. Or maybe Flava Flav," suggested Nathan. Lucas laughed dryly.

"Guess so."

Nathan smiled slightly thinking of how strange it was, that months previously they'd been Brooke and Lucas, ridiculously happy, with their large, perfect family and how now Lucas was the father of a love child, with Brooke on the verge of leaving him.

"You know," said Nathan suddenly, feeling guilty that his brother had revealed so much and himself so little. "Haley always uses to make analogies about us. Not when I was listening, but I heard. Maybe she made sure I heard, I don't know. She used to compare us to couples. Said we were like Angel and Buffy, who were always supposed to be together but could never make it work. Or like Pacey and Joey because they got together in the end even though nobody thought they would. Jack and Kate, who ended up together after all that stuff with that other guy, because everyone knew they were really soul mates all along and the whole thing was just drawn out and kind of ridiculous."

Lucas raised his eyebrows skeptically.

"And?"

"And I'm sure Brooke is still making analogies for you, too," said Nathan comfortingly.

"Dude, that's so lame," said Lucas dispairingly.

"You've been married for ten years. You can't afford to _not_ be lame."

* * *

Lucas waited until he spoke of other things, things that mattered more than the game and what kind of pizza they were planning to order before he spoke again, wanting to get a real answer and knowing it was unlikely.

"Is Heli here?" he asked abruptly. He frowned. It was not what he had meant to say.

"No, Heli is not here. No, I am not sleeping with Heli. I really need to get a t-shirt made, don't it?" Lucas smirked.

"Sorry. What I meant to say is how is it with Haley?" he asked.

"They do have similar names. Fine. Same, I guess."

"You still trying?"

Nathan looked up and stared at his brother for a long moment.

"Seriously?"

"Seriously. Hard to tell some days."

Nathan took a deep breath.

"The thing is," began Nathan, struggling for words. "It's over. It's over, but I'm not over her. I'm never going to be over her. She's a bitch, she's never loved me in the way I love her, she's going to go out of her way to torture me until the day I die. But she's the mother of my children and she's the love of my life. She's my Haley."

Lucas half smiled, wishing that his brother could be more like this more of the time, and less of the huge ass that he was in reality. It would make things so much easier for all of them.

"Hey, stop overthinking this. At least I'm not the one planting his seed in single young women," said Nathan, dodging the blow that Lucas aimed at his head.


	45. Every Little Things Gonna Tear You Apart

Chapter Forty-Five: Every Little Things Going To Tear You Apart

"You know you don't have to do this."

Lucas was staring anxiously at his wife, who was reapplying her lipstick.

"Of course I have to do this. She's your daughter, Lucas. It has to happen sooner or later."

"Well then how about later?"

As Brooke straightened up, Lucas saw she was dressed to impress, in vaguely intimidating designer clothing. Her long dark hair was straightened, and while normally wandered around the house barefoot, she was now wearing heels.

"Look the kids are all washed, the car's already waiting to take you to the airport to pick her up. She's nine, Lucas. Is she really all that scary?"

Not waiting for an answer, she abruptly walked out of the room to check on her kids. Or, alternately, to hang over the nanny's shoulder to make sure that _she _was doing it right.

"Dev, you almost ready? She's going to be here in an hour, sweetie," she said, poking her head in his door. Her eldest son nodded, and she smiled before running off to check on the baby as she started to scream.

Bailey Ana Scott was now five months old and was beginning to sit up and grow blonde curly hair like many of her siblings, but right then her normally small red mouth was wide open and wailing. Brooke frowned and went to pick up her daughter, holding her close to her and smiling when she child tucked her head into the groove of her neck. She slowly rubbed her back in attempt to calm her. She sighed in irritation as the doorbell rang, not wanting to have to deal with guests when there was only an hour before Marina would arrive. She slipped out of her shoes and walked as quickly as she dared to the front door, still holding her daughter to her chest.

Hoping desperately that it was not a member of the press or a society wife who would be on the other side of the door to judge her, her baby pressed to her chest, her feet bare, but she knew her chances weren't good.

Her eyes flicked downward a moment after she'd opened the door. The person on the other side was not normal person height.

"Hello?" she questioned, shifting Bailey slightly.

The child continued to stare in silence. Brooke swiftly absorbed her, from the shiny Mary-Jakes on her feet to the jean skirt and pink sweater, setting off her blonde hair perfectly.

It wasn't until a moment later that their eyes met again, and they realized.

"Oh my God, you're Marina. I'm so sorry, we weren't expecting you. Come in, is that all you have?" she asked, akwardly relieving her of the bag she carried and dropping it on the floor.

"That's okay. Who's that?" she asked. After a moment, Brooke realized she was referring to her Bailey.

"This is my youngest daughter, Bailey. Um, your sister."

She nodded, absorbing this, as heavy footsteps came down the stairs.

"Hey kid, you're early," he said. He familiarly leaned down to give her a brief hug and to kiss the top of her head, and she cracked her first smile of the day. "You've already met Bailey? And my wife, Brooke?"

Her eyes slid to Brooke, who instantly became aware that she wasn't wearing shoes. And in the next instant, became aware that the child was a perfect carbon of her copy, something that neither of her own girls had pulled off.

"It's nice to meet you," said Brooke kindly. Marina nodded and smiled. "I thought your mother was coming?"

"She promised she would. Later," explained Marina quietly. They stared at each other, drinking in their appearences. Brooke wondered briefly if she looked anything like the girl's mother. Marina wondered about how much this woman hated her already.

"Do you want to meet everyone?" asked Lucas gently. Marina nodded hesitantly and Brooke watched, trying to be touched as he took her hand in his and led her upstairs, when really all she could feel was hurt.

It was hard for Devon, who seemed to realize that Marina's birthday fell within weeks of his, but the rest of the children accepted the weak explanation. Brooke settled her into one of the guest rooms and then wondered in a panic if she should have made more of an effort to make it kid friendly.

"That's all, I think. Feeling overwhelmed?" asked Brooke sympathetically, after doing her best to give groudning to her husband's daughter.

"I'm okay. Having a bit of trouble with names, though," she admitted.

"I'm not surprised. Devon is the eldest, he's almost ten. Then there's Hayden, who's nine, then Connor, who's three, then Zoë, who is one and a half, and Bailey, who's the baby. Don't worry, it'll come to you," promised Brooke.

Marina smiled slightly and dropped onto the bed. Brooke cautiously sat beside her.

"Why don't you tell me about yourself?" she suggested.

"I'm nine. Almost ten. Last year I won a scholarship to this school near Boston, and-"

Brooke cut her off.

"Wait, you go to boarding school? Seriously?" she demanded, guilt gnawing at her.

"Yeah, I do now."

Brooke nodded, attempting to mask her surprise.

"So you won a scholarship. You must be smart," she said.

"I guess. What about you?" asked Marina. Brooke realized that she hadn't yet been called by her name.

"I have five kids. Don't have much time for a life," she admitted.

"And I pretty much known everything else. I mean, who doesn't?"

"Comes with being a Scott," she said easily.

A moment later, she regretted her comment. Here was a Scott girl who had spent her life in obscurity, without a father. She stood hurriedly.

"See you tomorrow. Maybe you can meet more of the family," she suggested, leaving quickly.

Outside in the hall, she sank to the ground and placed her cheek on her knee. This, as she had long suspected, would be far from easy.


	46. Fields of Gold

Chapter Forty-Six: Fields of Gold

Jake surpressed the groan of irritation that rose to his lips as he awoke to find his bed empty, Ryan nowhere to be seen. It was becoming a routine for them, Ryan awakening early, him rushing to the bathroom to hold back her hair. He didn't remember her having this much morning sickness with Jamie. Then of course, she was now carrying twice the load.

"Wake me up next time," he said dispairingly as he walked into the bathroom to find her sitting on the cold tile next to the toilet. She sighed, looking dispirited with her lack of energy, the drama in their lives and with the gaping whole of the wall of their living room.

"It's okay. One of us needs to be awake for Jamie," said Ryan.

"Jamie's fine. She could win an award for being fine. I'm much more worried about you," he said.

"Come on. Brooke's done this five times."

"Yeah, but never two at once. Oh, you need to...?" he jumped up as she leaned toward the toilet, her face suddenly slack. He gathered her long blonde hair into his hands and tried to look away while she lost the contents of her stomach to the toilet bowl.

After managing to convince Ryan back to bed, Jake went to go wake Jamie and set about making breakfast for the two of them.

A moment later, when another person entered the room, he was briefly certain that it was Ryan: her footsteps sounded the same, something about her aura was similar. Then Jake noted that she was wearing perfume, and didn't have the familiar smell of Ryan's moisturizer and the slight lemony tang of her shampoo, something he had grown used to having on his sheets.

"Leigh?" he guessed, before turning around.

Leigh had been absent for over a month, since just after the engagement. She'd been impossible to find for the wedding, and had not attended. Jake had been half expecting to never see her again. A fact which made him vaguely unhappy, after the lukewarm bonding they'd had together during her last visit.

"Hey, Mr. Ryan. Apparently being a Daddy suits you," she said. He noticed that she was wearing jeans and a simple top with her long hair down, and looked disturbingly like Ryan on a day at home.

"Ryan? Could you get in here?" called Jake. Ryan came running, her feet bare, dressed in a pair of her own boxer shorts and one of his sweaters, baggy on her. She halted in disbelief before throwing her arms around her, unable to resist the temptation to. This was Leigh, her sister, the first of her soulmates.

"Remind me to kill you later for missing your wedding," instructed Ryan sternly, showing off her ring when Leigh indicated that she wanted to see it.

"Don't worry, I'm sure you'll remember."

Jake rolled his eyes. For how long Leigh left, no matter how often, after hse came back her and Ryan could always find common ground and stop hating each other, at least for a little while. He didn't possess the same quality.

Later, Leigh and Ryan left Jake behind with the baby to go shopping, citing a desperate need of bonding time and new shoes.

Ryan turned sideways in the mirror to look at her pregnancy bump, frowning slightly. Just like it had been predicted, she was growing faster and larger. She expected it would keep happening.

Leigh wandered in her bra and a pair of jeans, and Ryan swiftly analyzed her flat stomach and toned abs. A fairly accurate mirror of her own body when she wasn't carrying two babies.

"You're growing," commented Leigh mildly. Ryan smiled, surprised at her sister's candor.

"Yes."

"Do you know what it is yet?" asked Leigh.

Ryan looked down guiltily, trying to remember exactly when it had been that Ryan had left.

"They. They, silly. A boy and a girl."

"Wow. That's..."

"Insane, I know."

"Not what I was going to say," countered Leigh instantly.

"Liar."

"Maybe a little."

Leigh smiled as her big sister pulled a high waisted tank top over head, one that didn't hide her extra weight but someone made it obviously a pregnancy and not just a few extra pounds.

"The look suits you," she admitted.

"Maybe it'll look good on you someday, too?" suggested Ryan lightly. She glanced at her sister-despite the sprinkling of freckles on her own nose, and the eyes, they could have passed for twins themselves.

"Not yet."

Ryan smiled, willing to accept this. At least she was home, she considered. It was better than nothing.

Ryan cringed slightly when the two of them left, two hours later, Leigh dragged down with shopping bags with her driver carrying the rest, that neither of them would allow her to take.

"This is amazing. We've got _skills_," said Ryan in disbelief.

"_Mad_ skills," agreed Leigh, laughing. Ryan looped an arm around her sister's waist and hoped she could convince Jake to let her stay with them, especially now that their apartment was expanding. It wasn't a fight she knew how to fight because she didn't know why she wanted Leigh to stay, but it was a connection she missed more than she let on.


	47. Not Heaven I'm Pining For

Chapter Forty-Seven: Not Heaven I'm Pining For

"Can she go home? I don't think we can handle that right now," stated Jake. Ryan glanced at him over her shoulder, blonde hair flying, and gave him her best puppy-dog look.

"She's family," said Ryan.

"Everyone in New York is her family. She could stay with Brooke and Lucas. Nathan. Haley, even. Why is she always with us?" he demanded.

"Would _you_ want to stay with them? Say hello to the angst, please. Come on, I'll make it worth your while," she said, sauntering over to him and linking her hands around his neck flirtatiously. Hoping against hope that she looked hot and vuluptuous and not just pregnant.

"When you put it that way..." Jake trailed off and his eyes widened in alarm as she dropped her arms from his neck and encircled her pregnant stomach. He grasped her arms as she closed and opened her eyes several times and he saw his whole life slip away from him.

"Ryan?" he said desperately. She looked up, saw his alarm, and surprised him with a smile.

"Calm down. Here," she said, grabbing his hand and placing it on her stomach. His hand relaxed as he felt a gentle kick against it. Her hand joined his.

"Who do you think it is?" he asked. Ryan considered.

"Definitely her. She's fiestier," she said with certainty.

"Wonder where she gets it from," he said, wonder in his voice. He pulled her back in to him and hugged her tightly. "I cannot tell you how glad I am that we did this that night, Ryan Jagielski," he said.

"I just wish you'd stopped being an idiot sooner," she said.

She frowned slightly when he said nothing. She hadn't realized she'd been looking for an affirmation.

"What?" he asked, when she stiffened in his arms and pulled away.

"Don't you?" she demanded.

"What?" he asked in disbelief. "You're asking me to pretend Peyton never existed? Damn, you are hormonal."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"What I said. That I was in love with her. And she's not exactly a threat to you," said Jake.

Ryan stepped back and crossed her arms over her pregnant stomach, glaring at him.

"You know I _was_ just joking," she said crossly. Jake sighed and ran his hands through his short hair.

"No you weren't."

Briefly, Ryan wished that they had taken a more normal route-dating, lovemaking, eventual engagement. She almost wished that they hadn't had all that time to get to know each other, to understand every look in each other's eyes. They'd waited too long, a fact which was alternately a blessing and a curse.

"Peyton's a nightmare ex-girlfriend. She was beautiful and your first love. Your first time. Everything," she said.

"Peyton wasn't my first," he said instinctively. A moment later, when the astonishment grew on her face and she stepped back even further, he realized that this possible wasn't the brightest thing he could possibly have said.

"Okay, so apparently we're having the discussion," she said.

"How long's it going to take?" he asked challengingly.

"Fine. Before we had our first time, I was with my boyfriend in high school while we were together, and then at a party in my junior year with a guy I'd been vaguely flirting with to distract myself from you," she said.

"I..."

"Oh, you thought I was done? Come on, neither of us waited faithfully," she said dispairingly, knowng she'd regret her words in the morning, knowing they were not her own.

"You were discreet," he said, as the meaning slowly hit him. That while they'd lived togther, after he'd had her, she'd had other times of her own.

"I'm sure you were too," she said.

"None that meant anything to me," he promised.

"What, you and Peyton never had a "one last night"? Even I don't believe that, Jake," she said.

"No, we didn't. Peyton and I never had a first night, either. I lost my virginity in my sophomore year to my then girlfriend. I had three more girlfriends during high school, several more that never mattered again. Then Peyton, then, eventually, you," he said.

A moment later, another face flashed through his mind: dark hair, dark eyes, full, pouting lips: Davis. He wondered if she knew.

"What?" she asked, knowing instantly.

"The summer before freshman year of NYU, when Nathan and Lucas and..."

Ryan stared at him as his speech halted, as he tried to form the words.

"Davis. Can't say I'm surprised," she said.

"What? You..."

"I mean everyone has. Both my brothers, most of their friends. Why not you, too?" she asked rhetorically.

"It was one time," he said, as if it made a difference.

"How? How could you have done that?"

"She wanted to mess with me and Peyton. And I... was young," he explained.

"And stupid, apparently."

"Stop. This has nothing to do with us. I didn't know you. For God's sake, Ry, it was almost ten years ago," he said.

"We've talked about Davis thousands of times. About our hatred of her, about what she did to Peyton, to everyone we love. You couldn't find an opportunity to bring it up in any of those times?"

"I can't take it back, Ryan," he said.

She turned around and walked toward Jamie, who'd appeared in the doorway, lifting her into her arms and glancing over her shoulder to look at him.

Jake waited, concealing his anger because he knew it was worth it, that he had to. He walked up behind Ryan after she'd put Jamie into her bed for her afternoon nap.

She shifted slightly as his hand moved to cup her elbow, but she didn't jerk away.

"Look, I know it's hard for you. Harder than it is for me, because you've had to do to for so much longer. But I love you. It's not just going to stop, Ryan. I'm always going to be here," he promised.

"Really? No matter how bitchy and hormonal I might get?" she asked.

"No matter."

Ryan's body relaxed as Jake leaned down to kiss her, her worry evaporting. After all, she considered, they were married now, and bound to have the occasional spat.


	48. Until Tomorrow

Chapter Forty-Eight: Until Tomorrow

Brooke Scott realized, one Saturday morning, as her house slept, that she spent a surprising amount of time observing, for one who was so in the center of her own life.

She was looking into Marina's bedroom. While she often looked into Devon's, or Hayden's, or any of her children's to watch them sleep, it seemed much creepier with her husband's love child, who was still stubbornly refusing to be known to her.

Which had been a challenge, she reflected. But was nothing compared to the one she faced today.

"Marina, sweetie, it's time to get up. Your mom's going to be here soon."

* * *

Ten minutes later, Brooke was hovering in her own doorway.

Lucas was doing his best to make this easier for her. She'd been holding his hand, even if she thought deep down that he should hold hers.

They would never get it back, she realized sadly. They'd never be the same.

"Babe, it's time to get up," she called. His hand moved over to her side of the bed and hit air, and he sat up in confusion.

"Come back to bed," he said sleepily.

"Can't. She's coming," said Brooke.

"You know you don't..."

"Yes I do, Lucas. I can't just not do things when I'm afraid of them. And neither can you. Now get up," she said, walking out as quickly as she'd come.

As she walked downstairs and began to prepare breakfast, Brooke reflected that she'd never had to meet one of Lucas' ex-lovers. Partially because she suspected none of them had mattered, that in her romantic heart she knew she was his first, truest love.

With a pang of guilt, she remembered how he hadn't been hers. Far from it. It had come between them so often: her first love, her unwillingess to admit regret for what had happened between them. She could never bring herself to tell him she wished it had never happened.

But it was different. She told him of the chance that the baby wasn' this. She'd done it out of love, and not revenge. But love for a memory, not a man.

Lucas and Marina joined her in the kitchen, followed closely by Hayden, and eventually the rest of them. As they all sat around the table in silence Brooke realized that they speculated, if not knew, what was to come.

Brooke was almost disappointed when Lucas went to answer the door and brought the woman back with him. She'd hoped for insight somehow: the woman looking like herself, or like anyone, or the ability to be instantly called evil. She was just a woman. Attractive, noticed Brooke with irritation. A red head, about her age, but more youthful looking, less society wife and mother.

Marina ran to her mother who swept her easily into the air, her eyes on Brooke, searching in interest.

"Hi. Brooke Scott, is it? I'm Rachel Gatina. It's nice to meet you," she said, holding a hand outstretched.

"Likewise," she murmured. They stood frozen in position, absorbing each other. Brooke noted that Marina looked nothing like her mother, and everything like Lucas. More so than any of her own.

"Can you stay? Or do you have a plane to catch?" asked Brooke politely.

"Plane. Pretty much now," she said.

"Shame."

"Tell me about it."

Rachel, who held no attachment to Lucas and therefore felt no jealousy, was beginning to enjoy baiting her.

She wrapped an arm around her daughter's shoulders, and flashed a smile at Lucas.

"You going to come to San Diego to see us soon, Luke?" she asked.

Lucas faltered.

"Us. We'll come. Soon," he promised. Something inside her felt grateful at his attempt to rescue the situation, but it didn't truly hit her.

Lucas knelt down to hug his daughter, Brooke smiled tightly at her, and in another moment they were gone.

* * *

"You okay?"

Brooke heard his voice only faintly. She turned away from the window her arms crossed tightly across her chest, protecting her.

"How can you even ask that? You know the answer to that question," she said.

"I know. I'm..."

"I know you're sorry. I know you want absolution. I'm sorry that I can't give it to you," she said. He nodded.

"I'm trying to be fair to you, Brooke," he said.

She shook her head slightly, and then walked toward the door.

"Where are you going?" he asked in alarm.

"Out. Call the driver when you need to keep tabs on me," she said, shaking off the hand he placed on her arm.

It wasn't until she got there that Brooke realized that she'd never been. And somehow, it made it harder.

She thought to herself that he must be lonely, without her. All alone, all the time. She was sometimes lonely without him.

Brooke sat down on the wet grass, disregarding everything she'd ever heard about respect to the death, and even about grass stains. She had a feeling that Mouth wouldn't smite her for hanging out with him.

Her eyes read the words slowly, and again:

**Marvin McFadden**

_**Beloved Friend**_

**1987-2005**

They'd had the memorial service for him in Tree Hill but his parents had taken him back here to be buried, to where they'd lived for most of his life, excepting only his short sojurn in Tree Hill. Brooke couldn't help but think that that had been the only part of his life that had meant anything to him.

"I think you left just in time, babe. It got harder next."

She was silent, as if feeling his absence for the first time.

"I'm sorry," she whispered to the darkness. "I wish I could have waited for you."


	49. Maybe You Will Always Be

Chapter Forty-Nine: Maybe You Will Always Be

* * *

Author's note: Please make sure you have read all the chapters leading up to this one, alerts have been iffy lately. And if any of you are getting bored, or questioning, please have faith... I'm so seriously about to make it worth your while. Not right now, specifically, but good stuff is definitely coming. Thanks!

* * *

"_What are you doing here?"_

_A smile slowly formed on Nathan's face when he saw Haley sprawled across his bed, dressed in a short satin negligee, her hair spread around her shoulders, a smile gracing her own lips._

"_Whatever you want me here for, Nathan Scott," she said flirtatiously. He walked to the bed, stripping his shirt as he went. _

_Haley climbed onto his lap, her toned legs wrapping around his body, her own pressing in to him. His hands fell to her waist as her lips began to kiss his neck, tantalizingly getting closer to his mouth until their lips met. _

_He grasped her waist and flipped her down onto the bed underneath him, her legs still wrapped around his waist, pressing herself into his hardness. Nathan lips fell to her own body, ripping away satin fabric as it got in his way. He let out a groan as she began to move beneath him, pressing herself further into him, slowly letting bits of herself be revealed._

_She unwrapped her legs to allow him to take off her underwear, his hands skimming her legs all the way. _

_Haley let out a gasp as he thrust into her. Her fingernails dug into his back as waves of pleasure began to course through her and held back until she could no longer. _

"_Nathan..."_

_His name at first came out in a breathy sigh. Needing to hear more, he thrust again, his lips falling to her breast._

"_Nathan."_

_She slowly began to yell her name, over and over. _

"_God, Nathan..."_

* * *

"Nathan?" 

Nathan sat up in bed, reality and fantasy suddenly in sharp contrast. He shook his head to clear the image of Haley, calling out his name, coursing in desire, and his eyes settled on the dark room, Heli at the door, looking at him curiously. He grabbed a pillow and covered himself as she saw the evidence of his dream through the covers.

"What?" he demanded in annoyance.

"Kids are here. Thought you'd want to know," she said, smirking. He glared at her until she walked out and closed the door behind her.

Nathan fell back onto his pillows, breathing deeply. He hadn't such a strong visual in a long time. His dreams had started to fade, the memories weakened.

But it was a fantasy he'd had many times over. Her waiting for him, the problems suddenly gone, a magical solution to the problem he was incapable of solving himself.

He looked sideways at the portable phone resting on his-_their-_nightstand. The temptation was irresistable. Katie was forgiving. She'd never dream the real reason behind his request.

His hand, which had already reached for the phone, dropped. He couldn't do it. Not again. Not when he knew it wouldn't come close to satisfying him, and would take her furhter away from him. Already she had enough to file for divorce without his consent. His indiscretion counted as infidelity. Hers counted as abadonment. Without control, his only weapon through the ordeal, he didn't know how he could still fight.

Nathan tried to picture Katie above him, matching him thrust for thrust. She was no match. Though Haley was a mother of three, she'd kept in shape. She didn't look old for her age, or deficient in any way. Katie wasn't prettier than Haley. She was dirtier, somehow. Nathan didn't like to think of himself as possessive, as a man who needed to be a girl's first, but he couldn't help it in her case. He couldn't stand the image of Haley with someone else.

He wished he could at least bring himself to desire her. To want her, even in a guilty way. To at least let temptation get the best of him. He couldn't. He couldn't even want her in the least pure of all ways. What was wrong with him?

It was getting closer, he realized. The end of it all, or the beginning. Something was coming, he knew.Something was always coming, but this was something more.

As the effects of his dream finally began to wear off, he rose and wrapped a dressing gown around himself, hoping as he rarely did htat Haley wasn't still there. He didn't think he could face her right then. It was hard at the best of times, whatever the best of times were.

Heli smiled mockingly as he came down, and he found himself cursing her existence. She was one of the reasons, he knew. Haley thought he was more attached to her than he ought to be. But Nathan couldn't pretend she was the only reason.

Nathan swung Kade onto his shoulders as he came running, his small feet pounding on the marble floor of the entrance hall. Kade was just like him. He was small, perfect. Unmarked by either of them, a pure symbol of their love.

He knew, because Haley had told him, that she didn't want Kade to turn out like him.

Haley had said it to hurt him. Haley could hurt him like no one else.

She'd only start him after she'd realized his ability to do the same to her.

He wished he could call her. Say something simple. Something direct, to the point. Make it clear that he was saying it because it was true and not just to torture her, even if it did.

_I miss you._

_I love you._

_I need you._


	50. Just A Little Out of Reach

Chapter Fifty: Just A Little Out of Reach

* * *

Author's note: A lot of you are still a bit impatient, understandably, with the lack of naley. Or perhaps naley sex. Please remember that the first of that in A Winding Road happened in chapter fifty-five (I think) and then PLEASE remember that I'm going to try my hardest not to let you guys down. Seriously, it's coming. And thanks for your reviews last chapter.

* * *

Haley had been half willing to loiter at her ex-husband's house, and Heli had gone up to get him, but she'd taken too long. Haley was distinctly unwilling to appear desperate. 

Not like she wasn't. It wasn't as if she didn't miss him, she knew. She'd admitted it to herself. She'd all but admitted it to him.

Haley wandered into her kitchen, opened her freezer, and considered gorging herself on ice cream. Then, just as abruptly, she closed it and realized she was tired of all this brooding, and of things almost happening. She wanted something to happen again. It had been too long.

Yanking the elastic out of her hair, grabbing a jacket to wear over the tank top she was wearing and slipping her feet into heels she ran to the elevator and outside to hail a taxi, not having the patience to call and wait for a company car.

* * *

Her old home loomed in the darkness. She realized, after the cab driver had left, that he'd recognized her. Probably he'd already made the call that would place her at her ex-husband's house late at night in the monring's tabloids. She didn't even care any more. 

Fishing her key out of her purse, she walked into the house without bothering to knock.

The house was empty, and dark. She looked around, shivering slightly in the cold. She let her jacket fall off her bare shoulders as she walked deeper into the hall, her heels making tapping noises along the hard marble.

She sensed eyes watching her, and her own rose to the top of the staircase, where a long figure stood.

Even in the darkness, she knew he knew it was her.

He slowly walked down the staircase and she remembered another time, earlier. At the dinner, when she'd shown up and left just as suddenly. It had been cruel of her, she reflected. It had given him so much hope.

She couldn't help but give him hope.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he asked.

"I thought you'd made it quite clear that you wanted me here," she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm and far from flirtatious.

"Let me guess. You've come to yell at me for the latest batch of tabloids. It's getting tired, Hales," he said.

"Must be inconvenient for you," she said in annoyance.

"What's inconvenient for me is that my wife left me and now only comes back to torture me."

He scowled, realizing that he was falling into the trap she'd baited.

"What's inconvenient for me is that my husband does nothing but profess his undending love for me and then goes and sleeps with interns. And baulks at the very suggestion of me so much as talking with my ex!" she yelled.

"I'm not going there, Haley," he said firmly.

"After all the grief you've given me about Seamus, I can't even do this?" she demanded.

"How about you tell me why you're really here."

Haley's eyes narrowed.

"Must be because I can't stay away from you. That I can't live without you. That I couldn't sleep without seeing your fine self. That's what you'd like to think, isn't it, Nate?" asked.

Haley watched as Nathan's anger slowly began to boil up. She flinched as he pushed her against the wall and held her wrists tightly against it.

"Let me..."

She turned her head as Nathan moved to capture her lips, and struggled against him as he pressed his body against hers, locking her in.

Nathan tilted his head in the same moment, meeting her lips before she could move again. He blood rushed as she stopped resisting and relaxed, letting him in, slowly weakening and pressing her body back in to his.

"Just shut up, Hales," he said softly, breaking away.

She swallowed several times, struggling to regain her breath.

"You always were the best at that," she breathed.

"What, at shutting up, or at..."

He responded quickly, but with amazment, as her lips were on his again, cutting off his words.

Nathan forced his arm through the small gap between her body and the wall, pulling her against him in the way he'd done in his dream. His movements rushed and eager, he lifted her against the wall, their lips still fused together. Holding her with one arm, his other went between them to unbutton the button on her jeans, his hand blindly touching the fabric of her underwear and seeking the skin beyond it.

Haley moaned into his mouth as he found what he'd been looking for with experience fingers. All images that had floated through his head in the last months, of her being with anyone besides him, promptly vanished as he realized she was equally incapable of letting go as he was.

She flinched in surprise as the cell phone in her pocket began to buzz. She evaded his attempt to bat her arm away from it and answered it, her eyes sliding closed as he began to kiss her neck.

"Hello? Lucas? What?"

Nathan recognized the panic in her eyes as she hung up the phone.

"Let me go," she said. He instantly slid her slowly back down to the floor, his hands still on her hips, grounding her.

"What's wrong?" he asked softly.

"It's Brooke. She's in the hospital, we need to get down there," she said, linking her hand with his before they began to run to the door.


	51. Your Eyes Open

Chapter Fifty-One: Your Eyes Open

"Brooke?"

Brooke stared up at her husband, his shape silhouted in the darkness, wondering if she'd fallen asleep.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"What are _you_ doing here?" she asked, automatically taking the hand he offered her to get up.

"Coming to find you. Is this..."

Lucas Scott's eyes scanned the gravestone of his wife's first love, then narrowed in undisguised jealousy.

"Talk to me, Brooke," he said.

"About what?"

"Everything. Anything. Give me anything," he pleaded.

"I've got nothing to give any more."

Brooke leaned up to brush a kiss on his lips before walking out of the graveyard, stopping herself from looking behind with difficulty.

* * *

It was late at night, her favourite time to drive through Manhattan, the bright street lights taking the space of the stars, the crowds on the sidewalks laughing, yelling, all doing things more fabulous than what happened in her own life. 

"I'm sorry. I needed to be there," she said.

"Do I need to keep a closer eye on you?" he asked. She frowned.

"Stop it, you sound like my father," she said dismissively.

"Your father never kept that close of an eye on you. Is that an issue here?"

Brooke scowled at him.

"Stop analyzing me."

"Stop shutting me out!" he countered in disbelief.

They were silent, looking out their windows at everyone on the outside.

"What were you doing at the cemetary, Brooke?" he asked, his voice calmer now.

Brooke took a deep breath before speaking.

"I needed to remember, Lucas. And I couldn't help but wonder what it would have been like, had it been me," she admitted.

He stared at her, remembering the long period of time when they'd both thought it had been, that the baby growing inside her was of another man.

"I'd have _forgiven_ you," he said pointedly.

"Yeah. Ten years ago, I would have forgiven you, too."

Lucas briefly remembered the years he'd spent with his parents, their regret fulled years, how often his father had made his mother miserable. How she'd only been happy when his father had died and she'd been able to escape. When they'd gotten married, he'd promised himself that they'd never be like that. That even if their fairty tale love didn't last forever, that they'd at least be compatable for always. It sounded like a fairly good exchange. Or at least it had been then, on the other side.

"I love you," he said abruptly, knowing it was true and that he was not just holding onto a memory.

She looked sideways and her eyes softened. She opened her mouth to say something before they heard a shriek, which he realized in the next instant was hers before everything went dark.

* * *

"Mr. Scott? Mr. SCOTT?" 

Lucas blinked hazily, slowly registering the plastered roof, a man hovering above him in a blue cap, eyes narrow with worry.

"Mr. Scott? Can you hear me? Do you know where you are?"

Lucas was pressed back down onto the bed as he tried to get up.

"I'm fine. Where the hell is Brooke?" he asked.

"How many fingers am I holding up, Mr. Scott?" asked the voice, speaking over him.

"Three. It's a Tuesday the year is 2016. I know all that, now can you tell me what the hell is going on with my wife?" he demanded.

The Doctor who had been holding up his fingers glanced sideways at another, who handed him a chart.

"In surgery."

"Why? How? Doesn't someone have to get permission?" he asked.

"She was in danger of bleeding to death," the doctor explained briefly. Lucas fell back onto the bed, a tear threatening to spill out of his eye.

"Is she still?" he demanded.

* * *

Haley and Nathan ran into the lobby of the hospital, their hands still locked together. They flagged down an intern and were directed instantly to Lucas' hospital room without a word on Brooke. 

Lucas smiled weakly as his sister-in-law rushed into the room, eyes wide with confusion and fear.

"Are you okay?" demanded Nathan. Lucas moved his arm to encircle Haley's waist as she sat on the bed beside him, ignoring Nathan's eyes as they jealously flicked toward him.

"I'm fine. They won't tell me about Brooke. I just know she's in the OR and she's lost blood," said Lucas weakly.

"Dude, she's going to be fine," said Nathan comfortingly. He clutched his brother's hand, willing it to be the truth.

"What happened?" asked Haley nervously.

"We were in the car. Someone hit us. I just remember her screaming, and a big shatter. The windshield, I think," he said. Haley nodded, absorbing this.

"She's tough," she promised.

Haley grasped Nathan's hand, encircling the three of them; Nathan and Lucas, Lucas and Haley, Nathan and Haley. The moment was shattered as the door of the room opened and a Doctor entered.

"Could you excuse us? I have to go over Mrs. Scott's medical history," said the Doctor, looking intimidated. Haley awarded him with a glowing smile before leaving with Nathan.

* * *

As Nathan walked with Haley through the spartan halls of the hospital, he reflected in surprise that his hand was still in hers, and she showed no signs of letting go. He looked down at her, remembering even when he knew it was wrong. 

"Stop," she said simply, catching his gaze on her.

They walked a few more steps before she stopped abruptly and looked up at him, waiting briefly until he looked back down at her. She frowned slightly in obvious consideration while he stared down at her, waiting.

She glanced across the hall, seeing an empty room. She pulled on his hand, dragging him into the room, shutting the door behind her before pushing him against the wall and pressing her lips on to his.

"Damnit! I can't do this!" cursed Haley angrily, a moment later. Nathan pulled her back in to him, still surprised by her agression and smelled the familiar scent of her hair.

"Please, please do this, Haley," he said softly. She smiled slightly as he tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.

"There were reasons. There are still reasons. It was supposed to make me happier. It..."

She trailed off, lost in his dark blue eyes.

"We have to stop crossing all these lines, Nathan. We have to," she said firmly. She broke away from his arms.

"That was the _last _time," she said firmly, running back out into the hallway. He followed her, his head still spinning, not having bothered to listen to her words, knowing how far they were from the truth.


	52. If You Never Try, You Never Know

Chapter Fifty-Two: If You Never Try, You Never Know

It had been a week that they'd lived through many, many times before.

Haley could recite these weeks without a pause: the time in Tree Hill when Nathan had been shot so many years ago, when Ryan had been in the hospital because of complications of Jamie's birth, when she'd had her miscarriage.

This wasn't much different. Brooke had gone through her operation, the glass from the windshield that had been imbedded in her stomach had been removed, the sprained wrist she'd received had been put into a cast.

And the rest of them loitered. Comforted Lucas, told stories, brought over their children for the occasional visit.

Without the threat of death or even serious reprecussions, it was considerably less intense than it often was.

On the seventh day of their unending wait, Haley was sitting in the waiting room. They only allowed two visits per bed, and both Lucas and Brooke's were filled. She flashed a half smile at Jake, who was sitting across from her with Jamie on his lap.

"This is insane. Ry and I were already asleep when we got the call, and then suddenly we were here. What were you doing?" he asked.

Haley shook her head slightly to clear her head of the image of her and Nathan in the entrance hall.

"Nothing. I um, don't remember," she said. Jake raised a sceptical eyebrow but said nothing. "I haven't seen much of her lately. Ryan."

"Trying to keep her away, to be honest. She doesn't need the extra stress," explained Jake. Haley smiled. She remembered the days when Nathan had been so concerned over her during her own pregnancies. This, somehow, was so much more endearing.

Haley stared as Jamie began to stir in his lap. She missed her own babies. She missed her life.

She missed Nathan. She wished, badly, that there were fewer strings attached.

"Jake, I've got to go somewhere. Tell them I love them when you go in to see them, okay?" she requested, grabbing her purse and abruptly running for the door. Jake smiled knowingly. It was only a matter of time.

* * *

"We need to talk." 

Nathan looked down in surprise to find Haley on his stoop.

"Is that what we need to do?"

Haley held back a smirk.

"Shut up."

Heli was with Kade, Nina and Eve at the apartment. Haley was struck by the emptiness of the house.

They walked slowly upstairs. Nathan knew where to lead her, knew why she was there. He'd probably known before she had.

"What's up?" he asked. They hovered at the head of the staircase.

"Nothing. I just want to... talk," she said weakly.

"Talk? You're sure? You don't want to yell?"

"I'm sure," she said.

"Or scream? Passionately?"

Haley let out a noise of disbelief and made to leave. Nathan frowned, realizing that'd he'd pushed her too far.

"The thing is though... Haley..." Nathan trailed off as he realized Haley was looking away, trying her best to ignore him. He grabbed her and turned her around sharply until she was facing him. "The thing is Haley, you're my girl. Woman, whatever. It's how it is, it's how it's always been. Just like how Brooke was Lucas' and Peyton was Jake's and that's just how it's supposed to be. We're that couple, Hales. The one that goes through shit but ends up together eventually. That breaks up but sleeps together at least once a season to keep everyone entertained. That's us, Haley."

"God, stop it already. Stop wooing me. Stop making me believe you love me," said Haley in anger, turning to face him.

"But I do..."

"Don't! It doesn't matter anymore Nathan. You don't get it. I've never been able to love you the way you've needed it. You're never going to be able to make me believe," she said in frustration. Crossing the room in four long strides, put his hands on her shoulders and crushed his lips on to hers. He smiled as she instinctively leapt into his arms and wrapped her legs around his waist.

Nathan stumbled slightly, overcome with the sensations coursing through his body before adjusting her until her legs were hanging over his arm, her back supported by his other, and beginning to walk to their bedroom.

He hadn't been sleeping there. He hadn't been with Katie there. He'd reserved it for this.

Nathan banged the door behind them, knocking a picture of the wall. He slowly lowered Haley onto the bed and joined her, vividly remembering the events of his recent dream, their first time, their last.

Haley reached up to hurriedly unbutton his shirt, her fingernails carelessly scratching his chest in her haste. He leaned down to kiss her again, disregarding his struggle for breath. He kissed her again.

Her hands explored his now bare chest as though she'd never seen it before, like it was something new to her. She peeled off her own tank top, and he paused briefly to take in the sight of her bare skin before leaning down to touch his lips to it, needing to hear her, to feel her again. He pulled her in closer to him, feeling her heart race, her warm skin, her lips under his.

Nathan stared into her eyes as he adjusted her so she was supported by one arm, the other slowly trailing down her body, hitting her most sensitive nerves until he hit her black lace underwear. He tugged them off and she let out a slight moan of denied pleasure when he found his way in to her. His lips found hers again when her eyes widened slightly, as if in fear or regret.

"_I love you_," he muttered into her ear. She slid her eyes closed, tilted her head back, prepared herself for him.

"I love you," she said, not bothering to regret her words. When her responses began to quicken, she opened her eyes again to meet his, and when she leaned up to kiss him again he knew she was ready.

He flipped them around, swiftly admired the shape of her body again, her long hair falling over her naked shoulders.

She gasped when his hands found her hips, and he grasped her tightly to lift her up and slide her on to him.

Haley called out his name as she came again and again. Nathan took satisfaction in this as he never had before. No one was like Haley. He'd been with many women, before and since her, but nothing was like this. Nothing else could supply him with such desperate need, such complete satisfaction.

* * *

"I'd forgotten how good at that we are," she said. 

His mind recalled the long night: the first time, fast and passionate, their gradual ascent into something more, something just as passionate but more loving, something that neither of them could deny.

Nathan breathed in deeply, and found the hand that was resting across his stomach. He wrapped his other arm around at her remembering how it had felt, to have her resting next to him, her head on his shoulder.

"I hadn't," said Nathan.


	53. The Last Thing They Remember

Chapter Fifty-Three: The Last Thing They Remember

* * *

Author's note: If any of you (understandably) are having difficulty keeping track of the extended Scotts in this story, I have posted a handy family tree at my blog, which you can link to from my profile-it's listed as my homepage. Hope that helps, thanks for the response to last chapter, and enjoy!

* * *

Late at night, as his sleep was interrupted by nurses, new admissions and the occasional siren, Lucas realized that although many bad things had happened to them all over the years, none of them had really been to him.

He'd never been shot at, or lost a baby. He'd spent hours in the waiting room, but never been on the inside, never had to spend a week in the hospital without any apparent reason.

But, he reasoned, it wasn't like he had anywhere else to be. Brooke was still in recovery. And he knew that all he wanted was to be where she was.

Waiting a few moments to ensure that the coast was clear, he slowly eased himself out of his bed, grabbed the IV he was attached to, and slowly began to make his way down the hall.

He rarely had the opportunity to visit her, but he knew exactly where her room was. He waited anxiously outside her room for a moment, listening for the sounds of Doctors or nurses checking on her.

"Luke?" came her surprised whisper, as he crept into her room, his IV following him.

"Hey," he whispered. He walked to her bed and knelt next to it, looking into her hazel eyes. "Did I wake you?"

"Of course not. Come here," she requested, moving over on the bed. Lucas carefully slid in beside her, taking her body into his arms, avoiding touching the wrist that was covered in plaster.

They were silent, staring into their eyes in the darkness.

"I'm sorry," she said eventually.

"For what?"

"If I hadn't gone, you wouldn't have needed to find me. It was late. You shouldn't have had to," she explained. He laughed softly and pressed a kiss onto her forehead.

"That's crazy. You wouldn't have gone if you didn't have a reason to." He paused. "I'm sorry for the reason, Brooke."

Brooke burrowed her face into his shoulder, attempting to muffle the sobs that were beginning to escape.

"I know you are. God, I know. I want to forgive you, Luke, I do," she promised.

"Don't cry, pretty girl."

"She's a good kid. I think I'll like her. Her mother's a bit of a bitch, but that's not going to matter long term. We'll be fine. All of us."

"We have to be," agreed Lucas.

"We've always made it through before," agreed Brooke.

Lucas smiled as she looked into his eyes again, and they kissed briefly.

"Always will. Anyway, what's the worse that can happen now? We've seen it all."

Comforted by his logic, Brooke drifted off to sleep more easily than she'd done in months.

* * *

"Mr. Scott? **Mr. Scott?**" 

Lucas started at the sound of the angry voice next morning, and looked up to realize it was a doctor, one who looked annoyed to find him in the bed of his still recovering wife.

"Lucas?" asked Brooke, waking slowly. The doctor let out another noise of disbelief as he rose slowly from the bed.

"Sorry. I wanted to see her," explained Lucas, not sounding overly sorry.

"I guess it's fine. I need to talk to your wife. You should probably be here, too," he said. Lucas nodded, finding Brooke's hand and sending her a reassuring smile.

"Did something happen?" she asked nervously, sitting up against the pillows.

Lucas found his hand clutched harder as the Doctor was silent for a moment, as if gathering his thoughts.

"It went about as well as expected," he began hesitantly. "For the most part, we were able to repair the damage of the glass, and the impact. However, due to where the glass pierced your body, it will probably be impossible for you to conceive again."

He stared at them as they slowly absorbed this.

"I'm sorry."

Brooke looked away from her husband, tears slowing welling in her eyes. Before this, she never would have imagined how very much this hurt her. How suddenly, inexplicably, so many doors seemed closed to her. Doors that after her fifth pregnancy, she'd never even considered wanting. Though they'd never discussed Bailey as their last, it had seemed like a foregone conclusion.

"Are you okay?" asked Brooke. Lucas looked down, surprised that the words hadn't first come from his mouth.

"Of course I'm okay. Are you?"

"I'm sorry. I never thought there'd be a day when I wasn't enough for you," she stated dully.

"What?" he asked in disbelief. "Do you honestly think that our five perfect, healthy kids aren't enough for me?"

"I don't think I ever thought we'd stop."

Lucas held her close to him again, suddenly remembering that although they had five perfect, healthy, kids, he had five. The timing on this could have been better.

For a moment, he selfishly wished that he hadn't come last night. They'd come so much closer to where he wanted them to be, and now it had all been thrown away.

Watching her stare into space, ignoring him, he wondered how much more she could take. And what, in the end, would break her.


	54. Waiting in the Wings

Chapter Fifty-Four: Waiting in the Wings

Jake shuffled slowly into the main room, only half awake. He stopped abruptly when he saw Ryan, stretching in the main room as she so often did. It amazed him, how beautiful she was sometimes. He'd seen her at it before, at ballet rehearsals when she'd taken her classes through college-her arms and legs at perfect angles, every muscle of her body tense and reacting perfectly to all the others.

His eyes dropped further, to the small bump on her abdomen. Now she was even more beautiful.

He wandered over to her and put his hands on her waist. She immediately straightened up and smiled at him.

"Don't, I'm all sweaty and gross," she complained. He kissed her hard on the mouth.

"You've never been more beautiful to me."

Ryan stared up at him, eyes glowing.

"What are you thinking?" he asked softly.

"You. I'm glad it took you so long. I love how new all of this is, but how we know each other so well anyways. I love... I love how much you love me," she admitted.

"It's going to stop being new. It's never going to get old," he promised. He let his hand rest on her stomach as they both felt a sharp kick against it.

"That's the little guy. Definitely."

"How do you tell?" he asked.

"Look." Ryan grabbed Jake's hand and moved it slightly. "This is the girl. She moved more often, and she's smaller. She gets bored more easily. And this," she said, moving his hand, "Is the guy. He's bigger. He's pretty much still all the time, except when she kicks him, and when she does, he always kicks back. Doesn't put up with any crap, that one."

"That's amazing," he said, his voice full of complete disbelief.

"Yeah. Yeah, it really is," she said, moving in to him to rest her head on his shoulder. Jake looked up and frowned slightly when the doorbell rang.

"Who is it?" he asked into the intercom.

"Haley. Can you let me in?" she asked.

"No can do, Hales. I'm about to get it on with my wife," he explained, dodging Ryan's arm when she attempted to whack him.

"Get over it. I have the brucaselettes, they can't exactly look over themselves," she explained. Jake hastily pressed the button and cast a guilty look at his wife. Them, Haley and Nathan had been alternately caring for Brooke and Lucas' children while Brooke was in the hospital, healing in mourning.

Ryan ran to the door when Haley knocked impatiently and opened it to find her sister-in-law, looking midly irritated. Ryan frowned slightly, searching her face as Haley returned her smile with one of her own, one honest and not remotley cynical like her most recent smiles.

"Sorry. Hey guys, come in," she said, opening her door wider. She picked Bailey out of Haley's arms, and taking an unsteadily walking Zoë by the hand as Hayden and Devon ran in and made for the sofa, followed closely by Connor. Ryan sighed, hoping they would keep Jamie busy.

"Go rest, you must be exhausted," said Ryan.

"Nice. Have fun," said Haley. Ryan leaned forward and they exchanged kisses quickly before Haley departed, leaving Ryan and Jake with the extra roomful of Scotts.

Ryan watched as Devon and Hayden began to fight over the remote, as Zoë tripped over the carpet and began to cry, as Connor ran to Jamie's room and promptly awoke her. Her hand fell and found Jake's.

"Jesus, we are so stopping at three," she murmured in disbelief.

* * *

Ryan frowned as she watched her two eldest nephews, noting the obvious symptoms of their boredom. It wasn't fair, she realized, to treat them as they did their younger siblings.

"Hey guys. How's it going?" she asked. They looked at her, and Ryan was struck by their vast differences: Devon's blonde hair and blue eyes, Hayden's spiked hair, his green eyes, the dimples in his round cheeks. She pictured instantly what they'd be in high school, the jock and the rebel. She wondered if it would be easier for them than it had been for her. Not necessarily in high school, but in life.

"We're fine," said Devon, answering from them both.

"Sorry this place is so ill equipped," she said apoligetically. Devon looked up and managed a dimpled smile: a specialty of his mother.

"That's fine, Aunt Ryan," he said.

"Must suck, being shuffled around like this all the time. Your mom will be better soon," she said. As she said it, she felt ridiculous, knowing that Brooke Scott would never be fine again.

"Daddy says she just needs quiet," said Devon.

"She sure does. We're better for loud right now," she explained.

"Auntie Haley doesn't like loud. She's really tired, she says. She's been staying up real late," said Hayden. Ryan nodded, attempting to keep her face neutral, her mind already piecing together the truth.

* * *

Many hours later, after they'd managed to find accomodations for all the children (Jamie between them in the bed, Devon and Hayden sharing Jamie's, Connor on the couch, Zoë in Jamie's crib, temporarily out of storage and Bailey in the basinette that Haley had brought) Ryan and Jake collapsed on the sofa.

"Poor Brooke. Poor Lucas. My poor feet," said Ryan, tucking her legs onto the couch and leaning against Jake.

"I know what you mean. And here I though we actually knew something about the subject," he said in amazement. He shook his head.

"Nope. We know absolutely nothing," he agreed.

"You're telling me."

Ryan smiled up at him, glad that so little could be said between them without any discomfort, with perfect clarity.

"I'm glad you fessed up, Jake Jagielski. I couldn't handle much more on my own," said Ryan suddenly, resting her head on his shoulder, relishing the simple comfort of it.

"What do you mean?"

"I needed you. And I needed you to need me back."

Jake smiled.

"Then where does that leave us?"

Ryan looked up and smiled slightly.

"Somewhere in the realm of always."


	55. Nothing But Time

Chapter Fifty-Five: Nothing But Time

Brooke frowned on reflex when the doorknob of her private hospital room began to rattle. She'd begun to resent her endless stream of visitors-mostly outsiders on her life, society women, the parents of her son's school friends. Everyone who she cared about was busy taking care of her children.

"Hey."

"Hey," she replied, her voice full of shock. It wasn't often that Haley had the time to visit her. They'd been best friends and still technically were, but life had somehow gotten in the way. "Come ine."

"I would have anyway."

Brooke smiled slightly, and looked down as Haley began to study her face intently: her pale skin, her bare lashes, her slightly hallowed cheeks.

"Let me guess, I look like shit?" she guessed.

"Something you'd say. Never me," said Haley. She walked over to the bed, gently kissed her forehead and dropped a shopping bag on the bed. "I come bearing gifts."

"I'd noticed."

Brooke looked up, perplexed, to find that the bag held a batch of homemade brownies, several cookie catchers and the first season of _the O.C._ on DVD.

"Gee, thanks. Just what I've always wanted," she said sarcastically.

"Hush. I was going to bring Grey's Anatomy, but it almost vaguely resembles actual life, and clearly we can't have that. This is much safer," explained Haley of her choice of DVDs.

Brooke wrinkled her nose slightly.

"Loving the thought process there. Did you actually make those?" she asked in surprise.

"Yes. No. Sort of. Well, really no," she explained sheepishly.

"Heli?" guessed Brooke. Haley shrugged, blushing.

"And the cookie catchers are for your amusement," said Haley, picking one up from the bed and positioning it between her fingers. "I tried and I got Wentworth Miller four times in a row. Think that's enough to go by?"

"Oh, completely. Four."

She watched in interest as Haley flipped it several times in her hands and opened a flap.

"Josh Halloway. Interesting."

"Haley, do any of these contain anyone real?" asked Brooke in vague annoyance. Haley handed her another, and she rolled her eyes before beginning to move it backwards and forwards in her hands.

"Ha. Nathan Scott," she said, after Haley had supplied her with the numbers.

"It does not say that," said Haley, reaching forward to snatch it out of her friend's hands.

"I got Lucas," said Haley gloatingly, reading the name in triumph.

"Shut up, I was trying to prove a point. Is Nathan even on there?" she asked. Haley blushed as Brooke took it back and read the eight names: _Lucas Scott, Jake Jagielski, Chris Keller, Christian Braddock, Seamus Foster, Johnny Depp._

Brooke looked at her friend in disbelief.

"You're dellusional. So this is every boy us or anyone we know has been involved with, ever, plus a drunken pirate in place of your husband?" she demanded.

"Don't question the wisdom of fate, Brooke," said Haley sternly.

"Geeze, touchy. I'm coming around to the whole O.C. thing. And getting bored with your insanity."

* * *

Three hours later, Haley looked sideways to notice in alarm that Brooke's eyes were beginning to fill with tears.

"Jesus, what's wrong with you?" she asked nervously.

"How are you not more upset? It's so tragic. They want to be together but they just can't. It's horrible," she said passionately.

"Okay you do understand the concept of TV, correct?"

Brooke scowled at her, put the tears continued to pour out of her eyes.

"So I guess this is where we actually talk?" asked Haley. "What is it that you want, Brooke?"

For a moment, Brooke looked almost resentful at someone finally trying to force her into speech while her light sobs provided the only noise in the room.

"I want my life back," she said suddenly. "I want to go back to whenever it was that Lucas and I were actually happy. But that's pretty clear to everyone. What's clear to no one is what the hell is going through your head."

Brooke stared at Haley. Haley opened her mouth to talk, but no words came out.

"What do you want, Haley James?"

Haley smiled at the use of her maiden name. She had done it for herself out of malice, but they only did so because of memory.

"We used to talk about this a lot, when we were little," she said. For a moment, Peyton's image floated through her mind.

"What did you say then?"

"What everyone wants. Happiness. Love. A family who somehow magically all work together. That moment in the end of the Little Mermaid, when she runs onto the beach and he spins her around and kisses her and they realize they can finally live happily after. I want to start over, Brooke Davis," she said sadly. Brooke slid her arm into Haley's.

"Never going to happen. It's never that easy," she said.

"I never thought it would be. I think that's why I copped out early," she admitted.

"I don't blame you. The rest of them do. They don't understand why you couldn't stand to live with him anymore. I get it," she promised.

Haley nodded.

"Yeah. You always have."

They smiled at each other, united by their common pasts.

"Yeah. It's always been us, hasn't it?" remarked Brooke.

"Before Peyton, before Jake. Before all this mess. It was supposed to always be. You were supposed to move to LA with your husband for a few years. We weren't supposed to have a falling out. I wasn't supposed to miss the birth of your first child. It went all wrong," said Haley.

"Yeah. Boys are stupid."

Brooke glanced sideways at Haley,who was the Haley she'd always known but somehow so different.

"You're kind of stupid, too," said Brooke.

Haley let out an unvoluntary sob.

"Don't worry. I'm getting there," she promised.

"What, is it finally happening?" she asked in interest.

Haley suddenly had a vivid flashbacks to their hours on the bed, their inability to let go of each other for fear of it being over, for fear that it had never happened. She'd almost told Ryan, she wanted badly to tell Brooke, but it had to be their secret. Their dirty, shameful, secret. Of course, all of it hadn't been dirty. Some of it had been something entirely different.

She looked up to find Brooke studying her intently.

"God no. Trust me if it were, you'd be the first to know."

Haley frowned slightly and considered her own words.

"Well, third, I guess. Unless for some weird reason you were in the room at the time."


	56. Unfulfilled Desires

Chapter Fifty-Six: Unfulfilled Desires

It was late, but sleep wouldn't come.

Her hours with Brooke had left her feeling oddly alive. She wanted to sleep, to start a new day, but she couldn't. She wished for distraction: one of her children crying, fire, flood.

But her children were with Nathan, and natural disasters seemed unlikely. She smiled slightly when the doorbell rang, wondering who it was that had been let up by the doorman without having to call.

"Hey."

Haley's eyes widened when she saw Nathan, standing in the hallway with his hands in his pockets, looking guilty and somehow apprehensive.

"What do you want?" she asked, wishing she had more of a leg to stand for, wishing he had nothing to want.

"Can we talk?" he asked. She opened the door wider without saying anything, and he cautiously entered.

Haley led him to her sofa and sat on the far edge of it, her legs crossed, facing toward him.

"What do you want?" she asked again.

Nathan sighed, looking annoyed with her outward indifference.

"I guess I could start by asking what the hell that was," he said.

"Beats me. Temporary insanity, I guess," she explained.

"That's crap, Haley."

She looked up and looked eyes with him, challenging him. Sighing again, he moved over on the coach until he reached her and lifted his hand to her neck, pulled her in slightly and leaned in to gently kiss her lips. Haley closed her eyes, briefly wishing for nothing more than this, than the simple romance of the moment.

Nathan leaned forward, slowly lowering Haley beneath him onto the couch. Propping himself up on one arm, with his other he began to unbutton the buttons of her shirt.

* * *

"For God's sakes Haley, just come back to me," said Nathan, as his lips travelled down her neck. It was an odd statement for many reasons. Anyone who would see them would find it bizarre, because it in no way looked as though she'd ever let go.

"What?" she asked, her eyes slowly opening.

"The kids miss you. I can't live without you. Nothing's right anymore. Just come and be my wife again," he said urgently. Haley pulled away from him, denying him of the simple, tortorous pleasure of her bare skin.

"I was never your wife, Nathan." Haley met his blue eyes, and shivered slightly under their intense stare. "I was your kept woman. There's a difference."

"I've always loved you," he said, as if trying to pretend that her words were untrue.

"Yet you let me go."

"There was nothing I could do. I didn't sign the papers, or take you to court. I let you go because I had to," said Nathan.

"You didn't. You could have cut me off, you could have found a loophole in our agreement and made me stay. You could have chained me to the bedposts. You weren't above it, not so long ago," she said.

"Don't."

"Oh, I'm already there. You knew you could, in the end. You were certain that sooner or later, I'd fall back into your waiting arms and go back home with you and we'd never even think about this brief, trial seperation as anything, just as me being nothing more than a child. You've always seen me like that. Just a child you could push around. I should have slept with Seamus, Nathan, because then maybe you'd be less sure that I belonged to you."

"Belonged?" asked Nathan mockingly.

"You think you need to remind me? You think I don't know that I'll live my life and never be free?"

"Free of me?"

"Free of the life I knowingly submitted myself to when I went to you for help."

"Did you really thing that that was what I was going to ask of you?" he asked.

"No. I thought you were going to ask for me, though. Just for one night. Which would have pretty much rendered me as yours anyway."

"But you never would have let me know you were a virgin."

"You'd have known," said Haley.

"I've never been with such a virgin," he said.

"That was the idea."

Haley pondered his words for a moment, remembering the night with perfect clarity. It had started out rough-they'd almost consummated their marriage with her pressed up against a wall.

It had been rough and passionate, as all of it had been in those days, but they'd been so close. She'd straddled his waist, he'd protectively encircled her upper body with his arms. He'd held her close and entered her slowly. Through this he'd ripped off her shirt and kissed her body again and again, but still it was intimate and not in any way regrettable. Haley remembered the night Brooke had lost her virginity, and the night Peyton had. Hers, comparatively, had been perfect.

She remembered the many nights that had followed it: their "dirty", animilastic, passionate sex. Love hadn't come in to it. Love wouldn't come in to it, not officially, for another year. But love had been there on their wedding night. She'd been a fool to ignore it.

Nathan raised his eyebrows in surprise as she turned back to him and sat in his lap, wrapping her arms around his waist. She moved in to him and wrapped her arms around his chest, and relished the heat of his body for a moment. She ran a hand over the raised scar on his abdomen, reflecting on how perfectly aware she was of every crevice of his body.

"Are we going to do this?" she asked. He let a hand fall to her thigh, and lightly ran his fingers along it.

"I love you," he said, knowing perfectly well how much she hated to hear him say it.

She covered his lips with hers and kissed him, wishing, briefly, that words could cease to exist and that they could be alone together in their silent world.

* * *

Nathan stared at her face in the darkness, long after she'd fallen asleep and he'd pulled her gently into his arms. He'd missed her there almost as much as he'd missed the moments before sleep. He leaned forward slightly to inhale the scent of her hair, freezing it into his memory. He was glad, telling himself that a second time would always cement the first. He knew just as well that she could convince herself that it didn't, should the need arise.

He frowned, his resolve strengthening, and decided it didn't matter. No matter what she threw at him, he'd just convince her again.


	57. Somewhere Only we Know

Chapter Fifty-Seven: Somewhere Only We Know

"Damnit!"

Nathan jerked up, surprised to find Haley scurrying around the bedroom, half dressed. He realized in surprise that she'd awoken before him and had managed to ease herself out of his arms without waking him, a feat that time had improved in her.

"What?" he asked.

"What the hell are we doing here, Nathan? How the hell did this happen again?" she demanded.

"Same reason it always happens, Haley," said Nathan, sounding annoyed. Haley stopped and stared at him, realizing briefly that it was times like this that she needed to be more sensitive. She'd spent so many of their early years hurting him in whatever way possible, whenever he'd hurt her, that sometimes she fell back to it automatically.

"This can't happen. God, this so can't happen. And I need to get over to your place. I was supposed to get the kids to school today," she said distractedly.

"Heli can," said Nathan. He resisted the other, less practical words that came to mind: _our _place. _Ours. _Haley let out a noise of surprise when he reached forward and pulled her back onto his lap. She giggled involuntarily.

"It's not the same. I'm their mother," she said softly, staring intently into his blue eyes. Hesitantly she reached a hand to smooth out his dark hair.

Taking his chances, he leaned forward a kiss that didn't require any pressure, any indecision.

"Come on. We'll go together," she said, pulling away, her eyes round and surprised.

* * *

"Mrs. Scott?" asked Heli in surprise, as she came to the door when it opened.

"Hey Heli. They eating breakfast? Sorry I was late," said Nathan smoothly, ignoring her when she smirked slightly and nodded.

Heli followed them at a distance and watched as the three children lit up as Haley and Nathan walked in. She knew it was ridiculous of her to resent her presence, but she couldn't help it. She didn't trust Haley, she'd stopped trusting her when she'd walked away. She hated watching Nathan being jerked around, watching the glow in Nina's face diminish whenever her mother inevitably left again.

Heli frowned when she realized she'd spent the last five minutes mentally trash talking the wife of her employer.

She'd become a person she didn't care for.

"Hel, we're going to get them to school now," said Nathan. Heli glanced at him and forced a smile. She noticed instantly how completely happy he looked.

It would be wrong of her to pretend like Haley Scott was a woman who didn't care for her children, post-divorce. Haley wasn't that woman, she'd never been that woman. Haley's children had kept her in the marriage, and after it they kept her coming back. Haley cared for her children as much as she ever had. If she didn't, Heli knew she would hate her with reason.

* * *

Nathan slipped his hand into Haley's as the two of them and Kade watched Nina and Eve run into the playground, their pleated skirts flapping, their Mary-Janes clacking along the pavement.

He frowned when she shook him off and placed her hand on their son's shoulder to lead him away.

Apparently, some moments don't last forever.

* * *

"Haley?"

Several minutes later Nathan called out to Haley. He'd dropped Kade off at preschool but Haley was still afixed to the pavement, watching where her two daughters had disappeared to minutes before.

"Are you okay?" he asked in concern, cupping her eblow. She looked up at him in surprise.

"No. No, Nathan, I'm not. I don't want it to be like this. I don't want you to go home to Heli. I don't want to go to my stupid little apartment and then wonder what they're doing all evening. Wonder what you're doing."

Nathan stared at her, his eyes gradually widening, as if afraid to close them for fear this moment would end.

"And...

He cut her off abruptly.

"Then don't. Come home with me, Haley. I swear I'll never mention any of it again. You leaving, everything. I'll be whatever you want me to be. Just come home," he said.

"It's not that simple," she said shortly.

"But it can be. You know what it can. Haley..." He stepped in front of her, and tilted her chin to force her eyes to meet his. "Do you love me?"

Haley blinked in surprise.

"What?"

"Answer me," he demanded.

Haley sighed and stared back into his eyes.

"Of course I love you. I've always loved you," she said.

"Then that's what matters, isn't it?"

"No, Nathan, it's not. You've hurt me. More than I thought possible, and you did it just to know you could. You made me come back to you, you made me stay. I couldn't take it. I shouldn't have to take it," she said.

Nathan frowned, wishing just once she'd find another argument.

"It was more than that," he said eventually, his voice small. He wished he could explain to her how true it was: that all of his actions, big and small, hadn't been because of power, over her and anyone. They'd been about her only. His infinite, undeniable need for her.

She shook her head slightly, trying to clear her head, to clear it of him.

"Come home with me," he said again. As he spoke he hated how he sounded, so desperate, but words couldn't stop.

Haley's cellphone rang as she opened her mouth to speak. He waited hopefully as she spoke briefly. When she hung up her face was still a mask of insecurites, of doubt, of disbelief.

She opened her mouth to speak again, and closed it.

"What is it?" he asked, realizing that it was so much more.

She stared up at her him, her eyes identically round and amazed. Realizing that now thoughts of him were banished from her mind, that something more had happened, something that would affect them all, he reached out and took her hand in his own.

"Rachel's dead," she managed eventually, her voice a tremor.


	58. An Empty Land

Chapter Fifty-Eight: An Empty Land

* * *

Author's note: If you didn't understand the latest cliffhanger, go back and read chapter 48, Until Tomorrow.

* * *

Brooke watched the city slip away from her from behind a glass screen. 

She was partially glad, and partially terrified, to be once again in a company car (albeit with a new driver, the previous one having been fired), instead of in her hospital bed, with it's cotton blend sheets and constant supply of green jell-o.

She would have been wholly glad, had she had her husband, or even the reassurance that he'd be there in the way she needed him.

Brooke told herself, once again, that she had the right to be upset, but that Lucas needed to be there for Marina.

She just wished that he didn't have to be there for Marina _today._

* * *

Brooke smiled at the new nanny, a man this time, Asher, and eagerly took Bailey out of his arms. She held her baby close to her, inhaling her scent, trying her hardest not to remember that this would be her last. 

"Is Mr. Scott here?" she asked.

"Upstairs. With Marina," he said, looking apologetic for her sake. Cradling Bailey awkwardly in her one free arm and the other still in the cast, she walked slowly up the stairs to what had previously been a guest bed room.

Hesitating before deciding not to knock, she entered.

"Luke?" she called softly.

Two blonde heads looked up, and she smiled.

"You're home already? I would have come to get you," said Lucas, looking guilty.

"That's okay. Hey Marina, you okay?" Brooke had decided within the space of a few minutes that her offering her sympathies, or an ear, would probably be overkill. It had become clear almost instantly that it wasn't Brooke that Marina wanted.

Marina smiled awkwardly, and Brooke realized how redundant her question was: of course Marina wasn't okay. Marina was far from okay.

"You guys have fun. I'll go get acquainted with the manny," she said easily. Lucas nodded, caught in an instant struggle as to whether he should follow her or stay with his daughter. A struggle that ended, easily and painlessly, when Brooke exited with Bailey and didn't bother to look back.

* * *

Brooke blushed slightly when the new nanny entered, accompanied now by Zoë and Connor, and watched her eat ice cream out of the carton. 

"One of those days?" he asked, smiling as she lifted Zoë onto her lap.

"Like you wouldn't believe. So who're you?" she asked. He looked surprised.

"Asher Jackson. I work for you?" he said in surprise.

"I know that. Luke hired you?"

"Interview and everything. I promise," he said, laughing. He studied her for a moment. "You okay?"

"Frustrated with the world. Want to have sex?"

Asher laughed.

"No, not really, but I'm flattered that you immediately thought I'd swing that way," he said.

Brooke coughed.

"You're _not_, are you?" she demanded.

"No. Just a common stereotype. You have nice kids, Mrs. Scott," he said, vainly trying to steer their conversation.

"Brooke, please." She laughed at the worried look on his face. "God, stop looking like I'm trying to seduce you."

"Stopping. So what's with the ice cream, _Brooke_?" he asked.

"The love child upstairs? The row of stitches across my stomach? Take your pick," she said.

"Sucks," he offered sympathetically.

"Yeah, it does. You're being nice. You don't have to be. Statistics dictate that you'll be gone within the week," she said unsympathetically.

"I figured I'd take my chances, and the agency decided I was up for the job. Lucky for you," he said. A moment later he seemed to regret his words.

"We're still not flirting. Jumpy thing, aren't you?" she asked, pulling open the freezer to toss the ice cream back in, lifting Zoë off her lap.

"At least we're having this conversation now and not in six weeks, when you try and set me up with your personal shopper," he said.

"No, Asher, you definitely have nothing to worry about," she said comfortingly. "Getting along with everyone okay?"

"Yeah, except Devon. He's been lamenting my basketball skills," he admitted.

"He'll do that, he has high standards. Me too, by the way," she said, winking over her shoulder as she left the room to find Hayden and Devon.

* * *

Brooke was already in bed, huddled up in her blankets and facing the wall when Lucas entered. 

She waited until he was in bed, his shape distantly cupping hers before speaking to him.

"Did you figure any of it out?" she asked softly.

"Some. Marina's known about Rachel for a while. I think it's why she got in contact with her, in case something happened," said Lucas. He paused. "It was almost honourable."

Brooke nodded.

"I'm sorry. This must be hard for you."

Brooke imagined that somewhere to her left, he nodded as well, but in the darkness she could never be sure.

* * *

The next morning, Brooke awoke to the sound of Bailey crying, something she'd quickly grown unaccustomed to during her stay at the hospital. She walked down the hall to her daughter's room and smiled, touched, when she saw her eldest son leaning over the rails of the crib. 

"What's up?" she asked. He'd waited patiently until she'd sat down in the chair with Bailey and begun to feed her.

"Are you feeling better, Mommy?" he asked.

"Much. I hear you're not a big fan of the new nanny?" asked Brooke.

"Heli's better."

"Maybe she is, but I think you should give Asher another chance. It's only been a week," she said reproachfully.

"Is he going to be here much longer?" asked Devon. Brooke frowned sligthly.

"I hope so. Daddy and I like him. And there's too many of you for us to look out for." Devon frowned. "The little ones, I mean. Not you."

"I missed you," he admitted. "And Daddy's all busy with Marina now."

Brooke studied her son intently over the golden curls of her daughter.

"You haven't seen much of her yet?"

"None of us have."

Brooke nodded slowly, hoping that Devon wasn't about to ask more questions, to wonder beyond the simplified explanation they'd all been given about their link to their half-sister. She smiled slightly, realizing for the first time that he'd clearly not brushed his hair in a week and was wearing Hayden's Spongebob pajamas.

Both of them jerked in surprise when a cry of surprise arose from the next room. Brooke slowly laid the now sleeping Bailey down in her crib and walked to the next room, staring as Marina slept fitfully, occasionally emitting nonsensical syllables.

Brooke slowly walked to the bed and shook her slightly.

"Sweetie, it's time to wake up," she said gently. Marina opened her eyes and stared at Brooke, looking confused for a moment.

"Mommy?" she whispered. Brooke looked away before the hurt could hit, before the child could lose everything again in her early morning state, before her own heart could break at the confusion in her voice.


	59. Dream About Me

Chapter Fifty-Nine: Dream About Me

One morning, while still lying in bed, Ryan looked down and decided quite suddenly that she was no longer plump, or a little round. She was huge and undeniably pregnant. And just briefly, she wished for it all to be over already.

Jake looked up and smiled when kitchen, now expanded, having taken over the old dining room. She liked her new, enlarged apartment that still retained the feel of it's original state. She was glad it was over, glad her home was no longer overun with contracters.

"Be careful or your face might stay that way," said Jake sternly, using a spatula to carefully flip the pancake he was making while Jamie played at his legs.

"I'm sorry, have _you_ ever been seven and a half months pregnant?" she demanded, sinking slowly into a kitchen chair and resting her hands on her much round stomach. She softened slightly when he grinned at her. She knew that he didn't mind her pregnant. Ryan almost always looked happy, her boobs got bigger, she felt surprisingly sexy. Most days, she enjoyed being pregnant.

"No. But I'm glad you are. You've passed the danger zone and you didn't even have to go on bed rest," he said proudly.

"I know, I'm practically an expert now. Ow. Your daughter is kicking me, Jake Jagielski," she complained. Jake smiled slightly. They both worried about the daughter more, who was smaller and more likely to be problematic.

"You know you kick in your sleep, too," he informed her.

Ryan scowled, and attempted to hold back a laugh.

"You know if you're not nicer to me I'll never carry around your progeny again," she threatened teasingly.

"I'm not worried. I'd already be informed that three was plenty," he reminded her.

"You spend entirely too much time listening." Ryan smiled, and hten frowned to look down at her belly. "Ow."

"What is it? She kicking again?" he turned back to the pancakes on the stove, not overly concerned.

"It's not that kind of pain. OW."

Jake dropped the flipper onto the counter and swiftly turned off the over, scooping up Jamie into his arms while he made one long stride for the phone resting on the table.

"It's probably nothing," she said, wincing again. "Just pre-contractions, those Hicks things. I got them with Jamie."

Jake spare her one glance.

"When you had Jamie, they had to take her out five days after your due date because was so small, and she almost stopped breathing before she could. Both of you almost died, Ryan," he said. She nodded, and he leaned down to take her hand in comfort.

* * *

After they wheeled Ryan into the OR for an emergency C-Section, leaving Jake outside clutching the hand of his eldest daughter, he decided he was tired of being on the outside looking in.

Ryan had kept up a face of bravery to keep her true pain from their daughter, but Jake could tell how much pain she was in, how scared she was. They'd been so proud after she'd carried the babies so far, after hearing about how risky it could be. They'd come too far for it all to end now.

It had only been six months. It had only been ten years, and he wasn't ready.

* * *

"Jake?"

Jake woke suddenly after an uncomfortable sleep in a hard plastic chair when his brother-in-law arrived.

"Hey Nathan. She's still in there," he said groggily.

"I heard. Look, I called the car service. If you want I can get them to take Jamie to the house, Heli will look after her," said Nathan. Jake nodded slowly.

"Guess she shouldn't be here," he admitted.

"Nothing's going to happen," said Nathan firmly.

As he spoke, a Doctor walked up to them, purpose and wear in his eyes.

"Mr. Jagielski?" he asked, holding out a hand.

"Yeah, that's me. Is my wife okay?" he asked instantly. The doctor nodded, as if happy to be asked the easy question first.

"She'll be fine."

"And the twins?"

"Your son is remarkably well, considering the duration of the pregnancy. He's in an incubator, but you can see him. The girl is smaller. Her lungs aren't fully developed. We have to wait," said the Doctor simply. Jake glanced away.

"She's tough," he murmured.

"I'm sorry?"

"The girl. She's the tough one. Can I see Ryan?" he asked. The Doctor nodded, looking confused.

* * *

Jake quickened his pace when he saw Ryan lying amongst her pillows, looking broken.

"Ry?" he said softly, taking her hand. She turned her head to look at him, her face wet with tears.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"It's not your fault. They're both going to be fine," he promised her, kissing her knuckles.

"She didn't even cry, Jake. It took so long before they could even get her to cry. I needed to hear her cry, and she wouldn't," said Ryan. He smoothed her hair off her forehead and kissed it.

"Don't do this to yourself, you did everything you were supposed to do," he reminded her.

Ryan turned her head away from him.

"Yeah. Yeah, I did, Jake. But it still wasn't enough."

Jake spent the night alternating between her bedside, watching Ryan sleep fitfully and outside a glass screen, watching his son in his incubator, struggling for his life.

His son was small, pink and fragile. He still couldn't imagine how much smaller his daughter could be, his daughter who was being kept in another, more isolated room for fear of infection.

Watching his son he was glad, somehow, that it would be a long, long time before he would be a man. That it would be years before he'd have this feeling of terror in his gut that he could lose everything.

* * *

One more time he left Ryan's bedside and went to see his son. He buried the fear he felt as soon as a nurse appeared at the end of the hallway, obviously seeking him out. He relaxed when she smiled at him, out of happiness and pity.

"The baby girl lived through the night, and is beginning to put on a few ounces. She needs to stay in her incubator until she develops more, but we have every reason to believe she'll be fine," she said. Jake grinned, and ran for Ryan's room.

* * *

He could tell, as he began to wheel her down the hall in a chair, that she didn't quite believe it yet, that she still feared for her small daughter. It wasn't until they arrived, that they saw her sleeping, and she had put her hand in to touch her for the first time that Ryan believed.

"She's beautiful," she murmured. Though he couldn't see it for himself, Jake suspected that this wasn't true: she was wrinkled and tiny, had little hair on her head. But he didn't see it like that. He gently leaned down to kiss his wife's head.

"Yeah. She really is," he said.


	60. Let Me In

Chapter Sixty: Let Me In

* * *

Author's note: MERRY CHRISTMAS! I'm going to try and write a holiday oneshot, but if I don't manage, hope this naley fix is enough.

* * *

"Nathan? What are you doing here?"

After she'd answered her door, Nathan looked down in surprise to see that she was still wearing her pajamas. He smirked slightly. He'd missed the sight.

"Kids are in Tree Hill," he reminded her. She rolled her eyes.

"I know. With Heli and my parents. What, you thought I'd forgotten?" she demanded. He stared down at her in surprise.

"Well I thought..."

"Right. We're having an affair. I forgot. So you figure we'll just do it on every available surface in their absence? Sounds great, count me in," she said sarcastically. Nathan frowned, realizing it did probably look like he'd shown up at nine o'clock in the morning for a quickie before work.

"No, that's not why I'm here. I mean sure, I'm up for it, but no. I was wondering if you wanted to go out tonight," he said. She raised an eyebrow.

"Out like where?"

"I'm asking you out, Haley. You're making it very difficult."

"Yeah, intentionally. Nate we were married for eight years, we really don't need to date," she said.

"Yeah, I know we were. And pretty soon you'll be back in my bed and we'll be so busy that we won't have time for dates. So we might as well take advantage of it while we can," he said. It occurred to him that it was exactly the sort of statement he would have said at twenty-four.

"Funny. Get out of here," she said in annoyance. He stepped inside, easily brushing her out of the way.

"Funny. Thought I owned the place," he reminded her. She scowled.

"Wow, this really is just like old times, lover," she said sarcastically.

"In old times we never got around to talking quite this much," he said, dropping his hands onto her hips.

"You're a pig, you know that?" she said, shoving him off of her.

"Used to turn you on. Come on, Hales. Say yes and I promise I'll leave," he said.

"Charming. Fine. Pick me up at eight," she said.

He nodded.

"Bossy, I like it. See you then," he said.

She rolled her eyes again. It was reassuring, to know that some things never, ever changed.

* * *

By the time seven had rolled around Haley decided that it was necessary for her to look hot enough to tempt him. Not, she reflected, like she really had to try. 

Deciding that meeting him upstairs was not good for his desires and her willpower, she met him in the lobby.

"Damn, Mrs. Scott, you look kind of hot," he said admiringly as she approached. Dressed in a knee length black dress, her hair tied back, she decided she was ready for anything.

"Everyone's going to wonder how you got so lucky. Ready?" she asked teasingly. She slipped her hand into the crook of his elbow.

"Always."

They went to a small, intimate restaurant, one they'd been to many times before on the occasions they'd wanted to avoid the press.

She smiled when he pulled out her chair and sat down across from her.

"You're being surprisingly gentleman like, Mr. Scott. Do you have an ulterior motive?" she asked.

He looked up, looking vaguely surprised.

"Yeah. Always do. To get you back, Hales," he said, his tone voicing that he was surprised she wasn't aware.

She frowned.

"You're being awfully cocky about it."

"What can I say? Recent events. Kind of proves my point in all of this," he said.

"That was an accident," she said resentfully.

"Actually, that was two accidents. Many more, if you count the amount of times we had an accident during both accidents. Two full nights of accidents, Hales," he reminded her.

"You know I really, really, really dislike you."

"And I love you, Haley. You know that, don't you?" he asked, his eyes suddenly earnest. She looked down, and then looked into his eyes.

"Yes. I know that, Nathan."

An hour later they were ending the date in the fashion that Nathan Scott had always ended his dates before he had met Haley.

He kissed her slowly, with the tenderness and desire of a man who had all the time in the world, without the urgency of their most recent encounters. She sat across his lap on the couch and he gradually slid his hand up her leg, smiling to himself every time her nerves tensed in response.

"You should go," she said, not stopping him as he moved into kiss her again.

"Mmh. Yeah, really should," he said. His hand skid farther up her leg and then slowly began to unclip the garter straps leading from the tops of her stocking to her bustier-the one he hadn't seen, but more of less knew the shape and size of. He slid his other hand onto her exposed cleavage while he attempted to undo another strap.

His hand slid under her dress and felt silk and lace over the stiff structure of her bustier. He ignored her words, too bothered by the notion that she now had underwear he'd never seen.

"Nathan..." she said, her voice pleading yet aroused.

"Hush. I want a closer look. Nice choice, by the way. Expecting spectators?" he asked suggestively.

"Just one," she murmured, as he kissed her neck. He looked up at her, surprised by the suggestion in her own voice. He ran a finger down her cheek, admiring the classical beauty of her features. Her eyes slowly opened.

"You're still mine, aren't you Haley?" he asked. She shivered slightly as his finger continued to wind it's way down her cheek, down her neck and then skimmed the edge of her dress.

Haley took his hand and moved it onto her breast, and leaned forward to kiss his own neck. He briefly relaxed, soaking up the simple joy of being touched by her without pressure.

"You really like to avoid answering questions like that, don't you?" he asked.

Haley ignored him, her lips moving slowly around to his mouth.

She gasped in surprise when he sharply grasped her shoulders and jerked her away.

"Answer me, Haley," he said, his voice impatient and demanding.

"Why do you always need me to reassure you? Why do you always need to remind me of the things I can't forget? Do you think I could forget? That it's not over? That it turns out that I don't actually want anything that I thought I wanted? That you don't belong to me anymore but I still belong to you?" she asked, her voice shaking. His grip softened, and he moved his arm around to her shoulders.

"I'm sorry," he managed.

He slid his other arm under her legs and stood with her in his arms. She looped her own aorund his neck to steady herself and kicked her legs in the air in surprise.

"What the hell are you doing?" she asked.

"Taking you home," he said, awkwardly opening the door to the hallway.

"What? Let me down," she demanded.

"As per we discussed, you're still mine, so I'm taking you home. You owe me a sleepover and I have a fairly good idea of what we could do," he explained. Haley frowned, hating herself for not hating him more when he said things like this.

"I hate you," she said resentfully, blushing as the elevator door opened and its other occupants raised their eyebrows in surprise.

Lifting her high into his arms, like a precious possession he couldn't bare to let go of, he smirked.

"Yeah. Maybe you do, Hales. And I get that right now you're kind of incapable of running for the door or whatever, you're not _exactly_ struggling," he said pointedly. Haley frowned, knowing it was true, that her hands were linked behind hie neck, that she'd ceased to move in his arms.

"What, you want me to keep wiggling?" she asked sarcastically.

Nathan smirked and nodded briefly at the doorman, who let them out of the building.

"Save it for tonight. First date's working out wonderfully, don't you think?"


	61. Can't Stop Now

Chapter Sixty-One: Can't Stop Now

"He's getting bigger."

Ryan didn't bother to glance up at her husband because her eyes were fastened on her son, who had finally come out of his incubator, who she was finally able to hold in her arms.

"He's perfect," she whispered, half to herself. Jake nodded, staring down at him intently. For hours, days, all he'd worried about was Ryan's own condition, but now he left himself fall instantly in love with his son.

"They both are," said Jake, thinking of his slowly growing daughter upstairs.

Jake sat next to Ryan on the bed. Ryan, who was finally out of bed, dressed in jeans and a blouse, her hair washed and hanging down her back, finally looking like herself again. He reached out and she slowly passed their son into his arms.

He cradled him in his hands, remembering with surprise how very small her was, smaller than Jamie had been. When he opened his eyes, Jake realized that he had the electric blue eyes of his wife.

Ryan touched his shoulder, and he slowly transferred the baby until he could hold him with one hand, and put his other arm around her shoulder.

"Come on, babe," she said. "Let's go home."

Smiling briefly for the occasional member of the paparazzi, they went into their apartment. Ryan breathed a sigh of relief as they entered their large, newly remodeled apartment and Jamie, who was there being looked after, ran at her, yelling her name. Ryan grinned, quickly passed her son off to her husband, and lifted her daughter into her arms, pressing her cheek against her blonde curls.

"Jamie, we have someone for you to meet," said Ryan, slowly, reluctantly letting her daughter slide to the floor. She looked up in interest as Jake crouched down to her level and showed her the red, wrinkled face of the new baby.

"This is your new little brother, and his name is Liam," said Ryan proudly. She smiled up at her husband: they'd come up with the name for the boy, William Zachary Jagielski, as soon as they'd learned the girl would be okay.

"He's small," said Jamie in surprise.

"Well so were you," reminded her father. Jamie cast him a look of doubt.

"Wasn't."

Ryan and Jake smiled slightly at each other and walked into their bedroom, where two basinettes had been set up. Ryan slowly placed her son in the blue one, her eyes carefully avoiding the other, wishing that it didn't have to exist right then.

Haley, who had been looking after Jamie, appeared in the doorway.

"He's grown a lot," she said fondly.

"Yeah." Haley raised her eyebrows as she saw Jake turn to her, posed to ask a question. "Hales, stay here with Ryan to help with Liam and Jamie, okay? I have to go out for a second."

"Where are you going?" asked Haley.

Ryan turned to her husband and met his eyes, cocking her head slightly as she slowly read him.

"No. We should all go," she said decidedly when she realized what he meant.

* * *

Ryan's hands trembled as she securely fastened her son into his car seat. She leaned down and lightly kissed his head as he let out a small sigh in his sleep. 

She sat down behind Jake. Due to the car seat they were pressed together, the car less spacious than usual. She slowly reached over and touched his hand, and squeezed his when he turned it over and closed his fingers around it. She knew that he'd waited for this, while she'd been getting better, and she loved him for it.

They stared at her name, which was the only thing engraved on the stone besides the date, the few years of her life. Ryan inched closer to Jake, suddenly feeling alone, knowing that she was only a replacement for the one lying here.

"Hey, Peyton,"she said softly, her eyes irrevocably stuck to the name.

* * *

Jake sunk slowly to his knees, and Ryan found herself wondering how often he was here, to be with his old love. His first love. She shivered and did her best to hide her feelings, knowing he deserved this. 

"This is Liam. His sister's still in the hospital. Sometimes I feel like you sent them to us. They happened on the night you died," he said. He inclined his head toward Ryan. "Does that make me insane? Does this?"

Ryan shook her head as tears began to well up in her eyes.

"Just thought you wanted to know."

In that second, Ryan Scott-Jagielski had a revelation.

Jake wasn't crazy. He missed Peyton, he missed his old love, but he didn't regret it. Underneath, he was glad it had happened, because he couldn't not be. Because somehow, indirectly, it had brought him to her. The sacrifice of Peyton, who no longer even desired her place in the world, was almost worth it to him.

When he looked back at her, she was smiling.

"Is it nice where you are?"

Ryan realized sadly that while Peyton lived her life was tainted, her misdemeanors unforgivable, but in death she could be remembered without a stain on her life. And for the first time in her long years with Jake, she realized she didn't have to live up to anything.

* * *

The three of them slowly walked back through the cemetery, pausing briefly at the graves of Karen and Keith Scott, and at the small marker in the same crypt, which didn't hold a body but only the memory of what Nathan and Haley had once lost. 

Ryan lifted her son back into his car seat, and turned to husband. She slid her hand in to is and smiled up the few inches that were between them.

"I love you," she said simply. He smiled and leaned down to kiss her lightly.

"I love you too."

Ryan's blue eyes glanced back at the direction of the grave, and then back into the car, where her son was slowly waking. She smiled as her head cleared, and she came to the conclusion that she'd been reaching for for months.

"I think I know what we should call our daughter," she said. His eyes followed hers, staring back into the sea of green grass and marble and stone headstones.

He nodded.

"It's a good name." He smiled at the thought of his daughter, who had struggled so bravely for her life. "She'll wear it well."

Jake placed his hand on the small of his wife's back, and lead her back to the other door. He held it open while she climbed in, and put his arm around her shoulders again when they were sitting down together. Ryan smiled sideways at him, and instantly noticed the guilt mixed with the acception on his face. She touched his hand.

"It's okay," she said. "She won't be forgotten."


	62. A Simple Thing

Chapter Sixty-Two: A Simple Thing

* * *

Authro's note: Sorry about the recent shoddy posting, as I'm sure most of you know alerts haven't been working. So once again I will ask that you ensure that you have read the chapters leading up to this one so that it makes sense, and hope you enjoy. Some of you in particular have been... _requesting _a scene such as the chapter that follows. Have fuuun.

* * *

Haley let out a sigh of contentment and rested her head on Nathan's shoulder, bringing her hand up to his stomach, lightly running it over his hard abs.

"Damn, Nate," she said. He smiled, his ego never minding her reaction after their love making, telling himself in satisfaction that no one else had ever done it to her, that no one else could ever do it better.

Haley laughed as he swung her back up onto his chest, and she leaned down until her body covered his. She kissed his mouth and moved her lips and kissed his earlobe.

"That's my girl," he said, relishing the feel of her light, familiar weight, remembering the months that had felt like years that they hadn't done this. It had only been two months since their reunion of sorts, and every day he worried that it would end.

She kissed his ear again, and whispered in his ear:

"Caveman."

She wrapped her arms around his neck as they flipped over again, cast him a flirtatious look as he unwrapped her arms from around him and held her wrists under his on the bedspread.

She let out a cry of disappointment as they distantly heard the front door open, and the loud cry of Kade as he ran in the door. He rolled off of her onto the bed and looked sideways at her, realizing instantly that it was back to their lives now, that her sojourn back home was in all probability over.

"Shit, I can't let them see me," she said, preparing to get up from the bed. He caught her wrist, held her back.

"Why not? We can all spend the day together Hales, it's been too long," he said. She wavered.

"They'll get the wrong idea, Nate. I'm not setting them up to get their hearts broken," she said.

"They'll be happy to be with us for a day. Come on, they won't know what's been going on, they don't have to. Just spend the day," he entreated.

He pulled her back in to him and kissed her.

"Come on. I'll make it worth your while," he said suggestively. She pulled away from him and stared into his eyes.

She sighed.

"I'm not giving you the chance, Nathan," she said firmly.

"What?"

"Come on. We both knew this couldn't last. Not again," she said.

"Fuck, Haley. What more do you want? I love you, I want to take care of you. I'd do anything," he said.

"What more do _you _want, Nathan? I gave you everything. My heart, my body, my love. And I'm trying. I don't want to be alone, I don't want our children to be hurting, I don't want to see interns in tabloids talking about how badly you want to divorce me," she said passionately.

"Yeah, you did. You gave me all that. So why do you have to take it all back?" he asked.

She stared at him for a second, pity and lost love overwhelming her. He cradled her in his arms when she went forward into them.

"I'm sorry," she said softly. "This isn't about what I want. I want_ you_. It's about what I don't want."

He was silent, trying to digest this, to accept it. He remembered his original plan, to wait for her to come back to him, how quickly it had become impossible to just wait.

"I'll stay here today," she said eventually.

He decided that it was a good sign, that it was still his arms she sought comfort in.

* * *

Haley and Nathan changed and came up with a fairly convincing story as to why Haley was visiting him at nine in the morning before running down to see their children, who had been away for nearly a week. 

"Mommy!" Haley sharply inhaled as six year old Nina threw herself at her, and lifted her into her arms. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see you guys. How was the trip?" she asked. She smiled awkwardly at Heli, who was looking skeptically at her and Nathan and put her arm around Eve, who, despite the wisdom beyond her years, did not suspect a thing.

Nathan, who was holding Kade, walked toward them, and Haley surpressed a smile. She'd missed this, having all of them together, feeling so connected to Nathan. She ruffled Eve's dark curls.

"I'm going to stay all day. We're going to go to the park," said Haley. She touched her hand to her son's cheek, who smiled radiantly at her.

"With Auntie Ryan and Uncle Jake and Jamie and Liam and Peyton?" demanded Nina eagerly. Haley turned to her husband.

"Are we seriously supposed to call Jake and Ryan's new daughter Peyton? That's just so weird," she muttered to him. He smiled slightly.

"Well, I'm sure they'll figure something out," he said reassuringly. Ryan and Jake had told a very surprised assembly of the family three days previously that the names of the twins were officially William Zachary and Peyton Clarissa. And, even more surprisingly, that it had been Ryan's idea.

Nathan glanced back at Nina, who was still staring at him, anticipating the answer to her question. He turned to Haley.

"No, sweetie," she said, smiling down at her daughter. "Just us."

* * *

Haley and Nathan strolled through the park behind their children, who were running ahead. Haley thought, with surprising calm, of how clichéd they were being: the beautiful young couple walking through the park hand in hand with their three children racing ahead, their cheeks flushed. 

"We should do this more often," said Nathan. Haley smiled and squeezed his hand lightly.

"Don't push your luck," she advised.

He nodded, and again looked forward to Eve, Nina and Kade.

"They're good kids," she said suddenly. He nodded.

"Yeah. We did good," he agreed.

"I'm not going to let us, our problems, get in the way of that. They're going to be happy," said Haley.

"Of course none of this is going to get in the way. I wouldn't let it," he said. She smiled.

"You're a good father, Nate."

"You're a good mom." he paused. "But we're better at it when we're together."


	63. Somewhere To Begin

Chapter Sixty-Three: Somewhere To Begin

Brooke decided one morning, as she lay in bed, that it was time for something to be done.

Lucas was sleeping fitfully beside her, ready to wake should Marina call out in her sleep. The rest of the house was quiet, subdued, waiting for life to go on as normal.

Slowly she got out of bed, knowing that Lucas wouldn't wake, that somehow he'd trained his body to awake at the sound of Marina but nothing else.

She almost woke him, but then quickly decided that he needed his sleep.

* * *

Brooke jumped slightly when she ran into the new nanny, Asher, who had come into the house without ringing the bell, as he was beginning to do. 

"God, way to give me a heart attack. Can you quickly get the kids ready? I mean just get them out of bed, we can load them into the car in their pajamas. I'm taking Marina for the day and Heli's going to take care of the rest," she said quickly.

"Who's Heli?" asked Asher.

"My brother's nanny. Try not to wake Mr. Scott, okay? And you can spend the day with them if Heli seems overcome," said Brooke, walking quickly down the hall toward Marina's room.

Brooke knocked lightly on her stepdaughter's bedroom door and entered before the girl could answer, guessing that she was already awake and pretending that she was not.

"Brooke?" she asked in surprise, propping herself up on her elbows. They hadn't gone yet to refurnish her room and it was still in the old style, like a hotel room. One classic and elegant, but not remotely suited to a ten year old girl. In the big bed, buried under a heavy comforter, she looked tiny and lost.

"Hey. Get dressed super quick, we're going out for the day," she said.

"You and me?"

"Yeah. We're going to let Da... Lucas sleep today. Come on," she said, winking as she departed the room.

* * *

Ten minutes later Asher Jackson loaded five half asleep kids into the company car, wondering why on Earth he'd ever thought it was a good idea to get involved with the Scott family. 

Leaving Connor, Hayden and Devon to walk in by themselves, he lifted Zoë onto his hip and Bailey onto his chest and walked awkwardly onto the porch to ring the bell.

He raised his eyebrows in surprise when a young Hispanic woman answered the door, wearing simple clothing, no makeup on her face, her dark hair falling down her shoulders. She looked up and blushed when she saw him blatantly staring.

"Hey. Not that I was expecting of the new nanny," she said in surprise, straightening up after greeting the three boys and offering her hand.

"Same here. I'm Asher," he said. She nodded.

"Heli. If you want to take them upstairs to get changed, I'll have breakfast ready by the time you get back down," she said. He nodded, frowning slightly as she walked away towards a hall door, scooping up a small dark haired boy as she walked. He had the vague feeling that he'd just been the recipient of a brush off.

* * *

"Where are we going?" asked Marina listlessly. 

"You'll see," said Brooke tantilizingly. She realized, with a frown, that she hadn't left a note for Lucas and that he'd probably wake up to find all of his family gone, and probably jump to the conclusion that they'd all been kidnapped.

Brooke glanced sideways at Marina, who was leaning against the car door, her cheek resting on her hand.

"Oh, we're here," said Brooke, as the car stopped in front of the tall Manhattan department store. Marina's eyes widened in amazement at the bustling crowd of upper class women, the doors being constantly opened by uniformed men.

"We're going shopping?" she asked incredulously. Brooke shrugged.

"Well yeah. Lucas isn't likely to take you. Come on," she said, smiling as the girl continued to drink in her surroundings.

"This place is huge," she said.

Brooke glanced around, realizing that after ten years and an infinite bank account, the place no longer impressed her as it once had.

"You should see Harrods. They have men in big green hats, it's fabulous. Come on, we have lots of work to do and so little time," said Brooke, reaching down to grab her stepdaughter's hand.

And Marina, absorbed in the exorberant prices at the perfume counter, didn't even think to protest.

* * *

Brooke smiled to herself as they walked through the department followed by a personal shopper, picking up anything and everything that caught their eyes. This had been something she'd always looked forward to, shopping for a little girl. Zoë and Bailey were still too young, and the boys never cared what she put them in. 

Briefly, Brooke wondered how the girl and her mother had lived. If Lucas' support cheques had been enough to put food on the table, or if they'd been enough to buy them mansions and all expense shopping trips at department stores. Judging by the glow on her face, Brooke guessed it was the former.

She realized that she had no idea of how to interact with her, besides buying her expensive designer things. It was all she could do, and she hoped that it was enough. She wished that Eve Scott were a little bit older, or that the girl was ready to start school. Lucas couldn't be everything to the girl.

Brooke smiled as she strutted out of the changeroom again and twirled in front of the mirror, her blonde hair flying in the air around her.

"Your daughter looks great in the dress. We also have it in pink, would you like to see that as well?" asked another personal shopper. Brooke nodded distractedly, still staring at the girl twirling in front of the mirror.

She stopped abruptly, staring at the negative space where the woman had stood, her words clearly swirling through her head, horror growing on her face as she realized that for the first time since her mother's death, she'd been having a guilt-free good time.

Brooke into her eyes and realized a moment before she spoke, exactly what she was going to say:

"She is not my mother."

* * *

Marina stared at Brooke all the way back to their house, mountains of shopping bags between them. She opened her mouth to speak, and closed it again. 

"I'm sorry," she managed eventually.

Brooke turned sideways to look at her.

"I don't want to replace anything for you, Marina. It's okay, we'll take a step back," she said, keeping her voice as calm as she was able. Marina nodded, looking indecisive.

The girl's words echoed through her head, hurting her more every time they came around. She didn't know why they hurt her. At long last she realized it was because that it was because Marina now considered Lucas to be her father-but Brooke to her was less than nothing.

Brooke was glad when they arrived home to learn that everyone else was there already, save Lucas, who, according to Asher, had gone back to bed.

Marina ran up to her room, ignoring Asher when he asked her about the day. He turned to Brooke and raised an eyebrow.

"I'd ask how it went, but..."

"She was having fun for about an hour before she realized that it was wrong, and then tried to take it out on me. God, I didn't even want to be her mother. I know it's too soon. I just wanted to get nearer to her," said Brooke. She glanced back up at Asher in surprise. "God, what's up with you? You look weird. Did you get threatened by Nathan or something?"

"What?".

"Well, you know, nannies. No one trusts them in this family. What's up?" she asked.

"I think I'm falling in love with Heli," he confessed. She raised her eyebrows and let her face fall into a genuine smile.

"Wow, you have no _idea _how many problems that solves..."


	64. Tell Me When

Chapter Sixty-Four: Tell Me When

* * *

Author's note: I know this is bad continuity, because Seamus and Amanda never had a kid before but I needed them too, plus they weren't always on speaking terms so it really does make sense if you overthink it. Anyway, forgive me this minor alternation of AWR history.

* * *

"_Haley, where've you been? Taking after a pair of twins and a three year old is less than stimulating, Jake's gone back to work and I know you don't have a life. Come hang with me more often, you hear?"_

Haley smiled as she deleted the message from her machine, resolving to call her sister back, knowing that she was exhausted now that both twins were home from the hospital. Liam was quiet but Peyton (who was now also called Rissa and Clari, in accordance with her middle name and to avoid confusion) was making up for her first weeks of silence by becoming a holy terror.

"_I think I found a way for all of us to stop worrying about the Nanny. It's hilarious. Call me back."_

Haley was vaguely curious about what Brooke was talking about, but she knew that her sister-in-law had always been more wary of Heli than she herself was. She deleted the second message.

"_I'm coming to pick you up at eight o'clock this evening. Wear that dress, the black one. And don't worry, the kids think I'm going to a benefit. And they'll be asleep by the time we get back so..."_

Haley abruptly stopped the machine, blushing in the privacy of her own apartment. She and Nathan had been dating for almost two weeks, trying their best to gain some semblence of a normal relationship. He, however, was growing rapidly less interested in the normal, and more in the extracurricular.

She glanced back down at her answering machine and realized she had one more message. She clicked it on in irritation, hoping it wasn't another relative begging for council. She raised her eyebrows in surprise when a familiar, urgent voice came on the phone.

"_Haley, this is Seamus. Amanda just went in to labour, and I guess I didn't know who to call..."_

Haley ran from the room while the message continued to play, calling the airport on her cellphone as she rang, requesting the private Scott jet be prepared for an immediate flight.

* * *

"Seamus?" 

He turned around in surprise, away from the glass wall, and looked at her incredulously.

"I'm a father, Hales. Again," he said.

She smiled, remembering awkwardly that he and Amanda had had a child around the time of Kade's birth, one she had never met.

"How is she?" asked Haley.

"Amanda? She's great. Amazing. She was so tough in there," he said, bewilderment on her face.

"Show me," requested Haley, moving toward the glass. Seamus pointed to a small boy, swaddled in a blue blanket.

"He's beautiful," she said.

"He's amazing. Sorry I called you out of the city. I guess I don't have that many friends after all," he said, laughing slightly.

"God, don't even think about it. I'm happy to be here for you," she said. He smiled down at her, glad that they could be friends, that nothing was between them any more.

"I'm happy you're here, too," he said, moving his hand along the bar they were resting on to cover hers.

Haley glanced up at him suspiciously, the glow in his eyes from the birth of his son combined with one more thing.

"You're scared at the concept of taking care of your other kid, aren't you?" she asked suspiciously.

He smiled slightly.

"Terrified. You have no idea," he admitted.

Haley smiled and linked her hand with his.

"Come on. Let's go see your wife," she said.

* * *

"I don't care that other woman have done this more. I'm never pushing another one out of me," said Amanda Foster decidedly, as soon as Haley and Seamus entered the room. Haley smiled. 

"I only did three. And two were by accident," she said, winking. "But my sister Brooke did five. And Ryan just had twins."

"Thanks, that's all kinds of helpful. How are you? Nathan?" she asked.

"The same," said Haley, shrugging, wondering how much Amanda knew of Nathan.

Amanda smiled sympathetically, and Haley suddenly decided that she knew a great deal.

"I was going to go with Seamus to take care of Cleo," said Haley. "Do you mind?"

Amanda looked at her in surprise. Clearly it had not entered her head to mind.

"Yeah, stay as long as you want."

"I have to get home to my own soon, but I'll help Seamus for now," said Haley.

"Good. Where's the baby, Seamus? Isn't he hungry yet?" she asked. Haley smiled at the slight sense of eagerness in her voice, remembering the familiar feeling of desire to be close to her child. Haley remembered it with Eve, with Nina, with Kade.

She smiled to herself as the baby was wheeled in only moments after she spoke.

"He's gorgeous, guys. What are you calling him?" asked Haley.

"Evan," replied Seamus distantly, watching as his wife took the infant in her arms and held him to her breast. Haley smiled at the devotion in his eyes, briefly imagining herself in the same position. A moment later, the thought amused her. Nathan had never been any less.

* * *

Two hours later Haley was proudly introduced to Amanda and Seamus' daughter, Cleo, and was witness to the little girl's squeals of happiness upon hearing about her new baby brother. 

Seamus smiled at her when he caught his eyes on her.

"You know, I don't think I've ever seen you this happy. I mean I've known you for what, ten years? And you've never been glowing this much," she said proudly.

"My life is pretty damn good," he admitted.

"I'm glad. I never could have made your life that good. I'm glad we realized that before it was too late," said Haley. Seamus frowned.

"You always made me happy, Haley. I could just never do the same to you," he said. Haley looked down, blushing.

"I tried. I wanted it to work. It just made so much more sense, you know? Anyway, we can't talk about this right now. Cleo's gorgeous," said Haley.

"That she is. Her full name's Colleen, but it doesn't work on a three year old. How is Nathan, Haley?" asked Seamus. Haley appreciated this question, appreciated that Seamus could ask so nicely.

"He's fine," she said flatly. Seamus raised his eyebrows knowingly.

"Something you need to tell me?" he asked. Haley glared at him.

"I so don't want to talk about it. It was an accident," she said defensively.

"How many accidents?"

"Don't ask."

* * *

Nathan Scott stole a last glimpse of himself in the car's rearview mirror before jumping out of the car, grabbing the small bouquet of flowers he'd left on the car seat. He nervously ran a hand through his dark hair, effectively ruining the gel he'd style it with. 

He walked past the doorman, ignoring him, and rode up to the penthouse. He wished, somewhat shamefully, that he'd thought to ask Heli to give him a once over before he left, but it was too late now.

Nathan pulled off the reading glasses he had been wearing and stuffed them in his pocket, feeling ancient where she hadn't aged a day.

Deciding to be gentlemanly, he rang the doorbell instead of just walking in, being a dinner date and not an overly familiar estranged husband.

He listened impatiently for the sound of her feet, and rang again when he didn't hear them.

He rang on more time before using his key to enter. His eyes swept the dark, empty room, his feet led him to her empty bedroom.

Nathan dejectedly leaned against the wall outside her room and reached into his pocket to pull out the black velvet box that had rested there. He flicked it opened, stared at the object it contained, and flicked it closed again.

Apparently on this night, where he'd thought for sure he could finally start them up again for real, she'd left him all over again.


	65. We Might As Well Be Strangers

Chapter Sixty-Five: We Might as Well Be Strangers

"Devon?"

Devon Scott woke slowly, rolling over in his bed and tugging down the top of his Superman pajamas when he realized that his little brother was standing in his bedroom door, his thumb in his mouth, wearing his pajama top but not the bottoms.

"Connor?"

Connor took this as an invitation to run and jump on his brother's bed.

"Mommy and Daddy are still asleep," he complained. "And Asher's not here yet."

"So?"

Devon fell back onto his pillow, trying his best to drown out his little brother's voice.

"So can I stay with you?" he asked.

Devon lazily opened his eyes again and saw his brother still sitting on his bed, looking small and innocent and lost. He sighed a long, drawn out sigh.

"First go get some pants. Then maybe I'll think about it," he said generously.

* * *

Lucas smiled to himself when he walked in to his eldest son's room to find his youngest son with him, gradually stealing away from his blankets and reducing Devon to a small strip of bed next to the wall. 

He leaned down to lift up his son from the bed, who woke as he did so.

"What's going on?" he asked in confusion.

"Your big brother's got to get ready for school, little man," explained Lucas apoligetically.

"Already?" mumbled Devon. Lucas smiled.

"Yeah, already. Get dressed," he said, swinging Connor onto his shoulders before bringing him back to his own bed.

Twenty minutes later Brooke and Lucas met the three eldest downstairs, neatly attired in their school uniforms.

Lucas playully ruffled Marina's long blonde hair, sensing her nervousness. His eyes stayed on her as she reluctantly ate her plate of pancakes and took the packed lunch that Brooke held out to her.

"Maybe we should have gone with her," said Lucas anxiously, as he watched the three of them be driven off.

"We took her yesterday, she knows the place. Devon will help her out. Plus, it would be way uncool," said Brooke lightly. Lucas nodded, wanting to agree with her.

Marina dragged her feet as her two half brothers hurried toward the playground. She stood awkwardly on the outside as they joined into a rowdy game of basketball. She followed Devon gratefully into the building when the bell rang.

She stopped in the doorway of their fifth grade classroom, glad that she was wearing the same outfit as the other fifteen boys and girls in the room. She nervously smoothed out her plaid skirt and went to sit in the desk next to Devon.

The class all looked up as a young woman with curly hair entered, carrying a binder and a clipboard.

"Good morning, class. We have a new student today, Marina Scott," she said, smiling in Marina's direction. Marina smiled back awkwardly, wishing that the teacher could have somehow forgotten to mention her last name.

They turned to stare at her in surprise, recognizing the perplexity of it already. She stared down at her desk, trying to read the decades worth of initials and secret notes inscribed there.

Suddenly it didn't matter that she was blonde and perfect, that the top half of her hair was tied back perfectly with a red ribbon. To them, who had been raised by their mothers in the way they'd been raised by their own mothers, she was nothing more than white trash.

She was grateful that the table that Devon led them to at lunch was a mix of boys and girls, in and out of their class. She felt their eyes on her, but decided she didn't care.

Marina had noticed, earlier in the morning, that Devon spent most of the morning with most of the eyes of most of the girls in their class on them. She realized,with slight pride, that her half brother was the class stud. It was so weird to her, that she'd known who he was since forever, but he'd never known she existed.

After lunch, at recess, she sat by herself, her legs tucked underneath her and watched her surroundings. Devon kept a vague eye on her from afar and Hayden waves as he ran past on the way to the baseball diamond.

She smiled slightly when she saw Devon steal the basketball from another boy in their class and make an easy basket.

She was distracted from the game when she saw a group of girls her own age, staring at her in interest. Devon noticed this in the same moment and ran over.

"You got a problem?" he asked, seemingly addressing the ringleader of them. She shrugged.

"What, with the charity case? I thought your family had standards, Scott," she said mockingly.

Marina looked down and blushed, wondering if she'd ever be anything else here.

"No, what I meant was do you have a problem with my _sister_," he said emphatically. She looked up in amazement to find him still staring at the girls in defiance. He turned to her when they walked away.

"Do you play?" he asked, indicating the round orange ball in his hand.

She stood up, dusted herself off.

"No. But I'd like to learn," she said, hopefully running after him back to the court.

* * *

Marina smiled sideways at Devon when the two of them walked in. The second half of the day had been considerably more bearable than the first. 

"Where's Mom and Dad?" asked Devon, when Asher opened the door for them.

"Out somewhere. Sorry to disappoint, Dev," he said. Devon ran past, ignoring him, but Marina offered him a sunny smile and blushed when he returned it.

Asher, who generally gave them freer reign than their parents, didn't bat an eyelid when the three eldest spent the afternoon coasting down the banisters and playing rousing games of tag in the basement. In fact, he rather viewed it as a good sign.

Brooke did too, when she arrived home to find Devon and Hayden sitting with Marina in front of the television, slowly coaching her on how to play with their Playstation. If nothing else, reflected Brooke, it was at least a start.

* * *

Author's note: So I'm getting the feeling that some of you are needing a pep talk right now.

I get that this is getting kind of depressing, that Brooke and Lucas need to communicate, that Jake needs to get out of his dark whole of depression thing, that Nathan and Haley have been apart for freaking ever.

I only have fifteen chapters left. And while they're not exactly sunshine and light every minute, they definitely have their moments. Sappy moments. Less and less angry ones, that at least I can promise.

Also I can promise that this won't end like AWR... I'm not going to try to fool you guys into thinking you're getting a happy ending and then yank it away in the last minute. Hopefully by the end Haley will start to be less irritating, Heli will make all of you worry less, and all those other things that have admittedly been dragging on for a while now.

So yeah. Keep your collective chins up, the end is nigh. In a good way. In a "light at the end of the tunnel" way.

Questions? Comments?


	66. Almost Normal

Chapter Sixty-Six: Almost Normal

Brooke knows that he is jealous, and she knows that she wants him to be.

She doesn't feel bad about this because in reality, she is doing nothing that technically warrants jealously. Sure she is talking to Asher, but Brooke is quite sure that Lucas thinks the new nanny is gay. Or at least, until right now he did.

She has turned her face slightly, to study her husband out of the corner of her eye, but quickly turns back to focus on Asher. She likes talking to him, helping him with his plans.

"How are you two doing, anyway?" she asked. Asher shrugged.

"There isn't really a two of us. She pretty much gave me the brush off. There are... complications," he said with difficulty.

"Oh, like how she's in love with her boss and probably thinks you're gay anyway?" asked Brooke. Asher glared at her, as heatedly as he was willing to let himself glare at an employer.

"Something like that. Is she? Really?"

"Maybe. We all suspected so, but we're always concerned about our Naley, and sometimes our judgment isn't exactly sound," she admitted.

"Our?" he asked, smiling.

"Our. There's an us," she said.

"Why do you all distrust her so much, anyway? It doesn't seem like she's tried to seduce Nathan away from Haley, or really done anything except for look after the kids," said Asher.

"It's just like that, though. I mean Seamus is married, just had another kid and still we're nervous whenever he's near Haley."

Asher raises his eyebrows.

"Is it just me, or is Nathan a jealous asshole?" he asked.

"He seems to think it's his right."

Brooke wandered off, wishing the house was louder, that there were more crying children and exuberant games of hide and seek in the hallways.

* * *

Wandering around the house, she quickly realized that her children were not in her rooms, that she'd barely seen them since they'd all arrived home from school three hours previously. 

When she finds them, the image of them all together hurts her more than she could have imagined. They are playing a game, a game which she has no part in.

Marina sat in her father's lap, her laugh rising above all the voices.

Brooke swiftly, painfully, remembered her words:

"_She is **not** my mother."_

These words, somehow, had hurt her more than Lucas' admission of her existence, than Rachel's death, than Lucas steadily ignoring her more and more as the weeks wore on.

Ignoring Devon, who called out to her to come join them, she ran up the stairs and into the bathroom. Leaning over the toilet and gathering her long dark hair in her hands she made herself sick, as she hadn't done since high school with such a distinct goal in mind.

The door banged open and she looked toward it in horror, realizing in an instant that she'd forgotten to lock it.

He watches her swish water around her mouth, her eyes wide in horror, and puts the situation together.

"Are you...?" he begins to ask.

"Pregnant?" she spat out bitterly. "Of course not."

Then he remembered how she wasn't, because she never would be.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"For what?"

He was silent, staring at her.

"Look, I know she needs you. I do, I get it. And I'm trying so hard, Lucas. I don't even care if she likes me, I just want her to be happy because I can't even begin to imagine what's going on with her right now. I think she's brave, and you're amazing with her. But did you ever think that I needed you to take care of me, too?" she asked.

"Brooke..."

"No. Luke, I've been trying. So hard. Everyone's trying, and you don't even notice us anymore, except when I'm talking to the nanny. Like you have the right to get jealous," she said bitterly.

"I'm sorry," he managed to say.

"You keep saying that. Are you sorry that she exists? Or that I know?"

Lucas approached her slowly.

"I'm sorry that I let you believe you don't matter to me anymore," he clarified. Brooke looked up into his eyes, her own beginning to shine with tears.

"You didn't..."

"I did. And I'm sorry. Marina is my child, and I love her. But nothing could make me love you any less than I do. Nothing, Brooke Scott," he vowed.

"I need you to remind me, sometimes. I need you to take care of me."

He kissed her head, drew her in to him.

"I know. We'll get through this," he promised.

As her tears began to roll down her face, and her legs slowly weakened her lifted her into his rooms and walked through a connecting door into their bedroom.

He laid her out on the bed, carefully tucked the duvet around her and laid down beside her, touched his hand to cup the edge of her cheek.

"I need you too."

She nodded. It was a fact she's always known, but still tortured her at the worst of times.

"I'm not going to sleep with the nanny," she reciprocated.

"Good. I'm glad."

"He's into Heli," she said helpfully.

"Well that solves a lot of problems."

"I know! That's what I said!"

Lucas put his arm around her shoulders and she moved into him, placing her head on his own shoulder.

"I love you. But you're kind of like an idiot sometimes," said Brooke frankly. Lucas smiled and kissed her head.

"Yeah, I know. You, too."

* * *

As he approached her from behind in the crowded bar, it occurs to him that it probably looks like he's stalking her. 

"Hey," he said, manufacturing a large, jock-like smile.

"Hey," replied Heli, looking up at him in surprise.

"Night off?"

"Yeah. You too?"

She looks up at him, and realizes that he is awkward like an adolescent at this, and that he couldn't be farther from what she's come to think of as her ideal.

"Yeah. Crazy coincidence, huh?"

"Yeah. Crazy," she agreed, hiding a smirk.

He realized that she was laughing at him, but decided that he didn't care, that it was almost a good sign.

"You live with Nathan, right?" asked Asher.

"Yes." Her answer came quick, and when she looked up at him again she realized how it must have sounded. "But not like that. Like, not even a little."

"They all think..."

"Yeah. I know."

"It doesn't bother you?" he asked.

"They wouldn't stop, so it can't matter."

"Why didn't Haley hire someone she could trust more? Less... you know..."

"I don't, actually," said Heli, smiling.

"Less beautiful. Safer."

She blushed at this, and looked down.

"Haley has to pretend she doesn't care."

Asher nods, and looked down at Heli. He studied her for a second, her long dark hair that contrasted with her fairly pale skin, a mix of her ancestries.

"Are you in love with him?" he asked. He didn't care, not particularly, because he knew it would never go anywhere, but it would be nice to know.

Heli stared back up at him, refusing to answer.

"Can I buy you a drink?" he asked eventually.

Heli looked up at him, wondering if she was ready for it, if he really was anything more than an overgrown jock.

"What would happen if I were to say no?" she asked flirtatiously. He signals to the bartender, holds up two fingers.

"Try and stop me," he replied easily, clinking his glass against hers when it arrived, feeling slightly uplifted when she smiled for real.


	67. Don't Look Away

Chapter Sixty-Seven: Don't Look Away

"Are you _sure_ that you're going to be okay?" asked Haley anxiously.

"Without you to look after us? Gee, I just don't know..." said Seamus, faking concern. He laughed easily at how ironic the situation was, that she could barely bring herself to leave the family, to go back to her own. To her own children, whom she'd talked to on the phone with every night of her absence.

"We'll be fine, Haley," said Amanda reassuringly.

Haley nodded nervously, and awkwardly hugged her, moving cautiously around the baby sleeping in her arms. She then bent down to hug Cleo, their three year old.

She turned to Seamus.

"Bye," she said. She scrutinized him, wondering whether going for a hug would be too awkward, before he leaned forward and wrapped her into his arms.

"Bye, Haley. We'll come visit soon," he promised.

Haley nodded and picked up her bag, walking swiftly through the airport that would take her back home.

* * *

"Haley!" 

Haley looked up in surprise from the baggage carousel to the voice calling out to her, smiling as she instantly realized who had come to greet her.

"Ryan!" she reached her and they hugged tightly. Haley peered into the double stroller her sister-in-law was pushing to see the twins sleeping peacefully, even in the calamity of the airport.

"They're growing," she said proudly. "Hey Jake."

Hoisting Jamie, who had thrown herself at her legs, into her arms, Haley gave her friend a one armed hug.

"It's good to be home. Did I miss anything?" she asked.

"Minor Brooke and Lucas stuff," said Ryan lightly. "And..."

"What?" asked Haley suspiciously.

"Nathan's been unreachable. He's pissed. Did something happen?" she asked delicately.

Haley remembered suddenly what she hadn't for her entire trip: the black dress, the eight o'clock. Briefly, she pictured herself having to explain her reason for showing him up.

"Crap," she muttered under her breath.

"What?" asked Ryan, looking vaguely annoyed that Haley had sworn while still carrying her three year old daughter. Haley guiltily let down Jamie.

"I kind of blew him off. It's not that big a deal, but he's not going to like the reason," said Haley, looking pained.

"He rarely does," agreed Jake, looking sympathetically. She smiled at him as he pulled her bag off the carousel, and she took Jamie by the hand while he pulled it behind him.

* * *

Haley fell onto her bed and slept for hours without stirring, resting up for the energy to confront Nathan, knowing she'd need it. 

She woke up in the evening, showered, dressed and called the car to take her over to her ex's house.

"Hello?"

Her call echoed around the hall, but she heard no scurry of movement.

She stood still until the front door creaked open. She looked behind her, hoping to see Nathan, but was surprised to come face-to-face with Heli, who was pulling a tall boy with dark blonde hair by the hand.

"Mrs. Scott?" asked Heli, stopping abruptly when her date moved in to kiss her. Haley smiled awkwardly. "What are you doing here?"

"Looking for Nathan," said Haley. "That's okay with you?"

"Sorry. This is my friend Asher," she said, introducing him. Haley eyed him warily.

"You work for Brooke. Hi. Is he here?" she asked. Heli nodded.

"Upstairs."

Haley moved to go, but heard Asher speak quietly to Heli behind her:

"Yeah, you're not bothered by any of this at _all_..."

* * *

"Nathan?" 

Haley found Nathan quickly in their room, the one they'd lived in together. He stared at her in surprise when she walked in.

"You're back."

"I'm back."

"You couldn't have come earlier? The kids have missed you. I guess you can see them tomorrow..." he said distractedly. He looked back at her, standing in the doorway, her blonde hair loose and streaming over her shoulders. "You're really back."

"Yeah, I'm back. What, you're so sure I'll be here in the morning?" she asked flirtatiously.

Nathan face showed his surprise when Haley pushed him backwards onto the bed and followed him, straddling him. He gripped her thighs on either side of him for a moment before lifting her off decisively.

"No, wait."

Haley frowned slightly, trying to remember the last time he'd pushed her away from her.

"Where were you?" he asked.

Haley found it doubtful that he didn't know already, and found it much more likely that he just wanted to pick a fight about it.

"Look, I'm sorry I broke our date, it was an emergency," she said. Nathan frowned, remembering the velvet box he'd carried which now stood at the bottom of his sock drawer.

"What sort of emergency?"

"I was in Boston, with Seamus and Amanda," she said.

"Why?"

"Amanda was having their second kid. A boy," explained Haley.

"And what, Seamus just couldn't manage all by himself?" asked Nathan challengingly.

"Guess not. But I wouldn't talk. You have a full time nanny down there," she accused.

Nathan frowned at this, his argument shattered.

"I don't want you to see him again," he said suddenly.

"What, your manhood's all that threatened?"

Slowly she advanced toward him again.

"I thought you were the only one for me, Nathan? I thought only you could make me scream? I thought I was all yours?" She looked up at him, innocently. "And now you don't trust me to be around _Seamus_?"

"I don't trust _him_," clarified Nathan nervously.

Haley shook her head slowly, knowing she was close enough to Nathan now that he could feel the heat of her body.

"I don't think I trust you, Nathan."

She slowly backed off, turning to leave the room.

She turned back, angry but not surprised, when he grabbed her wrist and pulled her back in to him.

In the next instant, she knew what was going to happen. She almost, but not quite, regretted it. They'd gradually moved back to their more tender encounters of late. They hadn't pissed each other off so badly in a while.

Grabbing her shoulder, he pushed her backwards onto the bed, joining her almost instantly. She stared up at him, completely still under his weight.

"Don't you ever want to be _more_ than this?" she asks.

He leaned down to kiss her and she responded instantly, arching her body toward his, tugging her wrists free of his grasp to wrap her arms around his neck and pull him back down in to her.

Nathan abruptly took his hands off of her and let her fall abruptly to the bed. He climbed off of her carefully and retreaded to the baseboard. He stood up, crossed his arms, and looked down at her.

"Yes, I do," he said decisively.

"You do what?"

He stared down at her, lying on the bed, looking confused and alone.

"I want to be more than this," he repeated.

"Nathan, it's okay. I'm... I'm saying yes," said Haley, blushing.

"I'm not. We're not kids anymore. And I love you too damn much to keep doing this to you. Come here."

Haley rose in surprise, went on her knees in front of him on the bed and looked into his eyes.

"Kiss me," he said quietly.

She leaned forward and gently touched her lips to his. Slowly he wove his arms around her.

Haley moved away from him and moved farther back onto the mattress, looking up at him entreatingly. He moved on to the bed and climbed on top of her and kissed her again, his hands unbuttoning the top button of her blouse as he did so.

* * *

"We need to stop meeting like this, Mr. Scott," said Haley, luxuriously spread across their bed, her body covered by the duvet. 

He leaned over to kiss her.

"Haven't you learned yet? We're never going to stop meeting like this." Nathan paused, waiting for a reaction that never came. "Are you going to stay here with me tonight?"

Haley looked over at him, still flushed from their encounter.

"No," she said quietly. And even though she meant it, willed it to be true, she couldn't make herself move.

She rolled back into his arms and ignored her own words. This was not the time, she decided, to grow apart any further.

* * *

Author's note: Thanks for reading my pep talk, hope it helps. We're almost finished. Sort of. Thirteen more chapters!!! ANYWAYS. I'm worried that some of you didn't read the last chapter because I know it arrived blank in the alert. So go check that out. It isn't crucial to this chapter, but you should read it before I post the next. Hope you enjoyed. 


	68. White Lights

Chapter Sixty-Eight: White Lights

"Hey, Stranger."

Nathan offered a brief smile.

"Hey, Brooke."

Brooke walked up to Nathan on the playground, where they were both waiting for the respective children to get out of school, and looped her arm through his.

"I haven't seen you lately. You been all wrapped up in your angst?" she asked. He looked at her, anticipating her next query. "Or... maybe wrapped up in something else."

"Brooke..." he said, his tone warning her.

"Fine, moving right along. Jeeze, touchy much?"

"You trying to pull something?" he asked.

"Just trying to have a conversation here. Oh, and can I bring Marina and Devon and Hayden over? Lucas took the other three to the Doctor's," she explained.

"Where's Asher?" asked Nathan.

"Don't know. Probably wherever Heli is," she said helpfully. He nodded, trying to decide whether or not this bothered him.

"Probably. Oh, there's Hayden," he said, pointing. Brooke unlinked her arm with his and walked over to her son, taking his hand in hers and listening to his animated chatter about recess' game of flag football.

* * *

"So, think they're actually doing their homework?" asked Brooke. Nathan laughed.

"Think they're slacking already?"

"I know I did."

"You're in an awfully cheery mood today, Brooke," noted Nathan casually.

"Why shouldn't I be? No one is almost dying, no one is in car crashes, no one is revealing long lost love children. Face it, hotshot, we have once again entered a golden age." Brooke paused, looked up into Nathan's pained, hurt filled eyes. "Well... except for that."

Noting that he was less in the mood to talk now, she hopped up onto the counter and looked at him in frank curiosity.

"How you doing with that, anyway?" she asked.

"It's not one of our proudest moments," he admitted.

"You do know that you're going to get back together, right? I mean, you're Nathan and Haley. You enjoy driving each other insane, but we all know it's going to happen," said Brooke.

"I wish I could believe that too."

Brooke touched his shoulder reassuringly.

"Don't worry. You will."

Nathan smiled awkwardly at her, incredulous as always that their relationship after ten years was still so intermittent. He'd slept with her cousin, married her best friend, but still they were barely more than acquaintances. Their relationship involved almost solely of Brooke giving Nathan advice about Haley in his most clueless moments.

"You know," said Brooke suddenly. "Haley and I were cheerleaders in high school. With Peyton, too. And this girl, Bevin, who was also our friend."

"I know. I have a picture of you three in my wallet, cheer leading, that's been there since I was twenty-four," he said.

"I know, and I always thought it was kind of creepy. Anyway, there was this party, at the end of grade nine that we went to, just after we were all recruited to start on the varsity cheer leading team. And I hooked up with this guy, this senior, and I slept with him," said Brooke.

"Um, okay."

"Sorry, TMI. Then there was this other party. Like a year later. And Bevin hooked up with some guy. And..."

"I think I can guess where this goes," interrupted Nathan.

"Shut up, Mr. Know-it-All. And Peyton had this boyfriend when we were juniors, and they weren't all that close but they went at it a _lot_, pretty much because she was horny all the time and he really wasn't interested in much else."

Nathan raised his eyebrows, looking bored.

"Through all this, Haley dated Chris. Seriously. All through high school. She was at all his lame ass shows, and helped him get his job at the record store downtown. And not once did they even come close. Because whether or not she knew it, she was waiting for the real thing. The real thing wasn't Chris, Nathan. It was you, and she knew that as soon as she saw you. And she still knows that, and she's still waiting." Brooke put her hand on his arm, smiled. "She's not going to stop."

Nathan slung an affectionate arm around her, always appreciate of the kind attempts to encourage him not to give up.

"Ever regret it for yourself?" he asked jokingly.

"God no. But then, I never had the option of sleeping with Nathan Scott laid out in front of me," she said, flirting in exaggeration.

"Come on, I had way less morals back then," he said. She nodded.

"Yeah. Me too."

Nathan suddenly became very aware of his arm, wrapped around her, and looked down at her in surprise to find her already looking at him.

Brooke pulled out his embrace so that they were facing each other, and cautiously reached up to touch his cheek.

Nathan stared down into her eyes and took a deep breath to fill his lungs, to give him courage, before he leaned down and kissed his brother's wife.

As Brooke's arm round around his neck, he forced himself to forget that this was Lucas' wife, that he'd slept with her cousin, that he'd already slept with an intern and Haley could never fully forgive him, that he was finally sleeping with Haley and there was no way in hell this sort of secret could stay hidden.

Brooke sprang away as the kitchen door slammed closed. Nathan looked up and met his brother's eyes, wide and dark in their anger.

"Luke, I..."

He put out a hand, as if to stop Brooke before she could move toward her.

"What the fuck, Brooke?" he demanded.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what just happened," she said entreatingly.

Nathan leaned against the counter, closed his eyes and slowly realized there was a reason he and Brooke had never hooked up, and furthermore, the sole reason it had happened now was that Brooke needed some small kind of retribution.

"It's not what it looks like," said Brooke.

"What isn't?"

All three heads looked up sharply when Haley entered the room, bewilderment on her face, halfway between a frown and a smile, not knowing what to make of the obvious anger in the scene.

Lucas turned toward Haley first, before Nathan could speak. Nathan realized, a second before it happened, what Lucas was doing and why he was going to do it, but he didn't have time to stop it.

Haley gasped in surprise when Lucas, who'd been her brother in law for ten years but never really her friend, pulled her toward him and pressed his lips onto hers.

Nathan watched in stupefied amazement as he kissed her, slowly and deeply, holding her securely when it seemed like she was going to fall from the simple shock of the moment.

Lucas broke away from the kiss and looked defiantly up at Nathan for a moment.

"Nice job. Now what the hell was that?" demanded Haley.

"Sorry Hales. Just trying to prove a point," explained Lucas, glaring at his brother.

Brooke and Haley winced as Nathan charged the several feet across the kitchen and his fist sailed into his brother's jaw, sending Lucas sprawling across the floor.

Brooke looked worriedly at Haley, who was still staring between the three of them, still trying to piece the mystery together.

"Yeah. Guess I kind of deserved that," she admitted quietly.

* * *

"So. Maybe we should do talking right now?" suggested Brooke, holding an ice pack to Lucas' face.

"What was that, Brooke? Payback?" he asked.

"A desperate attempt. I'm sorry," she said empathetically.

Lucas stared down at her.

"We're in a bad place. We have to get out of it," said Lucas.

Brooke tentatively put a hand on his chest.

"Yeah. We really, really do," she agreed.

Haley crossed her arms and watched Nathan as he held an ice cap against his fist, wincing.

"I don't know what just happened, but I'm guessing it was you doing something stupid," she said accusingly.

"I can't believe Lucas kissed you," said Nathan in disbelief.

"I've been kissed before, Nate," said Haley.

"Not in front of me. Not... like that."

"You're right. He's not all that bad of a kisser. What did you do to Brooke?" she asked. She didn't protest as Nathan leaned down to kiss her.

"Pretty much that," he admitted. Haley slapped his arm in annoyance.

"Thought so. You deserved it," she said accusingly.

"Deserved what?"

"Lucas making you all insane with jealousy."

"He did not..."

"Did too. You're too man too see another man on your woman?" she said evocatively.

"Hey, I'm all man."

Nathan leaned forward, wrapped his good hand around her waist, and kissed her again.

"My woman?" he asked. Haley leaned up to peck his lips.

"Don't press your luck."


	69. Where Have You Gone?

Chapter Sixty-Nine: Where Have You Gone?

Jake smiled upon walking into the room to find Ryan flat on her back, her hair spread out around her, their daughter asleep on her chest.

He slowly leaned down to pick her up, to take her to her crib, but stopped when he heard a noise of protest from his wife.

"Clari and I are having a good time down here," she protested, her eyes still closed.

"You're asleep," he said accusingly.

"Am not."

Ignoring her, he leaned down to lift his youngest daughter off his chest, admiring her once he'd lifted her into his arms. She'd been so small. She was still small, but no longer fragile. She was a fighter, full of life.

She did her namesake proud.

Jake slowly walked into the nursery, were Liam was already asleep in his crib. He stared at both of them in contentment, disbelieving that he'd ever not realized how much he wanted this.

Ryan, despite her words, was still asleep on the carpet when he arrived back. Jake chuckled to himself before leaning down and lifting her into his arms as he'd done her daughter.

"I'm fine," she mumbled, as he slung her arm around his neck.

"You are fine. You're also asleep. You really have got to do more of that," he said reprovingly.

"Can't. Babies," she reminded him.

Jake nodded, and pulled the covers up over her after lowering her onto their bed.

He stared at her a moment longer, how in her sleep she looked so childlike and innocent, so perfect, so entirely too good for him.

He leaned down to kiss her forehead. She smiled slightly in her sleep.

"I love you," he whispered.

She didn't respond, but he didn't mind all that much. He had no cause to doubt anymore.

* * *

"Hello?" 

"Hey Haley. This is Jake," said Jake into the phone.

"Hey. What can I do for you?" she asked.

"I was wondering if you could kidnap my wife for the night. You know, watch girl movies, maybe some M&Ms and a game or two of truth or dare?" he suggested.

"What are you, having an affair?"

"No. She needs a night off. Trust me. Can you do it?" he asked.

"Maybe. But just us two, Brooke isn't talking to me. I'm pretty sure I'm not talking to her, either," volunteered Haley.

"Pretty sure?"

"I'll figure it out and get back to you. In the meantime, have fun taking care of three children under four all by yourself," she suggested.

"Thanks. You're all kinds of helpful."

* * *

Despite her doubts, Jake managed to convince Haley to have Brooke and Ryan over to his place for the night, and to convince Ryan that her children would be all right for one night without her. 

"Hey. Why aren't you talking to Brooke?" asked Ryan pleasantly, after arriving at Haley's.

Haley shrugged.

"Don't know, actually. Let's just wait till Brooke gets here. I have a feeling it'll make a great story," she said.

Ryan raised her eyebrows when Haley winked at her, wondering how much drama the two of them had gotten involved in within the last twenty-four hours.

By the time Brooke had arrived and cast Haley a guilty look under her eyelashes before she even spoke, Ryan guessed it was quite a lot.

"You frenched my husband, didn't you?" accused Haley.

Brooke shrugged.

"Accident. I'm _sorry._ You kissed Lucas," she reminded her.

"Yeah. Don't really regret it, either. Damn good kisser," admitted Haley. She shrieked when Brooke flung a pillow at her head. Ryan cleared her throat.

"You know, that's the first time you've called him your husband in months. I mean you guys have been separated for what, seven, eight months? We were all beginning to think it might stick, and now you're being all possessive."

"We didn't. But you are," agreed Brooke.

Haley looked between the two of them and sighed.

"Are you telling me you didn't notice how much less he's been whining lately?" she asked innocently. Brooke let out a noise of disbelief.

"Haley Elise James-Scott, are you having an _affair_?" she demanded, her voice getting gradually higher as she spoke. Haley scoffed.

"We're married, silly. But yeah. Completely. Pretty much daily," she admitted shamelessly.

"My God he must be good in bed, because he's pretty much an ass. Particularly lately," said Ryan.

"Yeah, we kind of even each other off in that category."

They were silent for a moment, the overwhelming surprise of the affair and the complete expectancy of it quieting them.

"You know, you and I have now kissed all three of the boys," said Brooke abruptly. Haley glanced guiltily at Ryan.

"Yes. I guess we have," she agreed.

* * *

"God, I'm actually too tired to sleep. And I feel weirdly hungover," said Ryan, hours later, as she and Haley watched Brooke sleep.

"You really should have spaced out Liam and Peyton more," said Haley helpfully.

"Wasn't my choice. Do you think it's weird that we called her that?" asked Ryan.

Haley paused, collecting her thoughts.

"Yeah. We all do. Why'd you do it?" she asked.

"Because... because I don't need to feel threatened by her, but I need to remember that she existed. That I conceived on the night she died, and I can't help but feel like it's something someone sent as a sign to us."

Haley nodded.

"It's a good name."

Ryan sighed and tucked her head into her sister in law's shoulder.

"Yeah. It's a good name."


	70. Shield You From the Storm

Chapter Seventy: Shield You From the Storm

"Babe, where was the logic behind your master plan to send me to a sleepovers at Haley to cure my exhaustion?" asked Ryan, as she sat up in bed the next morning nursing Liam. Jake shrugged.

"I don't know. I guess I figured you might sleep," he said.

She rolled her eyes.

"Seriously?"

Jake smiled, keeping one eye on her and Liam while he walked on the bedroom, slowly getting ready for his day.

He left the room and entered it again quickly, leading Jamie by the hand. Ryan smiled at her elder daughter, handed her son off to Jake, and patted the bed in front of her. Jamie made a flying leap onto bed. Ryan slowly began to comb through her blonde hair, listening attentively for signs of Clari waking.

"Don't worry," said Ryan reassuringly, over Jamie's head. "We just had twins, we're going to be exhausted for the next eighteen years."

"Nah. This one's going to make us worry all the time, not them," he predicted, ruffling Jamie's hair playfully. Jamie shrieked in instant denial.

"What, you don't think Jamie'll be the good one?"

"Nope. I think she'll make us worry all the time and then marry someone ridiculously inappropriate when she's practically an old maid. Twenty-seven, even," he predicted jokingly.

"Shut up, Scott's don't _have_ to marry young, just happened with Nathan and Lucas. Anyway, she's a Jagielski. Not a Scott. Thank God," said Ryan quietly, leaning forward to kiss her daughter's head. Jake smiled and sat down next to them on the bed, still cradling Liam in his arms.

"What are you kidding? She's all you, Ry."

Jamie hummed happily, seemingly completely unaware that she was being discussed.

"Your eyes," said Ryan.

"The twins have yours."

Ryan's hands shook as she wound her daughter's hair into two long blond braids, and Jake didn't have to look at her to know she'd begun to cry.

"Damnit," she said, wiping away a tear as Clari began to cry.

She ran to the other room, bringing her back with her and laying her across her lap and resuming Jamie's hair.

"You're hormonal. It's okay," said Jake, wiping a tear away. Ryan leaned over to lightly kiss him.

"You're nice."

They broke apart but stared at each other in surprise when the door of the apartment banged open and two sets of feet came toward the room.

"Wow. That's a whole lot of baby," came a voice. Ryan rolled her eyes.

"Leighanna Mae Scott, I swear to God the next time you abruptly leave and return two months later I won't let you back in my house," said Ryan ruefully. Leigh shrugged and entered the room, pulling a tall dark haired boy behind her.

"Well I came when I heard you had them."

Leigh tentatively picked up Clari and held her in her arms.

"Who's this one?" she asked curiously.

"Clari. Um, Rissa," said Ryan awkwardly. Leigh raised an eyebrow.

"Peyton Clarissa Jagielski, don't ask. That's Liam. Who's this?" she asked, smiling pleasantly up at the man Leigh had brought with her.

"Oh, this is my friend. Guy Oliver, this is my sister Ryan Sc... Ryan Jagielski, and her Jake. And Jamie," said Leigh.

"Hey, nice to meet you," he said.

"Do I need to harass you about dating my little sister, or are you actually just a friend?" asked Jake.

"Well you can if you want, but I'm much more likely to break his heart, don't you think? I'm not easily led astray, Jakey," said Leigh laughingly. She looped an arm around his waist and Ryan wondered, as he failed to react, whether or not Leigh had finally found her equal.

"She's really little," remarked Leigh, gazing down at her niece.

"She was almost two months premature. We were pretty worried for a while," said Ryan. Leigh nodded, glancing briefly down at her sister, guessing the feeling beyond her casual words.

"I can't imagine," she said softly.

"So where'd you go this time, Rome? Asia?" guessed Ryan. Jake glanced suspiciously at Leigh, not so trusting.

"Just around. Place is huge now, got room for one more?" she asked.

"Uh, two please?" asked Oliver awkwardly. Ryan smirked, intentionally not turning around to meet Jake's eyes and his obvious reluctance toward the entire issue.

"We have an extra room. Remember what I said about spontaneous exits though," said Ryan, jokingly threatful. Leigh nodded, handed the baby back to her sister and walked out of the room again.

Ryan turned immediately toward her husband, her eyes still full of pleading, her mouth with desperation.

"Pleease. Just for a while, she always leave quickly," she entreated.

"We do this every time. I know she's your sister, I just don't..."

Jake couldn't explain his distrust of Leigh, so deeply routed in nothing.

"I know you don't. Sometimes I don't either Jake, but she's my family."

"I'm your family too, Ry."

Ryan sighed, glad that Jamie had ran out of the room after her Aunt.

"You are. It's not that she's more important. It's not that at all."

Jake wilted slightly at her blue eyes, staring so entreatingly at her. He knew he had no arguments, no reason.

"I'm not going to tell you she can't. It's our house," he said reluctantly.

"Yeah. Yours and mine, and Jamie's and Clari's and Liam's. Not Leigh's. One day she'll realize," promised Ryan.

* * *

Jake hovered in the kitchen, waiting for Leigh to emerge. Ryan was in bed, one twin asleep beside her and the other in its bassinet, and Jamie had long since been taken off to her own bed. It was Leigh, and her friend Oliver, who had yet to make an appearance. 

He stiffened when a pair of footsteps walked quickly up the hall and he heard a swift, urgent voice speaking to what was apparently no one.

"_Yeah, I'm here. They don't seem to have figured it out. Jake... I don't know. I mean, I don't think. I don't think we have to worry yet."_

Jake frowned, doing his best to piece this together. It was more of what he'd always understood from Leigh-whispered mysteries, unexplainable truths. But now, instead of feeling vaguely perplexed, he felt worried. Threatened. Terrified that the things in life he cared most about-Ryan, their three children-were about to vanish.

He shrank into a corner of the kitchen, watched Leigh disappear into the hallway, her friend with her. He stared at where they'd been, wondering, as he'd wondered before, how far he was willing to go.

* * *

Author's note: Just in case anyone's wondering, that's officially the last time Leigh will make a surprising entrance and disappear again. She's around for the long haul. Or at least until the end, in ten chapters. 


	71. Find My Way Home

Chapter Seventy-One: Find My Way Home

Haley sat on the toilet seat, her legs crossed, fiddling with the small plastic device in her hands, living the longest three minutes she'd ever lived.

As she glanced at the close, she realized that it had to be going in double time, that no time had ever passed this slowly. Not exams in high school, not waiting in hospital waiting rooms. Nothing came close.

Leaning back against the cold porcelain of the back of the toilet, she closed her eyes. The moment was becoming to much for her, and she desperately needed to leave for another one.

* * *

"_Haley? What are you doing here?"_

"_Depends. You got time?"_

_Nathan looked at her, distaste lingering in his eyes. He was beginning to hate himself for his completely ability to turn her down when he felt the need to prove to her that she couldn't have just a part of him and leave the rest behind. _

"_No. Sorry."_

_Haley stared at him in disbelief._

"_Are you sure?"_

"_What, you think I missed the conatation? You're not exactly being subtle, Hales."_

* * *

Haley shook her head at her blundered attempt at a seduction. Stupid, stupid, stupid... 

She flicked the plastic device and glanced up at the clock again. Only twenty more seconds had passed by-how was that possible?

She let the device slid from her hands and it made a slight clicking sound as it hit the closed toilet seat between her legs. She couldn't look at it anymore.

She thought dismally of what could come of this-it would take her back to Nathan, if nothing else would, but neither of them would ever forget it was this. Both would always wonder whether she would have gone back anyway.

Haley wondered, briefly, why she'd instantly decided that her unborn child was enough for her to return to her husband, while her living ones were not. She shook this uncomfortable thought away.

* * *

"_So maybe you didn't miss it, but you're definitely not doing anything about it," she said. He glanced at her._

"_Maybe I don't want to. Did it ever occur to you that I have control over myself? That I'm more than just a shadow of a man who caters to your every whim?" _

_She looked up at him, not daunted._

"_Why not? I've always catered to yours."_

_Nathan frowned, resisting the urge to touch her, his distaste for her visit outdoing his personal need for her._

"_This isn't how I want it, Haley."_

_She stared up at him in disbelief. She leaned up to kiss him and he grasped her shoulders to push her away._

"_Get out."_

* * *

Haley shuddered slightly to herself, the memory of the event still too much for her to contemplate. It was something she'd rather not think about. 

She'd never understood him before. Now she understand, what it was to want a man who didn't want her back.

She'd never wanted someone who'd not wanted her back, not since high school. Nathan and Seamus, who she considered the only significant love affairs of her life, had both wanted her, loved her passionately. More passionately, in some ways, than she had loved them back.

At least, she'd always seen it that way.

Until right then, sitting on a toilet, playing with her fate, she realized that she wanted back in. That she'd just wasted another year, almost, pretending she didn't love Nathan. She'd already wasted so many.

She checked her watch again: 50 more seconds.

Haley let out a sigh of frustration. This was always happening to her, running away from what she wanted most. Was it too late now, to take it all back?

"MOMMY!"

Haley frowned guiltily when she heard Nina's angry voice from outside the bathroom. Neither Kade nor Eve were there, and her distraction had been affecting Nina all evening.

"Come in, sweetie," said Haley. Nina walked in, looking confused and hurt.

"What are you doing in here, Mommy?" she asked.

Haley swiftly assessed her, the child so much like herself that sometimes it scared her.

"Nothing. I'm sorry," she said.

Nina cocked her head.

"For what?"

Haley opened her arms to her daughter, and smiled when Nina ran to her.

"Everything. I'm sorry that life is like this now."

Nina nodded.

"But you'll fix it."

Haley smiled at her childish optimism, so sure that her mother would right the wrongs. She firmly kissed her younger daughter's head.

"Yep. I'm going to fix it," she promised.

Nina tucked her head under her Haley's chin.

"Do you like Heli, Neen?" asked Haley curiously. Nina shrugged.

"Yeah. But I like you _better," _she promised, somehow sensing the true question.

Haley smiled, letting herself forget for a moment the period of time around Nina's conception, and remembering the better times: Nina had been inside of her when she'd told Nathan for the first time that she loved him. Nina had been the first child from their acknowledged love-Eve had been from their newlywed bliss.

Haley lifted Nina off her lap when she realized the three minutes were up, had been over for almost two whole minutes. She glanced down at the test and was surprised at her own disappointment by the reading there:

Negative.

She dropped the test into the wastebasket and tucked Nina's hand in to hers. The two of them walked into Haley's bedroom and while Nina bounced onto the bed, Haley began to rummage through her jewelry box.

Haley pulled a gold chain out, and discarded the charm on it. From the bottom drawer, where it sat by itself, she withdrew her gold wedding band. She slid it briefly onto her finger and then pulled it back off just as quickly before threading the gold chain through it and fastening it around her neck.

She touched her hand to it, felt its presence on her throat. She smiled. Maybe his ring wasn't yet back on her finger, but he was undeniably back in her heart.

* * *

Author's note: Patience, people. For there to be actual naley there has to be some naley angst. And Naley realizations. 


	72. Hidden Smiles

Chapter Seventy-Two: Hidden Smiles

"That was nice."

Lucas glanced across at Brooke, resting on his arm.

"Nice?"

Brooke flashed him a dimpled smile.

"More than nice. Thought I'd communicated that clearly," she said. He nodded.

"Yeah. Twice."

Brooke seized an extra pillow and attempted to hit him with it, but he grabbed it from her and tossed it off the bed before he could. She squealed as he began to tickle her down her sides, and grabbed another pillow from the bed to repeatedly him over the head with, her aim completely ruined.

"Stop it, you'll wake the whole house," she complained, between bursts of laughter. He collapsed onto the bed beside her.

"Do you want to get them all up, or should I?" he asked.

"Come on, let's go together."

* * *

Brooke hugged her arms around herself in the hall, wearing only pajama pants and a camisole, her feet in Lucas' much too big slippers. She stopped abruptly and pulled back on Lucas' hand when she heard scuffling coming from Asher's bedroom. 

Both held back a laugh when Asher as well as Heli emerged, the later tying back her hair as she walked, looking decidedly ruffled.

"Heli," said Brooke pleasantly. "I didn't know we had company."

Heli turned pale when she saw they'd been found, like a teenager caught in the act.

"God I'm sorry, Mrs. Scott. I should have..." began Asher.

"Don't worry about it. You have the day off, Heli?" asked Brooke. Heli nodded, blushing furiously.

"You can take one two, Asher. We'll be fine," said Lucas, squeezing Brooke's hand. She nodded, and he smiled.

"Thanks. Want to go?" he asked awkwardly of Heli. She nodded, her face still red.

"Come on, Ash. I'll let you buy me breakfast.

The two disappeared down the hall, and Brooke let out her long contained laugh.

"Those two crazy kids," she said fondly. Lucas nodded.

"I always wondered if there was more to her than the hottie, temptress nanny of my big brother," said Lucas. Brooke frowned at him. "Not hot. Just nanny. Did I say hot?"

Brooke began to walk down the hall.

"I meant..." Brooke continued to walk. "I love you..."

* * *

Brooke finished eating breakfast with Connor, Zoë and Bailey while Lucas took Devon, Marina and Hayden to soccer practice. She marveled at how few it seemed, to have only the three of them around and remembered the days when her and Lucas had been run off their feet by Devon. They really were getting good at this. 

She wondered idly if Haley and Nathan were together now, or pretending to be, or pretending to not. She hadn't talked with Haley about it since their sleepover, but she doubted that even Haley could have managed to screw it up already.

Once again, she let herself revel in the extreme stupidity of her brother-in-law and her best friend.

However, Ryan and Jake were considerably smarter these days, she considered. Jake was obsessing over Leigh, her existence and her baggage, but then, he often was.

Brooke frowned slightly. She preferred not to think of Leigh, who hated her and always had. She'd gotten quite good at pretending she didn't exist. It wasn't hard, as Leigh often returned the favour.

* * *

"What are you thinking about?" 

Heli MacDonald looked up sharply when Asher spoke to her, startling her out of a reverie.

"Last night. It was a good first sleepover," she said.

"Means you might be up for another sometime?" he asked. She shrugged, glanced down at her feet. They were walking down the street together, their hands loosely intertwined.

"Guess we'll have to wait and see how lucky you're going to get," she suggested.

Asher looked down at her.

"I'm already pretty damn lucky," he said.

Heli glanced up at him, saw how hard he was looking down at her. She smiled at him.

"Yeah. Me too," she agreed.

* * *

Brooke sighed softly as she slowly rocked her youngest daughter, Bailey, who was difficult to get to sleep. She smiled and kissed her forehead when her eyelids began to droop, and slowly set her down in her crib before walking out quickly and closing the door behind her. 

When she'd gone in Lucas had been in Devon's room, reading a story to him and Hayden and Marina, but now all three were tucked into bed and Lucas was nowhere to be seen.

She ran downstairs, wondering briefly if he'd already gone to be himself.

She stopped abruptly in the kitchen, suddenly understanding.

"What are you doing?" she asked, her voice emotional. He turned to her, away from the pot he was stirring on the stove.

"I'm cooking you dinner," he stated simply.

"Why?"

"Because it's our tenth anniversary," he said.

Brooke raised a skeptical eyebrow at his enthusiasm.

"No it isn't."

"True. Ours was six months ago, but it pretty much sucked, so I figure you're owed one," he said, shrugging and turning back to the stove.

Brooke walked over to him, leaned against his arm.

"You're perfect," she said happily. He kissed her forehead.

"No I'm not. Perfect is just what you happen to deserve.

* * *

"I still can't believe you did all this," said Brooke, glancing at the table laden with food more fancy than they ever bothered to make for their picky eating children, the wedding china, the fancy silverware. 

"I had a good time. The kids were in on it, too. I promised them I'd take them all for ice cream tomorrow if they were good tonight so I didn't have to take long tucking them in," he said. She smiled.

"Except Bailey apparently."

"Bailey's nine months old, she doesn't grasp the concept of bribery."

Brooke shrugged, conceding on this point.

"Got anything else planned, Lucas Scott? Jewelry? Surprise trips to Paris?" she asked jokingly.

"Just one thing."

Lucas fished a small velvet box out of his pocket, and slid it across to her. She opened it, a smile lingering on her face, but gasped in surprise when she saw the contents.

"What?"

Winking back up at her was a small cluster of diamonds, designed to fit to her wedding band. She looked up at him in surprise.

"Will you marry me, Brooke Scott?" he asked. She fingered the ring, confusion still on her face.

"What do you mean?"

"I want to marry you again. The way we should have the first time around. I want you to never have to doubt that I love you, ever again," he said. She smiled.

"Like a vow-renewal? Seriously?" she asked.

"Yeah. What do you say?" he asked. She shrugged.

"I say yes." She looked up at him from across the table. "Do you even have to ask?"


	73. Morning Comes

Chapter Seventy-Three: Morning Comes

"You awake?"

Jake smiled as he slowly awoke, Ryan still pressed up his stomach, his arms loosely around her. She turned around, smiling when they met eyes.

She smiled back cautiously, looking as she sometimes did in the mornings: like this life they were living, the one she'd wanted forever, was only a dream. He leaned in to kiss her reausurringly. She kissed him back disregarding her half awake state, his own, their morning breath.

"Isn't it weird how we're constantly in there, running after one of the kids but it still feels like we never get to see each other anymore?" he asked.

"Tell me about it."

Ryan groaned when she heard the sounds of footsteps moving stealthily past their bedroom: Leigh and her boyfriend, who were keeping extremely irregular hours.

"She's never stayed here for so long before," said Ryan apologetically. Jake kissed her again, letting his anger wash away for at least the moment.

"Well who would want to leave?" he asked. Behind his words, Ryan detected a shred of fear: both Haley and Nathan, Brooke and Lucas, who they'd once seen, at separate times, as their ideal as a model, had spent most of the last year as barely themselves. Haley had left Nathan, Brooke had all but left Lucas.

"Not me," she said, her eyes wide and inviting.

"Not me either. Not ever."

Jake groaned when a cry came through the wall: Clari, who had yet to master the art of sleeping through the night, and was dragging her twin down with her.

"I'll get her," said Ryan.

"I'll start breakfast."

They kissed briefly and went their separate ways to start the morning.

Jake turned on the stove in the kitchen. He had idle thoughts of making breakfast for himself, Ryan and Jamie, but his thoughts were still in the bedroom, with his wife, and he found he couldn't concentrate.

He sat down at the wooden kitchen table and began to thumb through the small stack of mail that Leigh had brought in, flipping carelessly past bills and magazine subscriptions until he reached the bottom of the stack.

Jake stared down at the letter, addressed in a hand as familiar as his own. It had been almost a year and every time he thought he'd really gotten over it, he was dragged back in.

With shaking hands he opened the envelope and pulled out the letter, written double sided on a single sheet of paper.

_Dear Jake,_

_I guess I should start by saying I really have no idea of what to say. I mean, how could I? It's not every day you come back after a few years of not existing, and come back to realize that it's really finally over._

_And that's why I'm letting you go._

_This shouldn't come as a surprise. After all, you let go of me. Years ago, when you fell in love with Ryan Scott without even realizing it. I saw the entire time, and it killed me. It doesn't anymore. She's given you things that I can't-I could never settle down, have your children, live the domestic, perfect life you deserve and never look back to what it once was. I'm not going to pretend like you're just with her because it's easy, either. You love her, I know that. Everyone knows that, except her and you._

_I'm going to go away again, Jake Jagielski, and this time I'm going to stay away. I'm not expecting a dramatic airport scene, or pining, and I don't even want it. I owe it to you, and you owe it to her, to forget all about me. I've dragged down everyone that's ever loved me. _

_In some ways it would be kinder of me to not write this, and to just disappear. But then I'd never stop worrying that you'd hang on to the memory, think about the "what if's." There are no what if's, and we both need to realize this._

_You're probably laughing at me. You've probably forgotten I existed, and all this is bringing back is the vaguely fond memory of a nice summer romance, nothing compared to living with your wife (or whatever she is to you) and your child, blissfully content and in need of nothing else._

_Your daughter is beautiful. She's mostly Ryan but a little bit you, and she's perfect. I don't know if she was an accident or an intention but I know it doesn't matter, because I can tell you couldn't possibly love her more than you do. _

_I remember the last time I wrote you a letter like this. I was about to leave, and you tried to stop me, because that's the man you are and it's part of the reason I love you. This is a different kind of letter, one I hope you'll understand and then in turn forget about forever. I don't deserve any more._

_Who would've pictured our lives like this? So tortured, full of angst. I'm going to trust that they fix themselves after I'm gone-you'll fix it, won't you Jake? You'll marry Ryan, guide Haley back to Nathan? It's how it's supposed to be, even I know that. I want that for you. _

_I should be back where I belong: back in the old days, in elementary school when you and Brooke and Haley were the only people in the world that mattered to me. Maybe all of you can remember me as that and nothing else, though I'd understand if you can't._

_I'm almost, but not quite, done this letter and already I regret it a little bit. I don't want to open up anything that's already closed, I hope you realize that. I hope Ryan can realize that. Show this to her when you're ready, so she doesn't have to worry that I'm going to try and steal you away from her again, alright? She deserves this, she always was the innocent in all of this. You couldn't have chosen better._

_I'll remember you, Jake. I'll tell my grandchildren about you. I'll raise a glass to you when I hear about your wedding, or your next child._

_But please, please forget all about me._

_Love Always,_

_ Peyton_

Jake slowly let the letter drop back onto the table, breathing slowly to regulate his heart. His elbow hit the table, his hand covered his face. It was all too much.

"Jake? What's that burning smell. Jake..?"

He didn't look up when she came in. Ryan silently sent Jamie back into the hall and stared down at him.

"Jake?" she said, more insistently, her voice still soft, understanding.

"Ryan..."

She plucked the letter he held out to her, and she glanced through its contents, reading thoroughly the passages that referred her own name. She sat across from him when she was finished, took his hand in hers and gently kissed the back of it when she was done.

"Are you okay?"

"Davis sent it, Ry. Davis. She's still..."

"You should be glad you got to read this," said Ryan.

"I am. I..."

He broke off, and Ryan suspected that for one of the first time since she'd met him, he was crying.

Though neither heard the footsteps that went almost silently past the kitchen, both heard the door shut.

Leigh pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and leaned against the now shut door, breathing heavily.

"_Scott, is that you?" _came a deep voice from the other line.

"Yeah. He got the letter. It's from the same address that we found the body, I can go check it out again if you want me to," she volunteered.

"_Has he come to the same conclusion that we have?"_ asked the voice.

"Shannon Davis? Definitely. He's going to be angry when he puts the pieces together, Chief," she said worriedly.

"_You and Oliver go over there today, see if you can find anything. Do either of them suspect you, Scott?"_

"Jake. He always has, I think he thinks I'm in line with Davis," said Leigh.

_"Don't worry, you can explain everything to them soon. Report back to me when you're done,"_ he said.

"Of course. We'll find her," said Leigh.

The line clicked off, and Leigh shut her phone again. She shook her head to clear it, anticipating the moment when she would apprehend the women who'd caused her family so much grief and begin to repair her own relationship with them.

She left. It was time, finally, to get it done.


	74. All the Things I Ever Wanted You To Know

Chapter Seventy-Four: All The Things I Ever Wanted You to Know

"Damn, girl, this has got to be the fastest Scott party ever to be thrown together," remarked Haley, watching Brooke trail in front of the mirror in a silver ball gown.

"Please, who in this city _wouldn't_ drop everything to attend a Scott party?" asked Brooke, smiling flirtatiously over her shoulder at her reflection.

"Can I leave Clari and Jamie and Liam with Heli, Hales?" asked Ryan.

"No," said Brooke, speaking quickly. "I invited Asher, and he's bringing her."

"That's adorable," said Haley.

"Yeah. And convenient," agreed Ryan.

The three of them again focused their eyes back to Brooke, critiqued the dress she was wearing.

"It's not very wedding-y," said Ryan doubtfully. Brooke twirled again, showing off the long, strapless silver, blue gown that went down into a v waist, laced up in the back and flared out again slightly for the long skirt.

"It would be if I was wearing white. And there's no way in hell I would. I mean, I have five kids. Can't really go for the virgin thing," said Brooke.

Ryan and Haley glanced at each other, laughing at how ironic it was that Haley, who had been a virgin at her wedding, had worn a blouse and a knee length skirt, while Ryan, who'd been pregnant, had gone for the white gown with the veil. Haley was tempted to venture this opinion, but changed her mind. The dress was fairly hot, after all. And white never had been Brooke's colour.

The got up good naturatedly to try on their bridesmaid's gowns-both in midnight blue, which was very agreeable to both of them and set off Brooke's own.

"I can't believe you guys are doing this," admitted Haley.

"I know, me neither. But we're finally on the right track again, it seems right," said Brooke happily.

Haley looked down to her feet, her face blank.

"What's wrong?" asked Brooke instantly. "God, here I'm being so happy. Did you break up with Nathan?"

"What? God, no. For a breakup you need a relationship. Which is pretty far from what he's got. I just mean..." she looked up, into the concerned hazel eyes of Brooke, and those of Ryan. "I think my time's running out. I don't think he's going to put up with all this halfway stuff for much longer."

They were silent for a moment. Then Ryan spoke, surprising all three of them:

"Well, good. It's about time."

Haley looked incredulously at her.

"It is. This whole angrily going at it thing has got to stop, and if it's him giving up on you until you figure that out as well, then I'm all for it."

Haley continued to stare at Ryan, as if waiting for her to crack, but Ryan's face remained solemn and firm.

"What if he decides he doesn't want me anymore?" she asked, her voice small. Brooke let out a sigh of frustration.

"Oh my _God,_ Haley Scott, have you _always_ been such a moron?" she demanded.

* * *

Because Ryan had not wanted to leave Jake with the babies all night, and because it was Asher's night off and Brooke and Haley hadn't wanted to leave all nine of their collected children with Heli, Brooke opted against having a bachelor party. Instead she let Haley and Ryan come over for the evening with Liam and Clari, and spent the night with them and woke up in the morning, bright eyed and eager, to spend the morning getting their hair and nails done.

Haley slowly changed into her bridesmaid's dress in a guest bedroom at Brooke and Lucas', already secretly dreading the event. She was beginning to hate being on spectacle, her every movement judged. She didn't want to see Nathan, she didn't want the temptation.

She reached up and unfastened the chain that carried the ring around her neck, which had been there since her revelation over the pregnancy test, and stuck it into her purse. She imagined that somehow or other, he'd be close enough to see.

Two hours later she walked slowly down the aisle, before Brooke and after Ryan, her eyes focused on Nathan, standing at the end of the aisle with Lucas and Jake.

She only saw Brooke at the end of her walk: her hair swept up, carrying a small bouquet of roses. Lucas watched her, his eyes glowing. It had been a long time, since they'd had something to celebrate.

Haley's eyes met Nathan's again, when Brooke and Lucas began to recite their vows. She smiled hesitantly at him, remembering their last encounter. She was relieved when he smiled back, slowly at first and then openly.

She was startled back to reality by the next words:

"And do you, Lucas Scott, take Brooke Scott to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

Lucas smiled.

"I do."

"Do you, Brooke Scott, take Lucas Scott to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"I do."

"Then with the power vested in me by the State of New York, I know pronounce you husband and wife. You make now kiss your bride."

Haley smiled as Brooke and Lucas went in for a sweet, chaste kiss and then linked hands to walk back down the aisle. Ryan and Jake quickly followed suit and Haley only hesitated for a moment before slipping her hand into her husband's elbow and walking with him behind the rest of their family.

* * *

Ryan watched the couples whirling around the dance floor with a smile: Brooke and Lucas, Heli and Asher, Leigh and Oliver. She started when a hand touched her shoulder.

She smiled again as Jake's hand lingered on her bare shoulder.

"Care to dance, Mrs. Jagielski?" she asked.

She slipped her hand in to his and allowed him to lead her to the dance floor. His hand settled onto her lower back and hers went onto his shoulder before they met hands: they were familiar with this pose. They had perfected it, even.

"You look beautiful," said Jake.

"You look totally hot," agreed Ryan. He pulled her into him and they kissed.

"Are you okay now?" she asked nervously. She couldn't help but notice how distant he'd been in the last few days, how he hadn't even tried to touch her.

"I'm fine," said Jake, guiltily analyzing the worry on her face. He often felt guilty for dragging her in to it all. "It just brought me back."

"You're going to not give in, right? I mean, you can't," said Ryan.

"I won't," said Jake reassuringly. She rested her head on his shoulder-in her heels it was slightly awkward, as their height was almost the same. She was eight inches taller than Haley, four taller than Brooke. She and Jake were closer to each other in height and in age than all the others, they'd known each other before getting married, it hadn't been an impulsive decision or coercion. These were things they both told themselves when they were worried.

"I like being married," said Ryan contentedly.

"I like being married to you, too."

Nathan watched with jealous eyes as Haley danced with his brother, briefly remembering the sight of his lips on hers. He reasoned that Haley was not meaning to make him jealous, knowing she didn't have to, knowing that she didn't have that much leverage right then.

He strode forward purposefully, tapping his brother on the shoulder, who rolled his eyes but stepped away agreeably.

Haley smiled.

"I'm sorry," she said instantly.

"It's okay. I was being kind of unreasonable," he admitted. She shrugged.

"Come on, I don't exactly represent reason. I think it's commendable that you manage to keep up with me," she said flirtatiously.

"It's worth the ride," he assured her. She smiled and leaned up to kiss him lightly, disregarding the crowd around them.

She looked up into his blue eyes as she pulled away, noting the satisfaction and relief in them.

"Will you come with me? I have to go upstairs and check on Brooke and Luke's room, he made me promise to," said Nathan. Haley nodded and unconsciously slipped her hand into her husband's.

They rode silently up in the elevator, and he opened with a key card one of the doors.

Haley gasped upon entering: rose petals were strewn onto the bed, the lights dimmed, candles stood on the nightstand, the windowsill, the dresser.

"Damn, Lucas knows his stuff," she said. Nathan closed the door behind him, and she looked back at him.

"I told you once that I would have given you candles," he said softly. She stared at him for a moment longer, slowly comprehending.

"This isn't for Brooke and Lucas."

"No. This is for us, Hales. I wanted to show you what I wish I'd done on our wedding night. What you deserved on our wedding night. I needed to show you because Haley... You need to make a choice."

Her eyes took in the candles, the flowers, Nathan standing in his tux, self consciously telling her that he was either all in or all out.

"This is perfect," she said in amazement. She lifted her arms up around his neck when he moved toward her to kiss her softly, lifted her into his arms and walked toward the bed.


	75. The World Has Been Turning

Chapter Seventy-Five: The World Has Been Turning

Jake stared at the table in front of him, of the objects placed upon it: a letter, a lock of hair, a number scrawled across a piece of paper. Remnants of a life.

It was so strange, he reflected, how ten years ago she'd been his best friend, his lover, his everything, and now all he had left of her was a series of random objects sent to him by another woman, purely to torment him.

It was a mockery of her life, and what they'd had together, to just let it happen, to get over it. He wasn't about to let it slide.

His gaze slid to the next room: Ryan, sitting with a twin in each arm, Jamie leaning up next to her. In the end, everything he did he'd do for them, but he knew in his heart that he couldn't take care of them, make love to her, and still feel like a man while he let the world be poisoned by _her._

Jake watched Leigh come and go, a frown playing around his lips. He'd never explained to his wife why, the reasons for his deep rooted dislike of Leigh, beyond the reasons most put forth. It wasn't that she was selfish, or manipulate. It was that deep down, he was certain she'd betrayed them all, fallen to the "dark side."

It was one thing he couldn't forgive.

As if she could read his thoughts, Ryan whipped her head around to meet his eyes and frowned, puzzled. He instantly smiled, reassuring her until she turned around and focused her attention on her babies again.

Their babies. _Theirs._ He was being selfish, and if he could spend all his life holding them in his arms, he knew it would be enough.

The moments harder to bear were the ones where he was forced to look away.

He shivered slightly at the thought of the vengeance she'd taken on Nathan and Haley. Jake knew that she didn't have such an extreme hatred for him and Ryan, but if there was anything she resented, it was undeniably happiness.

He left abruptly, not stopping to tell Ryan where he was going, knowing he had nothing to say.

Outside, it was getting dark. Instead of calling a company car or hailing a taxi he got his own, rarely used car from the garage and drove across town. Without meaning to, he found himself at the familiar apartment building. It was so unremarkable. He hadn't been back since he'd found Peyton there, but he'd pictured it so often.

He slowly climbed out of the car, donning a pair of leather gloves as he did so. As he stared up at the building, his thoughts weren't on Peyton, but on Ryan. The image of her trusting, blue eyes floated before him. Then of Haley's. He convinced himself for the final time that he was doing this for all of them.

As he began to slowly mount the stairs, he began to wonder exactly how much he was prepared to lose.

When he reached the top of the stairs, he realized that in reality, he had no idea what he was planning to do. What he wanted, what he knew was right, was to scare her somehow. Scare her to the other side of the world, to wherever it was that they could all be safe. To do whatever was necessary to make sure his family, from Ryan to his children to Nathan and Haley, were safe forever and ever.

------------------------

"Now, I wonder where your Daddy went off to?" asked Ryan, half to herself, half to the child she carried in her arms. Clari looked silently up at her, her eyes wide and solemn. Ryan shook her head in amusement. Though Liam was already smiling, Clari remained aloof and most often unperturbed.

Ryan carefully lowered her daughter into the bassinet beside her brother, who was already sleeping soundly, and leaned down to kiss her forehead. She walked silently to Liam, and stared down at him. He was so like Jake already. Jamie had come out so like her, besides her eyes, that it had been such a relief to bear a child so like her husband. Still in some ways the girl that had silently longed after him, she relished the obvious connection between them.

She wandered back into the living room, where Jamie was sitting on the sofa watching a Disney movie. Ryan sang a line of the song playing in it to herself, smiling at the thought that she knew all the songs in the movie, and almost all of the words, as well as her daughter did and probably better. Jamie laughed and stood up, reaching her arms up to her mother. She remember how nearly her daughter had come to not even existing-even now, almost five years later, she was shamed at how she'd all but begged Jake to father her. She wondered if she really would have done it, had he not come through.

But, as it was with all other things, she couldn't regret anything that had brought him closer to her.

She shivered, feeling lonely despite herself-she wondered if Brooke and Lucas were happy together (yet? Still?) and she wondered if Nathan and Haley were still indulging in themselves, in the way they'd never been able to stop doing. She wondered if Leigh was out somewhere being happy in her own way and she wondered if the sense, deep in her gut that something terrible was about to happen, was more or less than a mere feeling.

* * *

The door was the same it had been a year ago, peeling paint, an obvious mockery for someone who could obviously afford so much better.

He entered silently, knowing somehow that the door wouldn't be locked. He stiffened when he heard her voice, the one tattooed into his memory-mocking, rapid. His eyes found the gun resting on the table near the door-before he remembered that it had been a knife, he wondered if it had been the one she'd killed Peyton with.

He instantly grasped it in his gloved hand when footsteps came toward him, telling himself insistently that it was merely for protection. She scared him, after all. She always had.

He didn't even glimpse her face before it happened. He just heard her voice, her footsteps, the hate in his own heart, and it happened. Suddenly she was on the floor, crumpled, the sound of the gunshot still resonating through the room.

"Jake?"

All it took was a syllable. One soft, broken word, from the mouth of a women he knew so well, his name spoken in a voice he'd heard so often. It was not until she fell that he realized her hair was light and not dark, that she was too tall, that the tape recorder by the door was playing the same message, over and over again.

It wasn't Davis.


	76. Troubles of my Own

Chapter Seventy-Five: Troubles of my Own

"Jake?"

Jake ran to her and stared down into her eyes, open in shock. He remembered the first time he'd met her in Tree Hill, so many years ago. He bent down and lifted her into his arms as her breathing began to falter and tears began to spill out of his eyes.

It wasn't Davis.

It was Leigh.

"Leigh..."

"I know, I get it. Oh God..." she let out a haggard breath and winced painfully. Jake's eyes traveled to the bullet wound in her abdomen. He reflected painfully that had it actually been Davis, he wouldn't have killed her anyway.

"I'm taking you to the hospital," he said desperately.

"No. Wait," she commanded. He still held her in his arms, encircling her protectively.

"What?"

"Go break the window. And drop the gun out of it," she commanded. He nodded, obeying her instantly. She almost managed to smile when he arrived back and lifted her into the air and began to carry her out of the room. "Don't worry. We'll get through this."

* * *

Jake was met instantly in the ER of the nearby hospital when he ran in, panting. A gurney was called for and he put Leigh on it. 

"What happened?" asked a Doctor.

"It was a woman, dark haired. Jake was..." her head lolled to the side and Jake's eyes widened as he realized she was slowly losing consciousness.

"I was coming to visit her. I don't know how it happened. She's my sister-in-law. Do whatever it takes," said Jake. He squeezed Leigh's hand, hoping she would understand.

He stared after her as she was wheeled down the corridor. He'd been set up, he realized. For some reason, Davis had wanted Leigh gone.

And now she was.

* * *

"Mrs. Jagielski?" 

Ryan frowned when she picked up the phone-no one she knew called her by her last name, and this did not sound like a telemarketer.

"This is she."

"Your sister was admitted to the intensive care unit today. She has a gunshot wound to her chest. She was brought in by your husband but he left."

Ryan listened dumbly as he read off to her where her sister had been living, the exact time of the injury.

She hung up, and sunk to the floor in disbelief, realizing exactly why Jake had been so conveniently at the place of the "accident." She didn't notice when the door opened and footsteps came toward her.

"Ry?"

Nathan held out his hands as Ryan began to crumble, and held her upright in surprise.

"What happened?"

"Jake. Oh God, Nate. He went after Davis. He tried to kill Leigh. He might have succeeded. She was where Davis was living last year. He thinks..."

"That she killed Peyton. I know."

He led Ryan into the living room and they sat down together.

"How did you know?" she asked in disbelief.

"I hired a private investigator a year ago. I didn't want any of you to know, I didn't want any of you to suspect. Did Jake figure it out?" demanded Nathan.

Ryan lifted her legs to her chest and buried her head in her knees.

"He thought Leigh was working for Davis. He never told me, but... She was probably investigating. If she'd been playing Davis, Davis would have figured it out. She must have set him up," said Ryan in panic.

"It seems much more likely that Leigh was working for me."

Ryan nodded.

"She never would tell us what she was doing for a living."

Nathan pulled her toward him and he wrapped his arms around her, remembering so many other times in which he'd comforted her.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know. I never would have... If there's anything I can do..."

Ryan looked up at him, her eyes wide and desperate.

"Find Jake. Find him, calm him down. Get him home to me."

Nathan stared down at her in disbelief.

"Ry, he just shot Leigh."

She shook her head.

"I know that. And I know our relationship can never be the same. But he's my husband, Nate. I love him. Bring him home."

Nathan slowly rose, remembering how many times he'd had the same urge, to go after Davis, to avenge the death of his child. How many times he'd lost his nerve.

"If Leigh dies..."

"He's not going to jail."

Nathan nodded, and left.

* * *

Jake left the hospital and ran back to the apartment. It was empty when he arrived, but he searched it thoroughly. He found drawers full of Peyton's belongings, every gift he'd ever given him. He imagined Davis sending them to him for years, torturing him for all his life. 

He'd meant to end it. He'd never, ever wanted this.

In that moment, he'd known that Leigh had never turned from any of them. He'd known from how instantly she'd tried to save him, the tape recording replaying endlessly. Whatever Leigh Scott was, it wasn't that.

He could almost imagine Ryan forgiving him for killing Davis, because of her extreme hatred for her, but Ryan loved Leigh. Ryan had always loved Leigh, and Ryan could never understand.

And nothing, not even avenging Peyton, was more important to him than making sure Ryan would forgive him.

The door opened. He slowly stood. Suddenly, for the first time in years, she was before him. Older, thinner, more full of hate.

"Davis."

"Thought you, of all people, would be able to avoid all of this," said Davis.

"It was you, wasn't it."

It wasn't a question.

"Peyton?"

"The letter. Haley. Yeah, Peyton. Take your pick."

"Are you going to kill me, Jake Jagielski? Are you going to do it for her? Or for Haley?" taunted Davis. He looked at her, her body swaying provocatively, her knowing smirk.

He saw them, all of them. Haley, who'd lost her child, Peyton who'd lost her life. Nathan. Leigh. Himself. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan.

His hand dropped uselessly to his side. He thought of the woman he'd once loved, and his other, who he always would.

"I can't do it," he said in disbelief.

"Yeah, but I can," came another voice. And before either could move, the gun was fired, and it was over.


	77. Meet Me in the Morning

Chapter Seventy-Seven: Meet Me in the Morning

"Ryan?"

Jake had breathed a sigh of relief when he'd reached their floor, opened the open door of their apartment, listened to their three children sleeping. Before he'd come back, he'd believed that he would never get home again, or that Ryan wouldn't let him in, or that she'd already be gone.

She ran out of the bedroom, her long hair swinging behind her. He regarded her warily for a moment before she threw herself into his arms, sobs already erupting.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, his mouth pressed into her hair. He gasped a sigh of relief when her arms moved up around his neck and she pushed her body into his, feeling him, breathing him in as desperately as if she'd believed she'd never be able to do it again.

"God, Ryan, I'm so, so sorry."

He slowly lifted her shaking, sobbing body into his arms, remembering carrying her sister in the same fashion only hours previously.

Jake lowered her down onto the bed and joined her, pulling her body into his arms as sobs began to shake his own body.

"I didn't mean to. I didn't want this. I..."

He stopped, realizing he was being selfish: he was making this about himself, desperately asking for forgiveness for his own faults so he could stop feeling as he was feeling.

He held her close to him, listened as she sobbed, cried as their children did so often, cried as if she'd lost her way.

"I love you, Ryan. When we have nothing else, I promise you we'll still have that," he said.

As her tears began to soak through his shirt, he realized with alarm how wet her hair was getting. He cried for Leigh, for Peyton, for himself, but most of all for her.

"I need nothing to come between us, Ryan. I couldn't stand it if it did," said Jake.

He realized he was just talking to make sounds-clearly she wasn't listening to him.

Jake held her as she sobbed and eventually quieted, and eventually he thought she'd drifted off to sleep.

"You're never really going to be over her, will you?" asked Ryan sadly, hours later. He sighed.

"If we broke up, would you ever get over me?" he asked.

"It doesn't matter, that you chose me. She's dead. There wasn't a choice."

"There was. I have always chosen you, Ryan. Maybe not for love, but you've always been in my life. And I am always going to choose you."

"You're not going to jail. We'll get you off, somehow. Leigh won't testify. I'll give an alibi. Whatever we need to do," she promised.

"You'd do that?"

"I'm not about to get over you, Jake."

He stared at her, her resolute, drawn face.

"Nathan..."

"Killed Davis? I know. I sent him."

"To kill her?" asked Jake.

"No. To find you."

* * *

They slept, but not for long. Hours before the city was awake they were, staring at each other, waiting for words to come.

"I know what happened," said Ryan eventually.

"With Leigh?"

"With everything. Nathan hired a private investigator to look into Peyton's death, Leigh was working for him. She contacted Davis, pretended like she was on her side. Davis realized what was going on, lured you and Leigh to the house and set it up like she was there. It was a long shot, but I think she counted on you to come through," said Ryan bitterly.

Jake nodded, having already pieced this together in his mind.

"It was smart. She knew she was going to go down, she knew it was over, but she wanted you to go down with you."

"You were smart, too. You knew Nathan wanted to take her down as badly as I did," said Jake.

"Would you have?"

He slowly shook his head.

"I wanted to. I tried. I couldn't. I tried because of her, and I couldn't because of you. I already knew I couldn't, she already knew I couldn't, before Nathan had even come in."

She was silent.

"Whatever you want, I'll give it to you. I'll plead guilty, I'll... give you a divorce," he promised reluctantly.

Ryan shook her head in disbelief.

"Why is it that you'd kill for her but you can't even work up the courage to fight for me?" she asked.

It was in that moment that he realized that although he'd done the worst he possibly could, they would get through it anyway.

Every time.


	78. Unto Always

Chapter Seventy-Eight: Unto Always

* * *

Author's note: This chapter takes place after the events of the previous one, which follows directly Nathan shooting Davis. The chapter after this goes backwards in time, to just after Nathan shoots Davis again.

* * *

Brooke sighed quietly to herself when the door downstairs banged open and many pairs of feet ran in. She'd been kept plenty busy all day at home with just Bailey, Connor and Zoë, the addition of Hayden, Devon and Marina seemed like more than she could handle right then. 

Asher was there to help her and Nathan had sent Heli over to help once Lucas had gone to the hospital to watch over Leigh, but Asher and Heli were notoriously less helpful when they were together.

She ran down the stairs and began to listen to their animated chatter: Hayden had spelled all the words right on his most recent spelling test, Devon had made the basketball team, Marina had a new friend.

She led them into the kitchen and began to hurriedly cut up apples to give to them as a snack. It was definitely one of those days where five –_ six - _was far too many.

Brooke smiled at her sons, admiring them, thinking of how easily they would one day fit to the Scott mold-they were beautiful, athletic, destined for greatness. Her gaze shifted to her husband's daughter. Marina, who still so often refused to take notice of her.

When the two boys ran upstairs to find Asher and to change out of their uniforms, Marina lingered behind.

Brooke stiffened unconsciously as she began to load their dishes in the dishwasher-she was still uncomfortable at being alone with the girl.

She studied Marina over her shoulder, wondering if she'd end up like her mother: cold, calculating. She reproved herself: Rachel hadn't truly been calculating. She would have stayed out of their lives forever, had she not fallen ill and needed a new home for her daughter. Brooke could not decide if this was a good thing or if it was not.

"Where's Dad?" asked Marina abruptly. As soon as the words had left her lips she looked surprised-by either the words themselves, or the tone she was using.

"He's at the hospital." Brooke stopped. "Don't tell the others."

Marina nodded.

"Then why are you telling me?" she asked curiously. Brooke laughed hollowly.

"Do I really need to protect you from the big, scary world?" she asked sadly.

Marina slowly shook her head.

"Is he hurt?"

"No. Leigh."

Marina stared at Brooke a moment longer, longing for more details and knowing she would get none.

"You don't like Leigh," she observed calmly.

"No one really _likes_ Leigh. They love her. I even love her. She's family. But she's pretty damn hard to like." Brooke seemed to regret this as she thought of Leigh lying in the hospital, probably dying.

"Do you like the rest of them?"

"Who? Haley? Ryan? All of them. They're my family," said Brooke. She looked up hopefully. "You could be family, too."

"I was brought up to hate you."

Brooke looked down at the girl, so solemn, so amazingly beyond her years.

"I was hoping you could maybe get over that."

Marina considered this.

"I _want_ to like you. I'm trying my hardest," she promised.

Brooke crouched down until she was the same height as her, let a hand rest on her shoulder. She didn't hug her or try to, but she knew instantly that nothing would be the same between them, ever again.

She smiled and Marina Scott found herself smiling back, unable to resist the dimples in her cheeks and her sparkling hazel eyes.

"And that, my girl, is a start," she said encouragingly. Marina nodded and ran off to change out of her uniform.

Brooke leaned back against the counter and smiled again. Their lives were sometimes like a cloudy day-it took a storm to make things beautiful again. Every once in a while their world would refresh itself, and it was in those times that they all had to fight their hardest to get back to each other.

* * *

She was sleeping by the time he arrived home, but he woke her. 

She smiled slightly at him, reassured by the slight smile on her face that their world would keep turning and live to its next storm.

"How is she?" asked Brooke.

"The same. Sorry I left you all day. How were Asher and Heli?" he asked softly. She shrugged.

"Nauseating."

"Thought so. Marina's still awake. She said you guys had a moment," said Lucas.

"A moment is what we had," affirmed Brooke.

He smiled again, leaned forward to kiss her.

"You going to take advantage of me in my sleep deprived state?" she asked. He dropped a kiss onto her shoulder.

"Only if you want me to," he assured her, his hand slowly sliding up the inside of her thigh.

She made a moan of assent as his fingers slowly slid inside of her. She dropped back onto the bed and let her eyes close luxuriously, overwhelmed by the feeling that they had _finally_ drifted out of their danger zone.

* * *

"Mommy?" 

Brooke opened one eye in slight annoyance. The events of the night had kept her up for longer than she'd anticipated. As soon as she awoke she was surprised she'd been awoken by her son and not the raging thunderstorm outside.

"What is it, Conn?"

"Zoë's scared," he said timidly. Lucas, to her right, sat up abruptly.

"Connor Lee Scott, Zoë is sleeping soundly. There is a thunderstorm, you have run your mother off her feet all day and you'll wake up the whole house if you don't go back to bed now," said Lucas sternly. Brooke rolled her eyes and sat up as well.

"Come to think of it, I'm a little scared too. Want to come and protect me?" she asked her son. He giggled and ran to throw himself into the bed, making himself comfortable between his parents.

Lucas groaned in annoyance when Devon arrived in the doorway, Zoë tugging on his hand. He shook his head in disbelief but laughed, and they ran to join them.

As he drifted off to sleep, he reflected that he was glad Brooke had insisted on the King sized bed-after all, any parent of six couldn't be as naïve as to expect that they'd be the only occupants of it.

And anyway, it wasn't like any of them would ever stop growing.

* * *

Author's note (again): Hey guys, just thought I'd let you know that this is the third last chapter, the next one contains long awaited Naley. Hope you like this one anyways. Also, I'm posting a Grey's Anatomy fic within the next few days, so please check it out if you're in to that!

Hilary


	79. Tell Me Life is Beautiful

Chapter Seventy-Nine: Tell Me Life Is Beautiful

Nathan dropped the gun in shock as Davis slowly began to crumble to the floor.

"Nathan?" asked Jake in disbelief, slowly turning around. He made eye contact with his brother-in-law, not comprehending.

Nathan ran to her, but she didn't meet his eyes. She instead tilted her head to Jake:

"Guess Leigh's lucky that you're a suck shot, huh?" she asked softly, her voice already raspy and soft.

"Dav-"

"Shut up, Nathan. I don't need your apologies. Have fun with your whore. Tell Peyton..."

"_Jesus_," muttered Nathan under his breath.

"Never mind. I'll tell her myself."

Jake stared as Nathan moved backwards and flattened himself against the back wall. Davis' eyes closed, and he could tell instantly that Nathan had had a different result than his own.

"It's over, Nate. It's finally fucking over," he said, meaning his words to be comforting. They came out in disbelief.

Nathan held his hand up in front of his face and slowly made a fist with it.

"Go home to your wife. Tell her everything. Keep quiet if you get called in for questioning. You can use the lawyer. Whatever you need. But Jake..."

Nathan slowly turned to him and Jake, for the first time since he'd met him, felt the wrath of his pure, unadulterated fury.

"If she dies..."

Jake nodded silently and left.

* * *

Nathan walked out of the apartment building into the quiet, deserted street and began to walk. 

And as he began to walk, he realized that he had no idea where he was walking to.

He slowly began to remember what he was walking away from: he remembered her, with perfect clarity, for the first time in eight years. He remembered the first time he'd met her, at a charity dinner. She'd been wearing a black ballgown. Underneath she'd been wearing not very much at all. It hadn't taken him long to find this out. He remembered the first time there were rumours of them being engaged and they'd laughed them off with easing, neither putting to words the thought that eventually they'd have to, if only for the sole purpose of hiding from the public how much they partied, how little they did anything else.

He remembered her smile, and how it had been her that had taken him to Tree Hill that summer.

He felt regret.

He saw Haley, her face when she'd been informed that her child was lost.

It stopped.

* * *

Hours later Nathan glanced down at his watch and realized, as he hadn't realized all night, that time had passed. That it was far past midnight and by now, Leigh was definitely dead or alive, that Ryan had either taken back Jake or left him. He realized slowly that life had gone by without him. 

Not just their lives. _His._

Gripped by sudden realization, he began to run home.

* * *

"_HALEY?"_

His call echoed out through the hall, bounced off the walls and back to him. He knew that his children would sleep through it, that Heli would pretend to, that it didn't even matter.

"_HALEY?"_

She appeared suddenly at the end of the hall, looking small and young in the darkness. He ran for her.

He'd meant to take her in his arms, but before he could his own were around her and she was holding him, she was listening to him cry, she was leading him to the sofa, she was _there._

"Oh God, Haley..." he muttered.

"Yeah. I know," she said.

He shuddered, remembering the sight of the blood, the sound of her words with repulsion.

"Then why..."

"It's okay," she said softly.

She climbed into his lap, wishing abruptly that she could comfort her physically in the way he could her, that she was big and strong and could hold him in her arms. She slid her arms around his neck and felt his tears when he pressed his face into her shoulder.

"Don't leave. Don't leave me, Hales. Not again," he said entreatingly. She kissed his head comfortingly.

"Sleep, Nate. I'll be here when you wake up," she promised.

* * *

Hours later, after the sun had risen and the house was quiet once again, Nathan woke instantly as he felt Haley began to move out of his arms. 

"Where you going?" he asked.

"My God you sleep weird. I yelled through the door for Heli to take the kids to school and you slept through that, but you wake up when I wiggle," she said in disbelief.

He opened her eyes and saw her still there, smiling at him, her face only inches from his. He studied her for a second: her morning hair, her sparkling brown eyes, her open, honest smile.

"You're still here," he said in disbelief.

"I promised I would be," she said. He suddenly realized how tightly he was grasping her waist, as if afraid he'd wake up to find all of it a dream. He slowly released her and smiled softly when she didn't try to move.

"Yeah."

"Anyway, get up. You've been asleep for like ever. Aren't you hungry?" she asked.

Nathan smiled and sat up slowly, watching her walk from the room and toward the kitchen. He followed her.

* * *

"How did you know to come?" he asked. He watched as she made coffee in their machine-after Haley had left and Heli had begun to do it, it had taken her exactly three months to figure out how to work it. And even then it had come out kind of tinny. 

"Ryan," she said gently.

"That's all?"

Haley sighed softly and turned around to face him.

"I would have come anyway, Nate. It was time," she said briefly.

"What, my ultimatum?" he asked in surprise.

She shook her head slightly before she began.

"You broke my heart, Nathan. Time and time again. I always knew you would. But now, I know that my life is not worth living without you there, loving me." Haley took Nathan's larger hand in her own and dropped to her knees. "Will you marry me?"

"Kind of stealing my thunder here, Hales."

"Is that a yes?" she asked, coyly, knowing the answer.

He pulled her back to her feet, and then up into his arms until their eyes were at the same level.

"That's a hell yes."

She smiled slowly, realizing that she'd been nervous the whole time that he'd finally decided to give her up.

"I don't have a ring," she admitted, smiling. He leaned down to kiss her, and his fingers brushed the chain as his hands traveled down her neck.

"And yet you do."

She didn't meet his eyes as he tugged the ring out from where it rested underneath her blouse, and stared down at it.

"How long have you been wearing this?"

A while." She met his eyes. "I guess I did know that we'd never really be over."

He carefully undid the chain and let the ring fall into his open hand. He slid it slowly onto her ring finger.

"I bought you a new one. I was going to give it to you, but you'd gone to Seamus', and I thought..."

"I love you," she said abruptly, knowing he'd been about to say it, and wanting to not have hers be merely a response.

He smiled, considered her.

"Yeah. I know you do."


	80. Lights Will Guide You Home

Chapter Eighty: Lights Will Guide You Home

"_Daddy?"_

"_Nathan?" _

_Nathan looked down at Haley, smiled and linked hands with her before they walked into the hall to greet Nina, Eve, Kade and Heli who had just arrived home._

"_Mommy?" said Nina in surprise. Kade ran to his mother and she caught him easily. Her daughters followed at a walk, sensing what their brother could not. Heli hung back._

"_Are we going to your house now?" asked Eve cautiously._

"_Nope," said Nathan, answering ahead of his wife. He ran his finger over the gold band on her ring finger._

"_I'm going to move back in here," said Haley decidedly. _

"_Really?" asked Nina. Haley smiled at her daughter._

"_Really."_

"_Forever?"_

_Haley glanced up at Nathan and smiled, and he wrapped his arm around her waist to pull her in closer._

"_Yeah. Forever," he answered._

* * *

Nathan smiled and shook his head slightly, now able to look back on how much misery that time of their lives had held with a smile. 

He grinned at Haley as she ran out of the kitchen toward him, and he caught her around the waist and spun her around in the air. She giggled in surprise, and wrapped her arms around his neck when he let her down.

"What was that for?" she asked in surprise.

"What, I can't just be happy to see my wife?" he asked. She smiled and fingered the two rings on her finger: the simple gold band he'd given her at the time of their wedding nearly ten years previously, and the diamond one above it he'd given her after they'd gotten back together.

"We got no time for that. People are arriving soon," she said admonishingly.

"We'll make time," he said smoothly, leaning down to kiss her. She pulled away only when the doorbell rang.

"Damnit," she cursed slightly, but repairing her smile when Brooke and Lucas came through the door, surrounded by their six kids. She smiled slightly to herself when she saw Marina's new Juicy sweater-clearly she and Brooke had been shopping together again.

Brooke looped her arm through Haley's as Connor ran off to find Kade, and Marina, Hayden and Devon went to seek out Eve and Nina.

"You're all flushed. You two are shameless," She said happily, unable to even mock them with her former vigor.

"What can I say? She can't resist me," shrugged Nathan, putting his hand on Haley's waist to bring her back in to him. Lucas and Brooke laughed appreciatively as Haley pressed her forehead into Nathan's arm, blushing profusely.

Jake and Ryan entered, each carrying a twin and followed by Jamie. Nathan smiled. For a time they'd taken his own position as the worry couple, but they'd pulled through.

Haley squealed and took Liam out of Jake's arms, throwing him in the air before catching him and beginning to make faces at him. Ryan carefully set Clari down on the ground and watched fondly as she found her big sister and followed her to find their cousins.

* * *

"Eve? You in there?" 

Eve Scott looked up and grinned when Heli leaned into her bedroom.

"Heli! You're back!" she cried happily, running to throw her arms around her nanny.

"Yeah I'm back. How's it going, kid?" she asked.

"Good. Neen and I are trying to get Mom to have another baby, but she's not going for it. And I had a solo in the Christmas concert. And I'm going to stay up alll night tonight," she said.

"That's great. I'm sorry I couldn't be there," she said, knowing how much Eve loved to sing.

"That's okay. How was the honeymoon?" she asked carefully. Eve led Heli back to her bed, and they both sat down on it.

"Pretty good. Asher's with the boys," said Heli. Eve nodded, suddenly looking serious.

"I miss you. I wish you could still live here," she said truthfully.

"You've got your Mom now though," said Heli encouragingly. Eve smiled.

"Yeah. It makes Daddy really happy. You know I used to think, if Mommy and Daddy didn't get back together, that I wanted him to marry you?" said Eve.

Heli stared down at her, surprised by how much she'd missed her, as well. She slung an arm around her shoulder and squeezed lightly.

"Yeah. Me too, a little bit," she admitted.

* * *

Hours later, the children had all predictably fallen asleep. Asher and Heli Jackson had gone back to their own home to ring in the New Year in their own way, and Deb Lee had left early to go home to her own family. 

And the six of them were waiting.

"We should turn on the TV. Watch the ball drop," said Haley. She was sitting on the living room floor, between Nathan's legs. She glanced at the television mounted on the wall, but didn't move.

"Dick Clark is annoying," said Brooke contemptuously. Lucas laughed at his wife, who poked him hard in his side with her index finger.

"I'm tired. And too old for New Years," complained Ryan. She nestled further into Jake's arm, and he squeezed her shoulders.

"You're the youngest here, babe," he reminded her. She smiled slightly at the thought.

"So are my kids. Wake me," she requested, sliding her eyes closed. Jake ran a hand through her long blonde hair and kissed her forehead.

"Asher and Heli were ridiculously adorable tonight," commented Brooke. Haley leaned over her shoulder to meet Nathan's eyes. It was hard to believe she'd ever though to have a rival in her.

"It's been an interesting year," said Haley softly. Her eyes found the clock on the wall: twenty more seconds.

"They all are," agreed Nathan.

"This one had its perks," said Lucas, smiling.

_Fifteen._

"I'm kind of glad it's over. I don't think I could handle more babies being born... or weddings. Or..." said Jake, faltering. Haley knew he meant deaths, they all did, but she said nothing.

_Eleven._

"Well we all know I'm done. And we don't know anyone who isn't married anymore," said Brooke comfortingly.

"Next one will probably be Devon's," said Lucas.

"He does have a girlfriend now. Penny something," said Brooke, laughing.

_Seven_

"So I don't have to worry about any drama right now?" asked Jake teasingly.

"What, you believe that?" This time it was Nathan who spoke-Nathan, who was now wise enough to know that once started, their loves would now never stop.

_Three_

"I do. I think we're about to embark on a golden age," said Haley happily. She leaned backwards to kiss her husband, not bothering to wait for the New Year, knowing they were above superstition now.

_Two_

"If anyone deserves it, it's us," he agreed.

_One._

**The End**_  
_

* * *

Author's note: So that's a wrap, folks. Thanks for reading and reviewing the almost 200 chapters I have written. It's been quite a ride.

In case you're wondering about a sequel, I'm just going to have to declare an "I really have no idea." Because I don't. I'd once planned to, but I think I've pretty much done this to death.

Thanks for the support. Thanks for loving my AU couple. Thanks for putting up with me keeping Nathan and Haley apart for a whole story and for my vaguely cliffhangerish endings. I get that this is another. Sorry. Couldn't decide how much anguish I would let my Jyan suffer through.

I'm rambling, aren't I? It's hard to let go.

Well there is one more thing. Might as well shamelessly promote myself here, right? I'm writing a Grey's Anatomy story, _Playing Make Believe_ and I would love it it you were to check it out.

Bye for now!

Hilary


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